The One and Only Gazza

Lavindathar · 02-10-2002, 10:32 AM

Just a short post about the recent antics of the one and only Paul Gascoigne....

As you SHUD know, he is possible England's greatest ever footballer, and DEFINATELY their biggest prankster!

In the last week, he has done the following amazing/funny things:

i)Sky were interviewing Abel Xavier about his upcoming transfer from Everton to Liverpool, when all of a sudden a voice could be heard singing "dont go, please dont go". The camera panned to a window about Xavier, where Gazza was hanging out saying things like "dont go Abel, I love you", and "your a great mate Abel, dont go!!". He was also pretending to cry, eminating the 1990 World Cup Finals!!

ii)He stars in a new add for Mcdonalds, where it says something like:"its harder not to make them" or "so hard to forget". I cant remember the exact quote, but anyway, it then goes on to show Gazza failing to use the mince machine cos he forgot to plug it in! Just further ridiculing of himself!!

iii)Everton signed David Ginola on Fri, and yesterday it was their first training session together. Ginola is also a hair product model for Loreal, and has long blonde hair. During the warm up on the training pitch, Gazza dissapears into the changing rooms! When they come around again, he re-appears with a long blonde wig! Safe to say, not much training was done, because they were all too busy lauhing at Gazza!

Can anyone remember the walkers crisp advert he did where he cried? that was funny as hell!!

Overall, I hope he goes to the World Cup, as hes in great shape and form. Has anyone else seen these few things recently?

Talthyr Malkaviel · 02-10-2002, 11:24 AM

I think he's getting better and is recovering a lot better from his being an alcoholic now, it's always good to see someone get over their troubles.
It's always good to have a sense of humour, Gazza always was a joker.

EDIT cos I like editing [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[ 02-10-2002: Message edited by: Talthyr Malkaviel ]

02-10-2002, 11:47 AM

He's a great character. Some may argue a bit of an idiot, but you need people like him in life. I can recall so many funny scenes involving Gazza, I'd use up all of Ziroc's server space writing them all down if I could. I too hope he goes to the world cup - he's fit and playing well again [img]smile.gif[/img]

Staralfur · 02-10-2002, 12:01 PM

One of my housemates is an Everton supporter (someones got to do it), and he never stops going on about Gazza. I admit he is a very skillful player, and probably a good laugh to have around, but you can hear too much about him.

I suspect he won't make it to the world cup, but you never know...
It is also a bit of a shame that he had been injured so much over the past couple of years, Everton could really do with as much help as they can get.

Lavindathar · 02-10-2002, 12:04 PM

well its half time with Everton and Arsenal...0-0!!

Ginola is playing amazing, and Gazza has been dropped to make room for him!

Donut · 02-11-2002, 05:44 AM

quote:
Originally posted by Lavindathar:
well its half time with Everton and Arsenal...0-0!!

Ginola is playing amazing, and Gazza has been dropped to make room for him!

Yes Gazza - what a prankster, remember those false breasts? How does he think them up so fast? - and the day he got his mates to eat meat pies made from dog food.

Hey Lavi - any news on how that match finished?

Lanesra · 02-11-2002, 01:13 PM

Here are some of his other gems
1. One hour after playing for England, met 'showbiz pals' Danny
Baker and Chris Evans in a Hampstead pub while still wearing his full
kit... boots included.

2. When asked for his nationality before an operation, told the
nurse he was Church Of England.

3. On a trip to London, jumped out of his car to demand "a go" on
a workman's pneumatic drill. After getting the go-ahead, happily
pounded the pavement to the amusement of shoppers.

4. On first meeting with Lazio's president to discuss his big-money
move to the Italian club, was quick to tell the esteemed gentleman
that he reminded him of Bud Abbot!

5. Organisers of Italia 90 TV coverage had the splendid idea of
augmenting team line-up with film of each player mouthing his own
name. Gascoigne's genius led him to subvert the process by, instead,
mouthing 'F***ing W***ker'.
The BBC had to use it all the way through the tournament.

