Should you smack your children?

[Avatar]

That reminds me th last time I got smacked was when I was 16

[John D Harris]

SMACK a child NO! Spank a child YES. My wife and I had age limits on spankings(none under 3years, and none after reaching puberty), and amount of swatts (1 swatt for first year of elligability then 1 additional swatt may be added for each year after words until puberty)
Spanking is not violence it is punishment, for actions that are against my wife's and my rules. We are their parents not their buddies, not their pals. As I told my oldest when she wanted to hangout all night once NO! I would rather have a live daughter that thought Dad was a AHole, then a dead daughter who's LAST thought was Dad was cool. It was and still is OUR responsibility to instruct and teach our childern Right from wrong, yes good, from bad. My job is to equipt my childern with the necessary skills and manners to live, grow-up and bear me grandschildern As they got older capital punishment switched from spankings to public embrassment. If either of my daughters break curfew I will drive them to school and walk them to their first class in my bathrobe. Neither of my daughters have ever broken curfew and they always call and let us know where, and with whom they are going to be with. They KNOW Dad says what He means, and means what he says.

Having been in situations where I have faced the reality of life, mine or others imment Death, I have learned that life doesn't give a rats rear-end about anyone's delicate psycie.

[John D Harris]

Originally posted by Catalina: @MagiK: What if someone else smacks your child? A school-teacher, neighbour etc, with the same believe and intensions as yourself. Is that then wrong?

Been there done that as both the child and the parent, and depending on who and what the situation was, both I and my childern deserved it.

[John D Harris]

Originally posted by MagiK:

Im not in favor of abusing children (there is a difference between using physical punishment and abusing them) and I am not infavor of correcting the kids while you are still angry, but once the kid hits puberty and the insanity that it can cause, there ARE occasions when violence may be necessary for self defense. Any teen who for example were to hit their mother should except to have the snot smacked out of him or her. Of course this is usually discussed with the kid when he first starts exhibiting pubescent temperments.[/QUOTE]

MagiK, that reminds me of the time when I was about 17,(young,dumb, and full of C***) and I did something to make my Mother mad, She went to slap me and I grabbed her arm and blocked it, but my brain overrode my cocky attitude. I looked out of the corner of my eye just in time to see Dad start to slide his chair back from the dinning room table. (I was fixxing to get a reallife butt-whipp'n, if I was man enough to challenge my parent's authority, I was man enough to get my buttwhipped for raising my hand to HIS wife!) To this day I thank my Mother that she swung again at me, I dropped my hands to my side and took it. Dad slid his chair back under the dinningroom table, and went back to reading his book. Another word was never exchanged on the matter and I have never made the same mistake twice.

[Catalina]

I agree with Avatar, cultural backgrounds probably count a lot. Personally, I have never been hit/ slapped by anyone. I think, based on that my father got his guts beaten out of him too many times, this is something he didn't want me to ever expirience. I am really thankful for that now, and I hope I can manage to raise my children in the same spirit. This has BTW been a very interesting thread to follow, even if it got pretty hot!

[John D Harris]

[quote]Originally posted by Absynthe:

MagiK has a little defense mechanism that kicks in when he's opinionating: he usually tries to find some way to render all conflicting opinions moot. He wouldn't have to do that if he had some confidence in his knowledge, but he seems to feel that he's often on shaky ground.

OH, Absynthe You are a MIND READER NOW? Trying to make others opinions Moot? Kind of like what you tried to do to MagiK's opinion with the above post?

MagiK, you don't need my help to defend yourself, so if you have allready addressed this post I apoligize to you for over stepping. I'm working my way down the tread and haven't gotten to it yet. JDH

[John D Harris]

Originally posted by Arnabas: I can only think of a few times when I was actually hit. Usually the thought of getting a smack from that wooden spoon was enough to keep me in line. I grew up thoughtful, respectful and basically "good" (I hope), because I feared the punishment for being bad. However... Who's to say I wouldn't have grown up just as good WITHOUT physical punishment? And perhaps I would have been closer to my folks without having that fear factor between us. I fully support the notion of training through positive reinforcement rather than punishment. Reward your kids for doing good things instead of punishing them for the bad things (and no, don't read into that that a child must never be punished) As for time-outs, 90% of the time people don't use them properly, so of course many people will say they don't work. They DO work, but you have to do it properly, consistantly and repeatedly. Many parent's today want a "quick fix" for their kids behaviour. That doesn't exist. Time and patience are the key.

Arnabas, all in all a good post, But I would say that it is not a matter of EITHER positive reinforcement OR punishment. Both should and must be used, because both are found in real life. ie: you do good at work you get a raise, you screw-up you get butt-chewings. You do both you get both raises and butt-chewwings.

