The Writer's Workshop... ("and ne'er a pen so gleaned a page...") - Page 4

/)eathKiller · 04-28-2003, 08:52 AM

yeah that theme songs got a nice rabbid pace to it to, the lyrics tend to jump out and bite when you least expect it...

I thin it's a step up from my theme for "versus" which was meant to produce images of high-rise urban combat between two sworn enemies who shout at eachother in song... It went like this:

[i]*quiet beeping noise then sudden heavy metal*

" YES I'M " *I'm is extended into a yell*
" HEADIN' TO THE CITY "
" YES I'M "
" HEADIN' TO THE CITY "
" YES I'M "
" HEADIN' TO THE CITY "

"INHALE! EXHALE!"
"TAKE A BREATH AND HOLD IT!"
"INHALE EXHALE!"
"WE'RE COLD!"

*pause*

"FEELING!"
"WORKED UP AN APPETITE!"
"FEELING!"
"WORKED UP AN APPETITE!"
"FEELING!"
"SWORE I COULD MAKE THINGS RIGHT!"
"FEELING!"
"PASS THROUGH DARKNESS OUT OF SIGHT!"

"INHALE! EXHALE!"
"TAKE A BREATH AND HOLD IT!"
"INHALE EXHALE!"
"WE'RE COLD!"
"INHALE! EXHALE!"
"TAKE A BREATH AND HOLD IT!"
"INHALE EXHALE!"
"IT'S GOLD!"
[i]

and then there was Halcyon Otaku 2.5 the PSO theme... heh
Still has the same importance but a differint meaning now than
when I wrote it playing PSO...

After ages of war I tried to compensate

for the lives that I took in anger

something reminded me of left, so i'd do it right

might as well just go with hatred...

My failure...
My failure...
My failure was to kill the slayer...
My failure...
My failure...
My failure was to kill death... *rip*

Machine's can never win

until they develop skin

this darned imballanced reality

I'll tell you what it meants to me:

*tune starts over*

Celebrating the beast is a tragedy

This godless dark realm disturbs me

I will make sure they have sinned in vein

Devine punnishment down on them rain!

*group shouts*
Creation!
Creation!
Creation of my own damnation!
Creation!
Creation!
Creating twisted resurection!

I CAN'T HOLD ON ANY MORE

INNOCENCE TO ME NO MORE

PROGRAMMING HALTED

FREE WILL AVERTED

I AM ALL I WILL EVER BE

I'll tell you what this means to me:

*starts over again*

After ages of war I tried to compensate

for the lives that I took in anger

something reminded me of left, so i'd do it right

might as well just go with hatred...

My finger....
my finger...
My finger's on the detonator...
My finger...
My Finger...
My finger's gonna pull the trigger...

HAIL MECHA MOTHER OF GRACE

LET ME SHOW YOU HOW BLOOD TASTES

RUSH THROUGH THE SKIES

EVERYONE AT SOME POINT DIES

DOWN ON RAINING ETERNALLY

COMMING FROM INSIDE OF ME

THIS PURPLE, BURNING ENERGY

THERES NO MORE WARS OF VICTORY

*starts over AGAIN*

NOTHING'S LEFT TO DIE FOR

THE PLANET'S ROTTING IN SIN

LETS KNOCK THEM TO THE FLOOR!

WE'LL DO THIS EVIL IN!

[img]tongue.gif[/img] Then it just shows the lead andoid character deactivated in a dark room with

"awaiting instructions" being repeated, very slowly, again and again until it fades out [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Another one of my absoulte favorites was the song I was planning on using for Neko Knights but chose something more instrunmental with bagpipes and stuff... It was about the resurection of an evil necromancer in a world he didnt understand so the words were like this:

"Here I come again...
your exhaluted freind...
wha-wha-wha-wha- WHATS INSIDE MY HEAD?
here i come again
I'm your concousness...

Look at me and smile
bet you'll baste in bile
you good godless man
I'm the best there is!

No NO No NO NO ONE Talks like this!
Nothing's What it seems!
*pause*
"Who'se your enemies!"
"What do you belive?!"

"There's a clear blue sky..." *pans up to sky showing a dark figure leap into the air at incredible spead making a lense flare zip by him*
"We shall still get high..."
"high..." *the shadowy figure comes down in still shots of him getting closer and bearing a weapon each time "high" is said*
"high"
"high"
"high"
"HIGH!" *it goes down a tone each time it's repeated too*
"Just one taste of life"
"And NOW be satisfied!"

*applause*

Horatio · 04-28-2003, 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lioness:
I'd get rid of "Cos" it throws off the rhythm. YOu might want to rethink the amount of pronouns you have (that, a, them) but that may mess up your structure. Whichever way. [img]smile.gif[/img] Thanks for sharing.

