Life Changes... (caution: may be more than you want to know)

bilqis · 11-03-2001, 10:08 AM

Hello all. I am in the midst of huge life changes that I thought I'd share with you all. If you're not interested, you may leave now.

July 17th, at 7:30 a.m. my husband of 21 years called me while he was away on vacation to tell me he wanted to divorce me. I admit that our marriage wasn't perfect, but this shocked me to my very core. I shook most of that day, but immediately called a good lawyer and began the process. The pain & grief were incredible. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, ever.

Because we have minor children, if either of us had moved out of the house before the offical request for marital dissolution was in place, we would have lost all our rights to custody etc. So, we have continued to live together. Not the most comfortable of situations, but we've managed to be civil and even friendly during these months.

I found a house to buy, signed a purchase agreement, intending to move in November 15th. However, it has taken this long for the divorce to be finalized --- still waiting for the judge's signature on the final papers --- so the house purchase was being delayed. Also need ex-dh to finish re-financing this house, and get the process going for giving me 1/2 of his pension so I can get on with my life. All of this is taking FOREVER and making me quite frustrated. I want to move ON!

And I AM moving on. [img]smile.gif[/img] I finally realized that I don't have to continue to live here in the middle-of-nowhere-Minnesota! I was only living here because of my husband's job & security. Those are no longer factors in my life. SO, I have quit my job, and battled all my local friends about my decision to move to Seattle Washington on November 10th. They are all convinced that I've lost my mind --- which I assure everyone I have not (not that I ever 'had' it to lose

). I have rented a house, and am certain I will find a job in short order. I am very excited! Very happy!

One other big change in my life began the end of July, when my dear big brother, The.Relic, dragged me into an online space simulation gaming community, called "Mankind", telling me I needed something to distract me from my misery. He was correct -- that game was wonderfully engaging. Through him I met many nice people (all men -- apparently not many women are into space simulations). One man in particular, nickname "Krip, the artisan", was very open about his interest in me. Something I couldn't believe or trust for a long time. After all, I'm old, I look like someone's mom not like someone's 'date', and men have never been interested in me as anything more than friend or sister. Also, all of my friends were continually advising me to avoid romantic entanglements til I am 'healed', watch out for 'rebound', etc. Krip was very persistent tho, and finally, after weeks & months of me fighting my feelings, he won me over. We met face to face the end of October, which proved to be even better than online. So, he is why I chose Seattle over some other city to make my leap into a new life to.

I need to thank everyone who has been so supportive of me during this tumultuous time in my life --- The.Relic, Reeka, Ramon, LadyZ, Moiraine, Wolfgir, Sir_Tainly, Jerome, AzureWolf, Cloudy, Yorick... gosh I apologize if I forgot to mention someone! I love you all!! I would not have made it through everything without your support. I will continue to lurk, and will post when I can. Once I move I won't have internet for some weeks. I am not leaving permanently tho. The great thing about the internet is that I can bring all of my online friends with me, no matter where I go!!

Who would have believed my life could change so much in just 6 months?? Certainly not me. Just goes to show, you never know what's just around the corner....

(More than anyone wanted to know, I'm sure, but they say confession is good for the soul) [img]redface.gif[/img]

11-03-2001, 10:19 AM

It sounds to me like even though change was forced on you, it is turning into change for the better in a lot of ways.
Stay Strong and Best of Everything to you in the coming years ahead.
[img]smile.gif[/img]

Neb · 11-03-2001, 10:31 AM

Good to hear that you survived such great changes to your life and it sounds as though you actually came out better than before, may your luck continue to follow you wherever you go.

Ramon de Ramon y Ramon · 11-03-2001, 10:32 AM

Bili, this is just such a wonderful post - and so 100% Bili-style ! [img]smile.gif[/img] Actually, it is exactly this kind of posts in which people really "share" some important aspects and/or developments of their life with "us" that have made IW the kind of community it can be in its finest moments ...

May you safely reach the peak of that mountain ! [img]smile.gif[/img]

Mouse · 11-03-2001, 11:03 AM

Nice to hear that - all my best wishes - keep in touch

Lady Avalon · 11-03-2001, 11:05 AM

So nice to hear a happy ending Bili. I am sure you went through a lot of emotional turmoil, but you did survive and I really hope you will be happy in your new life.

Zeeke75 · 11-03-2001, 11:26 AM

Bili,

I know it's been a LONG time since we've even said HI to each other, and I realize that for the most part, I'm to blame for that. I won't air any dirty laundry here, because this isn't the time or the place for it. However, I will say publicly that I'm sorry that things went the way that they did with us.