6. Booked a series of sun-bed sessions for then-Newcastle team-mate
Tony Cunningham. Who, of course, is black.

7. Asked by a Norwegian camera crew if he had a message for
England's upcoming opponents, immediately responded with, "'Yes. F**k
off
Norway." Then ran off laughing.

8. Turned up for England training the morning after then-manager Bobby
Robson had called him "daft as a brush" with a floor brush sticking
out of his socks.

9. When asked for a footballing comment while at Lazio, burped
enthusiastically into a TV microphone. He was fined GBP9000.

10. Decided it would be a great idea to have massive hair extensions.

11. After paying for ex-wife Sheryl's breasts implants, sent
flowers to the hospital after the operation addressed to 'Dolly
Parton'.

12. Astounded commuters in London by jumping on a double-decker in
London's Piccadilly Circus and asking if he could have a drive. The
bus driver let him, and the passengers thoroughly enjoyed Gazza's
impromptu performance.

13. Sent a rose to the Wimbledon dressing room for Vinnie Jones
after the infamous ball-squeezing incident.
Got a toilet brush in return.

14. Set up best mate Jimmy 'Five Bellies' Gardner with a 'girl' he
knew to be a transvestite.

15. Has taken the piss out of refs constantly during his career. On
one occasion he sniffed a hapless ref's armpit while he was holding
his
hand high to signal a free kick.

16. Undeterred by their frosty reactions, Gazza again tried to prove
that refs have a sense of humour by yellow-carding the referee after
the
official had dropped his card during a Rangers v Hibs game. He was
booked
for his troubles.

17. Players have also suffered Gazza's spur-of-the-moment comedy
capers. He spent the whole of one game against Manchester City baiting
large-lugged City midfielder Paul Lake by pulling his own ears as
wide as possible at every opportunity.

18. As an apprentice desperate to impress then-Newcastle boss Jack
Charlton, spent a week's money on fishing gear and begged the famous
angler to give him a lesson. On arrival at the riverbank, Charlton
promptly threw all but the rod out into the briny, then poured a
bottle of Newcastle Brown into the water, dipped in the rod and
within seconds was pulling out a whopper. Lesson over.

19. As 'perk' of boot-cleaning duties during his apprenticeship,
took Kevin Keegan's Golas home to show his mates. But left them on the
Newcastle Underground.

20. When playing for England against Belgium in Italia 90, ridiculed
Enzo Scifo as he lay on the ground clutching his leg. Gazza thought
he was play-acting, so did a mime of his own which involved hopping on
one leg with his tongue lolling out.

21. Turned up at a modelling assignment with former Spurs team-mate
Vinnie Samways and tried to take the poor lad's trousers off on
the catwalk.

22. Celebrated his new-found hero status after flying home from Italia
90 by wearing a huge pair of fake plastic boobs and stomach bearing
the
legend 'Gazza'.

23. On meeting the president of Denmark's FA, pretended he could speak
Danish. When invited to demonstrate, imitated The Muppet Show's
Swedish
Chef.

24. Conned Five Bellies into eating a mince pie after he'd scraped out
the filling and replaced it with cat shit.

25. Walked into the Middlesbrough canteen and ordered lunch wearing
nothing but his training socks.

26. Paid GBP20 for a Mars Bar in a newsagents in his home town of
Dunston, then told the shop owner to spend the change on sweets
for local kiddies.

27. Woke fellow Ranger and best mate Ally McCoist for a game of
snooker in the middle of the night - because he couldn't sleep.

28. Took a documentary team to a beautiful Scottish cottage which he
informed them was his new place, pretended he'd forgotten his key
and knocked instead. When the door opened, told the befuddled
housewife
that he was doing a telly advert and wanted to know if she preferred
Daz or Omo.

