Five Stages of Love (an article )

Cloudbringer · 05-12-2002, 03:29 PM

[img]graemlins/1luvu.gif[/img]
Hey Avatar, here's something from a magazine article I read not long ago, maybe it will help? It's not terribly 'scientific' or in depth, in that it's not going to dissect the emotion for you into chemical/spiritual/philisophical components, but it might help answer your questions about how can one tell if one is in love. [img]smile.gif[/img]

Avatar had asked about love and what it was in his thread which seems to have been taken off topic a fair ways so here's a fresh one. I'm curious as to people's opinions/experiences in relation to the article's points. Do you agree, disagree, have other ideas/philosophies? Is this how 'love' seems to you? Of course this is the bf/gf - significant other (partner) 'love' not family/motherly/friend types of love. I've not seen much written on those lately and Avatar's question centered on the first type.

5 Stages of Love
by Ruth D. Kerce

What are the stages of love? Love develops between two partners in several different levels. For love to endure, each level is important.

Let's break it down into five stages: (1) attraction, (2) romance, (3)
passion, (4) intimacy, & (5) commitment.

Stage 1. ATTRACTION - a positive response to a person beyond friendship.
This can further be broken down into two areas: (a) physical attraction & (b) emotional attraction.

a. Physical Attraction - happens when your body reacts to another person. Heart rate increases; temperature rises, palms get sweaty; stomach flutters; throat tightens; etc. This is the most superficial of "loves" on one level, but one of the most powerful on another. It represents the first contact.

b. Emotional Attraction - develops next if the circumstances are right. After being drawn to a person physically, you then begin to converse. If you find you have things in common -- hobbies, ideologies, career, education, or some other common ground -- then an emotional attraction starts to form.
An emotional attraction can also occur even when a physical attraction does not. And in this case, the bond may even be stronger between the two who connect, since no preconceived notions based on physical appearance has occurred.

Stage 2. ROMANCE - essentially an act of trying to influence or gain favor of another by lavishing attention or gifts upon them. There are two type of romance: (a) selfish romance & (b) selfless romance.

a) Selfish Romance - occurs when you do romantic acts solely for the
purpose of gaining something for yourself -- like to get gifts, to impress someone else, or even simply for sexual favors whether your partner is interested or not.

b) Selfless Romance - occurs when you do romantic acts for the enjoyment and pleasure of your partner. You receive your enjoyment and pleasure through their happiness.

Selfish romance (& love) will quickly die out. Selfless romance (& love) will endure. Because romance is an "act," many couples who have been together a long time take it for granted. With a conscious effort, it can be rekindled.

Stage 3. PASSION - a desire for another person, which has grown to an
intensity that can't be ignored. This is often where an emotional
relationship turns into a physical relationship. The passion stage is very important. It's a plateau.

From here, the relationship will fork into two roads, and the couple must decide which path to take. The relationship will either burn itself out or will move onto the next stage.

Stage 4. INTIMACY - a close association with another person of the deepest nature. You share you thoughts, your feelings, your dreams. In true intimacy, there is nothing that you cannot tell this person (though we often hesitate because of our own unfounded fears).

Intimacy is not total in one swoop. It is a developing process, which
never ends. If you can't establish intimacy with your partner, your relationship may work for a while, but is unlikely to endure throughout the years.

Stage 5. COMMITMENT - a pledge to remain true to your mate throughout good and bad times. Commitment is easy when times are good. Commitment can be extremely difficult when times are bad. Learn to ride out the bad times.

If you've made it this far, why give up? Listen to each other, be willing to compromise, and remember why you got together in the first place.

Love is worth the effort ...

I sure think it's worth the effort!

Cloudy

rthemis · 05-12-2002, 03:37 PM

Can we dissect love? I don't think so.

>^_^<

RudeDawg · 05-12-2002, 03:38 PM

GOOD article, Cloudy.
I'm printing it up to take to the office. Some of our younger folks are arguing that Love is outdated and is easily replaced with friendship and sex. THIS ill help. THANKS ! [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]
and congrats to you and yours...

Cloudbringer · 05-12-2002, 03:43 PM

rthemis, I don't know as we could, either, but some folks sure try to! LOL Still, a good discussion of it's merits and pitfalls isn't so bad...and Avvy needed some input, he's pining over there! [img]smile.gif[/img]

Rudy, thanks! I found this one very interesting and very useful! I have a few more, maybe I can post them if anyone is interested. I think one of them is on 'relationship survival tips' and the other is a short list of things to help a marriage survive. And thanks again. I'm pretty happy! Nacht is coming this way in less than two months.. sigh..swoon.. oops.. I have a million things to do before that!

rthemis · 05-12-2002, 03:48 PM

I love good discussion... When I understand lol!!! Wouhaaaaaaaa!!!! I learn to speak (and write, and understand) english playing video games. To hard!!! Oh my godddddddd [img]smile.gif[/img]
But your article is very interesting. I think avatar will have a lot to say about it.