I have been keeping up on what's been going on with you, through the "grapevine", so to speak. I was very sorry to hear about what happened with you and "ex-dh". Pardon my language here, but what a chicken-shit he is. I'm sorry that you've had to go through so much pain and agony over the last several months.

Had I found out a month or so ago that you were moving to Seattle, I would have been one of the first to say that you're nuts.

Now, however, let me be one of the first to say "GO FOR IT". If you've found someone and something that makes you happy, jump at it and do everything you can to hold onto it.

You deserve the best, and I hope that you find true happiness. Good luck with the move and in starting your new life in Seattle!

Zeeke

Lord of Alcohol · 11-03-2001, 11:29 AM

Hey Bili!!!! I thought we were going to rob banks together! [img]smile.gif[/img] Hey if I'm ever in Seattle can we rob one huh huh huh? On a serious note good for you! I'm glad things are changing for the better for ya [img]smile.gif[/img] And yep its good you get to take your friends with you isnt it? Well keep on posting to keep us posted [img]tongue.gif[/img] Pauly

Bahamut · 11-03-2001, 11:34 AM

All I can say is...

AT LAST YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANT!!! I told you it ain't over!!! You go girl!!!

The.Relic · 11-03-2001, 12:48 PM

Me? Gosh, I really din do nuttin. Big *Hugs* lil sis.

11-03-2001, 10:08 AM	#1
bilqis Symbol of Cyric Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: WA, USA Age: 67 Posts: 1,328	Hello all. I am in the midst of huge life changes that I thought I'd share with you all. If you're not interested, you may leave now. July 17th, at 7:30 a.m. my husband of 21 years called me while he was away on vacation to tell me he wanted to divorce me. I admit that our marriage wasn't perfect, but this shocked me to my very core. I shook most of that day, but immediately called a good lawyer and began the process. The pain & grief were incredible. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, ever. Because we have minor children, if either of us had moved out of the house before the offical request for marital dissolution was in place, we would have lost all our rights to custody etc. So, we have continued to live together. Not the most comfortable of situations, but we've managed to be civil and even friendly during these months. I found a house to buy, signed a purchase agreement, intending to move in November 15th. However, it has taken this long for the divorce to be finalized --- still waiting for the judge's signature on the final papers --- so the house purchase was being delayed. Also need ex-dh to finish re-financing this house, and get the process going for giving me 1/2 of his pension so I can get on with my life. All of this is taking FOREVER and making me quite frustrated. I want to move ON! And I AM moving on. [img]smile.gif[/img] I finally realized that I don't have to continue to live here in the middle-of-nowhere-Minnesota! I was only living here because of my husband's job & security. Those are no longer factors in my life. SO, I have quit my job, and battled all my local friends about my decision to move to Seattle Washington on November 10th. They are all convinced that I've lost my mind --- which I assure everyone I have not (not that I ever 'had' it to lose ). I have rented a house, and am certain I will find a job in short order. I am very excited! Very happy! One other big change in my life began the end of July, when my dear big brother, The.Relic, dragged me into an online space simulation gaming community, called "Mankind", telling me I needed something to distract me from my misery. He was correct -- that game was wonderfully engaging. Through him I met many nice people (all men -- apparently not many women are into space simulations). One man in particular, nickname "Krip, the artisan", was very open about his interest in me. Something I couldn't believe or trust for a long time. After all, I'm old, I look like someone's mom not like someone's 'date', and men have never been interested in me as anything more than friend or sister. Also, all of my friends were continually advising me to avoid romantic entanglements til I am 'healed', watch out for 'rebound', etc. Krip was very persistent tho, and finally, after weeks & months of me fighting my feelings, he won me over. We met face to face the end of October, which proved to be even better than online. So, he is why I chose Seattle over some other city to make my leap into a new life to. I need to thank everyone who has been so supportive of me during this tumultuous time in my life --- The.Relic, Reeka, Ramon, LadyZ, Moiraine, Wolfgir, Sir_Tainly, Jerome, AzureWolf, Cloudy, Yorick... gosh I apologize if I forgot to mention someone! I love you all!! I would not have made it through everything without your support. I will continue to lurk, and will post when I can. Once I move I won't have internet for some weeks. I am not leaving permanently tho. The great thing about the internet is that I can bring all of my online friends with me, no matter where I go!! Who would have believed my life could change so much in just 6 months?? Certainly not me. Just goes to show, you never know what's just around the corner.... (More than anyone wanted to know, I'm sure, but they say confession is good for the soul) [img]redface.gif[/img] __________________ [img]\"http://www.paulbunyan.net/mnssc/bilqisd.gif\" alt=\" - \" /> <br /><br /><i>Sometimes I think I <br />understand everything,<br />then I regain consciousness.</i>

