How do you tell when a person is sincere?

[250]

quote:

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Originally posted by mistral4543:
Thanks for your support, 250!

And Aelia, thanks so much for taking the time to present such a detailed analysis of the situation. I am really grateful for that!

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not a problem my friend, anything for a chinese... well, in that case, anything for my friend [img]smile.gif[/img]

Aelia Jusa is very awesome, by the way, pimping queen just kidding

[ 01-09-2002: Message edited by: 250 ]

[mistral4543]

quote:

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Originally posted by fable:
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So maybe you could consider meeting this person in a public place for lunch, or dinner. Try it a few times, always in public. See if his facade cracks, and find out what lies within. Ask him a lot of questions, and find at least a few you can check on. Machiavellian? Sure! [img]smile.gif[/img] But if you want to know what he's like, these are time-tested methods.

Well, these and marrying the guy, but divorces are messy and time-consuming. Try the other methods, first.

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Fable, thank you! I had wanted to avoid seeing him upfront so soon for fear of the situation being rushed. But I now see the flip side (and especially the benefits) to this, and will seriously consider doing it if asked.

Thanks again for the wise words [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]

[mistral4543]

quote:

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Originally posted by 250:

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anyways, I just have one more question, what do you mean by "warning signs" ? (of course, I know what "warning signs" mean literally, but what do you mean by warning sign? what makes you feel that way?)

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Warning signs meaning that I am probably revealing way too much, bearing in mind that we've been emailing for about a week and only started talking directly.

What makes me feel that way? I guess it's the part of me that is always out to ensure self-preservation Yet I am still being as honest as I can, because as I said, I am not interested in superficial or pretentious friends.

[250]

for me, I am an unbelievably trusting person. (but I am totally untrusting at unfamiliar situations) I am not saying it is a good thing [img]tongue.gif[/img] in fact, I need to know the world can be a dangerous place. you know what I am talking about. I am glad that you know to be cautious, it is a sign of maturarity (sp?)

what kinda relationship (friend) are you looking for? if you dont mind me asking.

anyway, you are a very concious (know what you are doing) and strong-minded woman, I got that feeling [img]smile.gif[/img] so I am sure you will be fine. now I gtg bed and get some much needed sleep, good night, Mistral

[ 01-09-2002: Message edited by: 250 ]

[WOLFGIR]

1. One should always be careful with people one doesn´t know..

2. Who wouldn´t sound sincere? I mean any one that has "training" in this can sound sincere, and some are, there lies the trouble.

3. Well, he might be shy about it in face to face, but might be more well confident about himself since he has met you and has the security of being behind a screen..

- I would say that you should be wary, not paranoid, but also try to determine for yourself if it is worth trusting him. I mean sure, it sounds bleak whaat I have typed so far, but he could be like me, I feel that behind a screen I have sometimes easier to communicate more freely, but also it gives too much room to play, and one has to set the barriers for oneself. *sigh* I mean is dating and judging persons even easy in RL? I can hardly tell wether a person likes me or not unless they tell it to my face.

I would suggest that you try to meet him for a coffe (crowded places ) before you make any committing to this, try the guy out for real and try to see what he is like. If you are going to date him, it´s hard to decide soley jufged from how a person is behind the keyboard.. Well thats my 5 cents..

In any case, I wish you good luck! He might be the one as well as a bastard you know..

[mistral4543]

Thanks, Wolfgir [img]smile.gif[/img]

I'm not into emailing him anymore, as I have mentioned in my first post. And I'm glad to know that there are others who agree with one of my gut feelings. Not to mention feeling rather foolish and gullible at times [img]graemlins/blush.gif[/img]

You're the second person who is suggesting that I meet up with him directly. It's rather interesting since it appears to be a case of modesty and prudence (at the risk of being deceived longer) versus gathering of empirical data (at the risk of being thought desperate and "easy")

Thanks again!

[Moiraine]

Well, I have nothing more to add to what Wolfie said, actually. Ditto that you should meet him in a public place, and forge your own opinion. Until then, there's no way you can determine if he is showing his real self through the Net, or roleplaying ... [img]smile.gif[/img]

When meeting people from the net,always err on the side of caution, take steps to protect yourself and always emet in apublic location. Never ever agree to go somewhere with him in his car.

Call me paranoid, but the way you described this guys actions sounds like he is a flakey sort. Especially that crack about why you didnt call him the next day...he sounds too eager.

If he is legit then he wont mind you takeing every precaution to protect yourself and in fact should insist on it.

Just my take...

[Avatar]

It's impossible to tell what is true or false. But that's a blindng flash of the obvious.
It's hard to say as one's judgement is based on circumstance, experience, knowledge, and information.
So be logical, consider all the possibilities and be prepared.

[Epona]

Well I may not be the best person to take advice from - I always take people at face value - I can't be devious myself, so I find it difficult to spot deviousness in others, and this has sometimes caused me to end up in 'egg on my face' situations!

However, I think you should take into account that many shy people do use humour and loudness as a means of overcoming their shyness. I am painfully shy - and self-conscious about my shyness! So when I find myself in a situation where I want to talk to someone or am amongst people I don't know that well, I usually find myself telling funny (but truthful) stories about myself, and find that I enjoy getting a laugh from people. This is not the same as setting out to deceive, although I understand it could come across as being a bit superficial. I have to get to know people before I feel comfortable discussing serious issues with them.

So I would say meet up somewhere public, and as with meeting someone you don't know, however you know them whether from a bar or the net, tell a friend where you are going and when you expect to return.

And then go enjoy yourself!