>^_^<

Cloudbringer · 05-12-2002, 03:51 PM

No worries, rthemis! We certainly understand the language problem! There are many different countries and langauges represented here. Just read along and if you need help translating, I bet someone could help you.

Talthyr Malkaviel · 05-12-2002, 03:57 PM

Good post Cloudy1 Where'd you find that??
I agree with most of that, at first I was going to say "romance can continue though" but later it said that it can be rekindled, so I pretty much agree.

Neb · 05-12-2002, 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by RudeDawg:
Some of our younger folks are arguing that Love is outdated and is easily replaced with friendship and sex.

Love ain't outdated. Far from it, it's still the greatest thing in existence and it'll always continue to be so.

rthemis · 05-12-2002, 04:02 PM

Love or reproduction?
Too bad... Sorry ;p

>^_^<

Avatar · 05-12-2002, 04:03 PM

BIG THUMBS UP! Thanks Cloudster! [img]smile.gif[/img] *hugs*
That really helped! [img]graemlins/agree.gif[/img]
If u came along earlier I wouldn't have to listen to Azzy and Caleb! [img]tongue.gif[/img]

05-12-2002, 03:29 PM	#1
Cloudbringer Ironworks Moderator Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Upstate NY USA Posts: 19,737	[img]graemlins/1luvu.gif[/img] Hey Avatar, here's something from a magazine article I read not long ago, maybe it will help? It's not terribly 'scientific' or in depth, in that it's not going to dissect the emotion for you into chemical/spiritual/philisophical components, but it might help answer your questions about how can one tell if one is in love. [img]smile.gif[/img] Avatar had asked about love and what it was in his thread which seems to have been taken off topic a fair ways so here's a fresh one. I'm curious as to people's opinions/experiences in relation to the article's points. Do you agree, disagree, have other ideas/philosophies? Is this how 'love' seems to you? Of course this is the bf/gf - significant other (partner) 'love' not family/motherly/friend types of love. I've not seen much written on those lately and Avatar's question centered on the first type. 5 Stages of Love by Ruth D. Kerce What are the stages of love? Love develops between two partners in several different levels. For love to endure, each level is important. Let's break it down into five stages: (1) attraction, (2) romance, (3) passion, (4) intimacy, & (5) commitment. Stage 1. ATTRACTION - a positive response to a person beyond friendship. This can further be broken down into two areas: (a) physical attraction & (b) emotional attraction. a. Physical Attraction - happens when your body reacts to another person. Heart rate increases; temperature rises, palms get sweaty; stomach flutters; throat tightens; etc. This is the most superficial of "loves" on one level, but one of the most powerful on another. It represents the first contact. b. Emotional Attraction - develops next if the circumstances are right. After being drawn to a person physically, you then begin to converse. If you find you have things in common -- hobbies, ideologies, career, education, or some other common ground -- then an emotional attraction starts to form. An emotional attraction can also occur even when a physical attraction does not. And in this case, the bond may even be stronger between the two who connect, since no preconceived notions based on physical appearance has occurred. Stage 2. ROMANCE - essentially an act of trying to influence or gain favor of another by lavishing attention or gifts upon them. There are two type of romance: (a) selfish romance & (b) selfless romance. a) Selfish Romance - occurs when you do romantic acts solely for the purpose of gaining something for yourself -- like to get gifts, to impress someone else, or even simply for sexual favors whether your partner is interested or not. b) Selfless Romance - occurs when you do romantic acts for the enjoyment and pleasure of your partner. You receive your enjoyment and pleasure through their happiness. Selfish romance (& love) will quickly die out. Selfless romance (& love) will endure. Because romance is an "act," many couples who have been together a long time take it for granted. With a conscious effort, it can be rekindled. Stage 3. PASSION - a desire for another person, which has grown to an intensity that can't be ignored. This is often where an emotional relationship turns into a physical relationship. The passion stage is very important. It's a plateau. From here, the relationship will fork into two roads, and the couple must decide which path to take. The relationship will either burn itself out or will move onto the next stage. Stage 4. INTIMACY - a close association with another person of the deepest nature. You share you thoughts, your feelings, your dreams. In true intimacy, there is nothing that you cannot tell this person (though we often hesitate because of our own unfounded fears). Intimacy is not total in one swoop. It is a developing process, which never ends. If you can't establish intimacy with your partner, your relationship may work for a while, but is unlikely to endure throughout the years. Stage 5. COMMITMENT - a pledge to remain true to your mate throughout good and bad times. Commitment is easy when times are good. Commitment can be extremely difficult when times are bad. Learn to ride out the bad times. If you've made it this far, why give up? Listen to each other, be willing to compromise, and remember why you got together in the first place. Love is worth the effort ... I sure think it's worth the effort! Cloudy __________________ "Don't take life for granted." Animal (may he rest in peace)

