DnD munchkin traits!

[Cienden]

Found this while searching for something unrelated (good old google.com). I found it rather humorous, although it's a bit long (55 items) and it is from older AD&D, I believe. Edited a bit for some clarity, formating, and one off-color ish removal.

------------------------------------Munchkin Traits-------------------------------------


01 - In order to prove he is not a munchkin, he uses his weakest weapon in combat (a +5 Vorpal Knitting Needle).

02 - He ride into battle on an Avatar.

03 - He posts messages with title like "NEW IMPROVED ANONYMITY".

04 - He spent more time on his .sig than you spent on your masters thesis.

05 - He has yet to find a character sheet with enough room for "Level".

06 - He ticks of his magic Items in the ENCYCLOPEDIA MAGICA to save trees.

07 - He wears a shirt that says "My other magic sword is ALSO an Artifact."

08 - He is annoyed that the stat tables in the PHB only go up to 25.

09 - He insists on taking a Half Elf/Half Dwarf to get ALL the good bonuses.

10 - He insists that his last GM let him have the 'Rod of Seven Parts' ("See, its right here on my character sheet beside 'Excalibur'").

11 - He thinks wizard spells are CUMULATIVE.

12 - He actually said "I played D&D with Gary Gygax at a convention." and seems PROUD of it.

13 - He is reading this post and getting angry.

14 - He penalizes players XP for wasting time talking to NPCs.

15 - He thinks that Elminster is a whimp.

16 - He thinks the Tarrasque is a whimp.

17 - He thinks GOD is a whimp.

18 - He thinks the DM is a wimp.

19 - His paladin puts on the Hand and Eye of Vecna, and _Vecna's_ alignment starts changing to Lawful
Good.

20 - He has Heward's Mystical Organ fully repaired and tuned up and sitting in his castle's basement gathering dust.

21 - He installed a mechanical play option onto the Organ to play complicated tunes without error.

22 - His Charisma is 25 and he doesn't even know what that means.

23 - He keeps telling the DM that the Treasure Tables are way too stingy; and he insists that the listed treasure type for "Kobold" applies to each individual kobold.

24 - He uploads to AOL 35 poorly but painstakingly executed drawings of all the fantastically beautiful and dangerous women who cling to his character like lint.

25 - He (a different munchkin) downloads the above drawings, and orders his DM to let him have them as henchmen.

26 - The name of every spell he has ever researched begins with "Improved."

27 - He thought Tomb of Horrors was simple, even though he fell for every single trap in the dungeon.

28 - Your character has more hp's than xp's and he's not first level.

29 - Your friends stop playing with you 'cause they're just jealous'

30 - Your character sheet is longer than the encyclopedia britannica.

31 - You've sent a letter to the Vatican insisting they cannonize your character.

32 - Your armor has more pluses than a first graders addition homework.

33 -Reading about the character in the 'invincible PC' post gave you a warm fuzzy.

34 -You have a law suit pending against TSR for not including your character in 'Legends and Lore'. (counts double if you think you may win)

35 - You've been published in the dragon magazine april edition of 'unanswerables' more than once.

36 - You think encumberance should be banned from play permenently.

37 - You think character Hit dice are cumulative (ie. a third level paladin has 6 d10's worth of hit
points).

38 - When someone says 'D&D is just a game' you hug your character sheet to your chest and whisper
'he was only kidding... he didn't mean it."

39 - You claim to be immune to tactical nukes becuase they aren't + 3 or better.

40 - When your DM said the monsters also get crit hits, you attacked him with a chair.

41 - Your characters strength is Avagadro's number.

42 - You claim to have killed the entire deities and demigods.

43 - You laminate your character sheets.

44 - (FR players) Ao is your squire, and Elminster your scribe.

45 - Your character is his own deity. (added: I believe we had some recent discussion of this concerning EfU and obnoxious uber player noobs-lol)

46 - You bought a three hundred dollar HP calculator so you could figure out how many gold coins you have.

47 - Your original character was gonna be a PALADIN ,MAGE, DRUID, ASSASSIN, MONK; however, when your DM wouldn't listen to your 'reasonable' request to suspend the split experience rule, you whined for a moment then chose your present character.

