Vicotnik's chamber of laughter

[MORDRICK THE MAD]

A guy walks into a pharmacy and asks for a bottle of viagra.The pharmacist eyes him up suspiciously. "Do you hava a prescription for that?" he asks.
"No" replies the man "but will this picture of my wife do?".
MTM


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At an early age, Mordrick the Monk showed Promise!

[MORDRICK THE MAD]

Prior to competing in the 2001 open Championships, Tiger Woods is touring the Links courses in Ireland and,in need of some petrol,stops at a petrol station in his huge Mercedes Benz.
"Howdy" he says to the attendent, "can you fill her up?"
But as he gets out of the car two wooden tees fall out his pocket.
"Sweet Mary!" exclaims the attendent, "and what are they for?"
Tiger looks down and smiles "They're for putting my balls on when I'm driving".
"Bejesus!" cries the attendent, "those fellas at Mercedes think of everything don't they?".

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At an early age, Mordrick the Monk showed Promise!

[MORDRICK THE MAD]

What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe?
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ROBERTO!

P.S. Sorry, MTM

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At an early age, Mordrick the Monk showed Promise!

[MORDRICK THE MAD]

How do you kill an entire circus at once?.
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Go for the Juggler!.


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At an early age, Mordrick the Monk showed Promise!

[MORDRICK THE MAD]

Mordrick is walking down the street when he notices his grandfather sitting on his porch, In a rocking chair - noticeably, with nothing on from the waist down.
"Grandpa," he asks, "why are you sitting out here half-nude?"
The old man looks down at his grandson sheepishly. "well," he says.
"Last week I sat out here with no shirt on and got a stiff neck. This was your garndma's idea."

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At an early age, Mordrick the Monk showed Promise!

[The.Relic]

Vic this is a true story that I had forgotten about until I read one of your jokes which was directly related to the incident. I thought I would share it to show that some of these jokes actually do occur in real life;

When I was in the 8th or 9th grade we lived on the last street of the tract houses that boardered the desert in Tucson, Arizona. Cross the street and we were literally in the desert.
My next door neighbor Danny, myself and Jim who lived accross the street all decided to take our new wrist rockets (newly designed beefed up power sling shots with an aluminium frame with forearm support) out into the desert to see what we could hit. We were in the desert all afternoon and Jim and I had done farely well learning how to hit targets. Danny on the other hand had never hit a single thing that he aimed at, and to our glee Danny had become quite irritable.
We finally decided to call it a day, and needless to say, Jim and I were giving Danny quite the ribbing for being such a dismal shot. We were just preparing to cross the street when Danny in his frustration decided to try one more time. He picked up a decent rock, loaded it in his wrist rocket aiming at a transformer housing on a telephone pole about 40 yards away. Given Danny's previous performance, Jim and I began to laugh and Jim says,
"Danny if you hit that I'll suck your (expletive deleted out of respect for those who are minors or don't appreciate vulgarity) just as Danny let fly.
For the first time that day Danny's aim was true, and the rock hit the transformer housing with a noteworthy THWACK!
I nearly fell in the dust roaring with laughter as I watched Jim's eyes bug out and he bagan to choke on his words about his promise.
It was truly hilarious.....

[Vicotnik]

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain. As it was still early, she decided to go to the party. Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun watching him to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could, copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him. As a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.

She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had sex. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in and she asked how the party was. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."

Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I'll tell you... the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a really good time!"


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Vicotnik, archmage of the Holy Flame - Challenge me... and die.

[Vicotnik]

There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish.

He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale."

A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish.

The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they're dam fish."

The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish.

His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren't supposed to talk like that."

The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them. When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish.

His son replied, "That's the spirit dad. Pass the ■■■■■■■ potatoes!"

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I know it stinks!

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Vicotnik, archmage of the Holy Flame - Challenge me... and die.

[Vicotnik]

Two blokes are having a beer, talking about various sex positions. The first bloke says that his favorite position is the "rodeo."

The other bloke asks what the position is and how to do it.

The first replies, "Well, get your wife on all fours and do it doggy style. Once things get underway and she's really enjoying it, lean forward and whisper in her ear, 'Your sister likes this position as well.' Then try and hang on for 8 seconds."


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Vicotnik, archmage of the Holy Flame - Challenge me... and die.

[LadyRae]

What!? No women posting in here??? Modern women can tell dirty jokes, right? What about women who chose a nic that starts with Lady...?

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