05-12-2002, 03:37 PM	#2
rthemis Elite Waterdeep Guard Join Date: May 12, 2002 Location: France Age: 43 Posts: 27	Can we dissect love? I don't think so. >^_^< __________________ Rthemis

05-12-2002, 03:38 PM	#3
RudeDawg 20th Level Warrior Join Date: April 9, 2001 Location: Dallas, Tx, USA Age: 55 Posts: 2,830	GOOD article, Cloudy. I'm printing it up to take to the office. Some of our younger folks are arguing that Love is outdated and is easily replaced with friendship and sex. THIS ill help. THANKS ! [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img] and congrats to you and yours... __________________ [img]\"http://home.earthlink.net/~rudedawg/images/perin14.gif\" alt=\" - \" /><br />The RudeDawg, known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes<br /><br />Think Different. Keeper of the Bunnies of Total Self Confidence <img border=\"0\" alt=\"[bunny]\" title=\"\" src=\"graemlins/bunny.gif\" />

05-12-2002, 03:43 PM	#4
Cloudbringer Ironworks Moderator Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Upstate NY USA Posts: 19,737	rthemis, I don't know as we could, either, but some folks sure try to! LOL Still, a good discussion of it's merits and pitfalls isn't so bad...and Avvy needed some input, he's pining over there! [img]smile.gif[/img] Rudy, thanks! I found this one very interesting and very useful! I have a few more, maybe I can post them if anyone is interested. I think one of them is on 'relationship survival tips' and the other is a short list of things to help a marriage survive. And thanks again. I'm pretty happy! Nacht is coming this way in less than two months.. sigh..swoon.. oops.. I have a million things to do before that! __________________ "Don't take life for granted." Animal (may he rest in peace)

05-12-2002, 03:48 PM	#5
rthemis Elite Waterdeep Guard Join Date: May 12, 2002 Location: France Age: 43 Posts: 27	I love good discussion... When I understand lol!!! Wouhaaaaaaaa!!!! I learn to speak (and write, and understand) english playing video games. To hard!!! Oh my godddddddd [img]smile.gif[/img] But your article is very interesting. I think avatar will have a lot to say about it. >^_^< __________________ Rthemis

05-12-2002, 03:51 PM	#6
Cloudbringer Ironworks Moderator Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Upstate NY USA Posts: 19,737	No worries, rthemis! We certainly understand the language problem! There are many different countries and langauges represented here. Just read along and if you need help translating, I bet someone could help you. __________________ "Don't take life for granted." Animal (may he rest in peace)

05-12-2002, 03:57 PM	#7
Talthyr Malkaviel Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice Join Date: August 31, 2001 Location: Land of the Britons Age: 37 Posts: 3,224	Good post Cloudy1 Where'd you find that?? I agree with most of that, at first I was going to say "romance can continue though" but later it said that it can be rekindled, so I pretty much agree. __________________ Resident cantankerous sorcerer of the Clan HADB<br />and Sorcerous Nuttella salesman of the O.R.T<br /> <br /><br />Say NO to the Trouser Tyranny! Can I drill you about this?

05-12-2002, 04:02 PM	#9
rthemis Elite Waterdeep Guard Join Date: May 12, 2002 Location: France Age: 43 Posts: 27	Love or reproduction? Too bad... Sorry ;p >^_^< __________________ Rthemis

05-12-2002, 04:03 PM	#10
Avatar Vampire Join Date: April 28, 2001 Location: Cambridge Age: 40 Posts: 3,877	BIG THUMBS UP! Thanks Cloudster! [img]smile.gif[/img] hugs That really helped! [img]graemlins/agree.gif[/img] If u came along earlier I wouldn't have to listen to Azzy and Caleb! [img]tongue.gif[/img] __________________ <b>Ê†ë®Ñï†Ý \'s Avariel<br /></b><br />Creator and Mithril Protector of the ALSB Clan <br /> [img]\"http://www.wizardrealm.com/images/avatar.gif\" alt=\" - \" />

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