[John D Harris]

Originally posted by Cerek the Barbaric: I've seen both sides of this issue in practice, and I can tell you from experience that NOT SPANKING a child simply DOES NOT work in most cases. My mother is an office manager for a Mental Health Counseling Center. NONE of the counselors believe in "physical punishment". The result? Their kids were some of the most uncontrollable little hellions I ever met. And it only became worse when they became teenagers. They were openly disrespectful to their parents and ignored any "warnings" received for their behavior. They did what they damn well pleased and their parents were powerless to prevent it. Like Magik said, pain is one of the most effective teaching methods. I also completely disagree that "spanking" is the same as "violence". A pop on the butt (even 2 or 3) is not the same as slapping, kicking, or punching the child. I have two small boys myself (and will soon have a third). I've spanked both of them several times for various offenses. I admit that it was sometimes done in anger and I regretted losing my temper. However, there are times when it's been necessary to let my kids know just HOW angry I was over their behavior. I will agree that spanking isn't the ONLY effective punishment, and sometimes it isn't the BEST punishment. Again, Magik is correct that once the child knows the parent WILL spank them, the need for spanking becomes much smaller. As they get older, taking away privileges is very effective (at least so far). My children also know that their punishment will be less severe if they tell me the truth. If one of them breaks something, but admits to it, I may not punish them at all (it depends on what they were doing when it got broken). But there are some behaviors that DO require physical punishment. My second child is very bad to hit, pinch, and even bite when he gets angry. Spanking only makes him madder, but if I pinch him back, he realizes how painful it is and that is often the only way to stop that behavior. Same with biting. When he tries to hit or kick me, I simply grab his arm or leg and hold it. He will invariably swing with the other arm, which I also grab. Now he is "tied up" and can't do anything. He gets mad and frustrated, but realizes that further kicking or hitting isn't going to work either. I will disagree with Magik on one point, and that is the value of everyone's opinion. If you are an adult, but don't have kids...the only thing I can say is that you really can't say what you would do until you are raising a child. I SWORE my kids would NEVER sleep in my bed (unless they were having a nightmare or something similar). Guess what?? You'll be surprised at how quickly you do something you swore you never would. For the younger members, I would say that your opinion is actually more valid, since there is a good chance you are still subject to whatever discipline measures your parents choose. It's far easier for you to say what does or does not work to change your behavior. Once again, though, until you're grown and have kids of your own, you really can't say HOW you would react with any certainty. Spanking shouldn't be the ONLY punishment, and it should be used sparingly at best. But there are times when it is FAR more effective than Time Outs, revoked privileges, or sitting in the corner. It just depends on the situation and the child involved. As Sazerac said, the best answer lies somewhere in the middle.

HMMMMMMMMMMM, Ponders WERE we seperated at Birth?

[Animal]

I am a single father of a 9 year old girl. I haven't physically disciplined her ever, as I have never needed too. There are alternate methods of punishment that work just as well. I was raised with an iron fist, if you you will as my parents were believers in spankings. It is a very fine line between discipline and abuse, but I think it's the responsible parents choice. Read that last part again, because it's important: Responsible parent. Spanking is an easy way out. If all other means have been exhausted and I mean all other means, then spanking my be the only thing that the child understands, but as parents we must change with the times. I hated my parents for the way the raised me, but I love them for the very same reason. That was the times that we lived in. If I need to discipline Ashley, I take away some of her priviliges. A boy may be different, I don't know as I've never been in that situation, but as a parent it's my job to insure my child grows up to be a responsible adult, and if she hates me for it in the process, then so be it. At least I'll be able to sleep easy knowing that she is a kind, caring, responsible adult.

[John D Harris]

Originally posted by Absynthe: quote: Originally posted by MagiK: There are kids who have to grow up before their time, but the fact that they learned to survive does not mean they gained the wisdom to raise a child...even if they are raising one by proxy.

The fact that you have procreated does not make you a good parent. Your own high opinion of yourself, coupled with your evident disdain of anyone else's ideas who hasn't gone through exactly what you have and reached exactly the same conclusions points out your own fundamentally flawed view of the subject. Your hubris is seemingly without end.
The best thing about the type of parenting you are espousing is that it usually dies out after a generation or two, as a child decides that they don't want to put their kids through the crap they went through.[/QB][/QUOTE]How did you come up with the usually dies out theory? I'm willing to bet that there is thoughout recorded history evidence that spankings, and swatt'ns have been used since the earliest times, proof that it hasn't died out. Your logic as stated is based on faulty facts.