Friends x (help!)

[Epona]

Good grief - she's his EX.

Which means she is free to do what she wants, including dating other men. I know full well that my ex (who I lived with for 11 years) would not be in the slightest bit bothered about any of his friends dating me - because he's mature enough to know that it's NONE OF HIS DAMN BUSINESS! Actually his best mate snogged me when the three of us were out for a drink once, and he didn't bat an eyelid. And a friend of mine has dated my ex, that didn't bother me either. Blimey, since we had strongly overlapping social circles for 11 years, if ex's friends were off limits it would be a bit awkward.

I would talk to your friend, since it's only been a couple of months since they split up. If he is not bothered, go for it! If he is bothered, out of courtesy for your mate I would wait a few months til he's over her.

And Hunter - I know I am likely to get labelled in your book as some sort of lesbian pinko commie feminist - but it is NOT OK to go round calling women 'hos'. It is not ****ing funny, it's downright offensive. [img]graemlins/madhell.gif[/img] Learn some ****ing respect.

[Bungleau]

A couple of thoughts...

First, I missed the two-month timeframe on Sylent's original post. That's too soon, IMHO. On one level, Sylent, you may be a "get-even" tool, something to show your buddy what he's missing. I'm not saying that's necessarily the case, but stranger games have been played.

In any case, talk with your buddy about it before things move along any more. Be respectful of his position (after a year-long relationship, he may still be in mourning of some sort). He may still be hoping they can get back together; my, wouldn't you dating his ex throw a bucket of cold water on that thought! As suggested, you may want to wait a while until he's over her, or at least moved on.

As for the Bros comment... I make decisions based on myself and my own thoughts and needs. That comment sounds like the kind of mindless drivel perpetuated by cults and other mind-control organizations that seek to keep their members under control and prevent them from having their own thoughts and ideas. The cattle are so much more tractable then...

And for the Hos side... what you seek is what you find. Personally, I prefer to find someone I can share life with, respect, and learn something from. I do remember back into my early 20s when I only had one thing on my mind... believe it or not, after a while, it's not so very satisfying. I'm with Epona -- chill out and show some respect. Real respect is earned and given, not forced and taken.

BTW, Epona -- since I'm not from the UK and have spent very little time there, what's snogging? Can you say it in a family forum? [img]smile.gif[/img]

And LK, it sounds like your friend is no real friend at all. If your ex had to tell you they were going out, it smells to me like he was either afraid of telling you, ashamed of telling you, or just didn't care what you thought. Hopefully, the answer lies in your friend's immaturity and inability to see how his actions would direct the future.

Okay, I hope this ol' flame suit is up to it

[WillowIX]

Well talk to your friend. If he doesn´t approve you got a dilemma. But if you like her why shouldn´t you be allowed to pursue your interest? You might miss out on the love of your life if you don´t. And since he has no right to dictate what you, and she, can and can not do I say do what you feel is right.

Easy Epona. I´m sure Hunter meant no disrespect although I do agree with you.

[realbinky]

I had a friend of mine date an ex of mine. It was no big deal. I even still had feelings for the girl (she broke up with me) but it wasn't his fault. Actually, since I still had feelings, I hoped she'd be happy with someone, even if not me. They dated MUCH (year+) later, and I had no issues. I can't remember if he asked or not, but it was not a problem either way. He talked about it with me at some point, so I think maybe he did ask, and then told me later about the date(s). It never really progressed, but I wouldn't have minded if it had.

[The Hunter of Jahanna]

And Hunter - I know I am likely to get labelled in your book as some sort of lesbian pinko commie feminist - but it is NOT OK to go round calling women 'hos'. It is not ****ing funny, it's downright offensive. Learn some ****ing respect.

I didnt intend to offend anyone. Im not labeling you as a commie pinko either. In my book you are still just "Epona". My circle of friends tosses that phrase around whenever the topic of dateing someones ex come up. The girls have their own saying as well. It goes something like "Chicks before D****" They are just little rhymeing phrases that get the point accross. The point being that a particular ex is off limits.

