What if your significant other got this in the mail...

[The Hunter of Jahanna]

My wife got this in the mail today. After lots of discussion a course of action was decided on. I want to see if I was out of line in getting upset about this so I am passing it a long to all of you. I didnt blame my wife because she cant control what other people do. Here is what the card said on the inside:

Lets get together and do something really inappropirate on Valentines day.

Then this was written underneath by hand:

That sums it up pretty well, I think, though I'll take a rain check. Youre brilliant and great and lovely and amazeingly sexy. Will you be my Valentine?

To me it seems like this person is alludeing to getting some where with my wife, either now or in the future.My question is , was I wrong for being more than a little upset by this?

[Bungleau]

Yeeowch! Not exactly the kind of valentine to send to further one's career...

But I'd have to say I don't have enough information to decide how to respond just yet.

Is this from a close friend (where you send stupid joke things to each other)?

Is it from an acquaintance?

Is it an isolated incident, or has this person done similar things in the past?

Is it addressed to the right person (don't laugh -- stranger things have happened)?

Is there any real sexual reference in there? "Something inappropriate" as words can mean a variety of things. Did the card include images that hinted toward sexual activity, or was it a standard "cupid and hearts" thing?

There are always three sides to a given story, as said by an old friend of mine: his, hers, and the truth.

If this is an isolated incident, you may have over-reacted, but it's fine to talk with your wife about how you're uncomfortable with the apparent tone, and would rather it not be repeated. It sounds like you've done that (although with some chest-banging and spear-sharpening [img]smile.gif[/img] ).

If this is a repeat incident, you now have another piece of evidence and should treat it as such. Harassment is not a noble trait...

I know that for me personally, some days I can take a joke a whole lot better than other days. Those other days, I'd as soon bury the wannabe joker in the backyard, piece by piece...

*B*

[The Hunter of Jahanna]

Bungleau, this is an online aquantance who kept our home address from a post card exchange done on Live Journal. The address and the exchange happened just before Thanksgiving, so this thing showing up 4 months later is more than a little unsetteling.
edit:
Also on the front of the card is 2 people sitting on a park bench. They each have a little blurb above their head. one says "What are they doing?!?" The other says "They should get a room". That combined with what is written inside is what set me off. Refrences to impropriety and hotel rooms is a bad way to make a joke and a good way to piss off the 900lb gorrilla who is married to the object of your affections.

[ 02-19-2003, 10:48 PM: Message edited by: The Hunter of Jahanna ]

[John D Harris]

I voted I'd be upset but not flip out like you did because I don't know how you "flipped out" (Nothing personal but I don't want to know either that is between you and your wife)

[Lady Aberdene]

What?!?! I would be pissed!! Not at her really but at him for sure. Practical joke? This guy needs a beating. If you find him I'll send LK and the giberlings. I'll make the sandwiches.

[Jeffi0]

Ok, who's the joker who said "Make his life a living hell!"? Aberdene?

I said upset but not flip out. BTW, on a related note, my old house was on Aberdene Avenue. [img]smile.gif[/img]

[Paladin2000]

I would be upset (if I were you). In addition, I would probe the followings:

1. The relation between the wife and her friend.
2. What is his "true" intention by sending the postcard.
3. Is the wife unhappy with the marriage?
4. Is she seeking cheap thrills by having friends of the opposite sex?
5. The threat level of this "friend" towards your marriage.

In addition, I would try to be more romantic and spice up the love live between me and my wife so make sure that no one will stand between our relationship.

Sometimes prevention is better than a cure. If you noticed a significant threat, take action immediately instead of the "wait and see".

Just my 2 cents. Sorry if my post does offend you in any way.

[ 02-19-2003, 11:24 PM: Message edited by: Paladin2000 ]

[Lady Aberdene]

I just dont get what this guy was thinking. If he really wanted something to happen wouldn't he make it a little more private than sending it to your house? Is she going to say yeah thats sound good, later honey. this guy is mental. he still needs the crap beat out of him for general perposes.
Why am I getting upset??

[ 02-19-2003, 11:33 PM: Message edited by: Lady Aberdene ]

[Cloudbringer]

Hunter...ugh...that's a rough one! You know, there are several possibilities:

1) Your wife and this guy are more 'intimate' online than you know about

2) Your wife hasn't a clue and this guy is being far too forward and out of
line

3) He's joking and in completely bad taste

4) He's one of the sickos out there who delight in breaking up
marriages/relationships just for the hell of it

5) He's the same sicko as #4 who gets off on the challenge of going after
someone who is married or with a significant other.

Nacht and I have been the unwary victims of a #5 type...actually 2 of those and a number 2 type.

Nacht had a few ladies from another site send him instant msgs and try to get 'cozy' with him, despite knowing he and I were starting to consider our relationship exclusive- cozier than he wanted to be and he told them to back off in no uncertain terms. But the #5 was a lot more insidious- acted like a 'friend' until I figured out that the 'advice' being given to him was why he was acting so out of character and our relationship was wobbling.

So trust me, there are a LOT of sick jerks out there and not all of them are easy to spot right off. For all you know, you wife may have simply been nice to the guy and he took that as an invitation to hit on her!

I surely hope you and your wife work this out and you don't get too riled up. I think you had every reason to be upset, but don't blow too many gaskets....IMO what counts is YOUR relationship with your wife and the level of trust you both have. [img]smile.gif[/img]

[The Hunter of Jahanna]

Thanks for the support everyone!! To clear things up a bit, AFAIK this guy just a friend who over stepped his boundarys. Then again it could be the start of a #5 type person from cloudys list. This person could be pretending to be friends with my wife , but harboring hopes that it will go some where beyond friends. I trust my wife to do the right thing, but I still want to go burn down this guys house. Anybody in the Milwaukee area intrested in a weekend house guest??