29. Crashed Middlesbrough's team bus at the club's training ground
and caused GBP10,000 worth of damage.

30. While at Rangers, urinated over sleeping teammate Richard Gough.

31. Handed GBP1000 over to Jimmy Five Bellies after betting that the
burly boozer couldn't withstand a cigarette lighter's heat on the
bridge of his nose for five seconds. Jimmy could. Twice.

32. Pulled England teammate Paul Ince's shorts down
during an open training session. Ince's arse ended up
all over the papers.

33. Took the piss out of his own 'crying game' in Italia 90 by doing
an ad for Walkers Crisps where he bawled after Gary Lineker stopped
him
nicking his crisps.

34. Stuck his tongue out when the TV cameras panned past him during
the national anthem at Italia 90.

35. Prepared for games during that hugely important tournament by
playing marathon games of tennis in the scorching noonday sun.
Then was still the best player on the pitch.

36. Thought it would be appropriate to wear a blue fright wig before
the 1991 FA Cup final.

37. In his time, has agreed to dress as a Roman centurion, a clown,
Oliver Hardy and Braveheart for 'photo opportunities'.

38. While his Italia 90 teammate was the hero of Hillsborough, marched
into a Sheffield barbers and demanded "a Waddle cut".

39. When Gazza signed for Spurs in 1988, he came down to finalise the
deal with a bunch of his Geordie mates. They took over the posh hotel
in
Hadley Wood where Spurs were footing the bill and wreaked havoc.
Gazza met then-chairman Irving Scholar and began talks by saying,
"We'd
like to thank you for the best three days of our lives."

40. Asked to leave West Lodge Park Hotel in London after guests were
treated to the sight of a naked Five Bellies swimming across the duck
pond.

41. On his first night in Rome after signing for Lazio, gave his
minder the slip, put his shoes by an open window and hid in a
cupboard.
The minder thought he'd committed suicide.

42. Recorded a video message for a corporate party and signed off with
a cheery "Happy Christmas, you f***ing w***ers".

43. Greeted reporters in Rome by standing up, asking for silence,
then
farting at ear-splitting volume.

44. Taught all his Lazio teammates to swear in English - and in a
Geordie accent.

45. Shredded England teammate Dennis Wise's Armani suit "for a laugh".

46. While staying at a Scottish hotel, drove across its golf course in
his four-wheel drive Jeep.

47. While reputation preceded him to Italy, the English language did
not. Hence, his Lazio debut was marked by a banner which read: Gazza's
Boys,We Are Here. Shake Your Women And Drink Your Beer'.

48. Conversely, rival supporters once hailed him with a banner which
stated bluntly: 'Paul Gazza, You Are Fat Poofta'.>

49. Shook hands with virtually every member of the Genoa side after
being sent off while playing for Lazio.

50. While staying in a New Zealand hotel, was told there was no bacon
for breakfast. Replied, "What, all the sheep in this country and
there's
no bloody bacon!"

51.Left newcastle to sign for Tottenham.....No it wasn't all fun

Lavindathar · 02-11-2002, 01:20 PM

The Game ended 1-0 til Arsenal *I guess you've heard by now!! I'm a bit late*

Lanesra, you have just illustrated why Gazza will always be the fans favourite, and their are a couple in there that make me laugh over and over. He makes you proud to be Brittish in a weird, sorta way.

