Revamp

[Redblueflare]

I don't know if anyone here still remembers but way way back I posted a story here. The beggining always bothered me, (It added a huge unexplainable hole in my story.) and it would've been to hard to just back and change it. So I scrapped the whole darn thing and started over. This is what I have so far, so tell me what you think. And if you see *any* errors whatsoever tell me!

A good friend is someone that is always there for you when you need them. Someone you can count on, someone you can talk too, someone you can trust. Alan one of my best friends was coming back on this very day, and I was more than a little excited. All six of us were. Alan’s twin sister Tiffany Katherine McCoy, (known to us as Tk) Natalie Tori, Red, Flare, Snowball, and I Krystal Danielle Kenton were waiting for him.

All of us were waiting at Windmill Beach. Windmill is your typical white sand beach. There is a coconut tree here and there, and a dolphin infested, crystal clear ocean. The can always be seen during the day and seem to enjoy our company as much as we do theirs. The windmill that had given it its name had been destroyed long ago by a hurricane. There’s nothing left of it. Right behind Windmill Beach is a seemingly endless grass meadow that stretches on and on.

Before I go any further, I suppose I should tell you a little bit about Alan. He’s reckless, has a sarcastic personality, and is stubborn. Fortunately he can always be convinced to listen to reason even if he doesn’t want to at first.

Some people have trouble feeling comfortable around Alan. It’s partly because of his unnatural ability to sense people around him. No matter how hard you try to hide, he always knows exactly where you are. The biggest reason though his Alan’s unique eyes. They have a habit of catching unwanted attention. They are always glowing, and shift colors depending on his emotions. They are always the center of attention on his face despite what he does to hide them.

“What’s taking him so long?” Flare asked impatiently.
“Calm down Flare, he’ll be here.” Red assured him.
“Patience is a virtue Flare.” I said.
“Not one of mine.” Flare replied.
I shook my head but decided to ignore that comment.
“He should be here right about now.” Red announced.
All of us looked about for Alan, who surprisingly was nowhere to be seen.
That’s strange. I thought to myself. Red is never wrong.
“Look like you’re wrong Red.” Natalie said with a grin.
“I think not.” Red replied confidently.
“Hey guys!” someone shouted from above us.
I nearly jumped out of my skin, and from the surprised looks on Tk’s and Natalie’s faces, they had too.
Alan floated down to us smiling all the while.
“Alan don’t do that.” Tk scolded.
“Sorry,” he apologized. “I couldn’t resist.”
That was apparently good enough for us. Tk Natalie and I ran over to him and wrapped him in a tight group hug.
“It’s nice to see you guys too.” Alan gasped. “Can you let go now? You’re hugging to tight.”
“We know.” I told him with a smile.

“Welcome back Alan.” Red said.
“Greetings.” Snowball put in.
“Aren’t you going to say anything Flare?” Alan asked.
“Hi.” Flare grumbled.
“Hey to you too.” Alan replied. “Sorry I kept you waiting for an entire ten minutes.” He added sarcastically. Alan turned back to us. “So what have you guys been up to lately?”
“Nothing much.” Tk told him. “It’s been peaceful without you around to stir up trouble.”
“I never go looking for trouble Tk, it always comes to me.”
“Right.” Tk said with a roll of her eyes. She spun Alan around by his shoulders. “You look fine to me. No bruises or broken bones this time.”
“Ah come on Tk!” Alan protested. “I promised I would be careful remember, and I never break my word.”
“I haven’t forgotten.” Tk said.
Natalie and the rest of us just looked on helplessly. When Tk and Alan start a conversation it’s very unlikely that it will end anytime soon. So I suppose I can take a little while to describe everyone to you. I haven’t done that yet, and sincerely doubt Alan will take the time to.

[Djinn Raffo]

This is cool RedBlueFlare...Lots of dialogue i like it!

But this is just your remade beginning? Do you have a link maybe to the rest of the tale? or are you going to redo the whole thing?

Well heavy revision of older works often makes it better. Good editing and all!

[Redblueflare]

Thanks Djinn! I was planning to redo most of it, but not all of it. I could find some sort of link, but i'll have a lot of pages to dig through.