Calling all Parents...

[N^N]

Ok, here's the thing...

I am a 14-year old rising Freshman, and I feel like I can do nothing to appease my parents. I would like some advice from parents and other sons/daughters on what to do. Here is my problem:

I started my eight grade year really crushing school. I was a shoe-in for a highly esteemed magnet high school that had one of the best mathematics/science programs in the country. I was getting straight A's, 100's on every test, never missing one homework assignment, doing everything I could to push my grade ABOVE a 100% (i.e. extra credits at every turn). Amazingly enough, my parents were not satisfied. They said that I needed to get more of a social life, because they didn't want me to burn out in college like many other excellent students do. I said "ok" and became one of the most admired and popular kid in school with a girlfriend who is 16 and extrordinarilly hot. The answered my change of lifestyle by saying that I needed to participate more in sports, k? So now I'm the starting point gaurd for my Division 1 travel team, averaging 18 points a game. I am also first-string middie on my lacrosse A-team, averaging 5 goals a game. On swim team I hold league records for free and fly. Parents are still unhappy. Now I would like to ask one question of all you parents out there... WHAT THE F*CK MORE DO THEY WANT??!! Seriously! I figure I should just ignore them now, I can't think of anything more I should do. I don't mean to sound like a whiny little bitch, but no one I have asked has given me sound advice, so I wanted to try the IW forums

[ 07-12-2006, 08:14 PM: Message edited by: N^N ]

[Captain Obvious]

Well, i am not a parent, but was 14 only a few years ago (ok, like 10 years, but its close enough).

I would assume they must be extrodinarily proud of you already, as you seem the model child.

I can understand parents wanting to push their kids to reach their potential, and you clearly have a lot of that, but this seems a little beyond that. Are they suggesting you do extra things, or demanding it?

in my limited experience parents often wnat ot see their kids do well as much for themsleves as the child - kind of living through you. this, in my opinion is a Bad Thing, as your interests get forgotten.

To be honest mate, at 14 the world is your oyster, and all you need to do is find the pearl for you. Respect your parents views, but at the end of the day, YOU are living YOUR life, and i dont think they need to worry about you dropping out etc - you clearly have a drive to suceed that is your own, and nothing your parents say either way will stop you doing all you can to do well.

Of course, telling them to sod off will go down a bit like a lead balloon, but perhaps you could try explaining to them that you know what it takes to succeed, and that you will do what it takes.

You also need to live, all the academic and sporting awards in the world dont give life skills like going out and having fun with your friends.

Many (if not most) teenagers bum around at school becasue they think they are there for their parents (e.g to please them). Once they realise that they are doing it for themselves, they buck up their ideas. YOU already know this, so your folks dont need to worry.

This is probably no help; but know that you ARE a success, and that regardless of what your parents say, you WILL do well.

Live for you!

[Madman-Rogovich]

Firstly are they actually giving you grief about these aspects of you're life? or are they simply concerned and want you to do well?

It strikes me that you seem to be a model child, and if I was a parent if anything I'd be seriously worried that you're to good especially as you don't seem to have any of the traits I know I had aswell as many others of the 'difficult' teenager.

I put my folks through alot of bad things growing up, things I would neither condone or recommend but then it would always come down to the one thing - as long as I'm happy then the parents would always (sometimes eventually) find a way to accept it an be happy for me.

My advice would be don't try so hard to seek their approval, do you're own thing and I'm sure whatever that ends up being you're folks will be proud of you.

*phew* excuse the minor rant, when I find a tangent I have a tendency go off on it

[Marathon]

Just remember, there is no right way to be a parent, but several wrong ways. It sounds like your folks are pretty harsh on you, and undeservedly so. However, it also sounds like deep down they have your best interests at heart. Burn out? I had a buddy with a 35(!!) on his ACT test (midwest equivalent of the SAT if you're unfamiliar, max score of 36) with a full ride to a good school end up a messed up adult from exactly that. As a somewhat new parent (2 year old at home, another due in a month), it's easy to get caught up not wanting your kid to make the same stupid mistakes you did. At least they're trying. Just try to keep that in mind and not take it to heart, and have confidence that you're doing good regardless of what they get on you about. Besides, if they pushed you to be social and now you have a hot girlfriend, is that really so wrong?