02-10-2002, 10:32 AM	#1
Lavindathar Harper Join Date: March 21, 2001 Location: Lancs, England Age: 39 Posts: 4,729	Just a short post about the recent antics of the one and only Paul Gascoigne.... As you SHUD know, he is possible England's greatest ever footballer, and DEFINATELY their biggest prankster! In the last week, he has done the following amazing/funny things: i)Sky were interviewing Abel Xavier about his upcoming transfer from Everton to Liverpool, when all of a sudden a voice could be heard singing "dont go, please dont go". The camera panned to a window about Xavier, where Gazza was hanging out saying things like "dont go Abel, I love you", and "your a great mate Abel, dont go!!". He was also pretending to cry, eminating the 1990 World Cup Finals!! ii)He stars in a new add for Mcdonalds, where it says something like:"its harder not to make them" or "so hard to forget". I cant remember the exact quote, but anyway, it then goes on to show Gazza failing to use the mince machine cos he forgot to plug it in! Just further ridiculing of himself!! iii)Everton signed David Ginola on Fri, and yesterday it was their first training session together. Ginola is also a hair product model for Loreal, and has long blonde hair. During the warm up on the training pitch, Gazza dissapears into the changing rooms! When they come around again, he re-appears with a long blonde wig! Safe to say, not much training was done, because they were all too busy lauhing at Gazza! Can anyone remember the walkers crisp advert he did where he cried? that was funny as hell!! Overall, I hope he goes to the World Cup, as hes in great shape and form. Has anyone else seen these few things recently? __________________ =@

02-10-2002, 11:24 AM	#2
Talthyr Malkaviel Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice Join Date: August 31, 2001 Location: Land of the Britons Age: 37 Posts: 3,224	I think he's getting better and is recovering a lot better from his being an alcoholic now, it's always good to see someone get over their troubles. It's always good to have a sense of humour, Gazza always was a joker. EDIT cos I like editing [img]tongue.gif[/img] [ 02-10-2002: Message edited by: Talthyr Malkaviel ] __________________ Resident cantankerous sorcerer of the Clan HADB<br />and Sorcerous Nuttella salesman of the O.R.T<br /> <br /><br />Say NO to the Trouser Tyranny! Can I drill you about this?

02-10-2002, 12:01 PM	#4
Staralfur Baaz Draconian Join Date: April 8, 2001 Location: Nottingham, UK Age: 44 Posts: 786	One of my housemates is an Everton supporter (someones got to do it), and he never stops going on about Gazza. I admit he is a very skillful player, and probably a good laugh to have around, but you can hear too much about him. I suspect he won't make it to the world cup, but you never know... It is also a bit of a shame that he had been injured so much over the past couple of years, Everton could really do with as much help as they can get. __________________ We\'ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the Complete Works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.\"<br />Robert Wilensky <br /><br />\"Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?\" <br />Screaming Lord Sutch<br /><br />If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

02-10-2002, 12:04 PM	#5
Lavindathar Harper Join Date: March 21, 2001 Location: Lancs, England Age: 39 Posts: 4,729	well its half time with Everton and Arsenal...0-0!! Ginola is playing amazing, and Gazza has been dropped to make room for him! __________________ =@

02-11-2002, 05:44 AM	#6
Donut Jack Burton Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Airstrip One Age: 40 Posts: 5,571	quote: Originally posted by Lavindathar: well its half time with Everton and Arsenal...0-0!! Ginola is playing amazing, and Gazza has been dropped to make room for him! Yes Gazza - what a prankster, remember those false breasts? How does he think them up so fast? - and the day he got his mates to eat meat pies made from dog food. Hey Lavi - any news on how that match finished? __________________ [img]\"http://www.wheatsheaf.freeserve.co.uk/roastspurs.gif\" alt=\" - \" /> <br />Proud member of the Axis of Upheaval<br />Official Titterer of the Laughing Hyenas<br />Josiah Bartlet - the best President the US never had.<br />The 1st D in the D & D Show

02-10-2002, 11:47 AM	#3
Sorcerer Alex Guest Posts: n/a	He's a great character. Some may argue a bit of an idiot, but you need people like him in life. I can recall so many funny scenes involving Gazza, I'd use up all of Ziroc's server space writing them all down if I could. I too hope he goes to the world cup - he's fit and playing well again [img]smile.gif[/img]

