A katana needs help... seriously!

[Annatar]

I need your help guys, on my english.. storywriting and stats for this katana I made up (I will use it eventually... just need to find someone that can make it for me [img]smile.gif[/img] )

Here is it's history

Sortaghion +5: The Essence This purple glowing blade was forged by a Kara-Turan Wo Jen of considerable powers, Corsion, the creator of this blade made it for one purpose only, avenging his family. Kerilioco Sinonus. Corsion’s family was killed in a raid organised by Kerilioco, the men of the cruel warlord invaded the village of Corsion, they plundered and killed all the inhabitants of the small and peaceful village, including the family of the Kara-Turan Wo Jen. Corsion was devastated when he found out his family was butchered, he scurried throw the burned down village to seek survivors, if there were any he thought He found his cousin, battered and helpless laying down on the filthy ground severely wounded. He explained what happened, he tried to defend himself… though it did not have effect, he managed to kill four of the Elite Surkari Guards that Kerilioco hired to defend him, the fight was fierce and he got hit three time’s.. he survived the merchaniery’s, but then Kerlilioco stepped up and said to him ‘’for this, you and your family will pay a cruel price, nobody stands up to me and my men, we are the law in this region and all will obey to my leadership!!’’ Kerilioco stepped away and commanded his men to torch down the village, let this be a lesson to all who try to oppose me! Kerilioco and his men where ruthless and they torched down the entire village, leaving me for death. They had no mercy for the weak… he said, they slaughtered men, woman and children if they were all alike, showing no mercy. Corsion tried to save his cousin, it was a helpless case, a few minutes’s after he tolled his story.. he collapsed due to the severe wounds inflicted by the Surkari Guards. Soon after, Corsion buried his family.. after a month of mourning, he sought reuvege in a near by town. Before he buried his family, he took of each family member two drops of blood.. with a ritual of the darkest magic he stored there souls in those two drops of blood, knowing of with he had to do. He stored their Essence. He took his family blade, a katana that exceeded above any other of his kind.. and began enchanting the almost perfect sword, it took him a long time to break down the katana, it is not easy to enchant an already magical katana.. they are near perfect swords that are wielded by powerful warriors, this sword once belong to a great fighter.. a relative of the Kiro No Cen family, the same blood runs throw Corsions vanes.. he inherit aged this sword from his father, who got it from his father… and so forth. After 2 years of forging and enchanting the katana… was almost ready, he heated up the blade and carved the initials of all his family members that died in his village, he took the blood that he preserved, and infused it with the carvings he made of every member of the Kiro No Cen. The blood soon dried up and let a trace of dark red in the curves in the katana blade. This process took 2 weeks until every initial was marked with its blood. Corsion used his own blood to coat the hilt red, there for making a band with his death relative’s, with this blood bond.. he made sure that if he dies… his soul would be captured in the blade, so that he can coexist with his family in the powers of the enchanted katana. With the blade ready, he made the journey to Kerilioco Sinonus his camp, just outside the great city of Sarodor, Kerilioco was planning to invade this great city for months.. he never made it.. Corsion soon identified Kerilioco in the camp, he walked towards him… rather calm and steady. Kerilioco was surprised to see a stranger in his eye’s in the middle of his camp and said ‘’Who dare’s to walk towards me, looking at me if he sees the devil himself… who are you, stranger?’’ Corsion pronounced his name ‘’I’m Corsion a Kara-Turan Wo Jen, the last member of the Kiro No Cen clan’’ Kerilioco was shoked from what he have heard and grasps to his sword ‘’ You are a member of the ever weak Kiro No Cen? A clan that I destroyed many years ago, because they opposed me… what is it that you want from me?’’ Corsion looked amazed by this and said ‘’You dare to ask what I want? It is your death that I wish… doing so to avenge my family that you killed in cold blood’’ Kerilioco was stunned and searched for words… ‘’This incident took place many years ago, you still seek revenge for this? This act of foolishness will have your death as an outcome… you do know this don’t you?’’ ‘’Death is the only thing I seek Kerilioco, I don’t have a meaning in life anymore, you took this from me 2 years ago.. when you orderd your men to kill my family, for this… you will pay with your own blood’’ When Corsion said this… he pulled out his family blade and ran towards Kerilioco… Corsion was granted the strength of the souls of his family members captured in the katana.. making him every fierce full and determined what to do.. he felt the power of the Kiro No Cen members flowing throw his vanes, he felt the pain, anger and hate from each member.. all focused on Kerilioco. Kerilioco struck his sword in Corsions chest.. Corsion didn’t even noticed it, Kerilioco was shocked when he pulled his sword out and saw the wound in Corsions chest disappear.. the souls captured in the blade healed Corsion, so that he can fulfil his destiny and destroy Kerilioco.. Corsion raised Sortaghion high up in the air and struck Kerilioco to the ground in one powerful blow, Kerilioco was gasping to air because the blow had hit his throat and a great part of his chest.. he was severely wounded, he begged Corsion for mercy, Corsion anwsered this request with a strike from his blade, decapitating Kerilioco.. Soldiers of the now death Kerilioco rushed to the scene, the heard the sound of battle and gatherd around Corsion.. Corsion, knowing that he will lose against the massive army of Kerilioco.. placed his family katana against his chest. Sortaghion gained another tortured soul, with the soul of Corsion in its blade.. it was even more powerful then it already was.. but at what price? What happened to the blade is not known, it has been sought by many collectors, kensai’s and samurai’s, for this blade is among the greatest of his kind.

