The 10 commandsments - George Carlin

Jorath Calar · 06-27-2002, 08:06 AM

--------------------

Here is my problem, Why are there ten. You don't need ten. I think the list of commandments was deliberatly and artificially inflated to get it up to ten. Its a padded list, here is what they did.

About 5000 years ago a bunch of religious and poltical hustlers got together to try to figure out how to control people, how to keep them in line, they knew people were basicly stupid and would believe anything they were told so they announced that God had given them the ten commandments. Up on a mountain, when nooo one was around, God had given THEM the ten commandment. But let me ask you this, when they were sitting around, making this stuff up, why did they pick ten, why ten, why not nine, or eleven, I'll tell you why, because ten sound official, ten sounds important, they knew if it was eleven people wouldn't take it seriously.

"Say What? The eleven commandment, are you kidding me, get out of here"

But ten, Ten sounds important.
Ten is the basis for the decimal system. It's a decade, it's a psychologicaly satisfying number. The top ten, The ten most wanted. The ten best dressed.
So having ten commandments was really a marketing desicion.
And to me it's clearly a Nonsense list, it's a political document, artificially inflated in order to sell better.

I'm going to show you how you can reduce the number of commandments and come up with a list thats a little more workable and logical.
We will start with the first 3, and I'll use the Roman Catholic version because those were the ones that I was taught as a little boy.

1. I am the Lord thy God. Thou shall not have strange Gods before me
2. Thou shall not take the name of thy Lord thy God in vain
3. Thou shalt keep holy thy Sabbath

Right of the bat, the first 3... pure nonsense.
Sabbath day, Lords name, Strange Gods, Spooky Language
Spooky language, designed to scare and control primitive people.
In no way does superstitious nonsense like this apply to the lives of intelligent, civilised humans in the 21st century.
You throw out the first 3 commandments, sweeeeep, and you are down to 7.

Next, Honour thy mother and father.
Obedience, respect for authority. Just another name for controlling people.
The Truth is, obedience and respect should not be automatic, they should be earned, they should be based on parents performance.
Some parent deserve respect, most of them don't, period.

We are down to 6.

Now in the intrest of logic, something religion is very uncomfortable with, we are going to jump around the list a little bit.

Thou shall not steal
Thou shall not bear false witness.
Stealing and lying. Well actually these 2 both prohibit the same kind of behaviour, dishonesty, stealing and lying, so you dont need two of them. Instead you combine them and call it "Thou shall not be dishonest". And suddenly, click, you are down to 5.

And as long as we are combining, I have 2 others that belong together.
Thou shall not commit adultery.
Thou shall not covet thy neighbours wife.
Once again, these 2 prohibit the same kind of behaviour, in this case maritial fidelity, the diffrence is, coveting takes place in the mind, and I don't think you should outlaw fantasizing about someone elses wife, otherwise whats a guy going to think about when he is waxing his carrot?
But maritial fidelity is a good idea, so we will keep the idea and call this one, "Thou shall not be unfaithful". and suddenly, we are down to 4.

But when you think about it, honesty and fidelity, are really a part of the same overall value. So in truth, you could combine the 2 honesty commandments with the 2 fidelity commandments and give them simpler language, positive language instead of negative and call the whole thing "Thou shall always be honest and faithful" and we are down to 3.

They are going away fast.

Thou shall not covet thy neighbours goods.
This one is just plain stupid.
Coveting your neighbours goods is what keeps the ecomony going, am I right?
You neighbour gets a vibrator that plays Oh come all ye faithfull... so you want to get one too.
Coveting creates jobs, leave it alone.
You throw out coveting, so you are down to 2 now, the big honesty and fidelity commandment and the one we havn't talked about yet...

Thou shall not kill.

Murder

The fifth commandment.

But when you think about it...

When you really think about it, religion has never really had a big problem with murder.
Not really.
More people have been killed in the name of god than for any other reason, all you have to do is look at Northern Ireland, The Middle East, Kashmir, The Inquisition, the Crusades and the World Trade Center, too see how seriously the religious folks take Thy shallt not kill.
The more devout they are, the more they see murder as being negotiable. It depends on who is doing the killing and who is getting killed.

So with all this in mind I leave you with my revised list of the 2 commandments.

Thou shall always be faithfull and honest to the provider of thy nookie.
And thou shalt try reeeally hard not to kill anyone. unless of course they pray to a diffrent invisible man than the one you pray to.

Two is all you need, Moses could have carried them down the mountain in his pocket and if they had a list like that I wouldn't mind those folks in Alabama putting it up on the courthouse wall, as long as they included one additional commandment...

Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself
-------------------------------

He got a point there, right?

06-27-2002, 08:11 AM

LOL!!! Most entertaining

Neb · 06-27-2002, 08:16 AM

*claps* ROFL [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img] Thanks for providing us with such quality entertainment [img]smile.gif[/img]

Volguuz RageWaar · 06-27-2002, 08:52 AM

Total agrement...

