Silly stuff

[Charean]

Classmates at college were lamenting the cost of long distance phone service and debating the relative advantages of AT&T, MCI, and Sprint.

"I've found CTC to be the cheapest plan around," offered one.

"CTC? Who are they?"

"You know," he responded. "Call Them Collect."

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I got into a fight with a really big guy and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face."

I said, "You'll be sorry."

He said, "Oh yeah? Why?" and I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."

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After my husband and I had a huge argument, we ended up not talking to each other for days.

Finally, on the third day, he asked where one of his shirts was.

"Oh," I said, "So now you're speaking to me."

He looked confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Haven't you noticed I haven't spoken to you for three days?" I challenged.

"No," he said, "I just thought we were getting along."

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Astronomers were excited this week at having isolated a brief sound which occurred immediately before the Big Bang.

Apparently, that sound was "uh oh."

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I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife. As the clerk was putting the finishing touches on the bouquet, a young man burst through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses.

"I'm sorry," the clerk said. "This man just ordered our last bunch." The desperate customer turned to me and begged, "May I please have those roses?"

"What happened?" I asked. "Did you forget your wedding anniversary?"

"It's even worse than that," he confided. "I crashed my wife's hard drive!"

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The following Christmas carols were written by government officials.
Can you guess the original titles?

1. Move Hither The Entire Assembly Of Those Who Are Loyal In Their Belief
2. Embellish Interior Passageways
3. Vertically Challenged Adolescent Percussionist
4. First Person Singular Experiencing An Hallucinatory Phenomenon Of A Natal Celebration Devoid Of Color
5. Soundless Nocturnal Period
6. Majestic Triplet Referred To In The First Person Plural
7. The Yuletide Occurance Preceding All Others
8. Precious Metal Musical Devices
9. Omnipotent Supreme Being Elicit Respite To Ecstatic Distinguished Males
10. Caribou With Vermillion Olfactory Appendage
11. Allow Crystalline Formations To Descend
12. Jovial Yuletide Desired For The Second Person Singular Or Plural By The First Person Plural
13. Commence Auditory Reception The Announcing Cherubs Vocalize
14. Kris Kringle Will Be Arriving In The City In The Not Too Distant Future
15. Bipedal Traveling Through An Amazing Acreage During The Period Between December 21st And March 21st In The Northern Hemisphere
16. Its Arrival Occurred At Twelve O'Clock During A Clement Nocturnal Period
17. Exclamatory Remark Concerning A Diminutive Municipality In Judea Southwest Of Jerusalem

Answers:
1. O Come All Ye Faithful,
2. Deck The Halls,
3. The Little Drummer Boy,
4. I'm Dreaming Of A White Christmas,
5. Silent Night,
6. We Three Kings,
7. The First Noel
8. Silver Bells,
9. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen,
10. Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer,
11. Let It Snow,
12. We Wish You A Merry Christmas,
13. Hark! The Herald Angels Sing,
14. Santa Claus Is Coming To Town,
15. Walking In A Winter Wonderland,
16. It Came Upon A Midnight Clear,
17. O Little Town Of Bethlehem

[CrimsonKing]

Those Xmas carols were funny, but not quite in season though.

Hehe, "Bipedal Traveling Through An Amazing Acreage During The Period Between December 21st And March 21st In The Northern Hemisphere". lol