I just wanted to have katana with a personal touch and some history... I looked at several Katana descriptions in the game (CF, Sanchu, Malakar, Dakkon)
And came up with this story... rather simple english.. and literally filled with typos ect.

Okay enough about my bad english... I need some stats to give this sword, maybe some edits to it's story... and another name, because Sortaghion is so common (i think [img]graemlins/1ponder.gif[/img] )

I know this is allot to ask... but I would really... like really appreciate some comments about it.. because it took me awhile to make it.

I'm looking forward to see all your reactions... [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img]



[ 04-05-2003, 12:30 PM: Message edited by: Annatar ]

[Kaltia]

Good story!
But, um...it's English, not Englisch
Good to see you back on IW-apparently we had the same problem

[Annatar]

Hi to you Kaltia, you had the same problem, did you?

I hated it, it took me 3 days, trying and pure frustration to get me up again... and then... it worked... !

You like the story? thx

I just need some stats... and someone willingly to create it for me, so that I can actually play with it, in BG II that is [img]graemlins/saywhat.gif[/img]

[Kaltia]

I've crossed out typos and errors and replaced them with the correct spelling.

Sortaghion +5: The Essence This purple glowing blade was forged by a Kara-Turan WoWU Jen of considerable powers, Corsion, the creator of this blade made it for one purpose only, avenging his family. Kerilioco Sinonus. Corsion's family waswere killed in a raid organised by Kerilioco, *a warlord. The men of the cruel warlord invaded the village of Corsion where they plundered and killed all the inhabitants of the small and peaceful village, including the family of the Kara-Turan WoWu Jen. Corsion was devastated when he found out his family was butchered so he scurried throwthrough the burned down village to seek survivors, if there were any he thought* any to be found. He found his cousin, battered and helpless laying down on the filthy ground severely wounded. battered, helpless and severaly wounded, lying on the filthy ground. HeHis cousin explained what happened, he tried to defend himself; though it did not have effect, he managed to kill four of the Elite Surkari Guards that Kerilioco hired to defend him. The fight was fierce and he got hit three times[b], but he survived the mercenaries. However, Kerlilioco stepped up and said to him "for this, you and your family will pay a cruel price, [b]for nobody stands up to me and my men, we are the law in this region and all will obey to my leadership!!" Kerilioco stepped away and commanded his men to torch down the village, yelling, "Let this be a lesson to all who try to oppose me!" Kerilioco and his men where[b]were[/b ruthless and they torched down the entire village, leaving me for death.*the cousin to die. [b]"They had no mercy for the weak," [/b[he said, "they slaughtered men, woman and children if they were all alike, showing no mercy." Corsion tried to save his cousin,but, unfortunatly, it was a helpless cause; a few minutess after he tolledtold his story, he collapsed due to the severe wounds inflicted by the Surkari Guards. Soon after, Corsion buried his family. After a month of mourning, he sought reuvegerevenge in a nearby town. Before he buried his family, he took of each family member two drops of blood; with a ritual of the darkest magic he stored theretheir souls in those two drops of blood, knowing of with whathe had to do. He stored their Essence in the family katana. He took his family blade, a katana that exceeded above any other of hisits kind, and began enchanting the almost perfect sword. It took him a long time to break down the katana, for it is not easy to enchant an already magical katana; they are near perfect swords that are wielded by powerful warriors, and this sword once belong to a great fighter- a relative of the Kiro No Cen family, the