Can a person change? HELP OPINIONS NEEDED!!!

[daan]

As long as he confronts her .. very important.
I love a girl that basically takes me for granted too .. we're not exactly in a relationship ( very weird situation ) .. but the reason is mostly because she already knows she has me anyway.

Dont be a sissy like me and confront her,.. makes life easier and happier. Take my word for it. If she leaves, it wasnt meant to be.

This is actually also a scientific study. The woman your describing is a "bad woman" ( just as there are "bad men" ). These type of women usually dont quite know what to do when they meet a nice man. You're describing on of the possible outcomes to their problem. Confronting them is the only way to do something about it,.. and if it doesnt work out, it doesnt work out.
And sadly .. it never will.

I guess I'm too afraid of that last option to do something about it .. but again, I wouldnt recommend my approach

P.s. If you want that article .. I could try and dig it up
( not guaranteed, been a while .. and I'll have to translate it into english .. a very interesting read though )

[Aelia Jusa]

Originally posted by LordKathen: To a point Animal, you are correct. But, there are compromises to be made in a serious relationship. Like I said, she has to want to change. If she loves him, she will compromise a few things about her character to adapt to his. Such is love.

Absolutely. But it works both ways. Azrael's friend says the problem is that she doesn't respect him - but if you asked her, she might have a very different answer. Why doesn't she respect him? Maybe he's lazy, maybe he's wasting his talents. Maybe he's rude to his mother, doesn't pay his debts, kicks small creatures. I have found that a lot of men, when told by their women about any flaws they may have, tend to immediately come back with 'women always try to change men!' and avoid the issue by turning it back on the woman. Now that sounds sexist but its basis is a stereotype that all women try to change men so it's a good excuse to not have to deal with stuff. Women obviously do that too, just under a different premise . Now certainly it's unreasonable for someone to enter into a relationship with the idea that, well this person's got a lot of stuff I dislike about them - but I can make them change. But it's also unreasonable for the person with the so-called flaws to just say, well that's just me, like me or leave me, when a few small changes - from both of them! - could improve their relationship and their lives.

I think they need to sit down together and both say what's troubling them in their relationship and work on it together.

[pritchke]

No, relationship in the world is going to be a picnic all the time. You have to have the character to make it work, and talk through problems, as someone said good relationships involve compromise. As someone else noted your friend may actually have to change a few things about himself as well since we are only getting one side of the story. Maybe she actually has some reasons for saying the things she says or maybe she is just venting. Women like to do that occasionally and he will have to eventually learn to live with it.

[Animal]

Originally posted by Aelia Jusa: Quote: Originally posted by LordKathen: To a point Animal, you are correct. But, there are compromises to be made in a serious relationship. Like I said, she has to want to change. If she loves him, she will compromise a few things about her character to adapt to his. Such is love.

Absolutely. But it works both ways. Azrael's friend says the problem is that she doesn't respect him - but if you asked her, she might have a very different answer. Why doesn't she respect him? Maybe he's lazy, maybe he's wasting his talents. Maybe he's rude to his mother, doesn't pay his debts, kicks small creatures. I have found that a lot of men, when told by their women about any flaws they may have, tend to immediately come back with 'women always try to change men!' and avoid the issue by turning it back on the woman. Now that sounds sexist but its basis is a stereotype that all women try to change men so it's a good excuse to not have to deal with stuff. Women obviously do that too, just under a different premise . Now certainly it's unreasonable for someone to enter into a relationship with the idea that, well this person's got a lot of stuff I dislike about them - but I can make them change. But it's also unreasonable for the person with the so-called flaws to just say, well that's just me, like me or leave me, when a few small changes - from both of them! - could improve their relationship and their lives.

I think they need to sit down together and both say what's troubling them in their relationship and work on it together.[/QUOTE]Well said.