Serious topic for Fathers...Mothers may be offended...

[Larry_OHF]

Originally posted by Istaron: Well, my point is, I am sure you don't LOVE your daughter more just because she likes to play with you, you only find it easier to show, and also easier to care.

Great comment!!

Originally posted by Sazerac: Case in point: a female friend of mine used to go berserk if her firstborn had a temperature over 100 degrees (38 C): call the doctors call the hospital call the nurse call call call! OMG my baby's DYYYYYINNGGGG!!! After she had her third kid, he had skinned his knee really badly and was howling: she hauled him into the bathroom, washed it off, sprayed bactine on it, put a Telfa bandage on him, said "You'll live, kid," swatted him playfully on the butt and sent him back outside to play. It's like the Law of Diminishing Returns: once you've had the first, the 2nd and third don't cause near as much hoo-hah.

Wonderful example!!

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Devoted member of the Ironworks
Loyal guardian of the OHF
Member of the Ancients' club

[This message has been edited by Larry_OHF (edited 08-17-2001).]

[nick1979]

Imagine this; what if you baby had been born with some crippling disease that kept her from ever walking or talking. What if she could never smile or laugh? What then would you never love her? I look at it this was whether you carry the baby or not it is part of you. You helped create it. How could you not love it from the first time you laid eyes on it? I understand the crying part it’s a pain, but it is a part of the process.

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[Melusine]

Originally posted by nick1979: Imagine this; what if you baby had been born with some crippling disease that kept her from ever walking or talking. What if she could never smile or laugh? What then would you never love her? I look at it this was whether you carry the baby or not it is part of you. You helped create it. How could you not love it from the first time you laid eyes on it? I understand the crying part it’s a pain, but it is a part of the process.

That's exactly how I see it, Nick...thanks! *hug*



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Melusine, High Queen of Fluffies, Archbabe of the OHF, the LH,
the HADB and the SPAE(Society for the
Prevention of Acronym Extinction) &
Official Entertainer Elf of the BG2 Bar

Your voice is ambrosia
Amy Brown Fantasy Art

[Redblueflare]

Obviously i'm no parent. Which is a good thing considering i'm only 17. Anyway I think you've got a point Larry. You don't have to love a kid as soon as they are born, your love grows for them. They grew for your wife didn't they, and probably are still growing.

Don't worry she'll grow up quick enough. In a flash she'll be 17, about to graduate highschool, and you'll be bugging her to pick a college a little *closer* to home. You'll ask "Can you handle being so far away?" And she'll ask "Do you think I can handle it? I know I can do it." And you'll have nothing else to say. Why did I mention this? I have no idea. (Besides the fact that my mom and I had this same *exact* conversation in the car today. Perhaps that had something to do with it?)

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Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I just don't have to listen.

[This message has been edited by Redblueflare (edited 08-17-2001).]

[Melusine]

Originally posted by Redblueflare: Obviously i'm no parent. Which is a good thing considering i'm only 17. Anyway I think you've got a point Larry. You don't have to love a kid as soon as they are born, your love grows for them. They grew for your wife didn't they, and probably are still growing. Don't worry she'll grow up quick enough. In a flash she'll be 17, about to graduate highschool, and you'll be bugging here to pick a college, a little closer to home. You'll "Ask can you handle being so far away?" And she'll ask "Do you think I can handle it? I know I can do it." And you'll have nothing else to say. Why did I mention this? I have no idea. (Besides the fact that my mom and I had this same exact conversation in the car today. Perhaps that had something to do with it?)

And this illustrates my point exactly: they'll be gone before you know it and if you better have done a good job of raising them or they won't want to see you again. You only get one chance. And I'm talking from personal experience too. I'm not saying the love for a child doesn't grow...of course the feeling when bringing your daughter/son to school on the first day or seeing him/her graduate is a world apart from the feelings you have when watching them as a little baby. However, if you have no feelings at that latter point at all, and only feel some sort of distant apathy or even annoyance, that seriously would worry me.



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Melusine, High Queen of Fluffies, Archbabe of the OHF, the LH,
the HADB and the SPAE(Society for the
Prevention of Acronym Extinction) &
Official Entertainer Elf of the BG2 Bar

Your voice is ambrosia
Amy Brown Fantasy Art

[Cloudbringer]

Originally posted by Larry_OHF: I told my wife about posting this last night, and she wanted me to add her comment that she has been extremely irritated at the baby recently for crying as well. Marybeth will cry because she cannot yet climb onto the couch. She will whine just because she would rather be carried than crawl. Etc. Karen tells me that she has got to the point that whatever little whine comes out of the baby that is unjustified, she wants to just scream, herself. As she was telling me this, I could see the truth in her eyes that she is not enjoying her days with a 13 month old. Do any of you mothers ever feel like this, or is this an isolated feeling that Karen suffers, alone?