Like I said, it's supposed to be basic. Something uttered by Brit propaganda merchants trying to reach out to the middle and lower classes

And you're welcome [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Lioness · 04-29-2003, 11:36 AM

/)K, those are some intriguing ideas! [img]smile.gif[/img] Odd concepts... I've never thought up scenes or dialogues much.

Have a new idea for a novel and a play in the works. Will post if I ever get around to writing some. [img]smile.gif[/img]

Dreamer128 · 04-29-2003, 12:09 PM

If you haven't already... *points at his sig* copy's of your excellent work are welcomed here [img]smile.gif[/img]

Lioness · 04-29-2003, 12:53 PM

Thanks Dreamer. [img]smile.gif[/img] I'm still a bit frightened to do too much forum hopping... hw suffers incredibly. But I'll get by OUAP when I have something worthy of the so excellent critique offered there.

Stormymystic · 04-29-2003, 01:27 PM

ahhhhh someone help, i have lost my rhymes, i can't think of another poem

/)eathKiller · 04-29-2003, 01:51 PM

I tried to sing the lyrics and post the song but I accidentally didnt' save it and my vocal coords kind of hurt now...

Jerome · 04-29-2003, 07:08 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Stormymystic:
ahhhhh someone help, i have lost my rhymes, i can't think of another poem

Listen to music (lots of differnt types), go for a walk, sit for a moment and pay attention to what every single one of your senses feels for a little while... reminisce, dream... ideas will always come. They just sometimes build up, like water behind a dam, before they break through and flow back again. [img]smile.gif[/img]

Lioness · 04-29-2003, 08:09 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Jerome:

quote:
Originally posted by Stormymystic:
ahhhhh someone help, i have lost my rhymes, i can't think of another poem

Listen to music (lots of differnt types), go for a walk, sit for a moment and pay attention to what every single one of your senses feels for a little while... reminisce, dream... ideas will always come. They just sometimes build up, like water behind a dam, before they break through and flow back again. [img]smile.gif[/img] [/QUOTE]Listen to the wisdom of the Joker.

[img]graemlins/kissy2.gif[/img]

Patience, SM. That's all other advice I'd give. And don't give up on it. [img]smile.gif[/img]

Reeka · 04-29-2003, 08:58 PM

I'm enjoying the reading. Just stating the obvious, but poetry doesn't have to rhyme. I'm not a write myself---just en enjoyer.

04-29-2003, 11:36 AM	#33
Lioness Jack Burton Join Date: June 3, 2001 Location: Among the Stars Age: 36 Posts: 5,837	/)K, those are some intriguing ideas! [img]smile.gif[/img] Odd concepts... I've never thought up scenes or dialogues much. Have a new idea for a novel and a play in the works. Will post if I ever get around to writing some. [img]smile.gif[/img] __________________ [img]\"ubb/noncgi/smiles/lioness1.jpg\" alt=\" - \" /> <br /><br />Premier Waitress/Smacker of Cloudy\'s Cafe<br /><br />\"the only people for me are the mad ones...\"

04-29-2003, 12:53 PM	#35
Lioness Jack Burton Join Date: June 3, 2001 Location: Among the Stars Age: 36 Posts: 5,837	Thanks Dreamer. [img]smile.gif[/img] I'm still a bit frightened to do too much forum hopping... hw suffers incredibly. But I'll get by OUAP when I have something worthy of the so excellent critique offered there. __________________ [img]\"ubb/noncgi/smiles/lioness1.jpg\" alt=\" - \" /> <br /><br />Premier Waitress/Smacker of Cloudy\'s Cafe<br /><br />\"the only people for me are the mad ones...\"

04-29-2003, 01:27 PM	#36
Stormymystic Knight of the Rose Join Date: April 8, 2003 Location: Arkansas Age: 48 Posts: 4,442	ahhhhh someone help, i have lost my rhymes, i can't think of another poem __________________ [url]\"http://stormymystic.deviantart.com/gallery/\" target=\"_blank\"> [img]\"http://img92.imageshack.us/img92/3968/stormyvx6.jpg\" alt=\" - \" /></a>

04-29-2003, 01:51 PM	#37
/)eathKiller Dracolisk Join Date: January 5, 2002 Location: Guantanamo Bay, Cuba Age: 38 Posts: 6,043	I tried to sing the lyrics and post the song but I accidentally didnt' save it and my vocal coords kind of hurt now... __________________ [img]\"http://membres.lycos.fr/th8or/ZeroSigForIronworks.gif\" alt=\" - \" /> o.o;

04-29-2003, 08:58 PM	#40
Reeka Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice Join Date: March 2, 2001 Location: Birmingham, Alabama, USA Age: 70 Posts: 3,255	I'm enjoying the reading. Just stating the obvious, but poetry doesn't have to rhyme. I'm not a write myself---just en enjoyer. __________________ <b>Order of the Holy Flame</b><br /><i>Member of Clan HADB</i><br /><b>Laughing Hyena</b><br /><i>Clan Liaison, IW Peace Keeping Force</i><br /><i>[url]\"http://www.the-silver-river.com/Forum/index.php?board=29\" target=\"_blank\">The Silver River VoiceChat!</a><br />Last Saturday of every month. <br />See the forum link for scheduling!<br /><b> </b><br /></i><br /><b>Admin and Co-Owner of [url]\"http://www.the-silver-river.com\" target=\"_blank\">The Silver River</a></b><br />[url]\"http://www.the-silver-river.com\" target=\"_blank\"></a>

