Tragedy

[daan]

Definetly speak up.
I never will understand, but some women react that way to men treating them like dogs. I once knew a girl that actually literally told me that the way to make her like/want a man, was for that man to treat her like she was nothing. I'd love to hear theories about it, because I quite simply cant grasp the -why- ... but I think you'd be doing her a favour by speaking up.

[Ryanamur]

Tell her how you fell.
Let her make her decision.
Be there for her when she comes back.

[Bungleau]

I'll mix both prevailing views. Speak up, and let her know your position and opinion. But she will have to do what she thinks is best and right, which may mean that she will go to him.

Sad to say, but we don't always recognize (or want to recognize) what's best for us. She may be, on one level, thinking that this time, he's serious about changing, that this time is going to be different, that this time it will work.

Problem is, the definition of insanity: doing the same thing and expecting different results. Unless he's going to therapy or counseling or doing something actively to manage his side of it, the results will be the same.

Many times, we hold on hope for the best outcome and are reluctant to accept the worst. There may not have come a time yet like Harley's "almost hit" that makes her decide that enough is enough.

Your best bet is to speak your piece and be there when she needs you. That doesn't mean it will be easy, but it will be best.

[mistral4543]

When I come across tragic situations, I let my friends know that it is my moral duty to point out to them the potential dangers/ messiness ahead. And, I keep my word - I will only say my piece once. After which, if they decide to go ahead with their plans, I wish them all the best and am there if they ever need someone to talk to again.

Sometimes people will still do what they innately know is 'wrong', because they tend to wonder about the 'what could have been'. I comfort myself knowing that I have done my part in alerting to them the possible consequences.

[Finn]

Jorath, she may be too "in the moment" to realise what dangers that may potentially await her in Sweeden. Since you have the the benefit of rational thought, tell it to her straight.

Even so, at the end of the day, no one else can make the decision for her except herself. If in the end, she still decides to go, then at least you've done your part as a friend. There's nothing more that can be done.

[AzRaeL StoRmBlaDe]

Originally posted by Jorath Calar: Ugh, I need help... I absolutly have no idea what to do, or even if I should bother meddling in this at all, it could either mean "lovers" reunited or which is just much more likely, a utter tragedy and a broken heart for a person who definetly does not deserve it... Here is the story... for about a month now I have been talking to a girl from Brazil on Icq, very smart, and fun girl who at first always seemed very happy, but about a week and a half ago she told me about her boyfriend who lives in Sweden and she was going to move to him soon. But the stories she told me about him were not very nice, he is very rude and sometimes they would fight and once he almost hit her. she also told me he has many times hacked into her computer to see who she is chatting to and said she has the right to do it but she does not... he also has threatened her many times and many such weird things... but amazingly she still loves him. Great, then last weekend she tells me she thinks he is avoiding her and not even returning her phonecalls... and today she said his sister had told her he was maybe thinking of dumping her but didn't want to tell heryet and was therefore avoiding her... and here is the "punchline" she said she is going to go to sweden anyway and even sooner than she planned to see him and try to "fix" their relationship... somehow I have the feeling it's just going to end badly... and I have tried to tell her how bad I think this is going to end but she says she still loves him and just has to try... I havn't known her for long time and don't know if I should do anything but just thinking about whats giong to happen when she gets to Sweden just scares me...

People like that are stupid. The whole my husband beats me but I "love" him. Thats absolutely ridiculous. I wouldn't do anything but if you want to do something ask her exactly what she "loves" about him that she loves him so much. Usually that will stump somone in that assinine situation, and maybe if they really are smart, they will realize that they don't "love" the persona anymore. I find alot of the time when this is the situation that its more just that they have been with the person a long time and that they are very insecure, and that by being with somone its like a security blanket, and they love that blanket, just not the person. You've been talking to her for like a month though, I think thats a little soon to be trying to encourage her to drop her boyfriend. I can understand you care and all, but Do you really have her trust enough that she will listen to you? probably not

[The Hierophant]

Originally posted by AzRaeL StoRmBlaDe: People like that are stupid. The whole my husband beats me but I "love" him. Thats absolutely ridiculous. I wouldn't do anything but if you want to do something ask her exactly what she "loves" about him that she loves him so much. Usually that will stump somone in that assinine situation, and maybe if they really are smart, they will realize that they don't "love" the persona anymore. I find alot of the time when this is the situation that its more just that they have been with the person a long time and that they are very insecure, and that by being with somone its like a security blanket, and they love that blanket, just not the person. You've been talking to her for like a month though, I think thats a little soon to be trying to encourage her to drop her boyfriend. I can understand you care and all, but Do you really have her trust enough that she will listen to you? probably not

Brilliantly put! On all counts. [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]
If you lack the will to improve your circumstances so be it, but do not complain about the unfairness of your situation. And like you said Azrael often it is the security of having that partner that people in these situations love, not the partner themselves.
There is no such thing as a victim.
And yes, Jorath, if you would like my advice (and you did ask for it, albeit indirectly) then I would have to say that you are attaching yourself to this person FAR too early. You don't even know who she really is. It is incredibly easy to give people a false impression of who you really are over the internet. If she was a personal acquaintence, then maybe I could understand your concern for her, but for all you know she could be a 40 year old male bricklayer from South Carolina having a laugh at your expense. Excercise caution my friend...