Alien Abduction Report

04-06-2004, 09:06 PM

Just last night, I was abducted by Aliens. This morning, some guys in black suits came and one of them told me to fill out this form and send it to the Pentagon:

ALIEN ABDUCTION REPORT
Name:
Time of Occurence: 04/05/2004 11:26PM
Location of Occurence:
What Victim Was Doing At Time: Sitting outside the Bunker not lighting firecrakcers and not intentionally sending them into my neighbour's house.
What Craft Looked Like: Giant Silver Disk with Purple Lights and a huge sticker on it that read "Engage in Random Acts of Kindess and Bomb the Hell out of Jupiter 2!"
What Crew Looked Like: Green Guys with big-ass heads and huge, beady black eyes!
Crew Armed: Yes
Crew Weapon of Choice: Baseball Bats
Did they jam anything into you?: No, they just invited me onto their craft for tea, OF COURSE THEY JAMMED SOMETHING IN ME!!!
What Object Did They Jam Into You: A FRIGGIN' METAL CONTRAPTION THE SIZE OF A TRUCK!!!
Where did they stick it?
_: Ears
_: Nose
_: Mouth
X: Ass
Do you suffer from anything as a result of the proceedure?: I fart laser beams that can cut stone like a knife through butter, I hear beeps and swoops from my ass, some times oil drips out my ass, I seem to crap scrap metal endlessly, the Arse-Cam from my Colonoscopy seems to be stuck up there.
Did you Enjoy your experience?: I've got scrap metal coming out the wazoo, I pass Lazers, my ass makes more noise than a computer modem, Bush is gonna be on my ass if any more oil comes out, and I've got a CAMERA up my *butt!* You tell me.

Firestormalpha · 04-06-2004, 09:31 PM

So you're saying you enjoyed it? [img]tongue.gif[/img]

shadowhound · 04-06-2004, 10:22 PM

I think thats exactly what he is saying.

Kakero · 04-06-2004, 10:45 PM

You were abducted last night and in the next morning 2 black suit man come to you asking about it. How did they know that? hmmm?

Paladin2000 · 04-06-2004, 10:56 PM

*Checks schedule*

Sorry Whacky, there has been a mix up on our side. The Proto 3000 Gigawatt laser canon is not meant for you.

Our agent will drop by later this evening to remove it and install the XP3000 Super Hydraulic FartMaster into your anus. Mind you that the procedure is extremely painful, kindly do not ingest any food that tends to produce excess stomach gas.

[edited]
Oh, before I forget. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. [img]graemlins/borgboy.gif[/img]

[ 04-06-2004, 11:00 PM: Message edited by: Paladin2000 ]

Gangrell · 04-06-2004, 11:21 PM

Shouldn't this be filed under drunken rampage? [img]tongue.gif[/img]

04-06-2004, 09:31 PM	#2
Firestormalpha Knight of the Rose Join Date: July 11, 2002 Location: Coral Springs, Fl USA Age: 40 Posts: 4,454	So you're saying you enjoyed it? [img]tongue.gif[/img] __________________ "When you start with a presupposition, it's hard to arrive at any other conclusion." "We are never to judge a philosophy by its abuse." - Augustine "If you're wondering if God has a sense of humor, consider the platypus." http://www.greaterthings.cbglades.com

04-06-2004, 10:22 PM	#3
shadowhound Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice Join Date: November 24, 2001 Location: Australia Age: 37 Posts: 3,281	I think thats exactly what he is saying. __________________ Carpe Noctem: Ph’nglui mglw’nafh cthulhu r’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn.

04-06-2004, 10:56 PM	#5
Paladin2000 Fzoul Chembryl Join Date: February 19, 2002 Location: Your guess is as good as mine. Age: 52 Posts: 1,728	Checks schedule Sorry Whacky, there has been a mix up on our side. The Proto 3000 Gigawatt laser canon is not meant for you. Our agent will drop by later this evening to remove it and install the XP3000 Super Hydraulic FartMaster into your anus. Mind you that the procedure is extremely painful, kindly do not ingest any food that tends to produce excess stomach gas. [edited] Oh, before I forget. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. [img]graemlins/borgboy.gif[/img] [ 04-06-2004, 11:00 PM: Message edited by: Paladin2000 ] __________________ (This is an invisible sig.)

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04-06-2004, 09:06 PM	#1
Son of Osiris Guest Posts: n/a	Just last night, I was abducted by Aliens. This morning, some guys in black suits came and one of them told me to fill out this form and send it to the Pentagon: ALIEN ABDUCTION REPORT Name: Time of Occurence: 04/05/2004 11:26PM Location of Occurence: What Victim Was Doing At Time: Sitting outside the Bunker not lighting firecrakcers and not intentionally sending them into my neighbour's house. What Craft Looked Like: Giant Silver Disk with Purple Lights and a huge sticker on it that read "Engage in Random Acts of Kindess and Bomb the Hell out of Jupiter 2!" What Crew Looked Like: Green Guys with big-ass heads and huge, beady black eyes! Crew Armed: Yes Crew Weapon of Choice: Baseball Bats Did they jam anything into you?: No, they just invited me onto their craft for tea, OF COURSE THEY JAMMED SOMETHING IN ME!!! What Object Did They Jam Into You: A FRIGGIN' METAL CONTRAPTION THE SIZE OF A TRUCK!!! Where did they stick it? _: Ears _: Nose _: Mouth X: Ass Do you suffer from anything as a result of the proceedure?: I fart laser beams that can cut stone like a knife through butter, I hear beeps and swoops from my ass, some times oil drips out my ass, I seem to crap scrap metal endlessly, the Arse-Cam from my Colonoscopy seems to be stuck up there. Did you Enjoy your experience?: I've got scrap metal coming out the wazoo, I pass Lazers, my ass makes more noise than a computer modem, Bush is gonna be on my ass if any more oil comes out, and I've got a CAMERA up my butt! You tell me.

04-06-2004, 10:45 PM	#4
Kakero 40th Level Warrior Join Date: March 24, 2002 Posts: 10,215	You were abducted last night and in the next morning 2 black suit man come to you asking about it. How did they know that? hmmm?

04-06-2004, 11:21 PM	#6
Gangrell Iron Throne Cult Join Date: January 2, 2003 Location: Big Castle in the Sky Age: 36 Posts: 4,835	Shouldn't this be filed under drunken rampage? [img]tongue.gif[/img]

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