same blood whichruns throwthrough Corsions vanesveins. He inherit agedinherited this sword from his father, who got it from his father; and so forth. After 2 years of forging and enchanting the katana was almost ready. He heated up the blade and carved the initials of all his family members that died in his village on it, then, he took the blood that he preserved, and infused it with the carvings he made of every member of the Kiro No Cen. The blood soon dried up and letleft a trace of dark red in the curves in the katana blade. This process took 2 weeks until every initial was marked with its corresponding family member's blood. Corsion used his own blood to coat the hilt red, there for making a bandbond with his death relatives. With this blood bond, he made sure that if he diesdied his soul would be captured in the blade, so that he canin order for him to coexist with his family in the powers of the enchanted katana. With the blade ready, he made the journey to Kerilioco Sinonushis campKerilioco Sinonus' camp , just outside the great city of Sarodor,. Kerilioco was planning to invade this great city for months.. he never made it. Corsion soon identified Kerilioco in the camp;[b] so[/b he walked towards him rather calm and steady. Kerilioco was surprised to see a stranger in his eyes in the middle of his camp and snarled, "Who dares to walkapproach towards me, looking at me if he sees the devil himself; just who are you, stranger?" Corsion pronouncedannounced his namehimself " I am Corsion, a Kara-Turan Wu Jen, the last member of the Kiro No Cen clan." Kerilioco was shokedshocked from what he havehad heard and graspsgrasped to his sword, replying. "You are a member of the ever weak Kiro No Cen? A clan that I destroyed many years ago, because they opposed me; what is it that you want from me?!" Corsion looked amazed by this and said "You dare to ask what I want? It is your death that I wish, doing so to avenge my family that you killed in cold blood!" Kerilioco was stunned and searched for words. "This incident took place many years ago, yet you still seek revenge for this? This act of foolishness will have your death as an result; you do know this don't you?" he demanded. [b]"Death is the only thing I seek Kerilioco, I don't have a meaning in life anymore, you took this from me 2 years ago, whenyou orderd your men to kill my family, for this, you will pay with your own blood!" When Corsion said this, he pulled out his family blade and ran towards Kerilioco. Corsion was granted the strength of the souls of his family members captured in the katana.. making him fierce and determined to do his task; he felt the power of the Kiro No Cen members flowing through his vanesveins. He could feel the pain, anger and hate from each clan member.. all focused on Kerilioco. Kerilioco stuck his sword in Corsions chest, but Corsion didn't even notice it; Kerilioco was shocked when he pulled his sword out and saw the wound in Corsions chest disappear. The souls captured in the blade healed Corsion, so that he can fulfil his destiny and destroy Kerilioco on their behalf. Corsion raised Sortaghion high up in the air and struck Kerilioco to the ground in one powerful blow. Kerilioco was gasping for air; the blow had hit his throat and a great part of his chest. He was severely wounded, and so he begged Corsion for mercy. Corsion answered this request with a strike from his blade, decapitating Kerilioco. Soldiers of the now dead Kerilioco rushed to the scene, hearing the sound of battle, and now gathered around Corsion. Corsion, knowing that he would lose against the massive army of Kerilioco, placed his family katana against his chest. Sortaghion gained yet another tortured soul, with the soul of Corsion in its blade. It is now even more powerful then it was- but at what price? What happened to the blade is not known, but it has been sought by many collectors, kensais and samurais, for this blade is among the greatest of its kind.

