Trying to bury my father in-law

[pritchke]

Went away last week since my father in-law passed away. Been over a week and he isn't buried yet. Currently he is sitting on his TV at his house (Urn). Everything was going fine until we got to the cemetery they had dug a hole in his mothers grave to put him in. How did this happen? His head stone with his name on it was already there since he arranged to have it put there this summer, his mother had one of those concrete slabs which must been a bitch to get off at -40C. So not only is my father-in law not buried but they have practically destroyed his mothers grave. Everyone was quite upset. The funeral cost $7000 but I doubt we will pay any of it has it is a breech of the funeral parlors contract, plus it is against the law to dig up graves without the proper permit. My wife has to go back to talk to the new lawyer and deal with everything that is left including the will which the incompetent old lawyer lost the signed copy from 2000, although he kept all his notes that it was changed and the bill were my father in-law paid him for the services. Anyway no one has had time to greave to the incompetence of others. I personally have never seen anything like it.

[ 02-12-2007, 12:18 AM: Message edited by: pritchke ]

[robertthebard]

Sorry to hear about your loss, and all the trouble dealing with it. Best wishes.

[wellard]

Pritchke I offer you and you’re family my best wishes.

These freaks have stuffed up big time. It would be best to get the original company to 'make good' there errors. After they have made good then refuse to pay one cent, if they complain then press charges starting with a 'free' letter from the old lawyer that has stuffed you around, it is the least he can do then follow with a story in the local paper, bad publicity like this will hurt the company.

Thoughts of revenge may be running through your mind but FIRST priority is to get your father in law and mother buried properly.

Keep us informed Pritchke.

[Bungleau]

Wow. That sucks, Pritchke. Bad enough to lose someone, but to have to deal with incompetence like this? Shameful...

I don't quite know where to start with fixing something like this... a lawyer screwed up by losing paperwork, a cemetery screwed up by opening the wrong burial spot... any others?

Lawyer: produce the documents, or prepare to pay for and suffer through an audit to determine what paper you should have, what you don't have, and what happened to it. The rest of your client base would certainly like to know how effective you are at keeping the papers entrusted to you... or not. "Come to Joe Schmo legal! You've got at least a 50/50 chance of our work standing up in court!"

Cemetery: Fix it. The right way, which means putting it back the way you found it. If you have to cut a new slab because you broke the old one, then do so. Same or better materials. And all at no charge to me. Either that, or refund all monies paid to you for cemetery plots and services, adjusted for today's prices.

I could work up a good mad on something like this...

[Larry_OHF]

Dang,,,what does somebody say to a post like that?

All I can think of is to make sure these guys hurt bad enough to never forget it...so that this will not happen to others in the future.

As for your own, may your family soon receive the peace you all deserve at this time.

[Mack_Attack]

Missed this post. What the hell.

I hope everything has worked out for you Prit. Really is a shame that it went down all wrong. I hope inspite of all the crap that is going on that you have had time to greave and take care of your wife in this time of need.

[pritchke]

Update, I think my wife is going to bring him home as she as his house cleared out and will put it on the market and we will go back in the spring and I will dig the hole myself.