Larry,

Do you and your wife have any time away from your baby? Sounds like a case of new parent 'burn out'. Can you get a sitter once a week and go out? Even if you two just go for a walk or sit in your car at mall! Any time alone and away will help. I've a friend who was/is a stay-at-home mom and she even called a sitter (when the children were very young) to come watch her little ones while she took a nap! And she said it re-vitalized her after a few weeks and she and her husband couldn't believe how much difference it made to their moods!

Cloudy

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Raindancer of the Laughing Hyenas Clan
Storm-Queen
StormCloud of the Black Knight: Heart Mind Soul Forever
"To sleep, perchance to dream..."

[bilqis]

Originally posted by Larry_OHF: I told my wife about posting this last night, and she wanted me to add her comment that she has been extremely irritated at the baby recently for crying as well. Marybeth will cry because she cannot yet climb onto the couch. She will whine just because she would rather be carried than crawl. Etc. Karen tells me that she has got to the point that whatever little whine comes out of the baby that is unjustified, she wants to just scream, herself. As she was telling me this, I could see the truth in her eyes that she is not enjoying her days with a 13 month old. Do any of you mothers ever feel like this, or is this an isolated feeling that Karen suffers, alone?

Yes! These are perfectly normal feelings that every parent feels many times throughout their children's lives --- no matter the age of the child! The only time one needs to worry about such feelings, is if they are causing the parent to hurt the child in any way. You can feel any way you want or need to, just don't act on the negative ones. It's also ok to let your children know you're angry or frustrated. Vocalize it. "I feel angry right now!" or "I feel so frustrated when you just scream!" (Ok corny.. best I could come up with today )That way they learn to identify their feelings and, eventually, will verbalize them rather than lose control in frustration at not being understood so then they explode into tantrums.

Nothing can prepare one for the reality of parenting. Reading books & articles is good. Observing friends & relatives & strangers with their kids is good. But nothing, anywhere, can truly prepare you with what it's like to be a parent -- the total responsibility for another life -- the joys, the pain, the confusion, the anger & frustration, rediscovering your world through watching them learn about theirs --- words simply can not describe it. It must be experienced to be understood.


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Having abandoned my
search for truth, I am
now looking for a good
fantasy.

For R³ in thanks:
Sometimes I think I
understand everything,
then I regain consciousness.


[This message has been edited by bilqis (edited 08-17-2001).]

[Diogenes Of Pumpkintown]

Originally posted by Cloudbringer: Larry, Do you and your wife have any time away from your baby? Sounds like a case of new parent 'burn out'. Can you get a sitter once a week and go out? Even if you two just go for a walk or sit in your car at mall! Any time alone and away will help. I've a friend who was/is a stay-at-home mom and she even called a sitter (when the children were very young) to come watch her little ones while she took a nap! And she said it re-vitalized her after a few weeks and she and her husband couldn't believe how much difference it made to their moods! Cloudy

I totally agree with this advice. It can save your marriage and your sanity

[Larry_OHF]

Originally posted by nick1979: Imagine this; what if you baby had been born with some crippling disease that kept her from ever walking or talking. What if she could never smile or laugh? What then would you never love her? I look at it this was whether you carry the baby or not it is part of you. You helped create it. How could you not love it from the first time you laid eyes on it? I understand the crying part it’s a pain, but it is a part of the process.

I never said that I did not love her. I am implying that love has to grow and be nurtured. It cannot be dormant, stale, not used...Love is a progressive process. Nobody has equal love for somebody that stays a constant measure through that person's entire life. It fluccuates. It gets stronger if nurtured, and weaker if ignored. People who break up I assume have not had their love nurtured and improved by the guilty spouse(lover). A baby, for a father is a burdon. Something that takes without giving back. A growing child gives back. Somebody mentioned earlier that he loves to come home to his 3 year old as she comes running up to him, and yells "daddy's home!"
A handicapped child may or may not be able to give back as much, as I have spoken with friends that have such children. They admit that daily life is a struggle, but that they see it as a test of their faith and love. I do not have to go through that test. My child has been blessed with the normalities of a child. I do not have to say that it will always be a daily struggle, like my friends suggest they suffer.



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Devoted member of the Ironworks
Loyal guardian of the OHF
Member of the Ancients' club

[Larry_OHF]

Originally posted by Cloudbringer: Larry, Do you and your wife have any time away from your baby? Sounds like a case of new parent 'burn out'. Can you get a sitter once a week and go out? Even if you two just go for a walk or sit in your car at mall! Any time alone and away will help. I've a friend who was/is a stay-at-home mom and she even called a sitter (when the children were very young) to come watch her little ones while she took a nap! And she said it re-vitalized her after a few weeks and she and her husband couldn't believe how much difference it made to their moods! Cloudy

This is beautiful advise. However, money problems prevent us from doing much of what we like. However, we are trying to do as you suggest. You are right on target with this.

And thank you bilqis for your words, as well.


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Devoted member of the Ironworks
Loyal guardian of the OHF
Member of the Ancients' club

[This message has been edited by Larry_OHF (edited 08-17-2001).]