Tell me

Arvon · 07-09-2002, 08:56 PM

Tell me this....
Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed?

If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your ass?

Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'?

If you mated a bulldog and a shitsu, would it be called a bullshit?

Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?

Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries have a 'use by' date?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?

Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?

What do people in China call their good plates?

Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but not to their crotch when they ask where the toilet is?

dizzy · 07-09-2002, 09:37 PM

I liked the one about alcoholics anoynomous

07-10-2002, 12:12 AM

Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed?

So he and his buddies can point and laugh at you through the one-way mirror.

If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?

No, satan owns it after 50 miles down.

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Nobody knows

Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your ass?

Yes but it takes years of practice.

Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'?

Because after you admit you are an alcoholic you can go back to drinking.

If you mated a bulldog and a shitsu, would it be called a bullshit?

Yes, unless you are a procrastinator...then it would be a dogsu.

Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

Because it would sound funny telling people the can is up steps.

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Because light freezes long before tv dinners do.

If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?

To keep their 'taste' intact.

Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries have a 'use by' date?

Because sheep piss goes bad after about 2 months.

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?

Hey, KHan likes his toast burnt!

Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

No it is called Fenching.

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?

A very very VERY sick individual.

What do people in China call their good plates?

"Plates that are better than those stupid people eat off of that they call China" or, more simply put, bowls.

Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?

Only if his cardboard box has a door. If he lives on a park bench then you have to get the pigions permission first.

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Because his original plan was to kill the Skipper but he ran outta time (episodes) and patching the hole would have used the only ingredients that will kill fat stupid blowhards.

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but not to their crotch when they ask where the toilet is?

Because if they got into the habit of pointing at their crotch then they might get mixed up and ask someone if the 'have the time' while pointing at their crotch.

Thank you for the questions!
Got any more?

[img]tongue.gif[/img]

Deiter Leafblade · 07-10-2002, 12:28 AM

Lol, interesting questions.

Earthdog · 07-10-2002, 05:41 AM

Valid questions one and all

Why does the Teflon stick to the pan? Nothing else does.

Cerek the Barbaric · 07-10-2002, 08:32 AM

Why does sour cream have an expiration date?

Why do the ATM's at the bank's drive through window have Braille on them?

Why do women wear one bra but a pair of panties?

We always hear reports concerning the number of various medical conditions across America (hemorrhoids, colon polyps, urinary tract infections, etc). WHO has to do the counting?

Who actually stops to see if the chicken will cross the road?

How can a "fat chance" and a "slim chance" mean the same thing?

Why do we care if a tree makes a noise when it falls in the woods? I'm more concerned about the oak in my front yard.

Why do parents tell their children to stay out of the water until they learn how to swim?

Exactly HOW can you "put an eye" out with a beach ball?

[ 07-10-2002, 08:35 AM: Message edited by: Cerek the Barbaric ]

07-10-2002, 06:14 PM

Why does the Teflon stick to the pan? Nothing else does!

Because if the Teflon could not stick to the pan it would come loose and make a real mess of your meal.

Why does sour cream have an expiration date?

Because it will go sweet on ya after the date. (Don't blame me if you test this answer and get sick.

)

Why do the ATM's at the bank's drive through window have Braille on them?

I dunno...but that is a scary thought.

Why do women wear one bra but a pair of panties?

(KHaN's answer) "I've often pondered this question...but when I ask where they stick the other pair I always get slapped so I dunno."

We always hear reports concerning the number of various medical conditions across America (hemorrhoids, colon polyps, urinary tract infections, etc). WHO has to do the counting?

A "hands on" kinda guy.

Who actually stops to see if the chicken will cross the road?

Someone in a monster truck with a bumper sticker that says "I LOVE ROADKILL".

How can a "fat chance" and a "slim chance" mean the same thing?

I've never heard the term slim chance, I think it was added in to make Alley McBeal feel better.

Why do we care if a tree makes a noise when it falls in the woods? I'm more concerned about the oak in my front yard.

Because then we will be one step closer to answering the question "Does a bear shit in the woods".

Why do parents tell their children to stay out of the water until they learn how to swim?

Because once a kid learns how to swim, then we can make them wait an hour after eating.

Exactly HOW can you "put an eye" out with a beach ball?

By deflating the beach ball, twisting it into a crude spear and then glueing a nail to the end.

[ 07-10-2002, 10:28 PM: Message edited by: Moni ]

johnny · 07-10-2002, 07:11 PM

LOL The evil Minno has spoken !

Lioness · 07-10-2002, 09:01 PM

LMAO, Moni!!! [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img]

Nice ones.

07-09-2002, 08:56 PM	#1
Arvon Unicorn Join Date: October 4, 2001 Location: Kingdom of the West,..P.o. Cynagus Posts: 4,212	Tell me this.... Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed? If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth? Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed? Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your ass? Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'? If you mated a bulldog and a shitsu, would it be called a bullshit? Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside? Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages? Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries have a 'use by' date? Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat? Is French kissing in France just called kissing? Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'? What do people in China call their good plates? Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest? If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but not to their crotch when they ask where the toilet is? __________________ 53.7% of all statistics are made up

07-09-2002, 09:37 PM	#2
dizzy Mephistopheles Join Date: January 18, 2002 Location: Baumholder Germany Age: 39 Posts: 1,434	I liked the one about alcoholics anoynomous __________________ An Army of fun. <br /><br />\"The worst thing about being in Germany in the Army is having to wakeup everyday\" <img border=\"0\" title=\"\" alt=\"[Wink]\" src=\"wink.gif\" />

07-10-2002, 05:41 AM	#5
Earthdog Emerald Dragon Join Date: May 1, 2001 Location: melbourne victoria australia Age: 58 Posts: 960	Valid questions one and all Why does the Teflon stick to the pan? Nothing else does. __________________ THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!

