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View Poll Results: What did you think? | |||
Sweet | 2 | 28.57% | |
WTF was that? | 5 | 71.43% | |
you might want to read my comment | 0 | 0% | |
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 7. You may not vote on this poll |
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02-22-2008, 12:49 AM | #11 |
Apophis
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Re: Check This Out- PG13 rated.
Oh, I forgot about Detroit...
I was wondering something. When Detroit lost out to Camden, New Jersey in the city with the highest crime rate category, did Detroit as a city decide to pull together and get that rate back up? I know that's what I would do. When you have a claim to fame like that, I feel like you need to not ruin a good thing. Still, that doesn't excuse abhorrent verse and clumsy half-rhymes, does it?
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02-22-2008, 04:17 PM | #12 | |
Takhisis Follower
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Re: Check This Out- PG13 rated.
Quote:
Drowarchmage, I agree with Gangrell's critique, in that 1) the rhyme scheme is too basic, all your rhymes are 1 or 2 syllables and words that are easy to rhyme with each other. Plus the topic is old and worn. Then again, if you spit it in a new way with a new beat, it might still sound good. But on paper you havent done anything new, no new rhymes or metaphors or similes or wordplay or content. So yeah, I'm not overly impressed, sorry mate
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Too set in his ways to ever relate If he could set that aside, there'd be heaven to pay But weathered and aged, time swept him to grave Love conquers all? Damn, I'd say that area's gray |
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02-22-2008, 04:25 PM | #13 |
Takhisis Follower
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Re: Check This Out- PG13 rated.
here's a verse from chino xl to show you what can be done with words
read it out loud to see how he uses words and phrases that mean completely different things but sound the same I'm in a game full of morons, and they keep putting more on I tutor the Torah, I'm in the core of the Qu'aran The mind's what I represent, and emcees better re-present I'm taking this rappin' bulls*t to the fullest extent I have reservations why Indians are on reservations Told the board of education I was bored of education As far as this go, I leave you deader than disco Rocking sex and violence over sax and violins Through your minds camera lens, you're in need of an ambulance I'll knock you to the asphalt, it's your own ass fault Your last thought, I'll never sell my self short to be famous And taking it up the anus just ain't us The world could get the penis of this classicly trained pianist My P.O. was P.O.'d, handed a cup, told me to "pee in this" The linguist musician, my college position is my intuition Told me that I wouldn't be affordin' tuition My education's all on my own So I might've been born yesterday, but I rhyme like there's no tomorrow
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Too set in his ways to ever relate If he could set that aside, there'd be heaven to pay But weathered and aged, time swept him to grave Love conquers all? Damn, I'd say that area's gray |
02-22-2008, 04:45 PM | #14 |
Takhisis Follower
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Re: Check This Out- PG13 rated.
in fact the song that most generally resembles the style of your first one that I can think of , with such short lines and simple rhymes is The Game and 50 cent - how we do, check out the lyrics online, that song turned out aight, even though 50 aint known for being a good lyricist.
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Too set in his ways to ever relate If he could set that aside, there'd be heaven to pay But weathered and aged, time swept him to grave Love conquers all? Damn, I'd say that area's gray |
02-22-2008, 04:54 PM | #15 |
Takhisis Follower
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Re: Check This Out- PG13 rated.
oh you got me going now, lol, found this piece that I liked by a guy called Baron Mynd, yeah just so you know why my standards are high and why stuff like you wrote, especially written in this day and age, doesnt really cut it
Do you remember YOUR first time? You were probably as nervous as me, But determined to see, what your words could achieve .. .. Once you’d emerged on the scene, And could turn a serene, canvas into something worthy of dreams. Graffiti served as the means, To which I applied my stirgent belief .. .. And I pursued the matter ‘til my shoes were splattered - With more paint than ANY amount of detergent could bleach! For years I’d nurtured a deep yearn for release .. .. And so these turbulent streets, Spurred me to keep, trying and further my reach. With earnest I seized upon a resplendent urge to be seen, Skirting the reams of this fervent retreat - Where me and the walls coarse naked surface would meet! It's massive girth would intrigue me to turn up my sleeves .. .. And stir from beneath, The girders that keep it supported from the scourge of the heat. These walls deserved to be teemed with a certain prestige, And so I sternly besieged, it's heights... ...With a piece of chalk held firm in my teeth. Concerned with its each and every line being perfectly pieced .. .. I furnished its featureless plains, Until my work was complete. And for years I’d nurture a deep yearn for release .. .. Skirting the reams of this fervent retreat, With an urge to be seen. These walls deserved to be teemed with a certain prestige .. .. And I was determined to see, just how my work was perceived. But gone are the perfectly pieced, works that served as my dreams - And my memoirs became lost in the rain, That washed them away…
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Too set in his ways to ever relate If he could set that aside, there'd be heaven to pay But weathered and aged, time swept him to grave Love conquers all? Damn, I'd say that area's gray |
02-22-2008, 09:13 PM | #16 | |
Iron Throne Cult
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Re: Check This Out- PG13 rated.
Quote:
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02-22-2008, 09:50 PM | #17 |
Takhisis Follower
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Re: Check This Out- PG13 rated.
I posted it here then realised it deserved its own thread and couldnt be arsed to delete it here. So what, no opinion on the posted verses? It aint mine so it's not like I'm tryina get props, I'm just sharin the love of the art
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Too set in his ways to ever relate If he could set that aside, there'd be heaven to pay But weathered and aged, time swept him to grave Love conquers all? Damn, I'd say that area's gray |
02-22-2008, 10:11 PM | #18 |
Iron Throne Cult
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Re: Check This Out- PG13 rated.
You got your props when you first introduced IW to this sort of thing Vask I won't lie though, most of the stuff you post is a lot better than most of what I hear.
Always nice when it talks more than just ho's and poppin' caps or bottles tops, you know? Last edited by Gangrell; 02-22-2008 at 10:20 PM. |
02-22-2008, 10:27 PM | #19 |
Takhisis Follower
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Re: Check This Out- PG13 rated.
heh,
one of my favourite verses of 07: Freedom's a road that's seldom traveled, watch hell unravel Right before the eyes of the soldier who fell in battle The single mother who raised her daughter to bear the sacred water And not take the hand of every man who make a offer To black kids wishin they white kids, when they close they eyelids Like, "I bet they neighborhood ain't like this" White kids wishin they black kids, and wanna talk like rappers It's all backwards it's identity crisis The industry inside us is vipers with fangs trying to bite us Drug suppliers is the health care providers We cakin, makin narcotics outta household products We ain't workin out 'til we exorcise the demons that's inside us Plus they seem to just provide us with enough rope to hang ourselves Enough dope to slang ourselves, enough toast to bang ourselves It's officially n*a season, these n*az is bleedin That's why I'm spittin freedom we had enough of trigger squeezin you heard it? (last verse) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOqf6wxLcnU
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Too set in his ways to ever relate If he could set that aside, there'd be heaven to pay But weathered and aged, time swept him to grave Love conquers all? Damn, I'd say that area's gray |
02-22-2008, 11:20 PM | #20 |
Iron Throne Cult
Join Date: January 2, 2003
Location: Big Castle in the Sky
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Re: Check This Out- PG13 rated.
Definitely provocative, but no, I don't normally listen to him. I actually tried it awhile ago, right before I dropped off the net. Watched the guys in LLL, but I just stuck to poetic scriptures.
When I've got more time, I'll dig up one of the better ones that I wrote. My gmail's being lazy, so it's going to take a little bit before I get my old password back so I can actually find that piece. |
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