About 5000 years ago a bunch of religious and poltical hustlers got together to try to figure out how to control people, how to keep them in line, they knew people were basicly stupid and would believe anything they were told so they announced that God had given them the ten commandments

I agree totally with those foul fools trying always to cheat the people and yet i must say that there are stupidity enough in the world to believe in such a thing...

I have a question for ya, what do you thing about the church story???

Obedience, respect for authority. Just another name for controlling people.
The Truth is, obedience and respect should not be automatic, they should be earned, they should be based on parents performance.
Some parent deserve respect, most of them don't, period.

That's why i hate them...

It's not enough fool the people with their story's but they still want their obidience...

When you really think about it, religion has never really had a big problem with murder.
Not really.
More people have been killed in the name of god than for any other reason, all you have to do is look at Northern Ireland, The Middle East, Kashmir, The Inquisition, the Crusades and the World Trade Center, too see how seriously the religious folks take Thy shallt not kill.
The more devout they are, the more they see murder as being negotiable. It depends on who is doing the killing and who is getting killed.

Most well said my friend, always saying, do not kill, do not kill, LOOK AT YOUR SELF'S FOOLS, who are you trying to pass as a fool, the fools? [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img]

Amen Jorath

[ 06-27-2002, 08:53 AM: Message edited by: Volguuz RageWaar ]

Earthdog · 06-27-2002, 09:18 AM

Thats a classic. [img]smile.gif[/img] Now ya need to post the one on Toledo Windowbox, and of course the one on NIMBY... Not In My Back Yard.... [img]smile.gif[/img] MAN did he piss off alot of rich people with that one [img]smile.gif[/img]

Jorath Calar · 06-27-2002, 11:13 AM

Well I actually typed this in last night (I had nothing to do [img]smile.gif[/img] ).

My favourite of his scetches is "Driving in New Jersey"...

norompanlasolas · 06-27-2002, 12:36 PM

lol... [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img] very funny.

06-27-2002, 08:52 AM	#4
Volguuz RageWaar Manshoon Join Date: April 1, 2002 Location: Portugal Age: 39 Posts: 218	Total agrement... About 5000 years ago a bunch of religious and poltical hustlers got together to try to figure out how to control people, how to keep them in line, they knew people were basicly stupid and would believe anything they were told so they announced that God had given them the ten commandments I agree totally with those foul fools trying always to cheat the people and yet i must say that there are stupidity enough in the world to believe in such a thing... I have a question for ya, what do you thing about the church story??? Obedience, respect for authority. Just another name for controlling people. The Truth is, obedience and respect should not be automatic, they should be earned, they should be based on parents performance. Some parent deserve respect, most of them don't, period. That's why i hate them... It's not enough fool the people with their story's but they still want their obidience... When you really think about it, religion has never really had a big problem with murder. Not really. More people have been killed in the name of god than for any other reason, all you have to do is look at Northern Ireland, The Middle East, Kashmir, The Inquisition, the Crusades and the World Trade Center, too see how seriously the religious folks take Thy shallt not kill. The more devout they are, the more they see murder as being negotiable. It depends on who is doing the killing and who is getting killed. Most well said my friend, always saying, do not kill, do not kill, LOOK AT YOUR SELF'S FOOLS, who are you trying to pass as a fool, the fools? [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img] Amen Jorath [ 06-27-2002, 08:53 AM: Message edited by: Volguuz RageWaar ] __________________ Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law. Love is the law, Love under will<br /> <img border=\"0\" alt=\"[chaos]\" title=\"\" src=\"graemlins/chaos.gif\" /> <img border=\"0\" alt=\"[diablo]\" title=\"\" src=\"graemlins/diablo.gif\" /> <img border=\"0\" alt=\"[chaos]\" title=\"\" src=\"graemlins/chaos.gif\" />

06-27-2002, 09:18 AM	#5
Earthdog Emerald Dragon Join Date: May 1, 2001 Location: melbourne victoria australia Age: 58 Posts: 960	Thats a classic. [img]smile.gif[/img] Now ya need to post the one on Toledo Windowbox, and of course the one on NIMBY... Not In My Back Yard.... [img]smile.gif[/img] MAN did he piss off alot of rich people with that one [img]smile.gif[/img] __________________ THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!

