I swear to god I almost died laughing just now

[Larry_OHF]

I kid you not...while I was reading this post at work...a lady from upstairs came down to bring some mail and then got a call in. She asked to use my phone, then was talking to her husband who was telling her that the power was out at the house. She was worried because of the fridge and heating, and then asked..."Well, does the phone still work???"...
I got up and walked out...

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3rd Member of the Ancient OHF
Diamond Ranger of the ALSB (secretarial position & Ambassador)
Father of the wicked but cute child known as MaryBeth

Padre de una niña bien traviosa pero guapa
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Aisukuríimu ga tabetái desu.

[Ladyzekke]

Originally posted by Larry_OHF: I kid you not...while I was reading this post at work...a lady from upstairs came down to bring some mail and then got a call in. She asked to use my phone, then was talking to her husband who was telling her that the power was out at the house. She was worried because of the fridge and heating, and then asked..."Well, does the phone still work???"... I got up and walked out...

LOL Larry!
The answer to that question is "No, the phone is not working..thank goodness we have this telepathic link between us."

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[Jorath Calar]

LOL Larry, that sound like my mother once, She called me here at home... and asked "where are you?".
"I'm in the supermarket and got this reeeealy long phone extension cord..."

And then there was the guy at the bar I worked at (I'm not proud of it, I was broke and needed money). There was one Stair in the whole building,this guy walks up to me and asked "Is this the stair to the second floor". Okey he was pretty drunk but damn!

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[Sazerac]

Originally posted by Larry_OHF: I kid you not...while I was reading this post at work...a lady from upstairs came down to bring some mail and then got a call in. She asked to use my phone, then was talking to her husband who was telling her that the power was out at the house. She was worried because of the fridge and heating, and then asked..."Well, does the phone still work???"... I got up and walked out...

Well...just for the sake of argument, maybe she called him on his cell phone. But she could have been that much of a dingbat as well!




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Patience, my BUTT...I'm going to KILL something!!!

[Lioness]

Davros, that is the most hilarious thing I have ever read. I am dead serious!

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Lil' Angel
Sword Saint and Enchantress of the HADB Clan
The Lady Lioness of Castle Kerhelm
Waitress at Cloudy's Cafe and the Promised Land
Official Restrainer of Table Dancers
PeaceKeeping Force, Intelligence Division
Emerald Dragoness of DOTW

[Lioness]

Davros!!!!!!!!!!!! ROTFLSHISSAOMKLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Lil' Angel
Sword Saint and Enchantress of the HADB Clan
The Lady Lioness of Castle Kerhelm
Waitress at Cloudy's Cafe and the Promised Land
Official Restrainer of Table Dancers
PeaceKeeping Force, Intelligence Division
Emerald Dragoness of DOTW

[Jorath Calar]

You should hear it.

Proprietor: (slight pause) No, well we don't have "Rarnaby Budge" by Charles Dikkens with two Ks, the well-known Dutch author, and perhaps to save time I should add that we don't have "Karnaby Fudge" by Darles Chickens, or "Farmer of Sludge" by Marles Pickens, or even "Stickwick Stapers" by Farles Wickens with four M's and a silent Q!!!!! Why don't you try W. H. Smith's?

Customer: I did, They sent me here.

Proprietor: DID they.


This part is one of the height of John Cleeses Carreer, Well kinda


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[pBluescript]

Thank you indeed for that sketch Davros (sorry if I got your name wrong, I'm a newbie).

That is a MP classic. I have it on tape here, from: The Final Ripoff.

[Davros]

Glad you all enjoyed it - when I saw the original post that started this topic, the sketch was the first thing I thought of - Classic Cleese .

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Ironworks Revolutionary Splitter wannabe
Founding Member, and General Demands Adviser of the O.R.T.

[skywalker]

Originally posted by Davros: Glad you all enjoyed it - when I saw the original post that started this topic, the sketch was the first thing I thought of - Classic Cleese .

Davros! Did you say cheese?


The Cheese Shop

The cast:

CUSTOMER
John Cleese
WENSLYDALE
Michael Palin

The sketch:

Customer walks in the Henry Wenslydale's Cheese shop and walks past the bazouki player.
Customer: Good Morning.

Wenslydale: Good morning, Sir. Welcome to the National Cheese Emporium!

Customer: Ah, thank you, my good man.

Wenslydale: What can I do for you, Sir?

Customer: Well, I was, uh, sitting in the public library on Thurmon Street just now, skimming through "Rogue Herrys" by Hugh Walpole, and I suddenly came over all peckish.

Wenslydale: Peckish, sir?

Customer: Esuriant.

Wenslydale: Eh?

Customer: 'Ee, Ah wor 'ungry-loike!

Wenslydale: Ah, hungry!

Customer: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "a little fermented curd will do the trick," so, I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles!

Wenslydale: Come again?