11-03-2001, 10:32 AM	#4
Ramon de Ramon y Ramon Red Dragon Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Cologne, North Rhine-Westphalia, Germany Age: 52 Posts: 1,517	Bili, this is just such a wonderful post - and so 100% Bili-style ! [img]smile.gif[/img] Actually, it is exactly this kind of posts in which people really "share" some important aspects and/or developments of their life with "us" that have made IW the kind of community it can be in its finest moments ... May you safely reach the peak of that mountain ! [img]smile.gif[/img] __________________ So long !<br /><br />R³ aka \"The Ramonster\"(thanks Sir Tainly) - proud to be the official spokesman for the most noble Lady Bilqis, Desert Rose of Ironworks - equally proud to be Moiraine\'s \"permanent advocate\" ! - relaunched edition -

11-03-2001, 11:03 AM	#5
Mouse Ironworks Moderator Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Scotland Posts: 2,788	Nice to hear that - all my best wishes - keep in touch __________________ Regards Mouse (Occasional crooner and all round friendly Scottish rodent)

11-03-2001, 11:05 AM	#6
Lady Avalon Emerald Dragon Join Date: March 2, 2001 Location: Tennessee, U.S.A. Age: 74 Posts: 996	So nice to hear a happy ending Bili. I am sure you went through a lot of emotional turmoil, but you did survive and I really hope you will be happy in your new life. __________________

11-03-2001, 11:26 AM	#7
Zeeke75 Baaz Draconian Join Date: March 26, 2001 Location: Minnesota Age: 48 Posts: 740	Bili, I know it's been a LONG time since we've even said HI to each other, and I realize that for the most part, I'm to blame for that. I won't air any dirty laundry here, because this isn't the time or the place for it. However, I will say publicly that I'm sorry that things went the way that they did with us. I have been keeping up on what's been going on with you, through the "grapevine", so to speak. I was very sorry to hear about what happened with you and "ex-dh". Pardon my language here, but what a chicken-shit he is. I'm sorry that you've had to go through so much pain and agony over the last several months. Had I found out a month or so ago that you were moving to Seattle, I would have been one of the first to say that you're nuts. Now, however, let me be one of the first to say "GO FOR IT". If you've found someone and something that makes you happy, jump at it and do everything you can to hold onto it. You deserve the best, and I hope that you find true happiness. Good luck with the move and in starting your new life in Seattle! Zeeke __________________ Always listen to your heart, for it will never lead you astray. The path may not be the easiest, but in the end, you will find happiness!

11-03-2001, 10:19 AM	#2
Moni Guest Posts: n/a	It sounds to me like even though change was forced on you, it is turning into change for the better in a lot of ways. Stay Strong and Best of Everything to you in the coming years ahead. [img]smile.gif[/img]

11-03-2001, 10:31 AM	#3
Neb Account deleted by Request Join Date: May 17, 2001 Location: . Age: 38 Posts: 8,802	Good to hear that you survived such great changes to your life and it sounds as though you actually came out better than before, may your luck continue to follow you wherever you go.

11-03-2001, 11:29 AM	#8
Lord of Alcohol Xanathar Thieves Guild Join Date: January 8, 2001 Location: Charlotte,NC Age: 60 Posts: 4,570	Hey Bili!!!! I thought we were going to rob banks together! [img]smile.gif[/img] Hey if I'm ever in Seattle can we rob one huh huh huh? On a serious note good for you! I'm glad things are changing for the better for ya [img]smile.gif[/img] And yep its good you get to take your friends with you isnt it? Well keep on posting to keep us posted [img]tongue.gif[/img] Pauly __________________ No

11-03-2001, 11:34 AM	#9
Bahamut Iron Throne Cult Join Date: March 12, 2001 Location: Manila, Philippines Age: 39 Posts: 4,864	All I can say is... AT LAST YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANT!!! I told you it ain't over!!! You go girl!!! __________________ http://makeallthedifference.blogspot.com http://www.bratgirlcentral.com/cgi-b.../ikonboard.cgi

11-03-2001, 12:48 PM	#10
The.Relic Red Dragon Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Long Beach, CA. USA Age: 67 Posts: 1,589	Me? Gosh, I really din do nuttin. Big Hugs lil sis.

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