i wrote a story (a while back)

[Tobbin]

Just found the story but the color is hard for me to read. I copied it to my desktop so I can check it out. From what I scanned so far though, it looks pretty good. I'll get back to you when I'm finished though.

------------------


Protectorate of the OHF
Death Waits 4 U ALL

[Jerome]

Q: How critical do you want us to be? Do you just want a general reaction or comments or are you looking for more in-depth criticsim?

------------------

[SSJ4Sephiroth]

alright, thanx Tobbin. my webmaster doesnt yet have the concepts of 'bad backgrounds, good backgrounds' yet. i tend to highlight most things on the site myself . it signifigantly reduces eyestrain, but desktop copying is just fine too, and is probably better.

------------------
It's simple. Once the Planet is hurt, it gathers Spirit Energy to heal the injury. The amount of energy gathered depends on the size of the injury...What would happen if there was an injury that threatened the very life of the Planet? Think how much energy would be gathered! Ha, ha, ha. And at the center of that injury, wil be me. All that boundless energy will be mine. By merging with the energy of the Planet, I will be come a new life form, a new existence. Melding with the Planet, I will cease to exist as I am now. Only to be reborn as a 'God' to rule over every living soul.


Super Sephiroth, slayer of the Uber Fluffy, and battle co-ordionator and defender of the HADB clan.

Diplomacy is all and well, but HADB is better!

[SSJ4Sephiroth]

Originally posted by Jerome: Q: How critical do you want us to be? Do you just want a general reaction or comments or are you looking for more in-depth criticsim?

hmm... if possible, both. i want to know whats bad so i can omit it, and whats good so i can use more of it. and please, be serious.

------------------
It's simple. Once the Planet is hurt, it gathers Spirit Energy to heal the injury. The amount of energy gathered depends on the size of the injury...What would happen if there was an injury that threatened the very life of the Planet? Think how much energy would be gathered! Ha, ha, ha. And at the center of that injury, wil be me. All that boundless energy will be mine. By merging with the energy of the Planet, I will be come a new life form, a new existence. Melding with the Planet, I will cease to exist as I am now. Only to be reborn as a 'God' to rule over every living soul.


Super Sephiroth, slayer of the Uber Fluffy, and battle co-ordionator and defender of the HADB clan.

Diplomacy is all and well, but HADB is better!

[Jerome]

Okay, but please be aware I really am not the best person to give you this. I'm just as much of a novice as you are, so everything I say should be taken with a pinch of salt, and not taken too seriously anyway.

I think it would be better if i emailed you with my thoughts, is that okay?

------------------

[SSJ4Sephiroth]

Originally posted by Jerome: Okay, but please be aware I really am not the best person to give you this. I'm just as much of a novice as you are, so everything I say should be taken with a pinch of salt, and not taken too seriously anyway. I think it would be better if i emailed you with my thoughts, is that okay?

ok then, email away!

------------------
It's simple. Once the Planet is hurt, it gathers Spirit Energy to heal the injury. The amount of energy gathered depends on the size of the injury...What would happen if there was an injury that threatened the very life of the Planet? Think how much energy would be gathered! Ha, ha, ha. And at the center of that injury, wil be me. All that boundless energy will be mine. By merging with the energy of the Planet, I will be come a new life form, a new existence. Melding with the Planet, I will cease to exist as I am now. Only to be reborn as a 'God' to rule over every living soul.


Super Sephiroth, slayer of the Uber Fluffy, and battle co-ordionator and defender of the HADB clan.

Diplomacy is all and well, but HADB is better!

[Jerome]

Sent it.

------------------

cool.......

------------------

All your base are belong to us! How Are you gentlemen?


Co-owner of The Abyssal Pit
The Spaminyte Emperor
Official Demon/Villain of IW!
***********************
Fish? Welcome to your Doom!
**********************

[SSJ4Sephiroth]

thanks for the review Jerome. i actually wrote this as a forum story, so the characters were well-known among the readers, which is actually why i waited so long to post it here. thought it might be a bit confusing to people who werent familiar with the guild .

------------------
It's simple. Once the Planet is hurt, it gathers Spirit Energy to heal the injury. The amount of energy gathered depends on the size of the injury...What would happen if there was an injury that threatened the very life of the Planet? Think how much energy would be gathered! Ha, ha, ha. And at the center of that injury, wil be me. All that boundless energy will be mine. By merging with the energy of the Planet, I will be come a new life form, a new existence. Melding with the Planet, I will cease to exist as I am now. Only to be reborn as a 'God' to rule over every living soul.


Super Sephiroth, slayer of the Uber Fluffy, and battle co-ordionator and defender of the HADB clan.

Diplomacy is all and well, but HADB is better!

[Jerome]

Originally posted by SSJ4Sephiroth: thanks for the review Jerome. i actually wrote this as a forum story, so the characters were well-known among the readers, which is actually why i waited so long to post it here. thought it might be a bit confusing to people who werent familiar with the guild .

Yeah man, i know

It dosen't detract to much from the story really, just slightly confusing to start with. Prehaps try out some of the things i mentioned, but if your not comfortable with them, then dont. Writing comes from the heart, not the pen. (or keys in this case)

I was going to send you a part of a story i've been writing reccently, well, as soon as i can type it up, LOL.

------------------