[img]graemlins/rant.gif[/img] My brother in-law a real piece of work. My wifes dad had her brother on as his death beneficiary and her brother took the money than left everything else for her to deal with. While I know legally it is his, normally people use it to pay funeral cost and split the remainder with siblings especially if it is there parents wish. Her dad did say he wanted every thing split between the three children but was not very detailed in his will with things like this, as he did not know the difference. So he forgot to put that in his will and the brother just split because the lawyer said it was his gift, from what I know of my father in-law he is rolling over in his grave. I expected as much from the brother in-law as he at one point before my wife and I were married, had kicked her out of the home they had, and was still making her pay mortgage payments, when you have a brother like that who needs brothers. I eventually made her stop and said you can either sell the house and split the profits with him but don't give him anymore money as you are not living there anymore, as well I was pretty sick of paying her car insurance for her. Anyway she signed her name off the house because he demanded it (I paid the $30 for paper work as he is a cheep bastard) and she didn't get anything for it even though their parents gave them both 3000 as a deposit when they bought it. She was foolish to sign her name off but did so because she didn't want to force her brother out of the house, or could not stand his constant nagging, possibly the later, she is much nicer than me. It did stop his pestering and complaining for awhile. Then another time he sold me his new computer so I took it for $200 a month until it was paid off more as a favor than anything, because it was not worth what I paid for it, foolish me I thought he would actually appreciate what I was doing for him. Than a week after I took it home he was phoning all the time demanding all his money even though I could not afford it all at once. My wife did lots of stuff for him and one time she asked him to look after her dogs to return the many, many favors and he agreed as we were going to visit her dad. When the time came and I had the van packed my wife came home crying and said he was no longer going to do it because he was in one of his foul moods. Like thanks for the last minute warning at that point I snapped and phoned him calling him every name under the sun because until that point I never said anything to him. Good thing we were not visiting my parents as it would have involved a plane and me being out thousands of dollars, and possibly ending up in jail as I would have done more than rant at him. Then he was telling people how I snapped and could not understand what I was so mad over. Any way that is my rant on my useless piece of crap brother in-law who is always there for an handout or money but never does anything useful for anyone unless he can somehow benefit himself. One of those people who are all nice and polite then when they get what they want are gone never to be heard from until they need something else or are angry and need someone to blame for his problems. For Xmas he bought his Dad a fruit basket then phoned and asked if he had any money to give him, real classy of him. He was always bumming money off his parents, and the last time he saw his Dad was when his mother died. One time he said he was going to visit him because he was in the area and never showed up and he was in the area, my father in-law was very hurt. He ask his Dad to move to Calgary and live with him, very nice of him, my father in-law said, "I am not moving in with that miserable sod he just wants my money to help pay his mortgage." and that was exactly the reason why he asked. We asked to but so we could be closer and keep an eye on him. At least my wife now sees her brother for what he truly is and other than this funeral we will never have to deal with him again, although these pieces of crap always have a way of floating to the surface. I will PM his e-mail to anyone who wants to give him a piece of there mind. Did I mention his job is telemarketer, the annoying people who phone you 24/7 asking for money. I am not mad at him for receiving or taking the death benefit but more so what all the past transactions we have had with him done and if he split it with his siblings he would have saved face a little as it was the moral thing to do. I would even have forgave all his past actions as if I add up what he has cost me it would have been about equal.

[ 02-19-2007, 04:31 PM: Message edited by: pritchke ]

[wellard]

Family assholes, we all have one (or more) pritchke. This is such a stressfull time for you and your wife. Just cling together and try and put this crap behind you.

Best wishes in rising above all this [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]

[pritchke]

I got worked up the other day thus the rant. My wife phoned me crying because he took the benefit and went home. Even though when I was there a week earlier he sat on the couch looked her in the eye and said he was going to split it. She of course gave her brother the benefit of the doubt since her dad had died and it was about her Dads wishes and he would not do that being her Dads son. But I warned her and said he is going to walk away with that, so I think I saved her from being overly upset. It did resurface alot of old wounds for me though because you can never believe what he says, and if you deal with him have it on paper and signed, with a witness. When it comes to family and close friends I am so use to dealing with word of mouth as being legit, as most will be as true as there word and honor whatever deal you have with them. This was true of her Dad to and I really liked him.

[ 02-19-2007, 04:46 PM: Message edited by: pritchke ]

[Bungleau]

Sounds like a real utter bastard. May the fleas of a thousand camels infest his armpits... and elsewhere.

It's hard when someone you grew up with goes bad. I haven't had it happen (only one brother), but there are a couple on my dad's side who are... well.. let's just say that they don't disappoint anyone anymore, because when expectations drop low enough, you can help but reach them.

As much as it hurts, consider your brother-in-law dead and gone. When he comes back in six months to a year (assuming it takes him that long to blow through the money), don't give him anything more. Except perhaps the number of the local Salvation Army or soup kitchen, that is. Perhaps he can learn a lesson or two there.

I do have to say that a will being resolved that quickly is pretty rare in my thinking. Perhaps some more knowledgeable folks can address it, but I believe the estate has to pay off the deceased's debts first, which would include the funeral and burial.

I bid you peace, though it be hard to find.