My story! PLEASE READ EVERYONE!

[Redblueflare]

Here's part of the story i'm writing now. If people would write back and tell me what you think i'd really appreciate it!

Six months it doesn't seem like such a long time does it? However it's plenty of time for one grow and mature, to become stronger and wiser, to gather plenty of stories to tell, and for the unfortunate to die. Six months means a lot to me, since I can only remember six months out of my fifteen years in life.


My name is Alan McCoy. I'm fifteen, and I'll be sixteen on New Years Day. I know for a fact, that no one forgets almost all of their entire life. I haven't I've never heard of an amnesia case lasting so long. I don't even remember my fifteenth birthday. Or any other for that matter! It's as if my entire life began a little after that. Nearly everything before then is a complete blank! (Except my name, age, and birthday of course.) I don't get it and I doubt I ever will.

Enough of what I don't remember. I should tell you a little about myself. First of all, I guess I'm pretty book smart. No I'm not self-conceited; I've been on the A honor roll since I can remember. (Which isn’t very far back is it?) The stuff comes easy to me. Somehow I already know what every teacher is trying to teach me. I’ve tried to tell them that, but they don’t believe me. I suppose I could prove I’m right. For example my geometry teacher for example refuses to believe I can do calculus easily. I could sit her down and do problem after problem, to prove it wasn’t just some fluke. Why should I waste my time though? Besides being way ahead of everybody else is not a bad thing.
I can be extremely sarcastic at times, and I have my own way of doing things. (If I haven't made that clear already.) If you're having trouble with something, I'm usually willing to lend a hand. (It depends on what you're doing and how crazy it is. If it's something insane I won't have anything to do with it!) Although I hate to admit it, I am a little bit shy. I'm not the type of person to just go up and chat with someone new. I need at least some kind of information about the person first.
One of the things I do remember is that I wasn't anything like I am now. I remember that I didn't used to be the type of person to go up and talk to anyone. I was the strong silent type, more shy then I am now, and somewhat of a loner. Someone or something changed that, but I have no idea what or who it was.
Oh yeah one last thing. I live Mapleville Connecticut. There are five of us. Mr. And Mrs. Stevenson, (I call them Richard and Tiffany.) Lance, Jemica, and me. The five of us live in a three-story red brick house. There's a big yard with two maples in the front, and two oaks in the back. There's a garden with all sorts of flowers, roses, tulips, lilies, name it and it's probably there. Tiffany is into gardening and spends much of her time outside. There's a stone path that goes to the front door and a porch out back. Richard uses that for barbecues.
You must have realized by now that the Stevensons are not my real family. Come on now why would your real parents not know a thing about you? There were a few difficulties at first. I understand how Lance felt when he was suddenly sharing his room with some unknown kid. It took Jemica a little while to get used to an older kid in the house. She'd been the oldest at first and was use to making most of the decisions. (At least for Lance.) They got over all that though. They Stevensons treat me like family now, and to me that's all that counts. (See I told you I wasn't self-conceited.)
It was Saturday ten p.m. I had just waken up and had wasted the entire day sleeping. I didn't know why I was so tired. I went to bed early the night before. On my dresser, there was a note. It said, "Alan didn't want to wake you up. We went out to eat. Will bring you back something." I stepped out of my room and was engulfed by a white light, and then everything went black.

