Funny Words

[Yorick]

A few words of wisdom from George Carlin, world's oldest class clown:

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls/boys live.

6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" ■She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

9. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong?

10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

11. Is there another word for synonym?

12. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do - "practice"?

13. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

14. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

15. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

16. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

17. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? ■Are they afraid someone will clean them?

18. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

19. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

20. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

21. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

22. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

23. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

24. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

25. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

26. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

27. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

28. How is it possible to have a civil war?

29. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

30. If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

31. If you ■try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

32. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?

33. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?

34. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

35. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

[Ar-Cunin]

ROFL [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img]

Great stuff Hugh [img]smile.gif[/img]

[Beltazar]

ROTFLMFAOTHOAWF

[Lioness]

1-point taken
4-because certain humans have evolved back [img]tongue.gif[/img]
9-of course!
11-how about for thesaurus?

[img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img]

4- We didn't actually evolve from apes & monekeys, we merely shared an ancestor with them. They went one way on the evolutionary tree, we another.

[johnny]

Originally posted by Dramnek_Ulk: 4- We didn't actually evolve from apes & monekeys, we merely shared an ancestor with them. They went one way on the evolutionary tree, we another.

i guess the apes went the right way !

[Yorick]

Originally posted by Dramnek_Ulk: 4- We didn't actually evolve from apes & monekeys, we merely shared an ancestor with them. They went one way on the evolutionary tree, we another.

It's a joke email Dramnek. There is a lengthy thread already discussing this issue seriously.

[Yorick]

Originally posted by Arledrian: Great stuff Hugh [img]smile.gif[/img]

Thanks Alex. [img]smile.gif[/img]