Should you smack your children?

Originally posted by Absynthe: quote: Originally posted by MagiK: Oh and by the way..how many children have you raised?

None of your damn business.[/QB][/QUOTE]Thanks [img]smile.gif[/img] thats what I thought [img]smile.gif[/img]

Just for the record [img]smile.gif[/img] I have not had to spank my son since he was 8 (for telling lies) or my daughter since she was 5. They pretty much know that the only thing that will ALWAYS get a spanking is lies, I gaurenteed at least 6 whacks with the belt if they get caught in a lie. I have also made sure that there have been occasions where when they admitted to doing something wrong, that I let them off with no punishment other than telling them how disappointed I was.

This might not work with all children but it worked with my two so far.

[Cloudbringer]

Magik, I never said I didn't warrant punishment! LOL I did most of the things a youngster gets punished for at least once in my life. My punishments were just not physical ones. I lost play time, did more chores, lost tv or phone privileges etc.

Lucky for me, not all children who are spanked grow up to think it was a good thing. I know that my father was routinely given physical punishments for wrongdoing as a child. He was the one most adamant about NOT spanking me and my brother as we grew up.

Communication with parents in the teen years is rough enough, but I think kids that have a fear of them regarding things they do wrong, are less likely to admit they've done something bad even if they WANT their parent's help/love/advice at that point, as my friend's kid did. See that's the point I was making about the kids who are spanked/swatted etc. FEAR does not promote closeness or trust. If you expect physical pain for doing something wrong, are you gonna TELL on yourself? [img]graemlins/wow.gif[/img]

I can say this much, if I knew I'd be hurt for admitting I had a problem due to something bad I'd done, no bloody way I'd be telling my folks about it! I never had to get help for a pregnancy or drinking/drug or other major problem as a teen, but I know kids who did and wanted their parents love, advice and help but fear kept them from talking to their parents about it. Fear of punishment for being in trouble or for experimenting where the shouldn't have. Added to the agony of the actual situation, it can be too much for any kid, and hopefully they go elsewhere and find help. Many would like to be close enough to parents to discuss such issues but can't.

I don't know as any ONE answer is right for all cases. I have a good friend who disagreed on punishment with her husband and they compromised on tapping/swatting lightly on the child's hand in conjunction with time-outs and it worked pretty well for all three kids, they didn't have to spank them or offer physical punishment at all after the toddler years.

[Melusine]

OK, since my opinoin is bloody useless, I'm not even going to bother giving it - thanks for the friendly, open-minded climate.

Absynthe, you absolutely have the right of it, thanks mate [img]smile.gif[/img]

I'm wondering though - so Azure's opinion is still pretty useless and not worth listening to because he's just 'the brother'? Well, if he practically raised his sister that DOES make his opinion equally valid to any parent's. Or would you say any "surrogate" parents such as stepparents or adoptive parents don't count either? In that case, I have news for you: a man can never be sure whether his children are his own unless he's had DNA tests to prove it.
Also, better a good brother than a bad father.

This topic is about smacking kids in general, nobody said that it was solely meant for parents - oh wait, one person said it was, how silly of me. A teenager could give their own experience and perspective in this thread, and *most people* would find that interesting to hear too, and might even gain an insight from that *gasp*. Of course, some people are blind to all insights save the ones they have gained from themselves.
Also, for your information MagiK I am not a child. But then again I guess you would call a 30 year old a child if you thought it would serve your purpose of "disqualifying" people's opinions.

[Melusine]

Originally posted by Cloudbringer: Magik, I never said I didn't warrant punishment! LOL I did most of the things a youngster gets punished for at least once in my life. My punishments were just not physical ones. I lost play time, did more chores, lost tv or phone privileges etc. Lucky for me, not all children who are spanked grow up to think it was a good thing. I know that my father was routinely given physical punishments for wrongdoing as a child. He was the one most adamant about NOT spanking me and my brother as we grew up. Communication with parents in the teen years is rough enough, but I think kids that have a fear of them regarding things they do wrong, are less likely to admit they've done something bad even if they WANT their parent's help/love/advice at that point, as my friend's kid did. See that's the point I was making about the kids who are spanked/swatted etc. FEAR does not promote closeness or trust. If you expect physical pain for doing something wrong, are you gonna TELL on yourself? [img]graemlins/wow.gif[/img] I can say this much, if I knew I'd be hurt for admitting I had a problem due to something bad I'd done, no bloody way I'd be telling my folks about it! I never had to get help for a pregnancy or drinking/drug or other major problem as a teen, but I know kids who did and wanted their parents love, advice and help but fear kept them from talking to their parents about it. Fear of punishment for being in trouble or for experimenting where the shouldn't have. Added to the agony of the actual situation, it can be too much for any kid, and hopefully they go elsewhere and find help. Many would like to be close enough to parents to discuss such issues but can't. I don't know as any ONE answer is right for all cases. I have a good friend who disagreed on punishment with her husband and they compromised on tapping/swatting lightly on the child's hand in conjunction with time-outs and it worked pretty well for all three kids, they didn't have to spank them or offer physical punishment at all after the toddler years.

