DAFT WARNINGS AND CONSUMER PROTECTION REMARKS

[Jorath Calar]

Open packet and eat contents.
-Written in English and Chinese on a Chinese packet of peanuts for in-flight snack.

WARNING: Contains nuts.
-Warning on the back of a Sainsbury's 500g-packet of salted peanuts.

Now even juicier.
-Claim for Sainsbury's 1-litre carton of pure orange juice. Prepare for bottles of spring water with the label "Now even wetter."

Open by hand.
-Written on the plastic screw top of a bottle of Sainsbury's cider. Probably because the hospitals are full of people who have attempted to open these bottles by other methods, such as flamethrowers or Semtex.

After opening, keep upright.
-Warning on the bottle top of a flavoured milk drink.

Take care: product will be hot after heating.
-On the package of a Marks and Spencer bread and butter pudding.

We recommend you cut this cake using a sawing motion with a knife with a serrated edge.
-Advice on a tin containing a chocolate cake.

Do not turn upside down.
-A useful reminder printed on the underside of Tesco's tiramisu pudding.

Single ingredient: 100% whole wheat. We cannot guarantee that this product is completely nut free.
-Words on the side of a packet of Mini Shredded Wheat.

Contains light-eating puff pastry.
-Label on Safeway's Bramley Apple Turnovers. Prepare for black-holes in the supermarket.

Only eat the leaves and stems of this plant. Do not eat the roots or soil.
-A helpful warning with a potted basil plant from Woolworth's.

Clean with hukewarm water containing a little bicarbonate of sods... Store moat in nirtight containers... When having problems with electrics, change the fusel and switch on the lightsl.
-Highlights from the instruction manual for the FR-061 and FR-142 models of Daewoo refrigerators. A second manual helping customers understand the first one is expected.

Keep out of children.
-Instructions with a Korean kitchen knife.

Contains no additives or preservatives.
-A note that appears on bottles of Sarson's vinegar (of all things).

[Jorath Calar]

And some more...

Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you.
-Warning on a packet containing the CycleAware helmet-mounted mirror.

Do not attempt to operate vehicle with sunshade in place.
-Warning on the back of a cardboard sunshade for car windscreens.

Warning - Remove Lock Before Driving.
-Printed in large bright letters on a manual lock for steering wheel and clutch petal, immobilising them both.

This product contains small granules under 3 millimeters. Not suitable for children under the age of 14 years in Europe or 8 years in the USA.
-Warning with a juggling ball from Penguin Books.

This item is not to be used as a life preserver or swimming aid.
-Warning with an inflatable party saxophone.

Do not use as a life-saving device.
-Printed in small white letters on the bottom of a large promotional plastic bottle advertising Newcastle Brown Ale.

Houseplants are for ornamental use and should not be consumed.
-Sainsbury's supermarket, covering itself against all eventualities.

This camera only works when there is a film inside.
-It is so easy to overlook minor details when one is busy.

Do not touch this switch with wet hands.
Label on a hot-air hand-drier in a public toilet.

The hose should not be used for portable water.
-Label accompanying the Rehau "Green Lawn" hose. Leaves open to suggestion what liquid it is supposed to spray on the garden.

Protect from seawater.
-Warning printed on the Ultra Sonobuoy (equipment that picks up noise from beneath the ocean's surface and transmits a bearing to aircraft, allowing pilots to determine the position of submarines).

Do not allow this unit to be exposed to rain or moisture.
-A bit perplexing instructions for a Hinari steam iron.

Warning! Never iron clothes on the body!
-Instruction with a Rowenta iron.

Warning - The surface of this electrically heated towel rail can be hot.
-A red note on a 120-watt heated towel rail.

Never use the tool as a hair drier.
-Instructions with a hot-air paint stripper capable of blasting out air from its nozzle at up to 500 degrees C.

Flammable when lit.
-A word of caution accompanying a Christmas candle.

Do not use near the face.
-One of a great number of cautions written on a sticker covering a cigarette lighter.

Do not stop the chain with your hands.
-One of many warnings in a manual for a Swedish chainsaw.

Spray works in sub-zero temperatures.
-Written boldly across a bottle of windscreen de-icing spray.

May contain naturally occuring trace elements of lead, mercury and cadmium.
-Another fine example of playing it ultra-safe. A caution on the back of a packet of two extra-long-life batteries that are described proudly on the front as being free of lead, mercury and cadmium.

1. To insert, push stopper into drain opening. 2. To remove, pull stopper by ring.
-Instructions accompanying an Ace sink plug. How did any of us manage before companies thought of giving us advice like this?

Trombone and batteries not included.
-Statement on a box 30 centimetres long containing an electronic practice mute for trombones.

Contains only nonflammable gas.
-A reassuring label on the packaging of a fire extinguisher.

If used in excess of 24 hours per day, an additional hourly hire charge shall be applied.
-Proviso included in the equipment rental contract of a firm hiring out snorkelling gear on Rottnest Island, Western Australia.

Sow in late spring, but on no account until at least ten days after the last frost.
-Words of advice to the clairvoyant gardener on a packet of runner beans.

Written with scientific objectivity from the unbiased standpoint of a Protestant.
-Claim on the dust jacket of the book The Turin Shroud Is Genuine, by Rodney Hoare.

FULL LIFETIME WARRANTY: This shelf is guaranteed by the manufacturer against chipping, cracking or breaking when used according to instructions for the lifetime of the product.
-Careful wording on the blurb extolling the Superseal Microsure cooking shelf.

Power off before disconnecting connection connections.
-Sign on an electric till at a newsagents.

We apologise for the defective escalator. This is due to a defect.
-A sign spotted at Oxford Circus underground station.

[Daniel_M]

ROFLMAO

[rabbit_ate_trix]

how stupid are people getting?

i saw this on a halloween costume of superman's cape:
"warning, this cape does not enable you to fly"

or on a bar of soap:
"use like soap"

[Sir Kenyth]

A scary thing to remember is many of these warnings were placed as a result of someone actually doing it and in some cases, filing a lawsuit over it!