48 - Finally, when you roll dice it goes something like this: You use the 12d6 drop the lowest 9 method twelve times and take the six best. You then roll again for your 'bonus points', only when you roll and somehow fail to get three sixes, you say 'okay, this time for real..."

49 - He thinks that a Girdle of Storm Giant strength, guantlets of Ogre Power, and a Warhammer of Thunder of Lightning are a common combination for magical treasure and he gets mad if the Warhammer is not Vorpal w/life stealing Abilites.

50 - His THAC0 is Planck's constant.

51 - He thinks ordinary munchkins are wimps.

52 - He devised a new ability generation system - 4d100, keep 3 highest.

53 - He disposed of all the regular magical items in the DMG because they weren't powerful enough.

54 - He expects his god to pray to him.

55 - His dex is lightspeed

[Bozos of Bones]

OMFG! ROFLMAO!

Ehhh... I didnt get those, maybe they would have been fun if someone would care to answer on this question: what is a munchkin?

[Sir Kenyth]

[img]graemlins/saywhat.gif[/img]

Some laugh, others (me) are confused? [img]graemlins/confused2.gif[/img]

Are these your garden variety "Wizard of OZ" short'n'ugly type munchkins, or donut holes we're talking about here?

[Nerull]

There are different definitions of "munchkin", but in this case it is someone who insists that their character be uberpowerful and invincible (this is usually someone who doesn't have much of anything in real life, so they have to be successful all the time with their characters or they throw a tantrum). You know, the same people that jack their characters up to supergod levels on online gaming.

I love #8, btw. I actually threw that tantrum myself when I first started playing...

Nerull: ok thx, that made much more sense at once

[Lauren]

Hmm, very interesting Cienden [img]graemlins/crazyeyes.gif[/img]

[Lady Blue03]

LOL, ah some of those bring back fond memories

[Nerull]

Yes, they do, don't they? I did both the "Monty Haul" campaigns and "Killer DM" campaigns when growing up, so I've had my share of munchkins along the way. Now I have a simple house rule that eliminates them; no outside characters. You make your character along with the group (or under my supervision) or you don't play. No exceptions. The munchkins hate that and will throw a tantrum about it (mainly because, as much as they claim otherwise, most did not have DMs that let them have those characters).

Now if they can just do something about online gaming...

[Memnoch]

And this is their theme song!


Munchkin Paradise
(Sung to Gangsta's Paradise by Coolio, new words by Brian 'Cevalic' Ostermeyer)

As I walk through the valley filled with vampric dragons
I take a look at my inventory and pulled out plus ten flagons
Cause I've been hacking and slaying so long
Even my DM forgets that I learned the rules wrong.
But I ain't never got an item that was too out of line.
My character's treated like a king, a PC ahead of his time.
Gods be watchin what they sayin when they hear that I'm playin.
I really hate to brag but I killed Tiamat --
I did it bare handed cause she made me mad, fool.
I'm the kinda PC every gamer wanna be like,
On my throne in the night
A king with godly might.

Chorus:
We've been spending most our time
Gaming in a munchkin paradise.
Rolled for godhood once or twice,
Gaming in a muncking paradise.
We've been spending most our time
Gaming in a munchkin paradise.
Rolled for godhood once or twice,
Gaming in a munchkin paradise.

Forget the situation, DM got me facin --
I can't play when magic lacks, I was raised on artifacts.
So I gotta find a DM down with me;
I let my brother DM even though he's three.
I'm above the average gamer with gold on my mind.
Got a crossbow in my hand, slaying bolts plus nine.
I'm a pumped up power gamer, just a little tweaked
And my followers are down, even if they're freaks, fool.
Death ain't never gonna touch my PC --
Soon I'll kill Vecna, then you'll all see.
I'm a demi-god now, but will I live to be a diety?
The way things is goin it's for sure.

Tell me why are you - so mad at me?
Cause my guy's a god? - you hate me?

Chorus

Gold and the magic, magic and the gold,
Pile after pile, load after load.
Everybody's bowing, but none of them ain't seein
My ultra master plan, to destory all the heathens.
They say I got to quit, but nobody's gonna change me.
If they can't play with power, how can they game with me?
I guess they can't, I guess they won't,
I guess they leave; that's why I know my game is just solo...

Chorus