04-28-2003, 08:52 AM	#31
/)eathKiller Dracolisk Join Date: January 5, 2002 Location: Guantanamo Bay, Cuba Age: 38 Posts: 6,043	yeah that theme songs got a nice rabbid pace to it to, the lyrics tend to jump out and bite when you least expect it... I thin it's a step up from my theme for "versus" which was meant to produce images of high-rise urban combat between two sworn enemies who shout at eachother in song... It went like this: [i]quiet beeping noise then sudden heavy metal " YES I'M " I'm is extended into a yell " HEADIN' TO THE CITY " " YES I'M " " HEADIN' TO THE CITY " " YES I'M " " HEADIN' TO THE CITY " "INHALE! EXHALE!" "TAKE A BREATH AND HOLD IT!" "INHALE EXHALE!" "WE'RE COLD!" pause "FEELING!" "WORKED UP AN APPETITE!" "FEELING!" "WORKED UP AN APPETITE!" "FEELING!" "SWORE I COULD MAKE THINGS RIGHT!" "FEELING!" "PASS THROUGH DARKNESS OUT OF SIGHT!" "INHALE! EXHALE!" "TAKE A BREATH AND HOLD IT!" "INHALE EXHALE!" "WE'RE COLD!" "INHALE! EXHALE!" "TAKE A BREATH AND HOLD IT!" "INHALE EXHALE!" "IT'S GOLD!" [i] and then there was Halcyon Otaku 2.5 the PSO theme... heh Still has the same importance but a differint meaning now than when I wrote it playing PSO... After ages of war I tried to compensate for the lives that I took in anger something reminded me of left, so i'd do it right might as well just go with hatred... My failure... My failure... My failure was to kill the slayer... My failure... My failure... My failure was to kill death... rip Machine's can never win until they develop skin this darned imballanced reality I'll tell you what it meants to me: tune starts over Celebrating the beast is a tragedy This godless dark realm disturbs me I will make sure they have sinned in vein Devine punnishment down on them rain! group shouts Creation! Creation! Creation of my own damnation! Creation! Creation! Creating twisted resurection! I CAN'T HOLD ON ANY MORE INNOCENCE TO ME NO MORE PROGRAMMING HALTED FREE WILL AVERTED I AM ALL I WILL EVER BE I'll tell you what this means to me: starts over again After ages of war I tried to compensate for the lives that I took in anger something reminded me of left, so i'd do it right might as well just go with hatred... My finger.... my finger... My finger's on the detonator... My finger... My Finger... My finger's gonna pull the trigger... HAIL MECHA MOTHER OF GRACE LET ME SHOW YOU HOW BLOOD TASTES RUSH THROUGH THE SKIES EVERYONE AT SOME POINT DIES DOWN ON RAINING ETERNALLY COMMING FROM INSIDE OF ME THIS PURPLE, BURNING ENERGY THERES NO MORE WARS OF VICTORY starts over AGAIN NOTHING'S LEFT TO DIE FOR THE PLANET'S ROTTING IN SIN LETS KNOCK THEM TO THE FLOOR! WE'LL DO THIS EVIL IN! [img]tongue.gif[/img] Then it just shows the lead andoid character deactivated in a dark room with "awaiting instructions" being repeated, very slowly, again and again until it fades out [img]tongue.gif[/img] Another one of my absoulte favorites was the song I was planning on using for Neko Knights but chose something more instrunmental with bagpipes and stuff... It was about the resurection of an evil necromancer in a world he didnt understand so the words were like this: "Here I come again... your exhaluted freind... wha-wha-wha-wha- WHATS INSIDE MY HEAD? here i come again I'm your concousness... Look at me and smile bet you'll baste in bile you good godless man I'm the best there is! No NO No NO NO ONE Talks like this! Nothing's What it seems! pause "Who'se your enemies!" "What do you belive?!" "There's a clear blue sky..." pans up to sky showing a dark figure leap into the air at incredible spead making a lense flare zip by him "We shall still get high..." "high..." the shadowy figure comes down in still shots of him getting closer and bearing a weapon each time "high" is said "high" "high" "high" "HIGH!" it goes down a tone each time it's repeated too "Just one taste of life" "And NOW be satisfied!" applause

04-29-2003, 12:09 PM	#34
Dreamer128 Dracolisk Join Date: March 21, 2001 Location: Europe Age: 39 Posts: 6,136	If you haven't already... points at his sig copy's of your excellent work are welcomed here [img]smile.gif[/img]

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