Please God help me, I REALLY need some advice here guys.

[Ladyzekke]

Thanks Lioness and Sorcerer Alex! I like it too, and all credit goes to Sazarac for making it for me!

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[Fljotsdale]

Tuor, you said you find this girl attractive and that the reason you don't want a relationship is because she is the girlfriend of your best mate.
Therefore, I suspect that although you tell her you are not interested, your body language is telling her you ARE.
You may need to alter the way you feel when you meet her. A good way to do this is ask yourself what sort of girl it is who would flirt with another man behind her boyfriend's back? A girl who will do that to one man WILL do it to another. If she wants to go out with you, she should tell your friend their relationship is over. This girl is trying to have her cake and eat it too. She is not a very nice person, no matter how attractive she may be physically.

If it was me, I would tell her I don't want a relationship with a cheating flirt, and that if she doesn't leave off pestering me, I would tell her boyfriend.

Just my 2p.

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Dubbed Queen of the Illuminati by Diogenes.

[This message has been edited by Fljotsdale (edited 10-20-2001).]

[Ryanamur]

I'll let you figure out on your own what to do about the situation (tell your friend or not).

However, my advice would be to make sure you're not with her alone. Arange for others to be there at all time and if not, don't meet with her.



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I'm the Wanderer without a clan... I bring justice without favorism. Though you may not agree with it, my judgement is final... and inconsequential

[mistral4543]

Like what some of the others have said, this girl may go on cheating him. My personal choice is to do things the hard way and say what I think to my friend (especially those I really care about). Even if he or she does not accept what I've said, I'll know that I've done my best...

Maybe there's a chance that your friend will appreciate your sincerity in telling him about this (of course, he might blow a fuse in the short term, but he might get round after taking time to think things through).

[Mitro Jellywadder]

Originally posted by Tuor: Help, one of my best mate's girlfriends has just made a blatant, pass at me and I don't know what to do. You two have been through thick and thin before or you wouldn't be best mates..right? Have faith that your friendship is strong enought to withstand this. She wasn't drunk, high, emotional or in a vulnerable state so it seemed quite a calculated thing. Her and I were watching a video while we were waiting for my friend to come round and hat's when it happened, I told her I wasn't interested but she kept saying he'll never know and trying it on. All the more reason to tell him. He'll never know. "He will when I show him the pictures." If she's this untrustworthy, it's your DUTY as a mate, to tell him. I only got rescued when another friend of ours came round. Anyway that was two weeks ago everytime I see her she's all flirty and I can't get the message across to her that I'm not interested, it's not that I don't find her atractive, I do but its my mates girlfriend they've been going out seven years and he wants to marry her (I think) What do I do, Do I tell him? The problem is I don't want to break up our friendship because I've known him 20 years so I'd prefer a way of getting rid of her so he never finds out what happened. 20 years to 7 years....you win... Please somebody anybody help, I'm at my wits end-my other frineds have been absolutely no help at all. Cheers

Tell him. (Nicely)

[J.J.]

Originally posted by Fljotsdale: Tuor, you said you find this girl attractive and that the reason you don't want a relationship is because she is the girlfriend of your best mate. Therefore, I suspect that although you tell her you are not interested, your body language is telling her you ARE. You may need to alter the way you feel when you meet her. A good way to do this is ask yourself what sort of girl it is who would flirt with another man behind her boyfriend's back? A girl who will do that to one man WILL do it to another. If she wants to go out with you, she should tell your friend their relationship is over. This girl is trying to have her cake and eat it too. She is not a very nice person, no matter how attractive she may be physically. If it was me, I would tell her I don't want a relationship with a cheating flirt, and that if she doesn't leave off pestering me, I would tell her boyfriend. Just my 2p.