Sorry Cloudy - but that opinion is completely useless. Only parents allowed in this thread - preferably ones who think "pain is the best teacher" and like to smack their kids around.

so it is. Oh well, I shan't bother with the thread myself then

may as well leave the kid-beaters to it

[khazadman]

hot wheels race track on the back of the legs.just a few whacks will do the trick.i should know.my parents used it on six of their eight kids and it worked.but i do not agree with hitting a kid on the head.

[Melusine]

Originally posted by Lord Shield: may as well leave the kid-beaters to it

Just so everybody knows - those are LS's words, not mine (just to be sure as some people have a tendency to merge all the opposing voices together). I think every parent should decide for him/herself what the best way of raising a
child is and I do not call anyone who raises their hand to their child a kid-beater - I'd have to call my own parents kid-beater in that case.

Originally posted by Cloudbringer: Magik, I never said I didn't warrant punishment! LOL I did most of the things a youngster gets punished for at least once in my life. My punishments were just not physical ones. I lost play time, did more chores, lost tv or phone privileges etc. Lucky for me, not all children who are spanked grow up to think it was a good thing. I know that my father was routinely given physical punishments for wrongdoing as a child. He was the one most adamant about NOT spanking me and my brother as we grew up. Communication with parents in the teen years is rough enough, but I think kids that have a fear of them regarding things they do wrong, are less likely to admit they've done something bad even if they WANT their parent's help/love/advice at that point, as my friend's kid did. See that's the point I was making about the kids who are spanked/swatted etc. FEAR does not promote closeness or trust. If you expect physical pain for doing something wrong, are you gonna TELL on yourself? [img]graemlins/wow.gif[/img] I can say this much, if I knew I'd be hurt for admitting I had a problem due to something bad I'd done, no bloody way I'd be telling my folks about it! I never had to get help for a pregnancy or drinking/drug or other major problem as a teen, but I know kids who did and wanted their parents love, advice and help but fear kept them from talking to their parents about it. Fear of punishment for being in trouble or for experimenting where the shouldn't have. Added to the agony of the actual situation, it can be too much for any kid, and hopefully they go elsewhere and find help. Many would like to be close enough to parents to discuss such issues but can't. I don't know as any ONE answer is right for all cases. I have a good friend who disagreed on punishment with her husband and they compromised on tapping/swatting lightly on the child's hand in conjunction with time-outs and it worked pretty well for all three kids, they didn't have to spank them or offer physical punishment at all after the toddler years.

I don't know what the people you are talking about but as of now, my kids come to me with questions all the time, even if they arent sure about them. Like I said, I don't haul off and just whack them for every thing they do wrong, there is a LOT of lee way and from experience they know they can talk to me. One of the good things we did along with the spanking is we explained right and wrong to them...repeatedly and continuously, so they don't have to keep coming to us to ask if it is wrong. So far they show a good understanding and know that when in doubt check with mom or dad. Like most parents Im aprehensive to a degree concerning the teen years but Im sure we will work through it. My son and I have discussed whats coming up for him in puberty and he at least knows on an intellectual level that he can talk to us when he is confused, even about those touchy "sex" subjects. We also know that he is going to be wanting more and more autonomy and independance, and I have told him that as long as he shows good judgement he will have a degree of freedom. As I said earlier, we have moved beyond the point where spankings are necessary....hopefully for good. Its not like they were getting nightly beatings wether they needed it or not [img]smile.gif[/img] Thankfully the actual occasions for spankings were few and far between. More prevelent was the flick on the ear as an attention getter (which he hates so now he makes sure he is facing me when we are having those stern parental sessions) [img]smile.gif[/img] Unfortunately for me, for another 18 months I live in an area that agrees with you too much and the children are completely undiciplined, we have drugs, we have had one person killed a few yards from my apartment and we have tiny (5 years old and less) kids running around outside well after midnight with no adult supervision. I know how I DO NOT want my kids raised. And fortunatley they see how they do not want to be raised as well.

Originally posted by Melusine: OK, since my opinoin is bloody useless, I'm not even going to bother giving it - thanks for the friendly, open-minded climate. Absynthe, you absolutely have the right of it, thanks mate [img]smile.gif[/img] I'm wondering though - so Azure's opinion is still pretty useless and not worth listening to because he's just 'the brother'? Well, if he practically raised his sister that DOES make his opinion equally valid to any parent's. Or would you say any "surrogate" parents such as stepparents or adoptive parents don't count either? In that case, I have news for you: a man can never be sure whether his children are his own unless he's had DNA tests to prove it. Also, better a good brother than a bad father. This topic is about smacking kids in general, nobody said that it was solely meant for parents - oh wait, one person said it was, how silly of me. A teenager could give their own experience and perspective in this thread, and *most people* would find that interesting to hear too, and might even gain an insight from that *gasp*. Of course, some people are blind to all insights save the ones they have gained from themselves. Also, for your information MagiK I am not a child. But then again I guess you would call a 30 year old a child if you thought it would serve your purpose of "disqualifying" people's opinions.

Mel obviously you missed me admiiting I was wrong in saying your opinion was useless [img]smile.gif[/img] Thats fine though, you are showing a really good example that I was completely right that you don't know what you are talking about if you think Azure "raising" his sister is the same as being a parent. but then you didnt read much of any of my posts and oonly read what you wanted...ahhh well, Im sure some day you will be the perfect mother.