02-11-2002, 01:13 PM	#7
Lanesra Symbol of Cyric Join Date: March 29, 2001 Location: Twititania, Europe Age: 63 Posts: 1,221	Here are some of his other gems 1. One hour after playing for England, met 'showbiz pals' Danny Baker and Chris Evans in a Hampstead pub while still wearing his full kit... boots included. 2. When asked for his nationality before an operation, told the nurse he was Church Of England. 3. On a trip to London, jumped out of his car to demand "a go" on a workman's pneumatic drill. After getting the go-ahead, happily pounded the pavement to the amusement of shoppers. 4. On first meeting with Lazio's president to discuss his big-money move to the Italian club, was quick to tell the esteemed gentleman that he reminded him of Bud Abbot! 5. Organisers of Italia 90 TV coverage had the splendid idea of augmenting team line-up with film of each player mouthing his own name. Gascoigne's genius led him to subvert the process by, instead, mouthing 'F*ing Wker'. The BBC had to use it all the way through the tournament. 6. Booked a series of sun-bed sessions for then-Newcastle team-mate Tony Cunningham. Who, of course, is black. 7. Asked by a Norwegian camera crew if he had a message for England's upcoming opponents, immediately responded with, "'Yes. Fk off Norway." Then ran off laughing. 8. Turned up for England training the morning after then-manager Bobby Robson had called him "daft as a brush" with a floor brush sticking out of his socks. 9. When asked for a footballing comment while at Lazio, burped enthusiastically into a TV microphone. He was fined GBP9000. 10. Decided it would be a great idea to have massive hair extensions. 11. After paying for ex-wife Sheryl's breasts implants, sent flowers to the hospital after the operation addressed to 'Dolly Parton'. 12. Astounded commuters in London by jumping on a double-decker in London's Piccadilly Circus and asking if he could have a drive. The bus driver let him, and the passengers thoroughly enjoyed Gazza's impromptu performance. 13. Sent a rose to the Wimbledon dressing room for Vinnie Jones after the infamous ball-squeezing incident. Got a toilet brush in return. 14. Set up best mate Jimmy 'Five Bellies' Gardner with a 'girl' he knew to be a transvestite. 15. Has taken the piss out of refs constantly during his career. On one occasion he sniffed a hapless ref's armpit while he was holding his hand high to signal a free kick. 16. Undeterred by their frosty reactions, Gazza again tried to prove that refs have a sense of humour by yellow-carding the referee after the official had dropped his card during a Rangers v Hibs game. He was booked for his troubles. 17. Players have also suffered Gazza's spur-of-the-moment comedy capers. He spent the whole of one game against Manchester City baiting large-lugged City midfielder Paul Lake by pulling his own ears as wide as possible at every opportunity. 18. As an apprentice desperate to impress then-Newcastle boss Jack Charlton, spent a week's money on fishing gear and begged the famous angler to give him a lesson. On arrival at the riverbank, Charlton promptly threw all but the rod out into the briny, then poured a bottle of Newcastle Brown into the water, dipped in the rod and within seconds was pulling out a whopper. Lesson over. 19. As 'perk' of boot-cleaning duties during his apprenticeship, took Kevin Keegan's Golas home to show his mates. But left them on the Newcastle Underground. 20. When playing for England against Belgium in Italia 90, ridiculed Enzo Scifo as he lay on the ground clutching his leg. Gazza thought he was play-acting, so did a mime of his own which involved hopping on one leg with his tongue lolling out. 21. Turned up at a modelling assignment with former Spurs team-mate Vinnie Samways and tried to take the poor lad's trousers off on the catwalk. 22. Celebrated his new-found hero status after flying home from Italia 90 by wearing a huge pair of fake plastic boobs and stomach bearing the legend 'Gazza'. 23. On meeting the president of Denmark's FA, pretended he could speak Danish. When invited to demonstrate, imitated The Muppet Show's Swedish Chef. 24. Conned Five Bellies into eating a mince pie after he'd scraped out the filling and replaced it with cat shit. 25. Walked into the Middlesbrough canteen and ordered lunch wearing nothing but his training socks. 