For anyone with too much time on their hands

Arvon · 06-30-2004, 09:49 AM

Strange Things to Ponder

How do you get off a nonstop flight?

How do you know if honesty is the best policy unless you've tried some of the others?

How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink?

How do you throw away a garbage can?

How do you write zero in Roman numerals?

How does a person with a lisp pronounce that word?

How does a thermos know whether a drink should be hot or cold?

How does it work out that these people always die in alphabetical order?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

How is it possible to have a "civil" war?

How is it possible to run out of space?

How long is the long arm of the law?

How many people does it take to change a searchlight bulb?

How many weeks are there in a light year?

How much can I get away with and still go to heaven?

How much milk is there in the Milky Way?

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you was? --Satchel Paige

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If a candle factory burns down, does everyone just stand around and sing "Happy Birthday?"

If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk?

If a food processor slices and dices food, what does a word processor do?

If a hen and a half can lay an egg and a half in a day and a half, how long would it take a monkey with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle? --Tom Robbins

If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?

If a mime commits suicide, does he use a silencer? --Steven Wright

If a mirror reverses right and left, why doesn't it reverse up and down?

If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture of a thousand words worth?

If a pig is sold to the pawn shop, is it a ham-hock?

If a pizza place sells pizza by the slice, is there a guy in the back tossing a triangle in the air? --Steven Wright

If a pronoun is a word used in place of a noun, is a proverb a word used in place of a verb?

If a tree falls in the forest, does the earth scream out in pain?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure? --Harry Shearer

If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?

If all the world is a stage, where are the audience sitting?

If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green, and a lemon called a yellow?

If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?

If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?

If bees live in an apiary, do apes live in a beeiary?

If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs? --Steven Wright

If cats and dog didn't have fur would we still pet them?

If corn can't hear, why does it have an ear?

If corn oil is made from corn, what is baby oil made from?

If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?

If everything is part of a whole, what is the whole part of? --Ashleigh Brilliant

If flowers don't talk back to you, are they mums?

If Fred Flintstone knew that the large order of ribs would tip his car over, why did he order them at the end of every show? --Steven Wright

If God can do anything, can he make a rock so big he can't lift it? --George Carlin

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

If humans get a charley horse, what do horses get?

If humans have nightmares, what do horses have?

If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet? --Steven Wright

If I save time, when do I get it back?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes? --Dennis Miller

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If our knees were on the backs of our legs, what would chairs look like?

If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?

If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?

shadowhound · 06-30-2004, 10:01 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Arvon:
Strange Things to Ponder

How do you get off a nonstop flight?
Jump

How do you know if honesty is the best policy unless you've tried some of the others?
Honesty may be the best policy but insanity is a better defense

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
As much wood as a woodchuck could, if a woodchuch could chuck wood

If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes? --Dennis Miller
Same reason we have service station attendants, some people just have not caught up yet

Lauren · 06-30-2004, 11:02 AM

I have heard of some of those questions before, some of them are something to ponder over, but as Shadowhound has shown, there is an answer to some of those questions

Dron_Cah · 06-30-2004, 11:36 AM

Well, we can prolly answer every one, but I'm definitely not going to invest the time into it! A teacher of mine read some of these to our class one day, when we finished a lesson early. My favorite was: "If you choke a smurf, what color would he turn?"

[ 06-30-2004, 11:36 AM: Message edited by: Dron_Cah ]

Dirty Meg · 06-30-2004, 11:54 AM

How do you write zero in Roman numerals?

You can't. The concept of zero was invented around 600ad in the middle east.

How does a person with a lisp pronounce that word?

With great difficulty.

How many weeks are there in a light year?

None. It is a measurement of distance.

How much can I get away with and still go to heaven?

If you're Catholic anything. Mussolini got out on the last minute repentance clause.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

A woodchuck would chuck no ammount of wood because a woodchuck can't chuck wood.

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

One might argue that the correct spelling is however the dictionary spells it.