Customer: I want to buy some cheese.

Wenslydale: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the bazouki player!

Customer: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse!

Wenslydale: Sorry?

Customer: 'Ooo, Ah lahk a nice tuune, 'yer forced too!

Wenslydale: So he can go on playing, can he?

Customer: Most certainly! Now then, some cheese please, my good man.

Wenslydale: (lustily) Certainly, sir. What would you like?

Customer: Well, eh, how about a little red Leicester.

Wenslydale: I'm, a-fraid we're fresh out of red Leicester, sir.

Customer: Oh, never mind, how are you on Tilsit?

Wenslydale: I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir, we get it fresh on Monday.

Customer: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Caerphilly, if you please.

Wenslydale: Ah! It's beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this morning.

Customer: 'T's Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, Bel Paese?

Wenslydale: Sorry, sir.

Customer: Red Windsor?

Wenslydale: Normally, sir, yes. Today the van broke down.

Customer: Ah. Stilton?

Wenslydale: Sorry.

Customer: Ementhal? Gruyere?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Any Norweigan Jarlsburg, per chance.

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Lipta?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Lancashire?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: White Stilton?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Danish Brew?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Double Goucester?

Wenslydale: (pause) No.

Customer: Cheshire?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Dorset Bluveny?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Brie, Roquefort, Pol le Veq, Port Salut, Savoy Aire, Saint Paulin, Carrier de lest, Bres Bleu, Bruson?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Camenbert, perhaps?

Wenslydale: Ah! We have Camenbert, yessir.

Customer: (suprised) You do! Excellent.

Wenslydale: Yessir. It's..ah,.....it's a bit runny...

Customer: Oh, I like it runny.

Wenslydale: Well,.. It's very runny, actually, sir.

Customer: No matter. Fetch hither the fromage de la Belle France! Mmmwah!

Wenslydale: I...think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it, sir.

Customer: I don't care how excrementably runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.

Wenslydale: Oooooooooohhh........!

Customer: What now?

Wenslydale: The cat's eaten it.

Customer: (pause) Has he.

Wenslydale: She, sir.

(pause)

Customer: Gouda?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Edam?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Case Ness?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Smoked Austrian?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Japanese Sage Darby?

Wenslydale: No, sir.

Customer: You...do *have* some cheese, don't you?

Wenslydale: (brightly) Of course, sir. It's a cheese shop, sir. We've got--

Customer: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.

Wenslydale: Fair enough.

Customer: Uuuuuh, Wensleydale.

Wenslydale: Yes?

Customer: Ah, well, I'll have some of that!

Wenslydale: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir. Mister Wensleydale, that's my name.

(pause)

Customer: Greek Feta?

Wenslydale: Uh, not as such.

Customer: Uuh, Gorgonzola?

Wenslydale: no

Customer: Parmesan,

Wenslydale: no

Customer: Mozarella,

Wenslydale: no

Customer: Paper Cramer,

Wenslydale: no

Customer: Danish Bimbo,

Wenslydale: no

Customer: Czech sheep's milk,

Wenslydale: no

Customer: Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?

Wenslydale: Not *today*, sir, no.

(pause)

Customer: Aah, how about Cheddar?

Wenslydale: Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir.

Customer: Not much ca--It's the single most popular cheese in the world!

Wenslydale: Not 'round here, sir.

Customer: and what IS the most popular cheese 'round hyah?

Wenslydale: 'Illchester, sir.

Customer: IS it.

Wenslydale: Oh, yes, it's staggeringly popular in this manor, squire.

Customer: Is it.

Wenslydale: It's our number one best seller, sir!

Customer: I see. Uuh...'Illchester, eh?

Wenslydale: Right, sir.

Customer: All right. Okay. 'Have you got any?' he asked, expecting the answer 'no'.

Wenslydale: I'll have a look, sir... nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.

Customer: It's not much of a cheese shop, is it?

Wenslydale: Finest in the district!

Customer: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.

Wenslydale: Well, it's so clean, sir!

Customer: It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese....

Wenslydale: (brightly) You haven't asked me about Limburger, sir.

Customer: Would it be worth it?

Wenslydale: Could be....

Customer: Have you --SHUT THAT BLOODY BAZOUKI OFF!

Wenslydale: Told you sir....

Customer: (slowly) Have you got any Limburger?

Wenslydale: No.

Customer: Figures. Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me

Wenslydale: Yessir?

Customer: Have you in fact got any cheese here at all.

Wenslydale: Yes,sir.

Customer: Really?

(pause) Wenslydale: No. Not really, sir.

Customer: You haven't.

Wenslydale: Nosir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time,sir.

Customer: Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.

Wenslydale: Right-o, sir.

The customer takes out a gun and shoots the owner.

Customer: What a *senseless* waste of human life.




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Still The Most Humbly Prideful (?) Member Of The Illuminati!

Mark