26. Paid GBP20 for a Mars Bar in a newsagents in his home town of Dunston, then told the shop owner to spend the change on sweets for local kiddies. 27. Woke fellow Ranger and best mate Ally McCoist for a game of snooker in the middle of the night - because he couldn't sleep. 28. Took a documentary team to a beautiful Scottish cottage which he informed them was his new place, pretended he'd forgotten his key and knocked instead. When the door opened, told the befuddled housewife that he was doing a telly advert and wanted to know if she preferred Daz or Omo. 29. Crashed Middlesbrough's team bus at the club's training ground and caused GBP10,000 worth of damage. 30. While at Rangers, urinated over sleeping teammate Richard Gough. 31. Handed GBP1000 over to Jimmy Five Bellies after betting that the burly boozer couldn't withstand a cigarette lighter's heat on the bridge of his nose for five seconds. Jimmy could. Twice. 32. Pulled England teammate Paul Ince's shorts down during an open training session. Ince's arse ended up all over the papers. 33. Took the piss out of his own 'crying game' in Italia 90 by doing an ad for Walkers Crisps where he bawled after Gary Lineker stopped him nicking his crisps. 34. Stuck his tongue out when the TV cameras panned past him during the national anthem at Italia 90. 35. Prepared for games during that hugely important tournament by playing marathon games of tennis in the scorching noonday sun. Then was still the best player on the pitch. 36. Thought it would be appropriate to wear a blue fright wig before the 1991 FA Cup final. 37. In his time, has agreed to dress as a Roman centurion, a clown, Oliver Hardy and Braveheart for 'photo opportunities'. 38. While his Italia 90 teammate was the hero of Hillsborough, marched into a Sheffield barbers and demanded "a Waddle cut". 39. When Gazza signed for Spurs in 1988, he came down to finalise the deal with a bunch of his Geordie mates. They took over the posh hotel in Hadley Wood where Spurs were footing the bill and wreaked havoc. Gazza met then-chairman Irving Scholar and began talks by saying, "We'd like to thank you for the best three days of our lives." 40. Asked to leave West Lodge Park Hotel in London after guests were treated to the sight of a naked Five Bellies swimming across the duck pond. 41. On his first night in Rome after signing for Lazio, gave his minder the slip, put his shoes by an open window and hid in a cupboard. The minder thought he'd committed suicide. 42. Recorded a video message for a corporate party and signed off with a cheery "Happy Christmas, you fing w*ers". 43. Greeted reporters in Rome by standing up, asking for silence, then farting at ear-splitting volume. 44. Taught all his Lazio teammates to swear in English - and in a Geordie accent. 45. Shredded England teammate Dennis Wise's Armani suit "for a laugh". 46. While staying at a Scottish hotel, drove across its golf course in his four-wheel drive Jeep. 47. While reputation preceded him to Italy, the English language did not. Hence, his Lazio debut was marked by a banner which read: Gazza's Boys,We Are Here. Shake Your Women And Drink Your Beer'. 48. Conversely, rival supporters once hailed him with a banner which stated bluntly: 'Paul Gazza, You Are Fat Poofta'.> 49. Shook hands with virtually every member of the Genoa side after being sent off while playing for Lazio. 50. While staying in a New Zealand hotel, was told there was no bacon for breakfast. Replied, "What, all the sheep in this country and there's no bloody bacon!" 51.Left newcastle to sign for Tottenham.....No it wasn't all fun

02-11-2002, 01:20 PM	#8
Lavindathar Harper Join Date: March 21, 2001 Location: Lancs, England Age: 39 Posts: 4,729	The Game ended 1-0 til Arsenal I guess you've heard by now!! I'm a bit late Lanesra, you have just illustrated why Gazza will always be the fans favourite, and their are a couple in there that make me laugh over and over. He makes you proud to be Brittish in a weird, sorta way. __________________ =@

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