[N^N]

You are right in at least one respect, marathon, my parents have driven me to even greater heights for most of my life, though most of the ambition I’ve had has been fueled by my own desire to achieve true greatness (and beat the snot out of everyone else in everything I do. I have a slight vain streak!). Of course I see that I need to live my own life, I could not have achieved very many things if my parents dragged me through life . I was just sort of enraged by the fact that everyone besides my parents can see the greatness inside of me, and their personal opinions are really the only ones that I think truly matter. Perhaps I think that their opinions matter most because I haven’t won them over yet? In most circumstances I am one of those people who can’t stand to disappoint or be looked down upon by others.

Oh, and I wanted to thank everyone for their words of encouragement, it really means a lot!

[ 07-12-2006, 10:58 PM: Message edited by: N^N ]

[Felix The Assassin]

You are being honed. Sharpened to a precise point. Embedded with knowledge of all that surronds you. You are being pushed into the quantitive dimension of excellence. There is no return, go with the flow. Absorb all that is presented to you and go forth and write innumberable papers about whatever flows freely.
The people that you call your parents are the "caretakers" of a future genius. It is their sole responsibility to ensure you achieve what only limited others have dared. To explore new ideas and take scientific risks into the highly secluded realm of atomic physics.

On a slow count to three, snap your fingers and awake from this mystic dream. Go forth and live life as a teenager. Do more than those around you, never settle for second place (aka: the first loser) "Live for The Moment".

I'am more than likely an overbearing parent that expects (Demands) the best for and from my child. A small star shinning in a large sky. Left Wing on a "Compet" all girls soccer team, who is headed to state tourny this year. Grades are never good enough yada, yada.

No need to answer these in public.
As a family, what is the life style?
How many days, or hours in each day is dedicated family gathering and discussion time for a week/day?
How many meals are consumed at one location, without any outside interference as a family?
Family physical activities?
Intellectual; Physical (Sport); Culinary; visitors are brought into the house per year/month/week/?


What do you do for fun?
Have you ever put a line in the water?
Have you ever fired a gun?
Can you identify poision ivy, oak, or sumac, from their surronding environment?
Can you tell the difference between a pre-hunt and post-hunt sound of a coyote pack?
Do you grow your own tomatoes, melons, squash, and corn in your back yard?

Of the highly intelligent people that I have personal experience with. They seem to have high priority lives with many hours spent in the work place. A limited schedule that prevents them from attending many family related activities. A vaction is planned into their hectic schedule where they re-learn those around them, and again six months from then they re-address those ideals.

I hope I have not offended anyone here. But I'm old school, and believe that family is the key to life, and everything else will follow suit. A child (7-16) should learn about their surronding, the environment, wildlife, and the art of self preservation while maintaining a high degree of academic exposure.

[Bungleau]

Ah... the eternal question. How do you please your parents....? The world may never really know.

As a parent, I can tell you that in my eyes, my job is to ensure that my kids, at the age of 18, are ready to go out into the world and make things happen. I expose them to new things, help them understand and interpret, and let them make mistakes (and hopefully learn from them).

As a kid, I remember taking my own ACTs and getting 3 scores over 30, and 29 in the fourth, social studies (or its equivalent... it's been a while). To put that in perspective, that's somewhere around a 98% or better performance level.

My mom's reaction? Too bad I'd traded out a social studies class in my sophomore year, or I would have done well there, too. My reaction? Go take a flying leap...

Interestingly, today she claims she never said that. But I was there... and I'm sure it had more meaning to me than it did to her.

