Vicotnik's chamber of laughter

[Vicotnik]

...and then there was the guy who moved out because he'd learnt that 90% of all accidents happen in your home.

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Vicotnik, archmage of the Holy Flame - Challenge me... and die.

[Vicotnik]

A teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, Mary, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'"

Sally raised her hand and said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated."

The teacher said, "Good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'"

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was notorious for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate," so she called on him.

Johnny said loudly, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons."

The teacher said, "That was good, Johnny. However, you did not use the word 'fascinate' in your sentence."

Little Johnny continued, "But her tits are so big, she can only fasten eight."


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Vicotnik, archmage of the Holy Flame - Challenge me... and die.

[Vicotnik]

Howard had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.

But every once in a while he'd hear that small inner voice trying to reassure him: "Howard. Don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of your patients, and you won't be the last."

But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality: "Howard. You're a veterinarian."



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Vicotnik, archmage of the Holy Flame - Challenge me... and die.

[Vicotnik]

Warning: This joke contains potentially offensive matter and should not be read by anyone who is easilly offended or is faint of heart.
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Don't say I didn't warn you!
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One day, a guy with premature ejaculation problems went to a doctor.

The doctor said, "Whenever you feel the urge to ejaculate, startle yourself."

So he went out and bought a starter pistol.

When he got home, his wife was naked in bed, ready for him. So they got in the 69 position and started at it. Soon he felt the urge to come, so he fired the pistol.

The next day, he went to the doctor. The doctor asked him how it went.

He said, "Not too good. My wife bit off three inches of my dick, shit in my face, and my neighbor came out of the closet naked with his hands up."


69 hmm, that has a shocking reassemblance with the regenerating icon on BGII characters....

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Vicotnik, archmage of the Holy Flame - Challenge me... and die.

[This message has been edited by Vicotnik (edited 03-11-2001).]

[Vicotnik]

An elderly couple went to the doctor's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

The doctor looked puzzled but agreed. When the couple had finished, the doctor said, "There is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." And he charged them $20.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse, pay the doctor, and leave. Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"

The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She is married and we can't go to her house. I am married and we can't go to my house. Holiday Inn charges $32. The Hilton charges $37. We do it here for $20 and I get $18 back from Medicare for a visit to the doctor's office."


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Vicotnik, archmage of the Holy Flame - Challenge me... and die.

[MORDRICK THE MAD]

Carrying on................
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?.
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I've still no idea!.

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At an early age, Mordrick the Monk showed Promise!

[Donut]

What do you call a deaf deer with no eyes?

Call him what you want - he can't hear you!

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The Truth is in the Profile

[MORDRICK THE MAD]

What do you call a deer with no eyes,legs or genitals?.
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Still no fuckin idea!

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At an early age, Mordrick the Monk showed Promise!

[Xanthul]

Well i had posted a pair of jokes but they were too GORE and DARK, so i deleted them.

sorry

PS: about the deer, i would call it a "blind deaf impotent deer"

[This message has been edited by Ertai_OHF (edited 03-11-2001).]

[Black Knight]

The correct response to the preceding posts is "oh dear!"

BK