My own suggestions:
Regeneration
10% vorpal
chance of frightening the target per round.

[ 04-05-2003, 01:51 PM: Message edited by: Kaltia ]

[Annatar]

Thx for the fix! nice of you to do this..

- Regen: Because of the wound inflicted by Kerilioco, disappeared before his eyes, suggesting Regeneration (bond with the souls within the blade)
- Vorpal hit: Due to the decapitation of Kerilioco at the end, how obvious . [img]smile.gif[/img]
- Fear?, maybe because the anger and hate the blade barrer shows towards his enemy... and the amazing regen rate.... that it seems the barrer cannot be killed due to this?

let me know...

[Kaltia]

If you're going to make it uber, then slip some penalties on as well-like -2wisdom, or charisma.

I think you can dl an item-making kit from teambg.

[Assassin]

In my opinion, change the Vorpal to 5% (the Axe of Unyielding, IIRC, is only 10%), Regen to 2/round, and a chance to use Cloak of Fear twice a day.

[Grammar]

Little correction on Kaltia's correction

Corsion tried to save his cousin, but, unfortunatly, it was a helpless cause; a few minutess after he told his story, he collapsed due to the severe wounds inflicted by the Surkari Guards.

unfortunately, not unfortunatly.

He found his cousin battered, helpless and severaly wounded, lying on the filthy ground.

severely, not severaly.

There are several run-on sentences in the description too (e.g.

This purple glowing blade was forged by a Kara-Turan Wo Jen of considerable powers, Corsion, the creator of this blade made it for one purpose only, avenging his family.

[Kaltia]

With a name like grammar, why am I not surprised
My computer crashes once every ten minutes, so I had to rush.

[Annatar]

Okay here is the error/typo free version of the story.

