when love meets fear

[250]

"when you ask someone who is afraid of your love to let you get close, what you are really asking them to do is die of fright. It also helps to remember not to pursue because all you have is someone who is caught. what is the feeling of an animal with one foot stuck in your trap? angry,afraid , and desperate. what can you do? you can try every trick in the book. this is the western way to expend the effort and try to show our feelings. From the eastern perspective you can stand there at a distant with open arms or sit on the wall and be a witness to something that has nothing to do with us. when the person behind the wall looks up at you they may not be so afraid for once because no one is rushing them with an attempt to control, crowd, or change them. It takes enormous courage to allow that gap to open up. "

this is an excerpt I read on a forum, one that I like to share. and especially concerning my own experience. sometimes I wonder if I have really being in love, or was I a self eccentric youth trying to manipulate my way through. it was both and more. the light side of love and the shadow companies it, for ever. and perhaps it was best that I failed, and it was best that I had flaws.

there could be many explainations of my own obsession with pursuing a person that cannot love me back. Only when I pondered the infinity possibilities of truth of my past, do I come to recongnize that the light and darkness of love are equally fascinating and all impose me with wonder. thus I do not feel remorse for what happened but only sorrow.

To Yorick and many others

[Lady Blue03]

Good post 250, it gave me goose bumps!

I remember my ex saying "You hated me cause I loved you too much"

[The Hierophant]

Very true. Love and obsession are complete opposites yet all too easy to get confused with one another.
It pays not to concentrate overly much upon what could have been, or how things may or may not have appeared through other people's eyes. All that exists to any individual is how the mind interprets the world around it. Things may or may not have been how you or others close to you imagined them to be, yet the simple truth is that we can only project our own wants and desires upon the living experiences that we have, thus distorting them toward what we may or may not want to see.
I can tell you've been hurt emotionally in the past 250, or perhaps you are just confused as to how things could or should have been. All that remains after the emotional tumolt has died down is the mind and it's view of the world. You can walk your own path without fear of misgiving if the world's acceptance of what you have to offer no longer weighs upon your mind.
To love someone, to really love them, you have to respect and desire their happiness and security of mind, and not merely wish yourself to be 'theirs' or for them to be 'yours'. People are not pets, we each have our own individual drives and paths.
I'm pretty inexperienced in the ways of the world, but I do know that there is no greater hurt than a hurt of the heart. And a hurt of the heart stems only from the mind not recieving events in the fashion that it had them all planned out to be. The world is chaos, but it needn't be a bad thing. Don't fight the rip-tide, relax and let it take you on sweet and soothing a ride.

[Bahamut]

the good thing is that I know the difference between obsession and fear... i think that is already a big advantage in my everyday life [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[J.J.]

Hiya two-fiffy, how does it feel to be da maturin' one? That's what the pain you feel is - growth. I remember your travails of last year, is this the swan song? (hope so 4 your sake!) Wish I could tell you that once done with, all done with, but that has not been my experience. It will be easier the next time you are smitten with someone who acts like they are into you, then seem to change their mind and just act like they are through with you. Even worse are the ones that will do both several times - it's hard to remember that you are the one giving them the power to make you feel so bad when you are busy throwing your heart out when it seems like they want to catch it, then trying to reel back in the broken, bleeding pieces when they drop their hands and sidestep your throw. *ouch*

Not being so quick to throw helps, taking the time to get close enough to hand it over instead of throwing from a distance helps more. [img]smile.gif[/img]

By no means should you abandon hope in your life - I have not, nor will I. Just remember not to let it push YOU out of the drivers seat. Make it sit in the back, maybe let it roll down the window and hang it's tongue out the way dogs do, [img]tongue.gif[/img] but always remember dogs don't know how to drive. There, if that metaphor isn't terminally mixed, I don't know what would qualify.

Hows everything else doing for you? did you check out donut's thread on taking a stand at IW? seemed just like old times, lolol.

hope you are doing well, good to see you again.

[Avatar]

yes yes, all TRUE. [img]smile.gif[/img] but it's very hard to control yourself...
the best way i find it is to busy yourself so you have no choice (rather time and effort) to rush the person you love but sit on that wall out of fatigue.

[K T Ong]

250, I'm not sure if I've actually experienced the same sorts of things as you, but I've read a few things and they have affected me deeply, and if you wish I can share them with you.

As I see it, if there is fear at all in any relationship, it's because you want something from the relationship -- usually reciprocity or a show of appreciation. Not sure whether you can get this, you will then naturally be plagued with fear. But true love wants nothing in return. True love simply loves -- period. If there is any desire for anything, such as reciprocity etc, then it is not true love.

As a Western saying goes: If you love something, let it go. If it returns to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it was never meant to be. And you'll just have to accept that, and accept it with courage.

I'm sorry if the above sounds harsh and difficult -- and truth be told, I myself find it difficult to live up to -- but still it's the truth. True love takes guts. To truly love, one simply has to have the courage to let go of one's desires.

Just sharing my thoughts with you. Hope you'll find something illuminating in them. [img]smile.gif[/img]

[ 08-28-2002, 06:21 AM: Message edited by: K T Ong ]

[Azred]

Originally posted by K T Ong: .... True love simply loves -- period. If there is any desire for anything, such as reciprocity etc, then it is not true love. As a Western saying goes: If you love something, let it go. If it returns to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it was never meant to be. And you'll just have to accept that, and accept it with courage. I'm sorry if the above sounds harsh and difficult -- and truth be told, I myself find it difficult to live up to -- but still it's the truth. True love takes guts. To truly love, one simply has to have the courage to let go of one's desires. note: font colorization added by Azred.

You have discovered the answer to one of life's three greatest questions.

I pined for a girl years ago, with all its associated hot/cold feelings, the uncertainty, the angst, etc. [img]graemlins/dontknowaboutyou.gif[/img] If you are pursuing someone and having feelings like that then you are really looking for something inside yourself. Even if you "win" that person, you won't find that "something" for which you seek. Find yourself first; the "right" person will then follow.

[250]

bah, true love is only a facid of love. love is many things. and I wasn't obsessed, mind you the difference, entirely. it was more complicated than a simple word: obsession.

however I welcome anyone to discuss this idea with me.

and the talk of two fifty being mature is nonesense. when was I not mature anyway? thx everybody, truely

[ 08-28-2002, 09:49 AM: Message edited by: 250 ]

[250]

Originally posted by Lady Blue03: I remember my ex saying "You hated me cause I loved you too much"

oh I am sorry.