06-27-2002, 12:36 PM	#7
norompanlasolas Avatar Join Date: November 13, 2001 Location: madrid, spain... made in argentina Age: 47 Posts: 569	lol... [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img] very funny. __________________ no

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06-27-2002, 08:06 AM	#1
Jorath Calar Harper Join Date: October 6, 2001 Location: Iceland Posts: 4,706	-------------------- Here is my problem, Why are there ten. You don't need ten. I think the list of commandments was deliberatly and artificially inflated to get it up to ten. Its a padded list, here is what they did. About 5000 years ago a bunch of religious and poltical hustlers got together to try to figure out how to control people, how to keep them in line, they knew people were basicly stupid and would believe anything they were told so they announced that God had given them the ten commandments. Up on a mountain, when nooo one was around, God had given THEM the ten commandment. But let me ask you this, when they were sitting around, making this stuff up, why did they pick ten, why ten, why not nine, or eleven, I'll tell you why, because ten sound official, ten sounds important, they knew if it was eleven people wouldn't take it seriously. "Say What? The eleven commandment, are you kidding me, get out of here" But ten, Ten sounds important. Ten is the basis for the decimal system. It's a decade, it's a psychologicaly satisfying number. The top ten, The ten most wanted. The ten best dressed. So having ten commandments was really a marketing desicion. And to me it's clearly a Nonsense list, it's a political document, artificially inflated in order to sell better. I'm going to show you how you can reduce the number of commandments and come up with a list thats a little more workable and logical. We will start with the first 3, and I'll use the Roman Catholic version because those were the ones that I was taught as a little boy. 1. I am the Lord thy God. Thou shall not have strange Gods before me 2. Thou shall not take the name of thy Lord thy God in vain 3. Thou shalt keep holy thy Sabbath Right of the bat, the first 3... pure nonsense. Sabbath day, Lords name, Strange Gods, Spooky Language Spooky language, designed to scare and control primitive people. In no way does superstitious nonsense like this apply to the lives of intelligent, civilised humans in the 21st century. You throw out the first 3 commandments, sweeeeep, and you are down to 7. Next, Honour thy mother and father. Obedience, respect for authority. Just another name for controlling people. The Truth is, obedience and respect should not be automatic, they should be earned, they should be based on parents performance. Some parent deserve respect, most of them don't, period. We are down to 6. Now in the intrest of logic, something religion is very uncomfortable with, we are going to jump around the list a little bit. Thou shall not steal Thou shall not bear false witness. Stealing and lying. Well actually these 2 both prohibit the same kind of behaviour, dishonesty, stealing and lying, so you dont need two of them. Instead you combine them and call it "Thou shall not be dishonest". And suddenly, click, you are down to 5. And as long as we are combining, I have 2 others that belong together. Thou shall not commit adultery. Thou shall not covet thy neighbours wife. Once again, these 2 prohibit the same kind of behaviour, in this case maritial fidelity, the diffrence is, coveting takes place in the mind, and I don't think you should outlaw fantasizing about someone elses wife, otherwise whats a guy going to think about when he is waxing his carrot? But maritial fidelity is a good idea, so we will keep the idea and call this one, "Thou shall not be unfaithful". and suddenly, we are down to 4. But when you think about it, honesty and fidelity, are really a part of the same overall value. So in truth, you could combine the 2 honesty commandments with the 2 fidelity commandments and give them simpler language, positive language instead of negative and call the whole thing "Thou shall always be honest and faithful" and we are down to 3. They are going away fast. Thou shall not covet thy neighbours goods. This one is just plain stupid. Coveting your neighbours goods is what keeps the ecomony going, am I right? You neighbour gets a vibrator that plays Oh come all ye faithfull... so you want to get one too. Coveting creates jobs, leave it alone. You throw out coveting, so you are down to 2 now, the big honesty and fidelity commandment and the one we havn't talked about yet... Thou shall not kill. Murder The fifth commandment. But when you think about it... When you really think about it, religion has never really had a big problem with murder. Not really. More people have been killed in the name of god than for any other reason, all you have to do is look at Northern Ireland, The Middle East, Kashmir, The Inquisition, the Crusades and the World Trade Center, too see how seriously the religious folks take Thy shallt not kill. The more devout they are, the more they see murder as being negotiable. It depends on who is doing the killing and who is getting killed. So with all this in mind I leave you with my revised list of the 2 commandments. Thou shall always be faithfull and honest to the provider of thy nookie. And thou shalt try reeeally hard not to kill anyone. unless of course they pray to a diffrent invisible man than the one you pray to. Two is all you need, Moses could have carried them down the mountain in his pocket and if they had a list like that I wouldn't mind those folks in Alabama putting it up on the courthouse wall, as long as they included one additional commandment... Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself ------------------------------- He got a point there, right?

06-27-2002, 08:11 AM	#2
Lord Shield Guest Posts: n/a	LOL!!! Most entertaining

06-27-2002, 08:16 AM	#3
Neb Account deleted by Request Join Date: May 17, 2001 Location: . Age: 38 Posts: 8,802	claps ROFL [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img] Thanks for providing us with such quality entertainment [img]smile.gif[/img]

06-27-2002, 11:13 AM	#6
Jorath Calar Harper Join Date: October 6, 2001 Location: Iceland Posts: 4,706	Well I actually typed this in last night (I had nothing to do [img]smile.gif[/img] ). My favourite of his scetches is "Driving in New Jersey"...

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