07-10-2002, 08:32 AM	#6
Cerek the Barbaric Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice Join Date: October 29, 2001 Location: North Carolina Age: 61 Posts: 3,257	Why does sour cream have an expiration date? Why do the ATM's at the bank's drive through window have Braille on them? Why do women wear one bra but a pair of panties? We always hear reports concerning the number of various medical conditions across America (hemorrhoids, colon polyps, urinary tract infections, etc). WHO has to do the counting? Who actually stops to see if the chicken will cross the road? How can a "fat chance" and a "slim chance" mean the same thing? Why do we care if a tree makes a noise when it falls in the woods? I'm more concerned about the oak in my front yard. Why do parents tell their children to stay out of the water until they learn how to swim? Exactly HOW can you "put an eye" out with a beach ball? [ 07-10-2002, 08:35 AM: Message edited by: Cerek the Barbaric ] __________________ [img]\"http://img.ranchoweb.com/images/cerek/cerektsrsig.jpg\" alt=\" - \" /><br />Cerek the Calmth

07-10-2002, 07:11 PM	#8
johnny 40th Level Warrior Join Date: April 15, 2002 Location: Utrecht The Netherlands Age: 58 Posts: 16,981	LOL The evil Minno has spoken ! __________________

07-10-2002, 12:12 AM	#3
Moni Guest Posts: n/a	Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed? So he and his buddies can point and laugh at you through the one-way mirror. If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth? No, satan owns it after 50 miles down. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed? Nobody knows Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your ass? Yes but it takes years of practice. Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'? Because after you admit you are an alcoholic you can go back to drinking. If you mated a bulldog and a shitsu, would it be called a bullshit? Yes, unless you are a procrastinator...then it would be a dogsu. Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside? Because it would sound funny telling people the can is up steps. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? Because light freezes long before tv dinners do. If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages? To keep their 'taste' intact. Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries have a 'use by' date? Because sheep piss goes bad after about 2 months. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat? Hey, KHan likes his toast burnt! Is French kissing in France just called kissing? No it is called Fenching. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'? A very very VERY sick individual. What do people in China call their good plates? "Plates that are better than those stupid people eat off of that they call China" or, more simply put, bowls. Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest? Only if his cardboard box has a door. If he lives on a park bench then you have to get the pigions permission first. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? Because his original plan was to kill the Skipper but he ran outta time (episodes) and patching the hole would have used the only ingredients that will kill fat stupid blowhards. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but not to their crotch when they ask where the toilet is? Because if they got into the habit of pointing at their crotch then they might get mixed up and ask someone if the 'have the time' while pointing at their crotch. Thank you for the questions! Got any more? [img]tongue.gif[/img]

07-10-2002, 12:28 AM	#4
Deiter Leafblade Emerald Dragon Join Date: October 1, 2001 Location: Somewhere Age: 36 Posts: 934	Lol, interesting questions.

07-10-2002, 06:14 PM	#7
Moni Guest Posts: n/a	Why does the Teflon stick to the pan? Nothing else does! Because if the Teflon could not stick to the pan it would come loose and make a real mess of your meal. Why does sour cream have an expiration date? Because it will go sweet on ya after the date. (Don't blame me if you test this answer and get sick. ) Why do the ATM's at the bank's drive through window have Braille on them? I dunno...but that is a scary thought. Why do women wear one bra but a pair of panties? (KHaN's answer) "I've often pondered this question...but when I ask where they stick the other pair I always get slapped so I dunno." We always hear reports concerning the number of various medical conditions across America (hemorrhoids, colon polyps, urinary tract infections, etc). WHO has to do the counting? A "hands on" kinda guy. Who actually stops to see if the chicken will cross the road? Someone in a monster truck with a bumper sticker that says "I LOVE ROADKILL". How can a "fat chance" and a "slim chance" mean the same thing? I've never heard the term slim chance, I think it was added in to make Alley McBeal feel better. Why do we care if a tree makes a noise when it falls in the woods? I'm more concerned about the oak in my front yard. Because then we will be one step closer to answering the question "Does a bear shit in the woods". Why do parents tell their children to stay out of the water until they learn how to swim? Because once a kid learns how to swim, then we can make them wait an hour after eating. Exactly HOW can you "put an eye" out with a beach ball? By deflating the beach ball, twisting it into a crude spear and then glueing a nail to the end. [ 07-10-2002, 10:28 PM: Message edited by: Moni ]

07-10-2002, 09:01 PM	#9
Lioness Jack Burton Join Date: June 3, 2001 Location: Among the Stars Age: 36 Posts: 5,837	LMAO, Moni!!! [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img] Nice ones. __________________ [img]\"ubb/noncgi/smiles/lioness1.jpg\" alt=\" - \" /> <br /><br />Premier Waitress/Smacker of Cloudy\'s Cafe<br /><br />\"the only people for me are the mad ones...\"

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