[Memnoch]

Originally posted by sylent: I've come here with a bit of a dilemna, which I'm hoping I might be able to get a little advice on. As the title suggests, its about one of my friends ex-girlfriends. They broke up over two months ago, after roughly a year together. I didn't really know her when she was with my friend, and I didn't know her before. They don't get on very well anymore, though they still see each other. Since they broke up started chatting with her on the net, and we met up to see a film one time. I got to know her really well, and through another friend it was discovered that we both liked each other. But... I'm faced with the problem that she's one of my good friends ex's. I don't know how he would feel about it, having not asked him but I doubt he'd be pleased. I haven't ever faced the problem of having one of my friends go out with an ex (since I've never had one), so I don't really know what ties remain. Personally I feel its a bit of a betrayel, and I told this girl that, and that I didn't think it could work for that reason and she seemed pretty upset, but also seemed to understand the situation I was in. I guess all I'm after here is any other experiences any of you might have had along these lines. I'd appreciate it a lot [img]smile.gif[/img] I find this pretty strange, because a lot of people will probably just laugh at what I'm saying here. But hey, I thought it was worth a shot

You can't go wrong with honesty. Talk to your mate and tell him how you feel about his ex - this could be that you like her but don't want to jeopardise your friendship with him. Pay attention not just to what he says but what he doesn't say - as well as his body language. 2 months might not be enough time for him to heal - unless he's into another one already. You will have to gauge whether or not you like this girl enough to risk damaging your friendship with your mate - if you just see this as a casual fling, it might not be worth it. If you have really strong feelings for her, then you need to weigh that up against what your mate thinks. If you think she's special, she might be worth fighting for - but remember that relationships come and go, while mates are forever.

Personally, I don't have a problem if anyone dates any of my exes - I just want my friends to be happy, and if they found happiness with someone else who gave me happiness then that's cool with me. After all, I don't have any more claim to that person. I have enough confidence in myself to not measure myself up against my mate...but that's just me. [img]smile.gif[/img]

[ 02-27-2003, 09:38 AM: Message edited by: Memnoch ]

[daan]

Read a few of the replies,.. but the only thing that seems logicall is the fact that she is indeed an ex. So she is indeed free to do what she wants.

I -really- dislike people who use the friends-argument. You can turn it around anyday .. if you're a true friend, you'll allow him to be with your ex if he really likes her.

You have no right whatsoever to ask him to give up his happines just because you dont have yours.

EDIT: The ideal example of what I call a good friend would be memnoch, as seen in his last few lines of writing

[ 02-27-2003, 09:35 AM: Message edited by: daan ]

[Memnoch]

Originally posted by The Hunter of Jahanna: Quote: And Hunter - I know I am likely to get labelled in your book as some sort of lesbian pinko commie feminist - but it is NOT OK to go round calling women 'hos'. It is not ****ing funny, it's downright offensive. Learn some ****ing respect.

I didnt intend to offend anyone. Im not labeling you as a commie pinko either. In my book you are still just "Epona". My circle of friends tosses that phrase around whenever the topic of dateing someones ex come up. The girls have their own saying as well. It goes something like "Chicks before D****" They are just little rhymeing phrases that get the point accross. The point being that a particular ex is off limits.[/QUOTE]You'll never win a competition for tact, that's for sure.

I know you didn't mean to offend, and all's cool, but TRY to be a bit more...tactful??...next time. That way you avoid foot-in-mouth disease.

[The Hunter of Jahanna]

Point taken,Memnoch, But my foot is soooooo tastey it will be hard to not chew on it now and again [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[Epona]

Originally posted by Bungleau: BTW, Epona -- since I'm not from the UK and have spent very little time there, what's snogging? Can you say it in a family forum? [img]smile.gif[/img]

LOL yes it is OK for a family forum, I would not do anything that wasn't family viewing in front of my ex (or anyone else for that matter) LOL.

Snogging is just kissing - but not the sort of kiss you'd give your auntie