Point I'd like to make to you... don't go trying to please them. Please yourself... because if you can look at the face in the mirror with pride every morning, and if you're satisfied with it, the rest of the world needs to join you. If they don't, don't worry about it.

That's the most important lesson you can learn from all of this, and the most important thing you can do as an adult. Become something that you can be proud of, and nobody else's opinions really matter.

However, they do feel damn nice when your parents, later on, can tell you how proud they are of you for what you've done. It may take them a while to get there, but they will....

Good luck, amigo. You sound like you're already an impressive person, and you'll continue to get better if you choose.

[Mack_Attack]

N^N

I am going to start of by saying keep up the good work. Sounds like you have a real good head on your shoulders. If your parents are anything like me. Deep dowin in side they are real proud of you.

Do not get so hung up on what your parents are saying. But... do not go out and not listen to them. I guess it is all about balancing. I only say the balance thing to you. Because it seems like you are a very smart kid. Parents are not perfect. And in the last decade being a parent can be one of the hardest things to be. With all the crazy peer pressure out there. And the changes from I when I was 14 year old to what a 14 year old is now is complete different.

Just enjoy life do well. And every once in a while go hay dad lets go through the foot ball around.

I hope I did not make the issue more confusing.

[Sever]

Originally posted by N^N: Ok, here's the thing... I am a 14-year old rising Freshman, and I feel like I can do nothing to appease my parents. I would like some advice from parents and other sons/daughters on what to do. Here is my problem: I started my eight grade year really crushing school. I was a shoe-in for a highly esteemed magnet high school that had one of the best mathematics/science programs in the country. I was getting straight A's, 100's on every test, never missing one homework assignment, doing everything I could to push my grade ABOVE a 100% (i.e. extra credits at every turn). Amazingly enough, my parents were not satisfied. They said that I needed to get more of a social life, because they didn't want me to burn out in college like many other excellent students do. I said "ok" and became one of the most admired and popular kid in school with a girlfriend who is 16 and extrordinarilly hot. The answered my change of lifestyle by saying that I needed to participate more in sports, k? So now I'm the starting point gaurd for my Division 1 travel team, averaging 18 points a game. I am also first-string middie on my lacrosse A-team, averaging 5 goals a game. On swim team I hold league records for free and fly. Parents are still unhappy. Now I would like to ask one question of all you parents out there... WHAT THE F*CK MORE DO THEY WANT??!! Seriously! I figure I should just ignore them now, I can't think of anything more I should do. I don't mean to sound like a whiny little bitch, but no one I have asked has given me sound advice, so I wanted to try the IW forums

Hmm. It sounds to me like you need a drug habit, N^N. No? Oh well, just a thought. If it's sound advice you're after, all i can give you (from my own experience) is this: Whatever they do to encourage you, and however they do it, don't hate 'em for it. It's their job. If you don't agree with their methods/motivations, then tell them. You're a smart kid. Maybe you don't have the edge over them, but something tells me it won't be that way for long. They'll know when to back off.

[Mozenwrathe]

Two words for you: stop worrying.

If you are happy with yourself and your achievements , you are doing far better than at least 33% of the North American population who may never be satisfied with anything they do, ever. If you are managing to do all that, have no adverse effects, and can still interact with people on a social level, you are doing far better than I ever did. For now, try to enjoy life and live up to your potential. Don't stay with the girlfriend if all she is for is to make your parents happy OR be a trophy. Be with the young lady for her own merits.

If your parents want to be voyeurs and live through you, that's fine. Just don't let them do all the driving for you from that back seat. And whatever you do, don't randomly drop out of stuff either just because you feel aggravated with your parents. It doesn't work, and you may regret such radical actions. And try to be more humble, because there's always evil people like myself willing to give freshmans a wedgie if they get too uppity. *winks and grins* Seriously, enjoy what you have right now.

[ 07-13-2006, 07:00 AM: Message edited by: Mozenwrathe ]