Sortaghion +5: The Essence This purple glowing blade was forged by a Kara-Turan Wu Jen of considerable powers, Corsion, the creator of this blade made it for one purpose only, avenging his family. Corsion’s family were killed in a raid organised by Kerilioco, a warlord. The men of the cruel warlord invaded the village of Corsion where they plundered and killed all the inhabitants of the small and peaceful village, including the family of the Kara-Turan Wu Jen. Corsion was devastated when he found out his family was butchered, he scurried through the burned down village to seek survivors, if there were any to be found He found his cousin, battered, helpless and severely wounded, lying on the filthy ground. His cousin explained what happened, he tried to defend himself; though it did not have effect, he managed to kill four of the Elite Surkari Guards that Kerilioco hired to defend him. The fight was fierce and he got hit three times, but he survived the mercenaries. However, Kerlilioco stepped up and said to him "for this, you and your family will pay a cruel price, for nobody stands up to me and my men, we are the law in this region and all will obey to my leadership!!" Kerilioco stepped away and commanded his men to torch down the village, yelling, "Let this be a lesson to all who try to oppose me!" Kerilioco and his men were ruthless and they torched down the entire village, leaving the cousin to die. "They had no mercy for the weak," he said, "they slaughtered men, woman and children alike, showing no mercy." Corsion tried to save his cousin, but, unfortunately, it was a helpless cause; a few minutess after he told his story, he collapsed due to the severe wounds inflicted by the Surkari Guards. Soon after, Corsion buried his family. After a month of mourning, he sought sanctuary in a nearby town. Before he buried his family, he took of each family member two drops of blood; with a ritual of the darkest magic he stored their souls in those two drops of blood, knowing what he had to do. He stored there spirit, their essence in those drops of blood. He took his family blade, a katana that exceeded above any other of its kind, and began enchanting the almost perfect sword. It took him a long time to break down the katana, for it is not easy to enchant an already magical katana; they are near perfect swords that are wielded by powerful warriors, and this sword once belong to a great fighter- a relative of the Kiro No Cen family, the same blood which runs through Corsions veins. He inherited this sword from his father, who got it from his father; and so forth. After 2 years of forging and enchanting the katana was almost ready. He heated up the blade and carved the initials of all his family members that died in his village on it, then, he took the blood that he preserved, and infused it with the carvings he made of every member of the Kiro No Cen. The blood soon dried up and left a trace of dark red in the curves in the katana blade. This process took 2 weeks until every initial was marked with its corresponding family member's blood. Corsion used his own blood to coat the hilt red, there making a bond with his death relatives. With this blood bond, he made sure that if he died his soul would be captured in the blade, in order for him to coexist with his family in the powers of the enchanted katana. With the blade ready, he made the journey to Kerilioco Sinonus' camp , just outside the great city of Sarodor,. Kerilioco was planning to invade this great city for months.. he never made it. Corsion soon identified Kerilioco in the camp; so he walked towards him rather calm and steady. Kerilioco was surprised to see a stranger in his eyes in the middle of his camp and snarled, "Who dares to approach me, looking at me if he sees the devil himself; just who are you, stranger?" Corsion announced himself " I am Corsion, a Kara-Turan Wu Jen, the last member of the Kiro No Cen clan." Kerilioco was shocked from what he had heard and grasped his sword, replying. "You are a member of the ever weak Kiro No Cen? A clan that I destroyed many years ago, because they opposed me; what is it that you want from me?!" Corsion looked amazed by this and said "You dare to ask what I want? It is your death that I wish, to avenge my family that you killed in cold blood!" Kerilioco was stunned and searched for words. "This incident took place many years ago, yet you still seek revenge for this? This act of foolishness will have your death as an result; you do know this don't you?" he demanded. "Death is the only thing I seek Kerilioco, I don't have a meaning in life anymore, you took this from me 2 years ago, when you orderd your men to kill my family, for this, you will pay with your own blood!" When Corsion said this, he pulled out his family blade and ran towards Kerilioco. Corsion was granted the strength of the souls of his family members captured in the katana.. making him fierce and determined to do his task; he felt the power of the Kiro No Cen members flowing through his veins. He could feel the pain, anger and hate from each clan member.. all focused on Kerilioco. Kerilioco stuck his sword in Corsions chest, but Corsion didn't even notice it; Kerilioco was shocked when he pulled his sword out and saw the wound in Corsions chest disappear. The souls captured in the blade healed Corsion, so that he can fulfil his destiny and destroy Kerilioco on their behalf. Corsion raised Sortaghion high up in the air and struck Kerilioco to the ground in one powerful blow. Kerilioco was gasping for air; the blow had hit his throat and a great part of his chest. He was severely wounded, and so he begged Corsion for mercy. Corsion answered this request with a strike from his blade, decapitating Kerilioco. Soldiers of the now dead Kerilioco rushed to the scene, hearing the sound of battle, and now gathered around Corsion. Corsion, knowing that he would lose against the massive army of Kerilioco, placed his family katana against his chest. Sortaghion gained yet another tortured soul, with the soul of Corsion in its blade. It is now even more powerful then it was- but at what price? What happened to the blade is not known, but it has been sought by many collectors, kensais and samurais, for this blade is among the greatest of its kind.

There can be some minor typos in it, if you encounter them.. please feel free to say it so I can edit this post.

Statistics so far:

Equipped Abilities

- Regeneration (1 hp/2sec)
- Immunity to fear
- Cloak of fear
- +2 AC bonus
- 12+ Max HP (1 hp for every member of the Kiro No Cen, 12 members were killed in the village)
- gain 2 extra attacks per round

Combat Statistics

- 10% chance of draining 1 Charisma point of target.
- 10% of vorpal hit
- 15% chance of Wraith of the Death (inflicting 12 magic damage, no save)

THACO: +5 bonus
Damage: 1d10 +5
Weight: 12
Requires:
- 15 Strength
- 14 Wisdom
- 15 or higher Reputation, loss of reputation causes the blade to disappear, finding an other Kensai worthy enough to wield this blade.

Only Usable by:
Good alignment
Kensai, Kensai-->Dual classed

Using the Celestial Fury +3 avatar in inventory and the Rainbow Sword +5 in-game blade (color changing Forgotten Wars Item Pack katana)

A nice katana, and rather powerfull... though useless when your not playing a Kensai.

Thoughts... edits.... fixes... anyone?

[ 04-06-2003, 10:54 AM: Message edited by: Annatar ]