When I came to, I was lying on a sandy beach. To the west, there were tall mountains. All of them were capped with snow, and most went high into the clouds. I was several miles away from them, but could tell they were steep, and difficult to climb, if not impossible. Behind me there was an ocean the water was so clear I could see all the way to the bottom. Further out I could see dolphins at play. Right in front of me there was a forest. I found it strange that a forest would be right in front of a beach, but there wasn’t anything normal about this.
“Alan?” a soft voice called. A girl around my age stepped out of the forest, and ran to me. “So you have returned.” She said looking at me. She was very pretty, the most beautiful girl I had seen in my life. She was about two of three inches taller than me, with long hair that went down her back. She wore a medallion with a suns engraving, and a crystal tiara crowned her head. She had large green eyes that danced with excitement.
“Who are you?” I asked her.
“You don’t remember me?” the girl asked obviously disappointed.
I recognize you. I thought to myself. I was positive I’d met her before. “I’ve seen you before somewhere.” I said.
“But you don’t exactly who I am?” she asked.
“No,” I began. So I was right, I had met her before.
“That makes this a little easier.” She interrupted. “Bye.” She turned to walk away.
“Krystal wait!” I shouted. Krystal disappeared, just vanished into thin air. Was she even real? I wondered. And how did I know her name? Krystal was her name I was sure of it, and as I looked around, the area started to feel strangely familiar like home almost. As if I’d been here before. This was all starting to get to weird, and I wanted some answers.
Something shining on the ground caught my attention. It was a mirror. It was carved completely out of emerald. There was a diamond pane where the glass should’ve been, and large diamonds all the way around it. I figured there would be something special about the mirror, but didn’t had a clue what. As soon as I picked it up a hole appeared. It was completely flat, so I could see everything behind it. It was black, and what seemed like electrical sparks jumped all over it. You have no idea how surprised I was to have the thing appear right in front of me like that. Without thinking, (My usual way of handling things!) I jumped in.

I fell out flat on a mountain flat on my face, it was a very high mountain, and I could see the clouds below me and the mountain went on even higher. I realized that this had to be one of the mountains I had stared at earlier, and that the mirror had somehow transported me there. “This could definitely be useful.” I said to myself. I could go anywhere I pleased in a second, if I find out how to get it to work.
There was a cave right in front of me, a torch dimly lit it, but I couldn’t see anything else. I walked into the cave. I wasn’t alone in there. Someone was having a conversation.
“Torch do you always keep it so dark in here?” a voice asked.
“I like it dark, it’s easier to catch would be dragon slayers off guard.” A very deep voice answered.
“I thought people had stopped that nonsense.” The first voice said.
“There are still a few that wish to challenge me”
“Like who?” the first voice wanted to know. “This cave is starting to get small for you. You’re more than eighty feet tall now. Besides you’re a mystic dragon, and the guardian of the earth!”
“Flare has a point Torch.” A third voice said. “I don’t know many people who would charge into any dragon’s cave, and especially not your own!”
“I know one.” Krystal said. “Alan would run right into places like this, sword at the ready! Don’t you remember Torch?”
“How could I forget?” the deep voice answered. (The deep voice was obviously Torch.)“He meant well, but would get in more danger than you and T.K. combined! I have enjoyed these six months of peace!”
“Oh come on, I know you’ve missed him just as much as the rest of us!” Krystal said laughing.
Torch laughed too, it was a sound that made the entire cave rumble.
“Well you don’t have to miss him any longer, he’s here.” The third voice said.
With those words several other torches were simultaneously. There was Krystal, a hawk with golden feathers, and a small white wolf, inside the cave with me. Right next to them though was the largest creature I’ve ever seen, a dragon! I t was a huge red one. It was lying on the floor and its body nearly touched the caves top. Its claws were extremely long and sharp, and its scales shined in the dim light. Its wings were tucked against its sides. I should’ve been scared, but there was a certain gentleness to this dragon. Despite it’s ferocious appearance. Somehow I knew it would remain friendly unless you were dumb enough to make it angry. Not only that but I recognized this dragon. I didn’t want to believe it myself, but Torch and I had met before.
“Alan so you do remember me.” Torch said. “Your eyes tell me so.”
“I am trying.” I said after a moment’s hesitation. “Torch is your name isn’t it?”
“It is.” Torch replied. “I’m surprised you would recognize the princess and myself. For we have grown much since the last time you’ve seen us.”
“Torch you don’t have to call me princess.” Krystal said.
“Old habit princess.” Torch teased turning to look at Krystal, who was now tapping her foot impatiently. From the look on her face, I could tell she had tried to change that old habit long ago.
“I’m happy that your memory has begun to return so soon.” Torch said.
“Where am I?” I asked. “What is going on?”
“This place has many names.” Torch began. “But it’s known to you only as the country of Kenton, your home.”
"I guessing I'm not on Earth anymore." I said.
"Technically you are." Torch said. "This planet is still Earth, but in a different dimension."
“Dimension?” I asked. “What do you mean?”
“A dimension is a parallel world, both similar and different in many ways to our own. For example, you are still on a planet that looks like earth from space, but the landscape, and cultures are completely different. Same planet different dimension.”
”Different dimension huh? How many dimensions are out there?” I asked.
“I can’t even begin to think of a number that would be close.” Torch said. “There are more than trillions of them. Anyway, you were both born and raised here.” Torch went on. “But you had to leave for a few months.”
“Why?” I asked.
“That is something, I want you to remember for yourself.” Torch explained. I didn’t bring you here to remind you of your worse days. All memories, both good and bad will return to you in time.”
”How much time?” I wanted to know.
“It depends on the memory. All memories of Krystal and your sister Tk should return soon.”
“Are you sure about that?” I asked doubtful.
“Positive.” Torch replied. “I’m almost always right about such things.”
“Torch could you speed this up please?” Krystal asked impatiently. “Alan and I have some catching up to do.”
Torch laughed making the entire cave shake. “I see.” He said. “Before you go there is something I must give you.” Torch handed me something with his tail. It was an egg. It was about the size of a basketball, and glowed with all the colors of the rainbow. As I held it in my hands it began to hatch.
“Put it down Alan.” Krystal said to me. “You don’t want to drop it.” I put the egg down gently on the cave floor, and watched as a small head, a dragon’s head forced its way through the hard shell. It was followed by a midsection and wings, and finally by a tail. Krystal and I watched breathless, as the dragon stared back at us fiery eyed.
“My son Red.” Torch explained. “Don’t worry the two of you will get along fine.”
Finally we meet Alan.” Red said as he flew to my shoulder. “We should be going. I’m sure Krystal has a lot to talk to you about.” A quick glance in Krystal’s direction told me she was just as dazed as I was. That fact helped me relax, just a little bit.
“Surprised I can speak?” Red asked.
“A little.” I admitted.
“It should be an everyday thing for a Icarian like you.” Red replied. “But I suppose even an Icarian can forget.”
”Icarian?” I asked confused. “What do you mean?”
“Are you just going to leave us here?” the hawk asked sharply. “We’ve been waiting on you forever.
“Sorry.” I apologized. “Who are you guys?”
“The names Flare.” The hawk said.
“A phoenix.” Red said to me.
“And I’m Snowball.” The wolf added.”
"What is he?" I asked.
“Well for one, he is a she." Red corrected. "Snowballs a Saber. She’s not a wolf unlike you may think. It seems like I have a lot to tell you about this world. You remember very little.”
“I remember almost nothing.” I corrected.


