Straight Eye for the ...

[Attalus]

If you want a laugh (or several, check out this

[Timber Loftis]

I liked my version of Straight Eye for the Queer Guy better. I actually sought to give real advice to gay men, not faux advice to straight men.

Example lessons:

1. Yes, shorts can be too short.

2. Nothing screams "I need attention" like bronze highlights.

3. Socks -- they have a purpose, and yes they should sometimes be worn.

4. Unless you're a Ghetto-rapper, you must realize that adding a ridiculous pricetag to a gaudy clashing garmet does NOT give it inherent worth.

4a. Nothing Coco Chanel makes looks good on a male, and most looks bad on a female.
4b. Burberry is not only ugly, it's now trite.
4c. Sunglasses can serve their purpose without handlebars and gold-enameled artwork springing from their sides.

5. No one wants to dance next to someone imitating Flashdance -- save it for you "alone time."

6. Healhty self-humor 101, or "How to realize Bird Cage was a good movie, despite the fact you felt insulted."
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I am offering the first three lessons on book and dvd at Bi-Temptation Island at 50% off the retail price. Stop on over and peruse the goods.

[Attalus]

LOL, I like it, Timber.

[Thoran]

I like Timber's version, the other site seemed to be lacking something... like HUMOR, or maybe it was origonality. Read like a poorly warmed over Jeff Foxworthy skit. "Hey, how many redneck men does it take to screw in a lightbulb blah blah blah"

[Timber Loftis]

Thanks for the kudos Thoran, but some of it is hilarious. I almost [img]graemlins/1drinkspit.gif[/img] when I read this bit:
__________________________________________________
Now for the important matter of butt cleavage. Most straight guys have a pretty good sense of when it is appropriate and when it's not. On the basketball court, appropriate. At your niece's christening, not. Some situations virtually demand an obligatory amount of butt crack, such as working under the sink. The key is knowing when.

The Straight Guy has a simple rule: If you're repairing something, butt crack is acceptable. For formal situations, it usually isn't. For guys with a tendency to forget when you're allowed to crack-flash, match the situation to what you have in your hand. If it's

For home repair,
You can bare.
Champagne glass,
Cover ass.

It's really that simple. However, as with all matters of etiquette, there are always exceptions. I ran into one at a buddy's funeral -- I mean wedding. I was in a rented tuxedo, and a lot of straight guys will know that when the occasion calls for formal wear, you don't want to be showing a lot of butt crack. But then my buddy asked me if I'd hotwire this backhoe, because one of his ex-wives had shown up drunk at the wedding even though he told her to stay away. And he wanted me to fire up that backhoe so we could toss her Honda Accord (formerly his Honda Accord) around a little bit.

Standing there in my tux, you can imagine what I said to this odd request. I said, shitchess! Most folks throw rice at weddings; we were gonna throw a ricer. So I crawled up on that backhoe and got to work, and I imagine I showed my share of butt crack there. But man, it was worth it. I been to so many weddings where the highlight is tossing a garter or a bouquet, but you shoulda seen the guests when a Honda went sailing by. Anyway, this exertion did have an effect on my rented tux, and the rental place was really nasty after I mailed it back to them -- after wearing it as I fled to Cancun. With my buddy. In his luggage. We still can't go back to Nebraska. Got a warrant out or something.

[Attalus]

How about this? From Scappleface:
(2003-08-15) -- The Entertainment and Sports Programming Network (ESPN) announced today that its fall lineup will include 'Straight Eye for the Homo Guy', a new show based on a similarly-named program on another network.

On each episode a team of five heterosexual males will do a "makeover" on one homosexual man.

Preview screenings of the pilot showed the five guys uncomfortably shuffling around the menswear section at Wal-Mart picking out trousers for a guy named Maurice, who they refused to take with them.

The men get frustrated after about 30 seconds and ask a blue-vested store associate if she could just find them something in the proper size. Things get tense when they're asked which one of them will wear the pants, and they struggle to admit they're buying the slacks for another guy.

"He's a relative," one man says quickly. "Uh...yeah...my brother...our brother...we're all brothers, and we're buying the pants for our other brother and he's in a coma...but he'll be out soon, and he'll need pants. And that's what we're doing."

Destined to be a ratings hit, 'Straight Eye' also includes "coaching sessions" where the hetero-males tell the homosexual helpful things like "clothing is strictly for warmth and to cover your body, not to draw attention to yourself. Buy clothes which blend with your surroundings....like camouflage gear."

In another scene, the team takes their subject to a Barber Shop to "get a real haircut." While he waits, they force him to read an issue of "Guns & Ammo."

[Timber Loftis]

LoL Attalus, good show. [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img] I guess we can lay to rest the homosexual Time Magazine writer who challenged that we would all know the lines of discrimination had truly been crossed when "Straight Eye for the Queer Guy" mad network TV.

Buying pants for a relative. LoL. [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img]

I still like mine better. More practical. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

I'm reminded of the hunters from South Park, and Ned who voice-boxes the computer-sounding line "I want to be on the cover of Guns & Ammoooooo." [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img]

[Faceman]

the TIME article was the first thing I thought of too, because we don't have that show over here.
personally I LOVE: straight guys decorate with electronics
I do it all the time.

[Thoran]

Yea I gotta admit the "Guys decorate with electronics" line was good... but most of the stuff goes into the "been done a million times already" bin. The reason I like your's TL is because you poked fun at the gay guys (very un-PC of you... naughty naughty). The origonal show "Queer eye" is based on the premise of making fun of straight guys... the parody on that site is making fun of straight guys. Attalus' second post... making fun of straight guys. Since straight guys are the only group left who it's PC to make fun of, this stuff has all been done ad-nauseum by everyone and their brother, it's getting pretty boring IMO.

Besides that, based on the attire I've seen on a fair number of our gay brothers... they most certainly should not be throwing stones at us [img]smile.gif[/img] .

[LordKathen]

This is all just to hilarious. [img]graemlins/awesomework.gif[/img]