Great answer, F, that is exactly what he should do. She is a scuzbag if she is hitting on her boyfriends mate behind his back - I wonder how many other of his "friends" have had this prob with her and just took the bait? tell her to give up, you don't do the nasty with dirtballs, no matter how pretty they may be on the OUTSIDE. then DO TELL YOUR FRIEND!! trust me, he has an idea of what she is doing, he may be afraid to confront it. better yet, set up the video camera in an unobtrusive place, and then have this conversation with her, or just let her make her moves again. then, after you tell your friend, show the video. even better, just show him the video. BUT TELL HIM! it may cause some friction, but if he is a true mate, it will not be as much as his eventual relief that he had a friend good enough to steer him straight on miss hot to trot with his buddies. Been there, and video or photo proof keeps you from being the enemy - she will try to turn him against you once you make it clear she has no chance with you - remember about the woman scorned!


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Amanda's Dad-Best Damn Job, Period.

Official Pin-Up Girl Massager of the O.L.D. C.O.O.T.S. Clan
To Err is Human To Forgive Divine, However Neither is U.S. Marine Corps Policy.

[250]

Originally posted by Fljotsdale: Tuor, you said you find this girl attractive and that the reason you don't want a relationship is because she is the girlfriend of your best mate. Therefore, I suspect that although you tell her you are not interested, your body language is telling her you ARE. You may need to alter the way you feel when you meet her. A good way to do this is ask yourself what sort of girl it is who would flirt with another man behind her boyfriend's back? A girl who will do that to one man WILL do it to another. If she wants to go out with you, she should tell your friend their relationship is over. This girl is trying to have her cake and eat it too. She is not a very nice person, no matter how attractive she may be physically. If it was me, I would tell her I don't want a relationship with a cheating flirt, and that if she doesn't leave off pestering me, I would tell her boyfriend. Just my 2p.

now thats the words of wisdom!

yep, me, too, don't believe you are completely guilt free in this matter. sorry to say that. even in an abusive relationship, the victim are more or less responsible for the abuse, let alone this flirt thing. you may have done some fuzzy between-the-line thing in the past with her, only you know it.

you must show her a clear line: what can be done, and what cannot. it is best you resolve this with her, without informing your mate. he doesn't need to know that.

about this she is cheating your mate thing. it is a different matter. you will have to find a chance to seriously talk with your best mate, but definitely not now. just rid of her for yourself first.

[250]

Originally posted by J.J.: Great answer, F, that is exactly what he should do. She is a scuzbag if she is hitting on her boyfriends mate behind his back - I wonder how many other of his "friends" have had this prob with her and just took the bait? tell her to give up, you don't do the nasty with dirtballs, no matter how pretty they may be on the OUTSIDE. then DO TELL YOUR FRIEND!! trust me, he has an idea of what she is doing, he may be afraid to confront it. better yet, set up the video camera in an unobtrusive place, and then have this conversation with her, or just let her make her moves again. then, after you tell your friend, show the video. even better, just show him the video. BUT TELL HIM! it may cause some friction, but if he is a true mate, it will not be as much as his eventual relief that he had a friend good enough to steer him straight on miss hot to trot with his buddies. Been there, and video or photo proof keeps you from being the enemy - she will try to turn him against you once you make it clear she has no chance with you - remember about the woman scorned!

grrrr.... there is no need for that... she might be guilty on this, but it is not his place to tear her face down

by the way, put a recorder in your pocket when talk to her. after you and her said everything, tell her your conversation is recorded. (you don't really need to record it, just tell her it is), then she will not dare trying to turn your mate against you. but do find a chane to tell your mate everything.

[Debaser]

the decision is ultimately yours, needless to say. from what i understand, though, you're more concerned with preserving your friendship with your buddy...if this indeed the case, then you should maybe try to find a moment when you and your friend's girl are away from prying ears, and make it clear to her that you would aren't interested in doing anything with her for the sake her boyfriend's and your friendship.

if you feel that you're willing to sacrifice a friendship to get some action from this chick, then the decision is a lot easier........or not.....

do what you think is the right thing, man.

Originally posted by Tuor: Help, one of my best mate's girlfriends has just made a blatant, pass at me Please somebody anybody help, I'm at my wits end-my other frineds have been absolutely no help at all. Cheers

Run Tuor, dont look back. Do not look back or go side to side here..straight forward away from the mess. You stop thinking now and run like I said.. ok



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*\Conan/*