Tales from the Table

[Morgeruat]

The base premise of the campaign is that the PCs get involved on the side of the Evil Overlord and are sent out to do his bidding. In order to keep a group of CE psychos knit together I have cunningly lured them into a carrot/stick ploy. Through a mystic binding ritual the each member of the group has had their HP total increased by D6. That's the carrot. In the event of a character death/disappearance/replacement/whatever, each remaining member will lose a herewith undisclosed number of HPs from their maximum. That's the stick, and it seems to work Let me introduce the current band of adventurous misfits. Leif Skullsplatter - Drow Cleric. Too many quirks to be listed, some which will definitely get him in trouble, if not killed. Richard von Willon - Human Dark Knight. Our resident agent of all that is evil. Hampered slightly by a trick knee, his rasping (read: lisping) voice instills fear (read: fits of laughter) in those unfortunate enough to stand in his way. Diego Vasquez - Half Elf Pirate. This kleptomaniac individual will steal anything not nailed down (or if possible, the ship that it is nailed fast to). Drazen Vesch - Drow Magic User (Exterminator Double Specialist) Perhaps a bit clumsy, but otherwise the sanest bunch of the lot. These guys worked pretty good together, considering they're are all CE (except the NE Pirate). At the point of writing, the PCs have established themselves as reliable (if ruthless) "representatives" of the local warlord. GM: "The boat pulls in at the quay and you see the shanty town of Krag Fels spread out before you. In the distance, towering above the haze and smoke lies the Fortress of Alyson Brim the White, warlord of Krag Fels." Cleric: "Great. Let's deliver this letter and get with the locals! This town is ripe for the salvation only a massive party can produce!" GM: "Sure. By the way - that itch as developed into rather nasty rash with white mottling." Cleric: "Huh? I thought that would pass once the Spider Poison wore off!" Dark Knight: "Perhapth you'd like a doctor to thee to that? Doethn't look like Thpider Poithon to me..." GM: "You find a doctor literally operating out of a hole-in the-wall. He looks you over (2 sp, please) and diagnoses it as Orc Shingles." Cleric: "What the - But we've fought no Orcs! It's gonna cost me a fortune to get this cured! I hope this warlord freak pays well!" (grumble-mumble-killer-GM-rumble) Later. Much later. GM: "With your mission accomplished, the journey back to Krag Fels goes much easier. (rolls dice) Oh, by the way. You seem to have developed a rather nasty rash with budding red spots." (points to the Pirate) Pirate: "Huh? But we just got back! And I haven't even begun working my way through the houses of ill-repute! What are you trying to push on us?" GM: "Hey, I'm just telling you like it is! Your character's got a rash! Deal with it." Pirate: "OK! Ok! What the hell is it? I check with the Doc." GM: "Goblin Pox." Pirate: "But we've fought no Goblins! What in the name of Yider's bellybutton is going on? Is this some sick game?" Dark Knight: "A roleplaying game bathed around ditheatheth?" Cleric: "Ok, we got those boots and shield of the dead guy in the spider's lair." Pirate: "And those wild dawg - no, we chased those away. And those smugglers in Justin's Town seemed healthy enough when they were chopping us into cubes." Cleric: "Yeah - damned shortsword-wielding loonies!" Pirate: "You wouldn't be pulling a fast one on us? Your own home-made random encounter table for airborne viruses?" GM: "No, I assure you - this is all above board..." (silent pause) Pirate and Cleric: "THE DARK KNIGHT!!!" (scrambles for Player's Guide) Pirate: "DammitDammitDammit!" Cleric: "'Any person associating with a dark knight is 10% likely per day of becoming infected with a random affliction as determined in Table 3O' That includes Goblin Pox. And Orc Shingles!" Pirate: "You are SO dead." Dark Knight: "Why can't you guyth jutht acthept me for what I am?"

Feel free to chime in with your own humorous gaming stories.

{disclaimor} this isn't my tale, but it's one of the best I've found online.