Sagramore · 06-30-2004, 12:00 PM

i always thought they just said "lithhhhp" [img]tongue.gif[/img]

06-30-2004, 09:49 AM	#1
Arvon Unicorn Join Date: October 4, 2001 Location: Kingdom of the West,..P.o. Cynagus Posts: 4,212	Strange Things to Ponder How do you get off a nonstop flight? How do you know if honesty is the best policy unless you've tried some of the others? How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink? How do you throw away a garbage can? How do you write zero in Roman numerals? How does a person with a lisp pronounce that word? How does a thermos know whether a drink should be hot or cold? How does it work out that these people always die in alphabetical order? How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings? How is it possible to have a "civil" war? How is it possible to run out of space? How long is the long arm of the law? How many people does it take to change a searchlight bulb? How many weeks are there in a light year? How much can I get away with and still go to heaven? How much milk is there in the Milky Way? How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? How old would you be if you didn't know how old you was? --Satchel Paige If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? If a candle factory burns down, does everyone just stand around and sing "Happy Birthday?" If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk? If a food processor slices and dices food, what does a word processor do? If a hen and a half can lay an egg and a half in a day and a half, how long would it take a monkey with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle? --Tom Robbins If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman? If a mime commits suicide, does he use a silencer? --Steven Wright If a mirror reverses right and left, why doesn't it reverse up and down? If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture of a thousand words worth? If a pig is sold to the pawn shop, is it a ham-hock? If a pizza place sells pizza by the slice, is there a guy in the back tossing a triangle in the air? --Steven Wright If a pronoun is a word used in place of a noun, is a proverb a word used in place of a verb? If a tree falls in the forest, does the earth scream out in pain? If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know? If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure? --Harry Shearer If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go? If all the world is a stage, where are the audience sitting? If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green, and a lemon called a yellow? If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe? If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends? If bees live in an apiary, do apes live in a beeiary? If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs? --Steven Wright If cats and dog didn't have fur would we still pet them? If corn can't hear, why does it have an ear? If corn oil is made from corn, what is baby oil made from? If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? If everything is part of a whole, what is the whole part of? --Ashleigh Brilliant If flowers don't talk back to you, are they mums? If Fred Flintstone knew that the large order of ribs would tip his car over, why did he order them at the end of every show? --Steven Wright If God can do anything, can he make a rock so big he can't lift it? --George Carlin If God dropped acid, would he see people? If humans get a charley horse, what do horses get? If humans have nightmares, what do horses have? If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet? --Steven Wright If I save time, when do I get it back? If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes? --Dennis Miller If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan? If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too? If our knees were on the backs of our legs, what would chairs look like? If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of? If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit? If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags? __________________ 53.7% of all statistics are made up

06-30-2004, 11:02 AM	#3
Lauren Baaz Draconian Join Date: May 24, 2004 Location: Bundaberg, Queensland, Australia Age: 35 Posts: 721	I have heard of some of those questions before, some of them are something to ponder over, but as Shadowhound has shown, there is an answer to some of those questions __________________ "So many thoughts running through my head, I know what you feel, I know what you dread; When a room's filled with laughter, when a room's filled with lies, you're the only one I know that's in disguise..."

06-30-2004, 11:54 AM	#5
Dirty Meg Baaz Draconian Join Date: May 21, 2004 Location: Here, or there abouts. Age: 79 Posts: 703	How do you write zero in Roman numerals? You can't. The concept of zero was invented around 600ad in the middle east. How does a person with a lisp pronounce that word? With great difficulty. How many weeks are there in a light year? None. It is a measurement of distance. How much can I get away with and still go to heaven? If you're Catholic anything. Mussolini got out on the last minute repentance clause. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? A woodchuck would chuck no ammount of wood because a woodchuck can't chuck wood. If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know? One might argue that the correct spelling is however the dictionary spells it. __________________ A stitch in time is worth two in the bush.

06-30-2004, 12:00 PM	#6
Sagramore Avatar Join Date: December 26, 2002 Location: Connecticut Age: 35 Posts: 528	i always thought they just said "lithhhhp" [img]tongue.gif[/img] __________________ \"\'Fleshy, honey\' the paladin said, \'Yes, baby\' said the golem\"<br /><br />I have seen the others and I have discovered that this fight is not worth fighting<br /><br /> <img border=\"0\" alt=\"[pimpser]\" title=\"\" src=\"graemlins/pimpser.gif\" />

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06-30-2004, 11:36 AM	#4
Dron_Cah Horus - Egyptian Sky God Join Date: March 2, 2003 Location: Kentucky Age: 37 Posts: 2,637	Well, we can prolly answer every one, but I'm definitely not going to invest the time into it! A teacher of mine read some of these to our class one day, when we finished a lesson early. My favorite was: "If you choke a smurf, what color would he turn?" [ 06-30-2004, 11:36 AM: Message edited by: Dron_Cah ]

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