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Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I just don't have to listen.

Cool!


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[Charean]

Great story... you pulled me right in... waiting for the rest now!!!

Wonderful way of writing.. I am impressed!

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Defender for the Light -
Goodness knows there is a lot of Dark out there!! - Where are my matches?!?
Wandering Soul - Finding my life's calling is Bodhisattva
Looking for lost brain - I left it only for a moment....and there it goes... rolling under the table!!
Noticing that the Light has gotten further down a Dark Tunnel than expected... Time to get the Lantern... Knowing sooner or later - I will get to the End of this Tunnel to the Open Air once again...

[demus]

Wow, Cool, I take it your going to make a good story out of this
Keep us all posted as to whats going on, cos this looks like it could be a great story

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Nicodemus Deathslayer, Paladin and Undead Hunter of the Order of the Holy Flame

[caleb]

ITS CRAP I CANT BELIEVE YOU MADE ME READ THIS!!!! hehe j/k good work.

[RudeDawg]

VERY nice...
You have a very engaging style...

I'm starting to think I shouldn't post.

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[dafan]

awsome... keep writing and you'll soon will have a great book

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I'm a protector of good
a seeker of truth
a symbol of light
a man of honor

Originally posted by dafan: awsome... keep writing and you'll soon will have a great book

Very True Redblueflare! Just make sure you have it all copywrited so no one else can rake in the cash for it! You did an excellent job!


Moni

[Redblueflare]

Thanks everyone!!! I have a few questions though. Number one, that was four out of eighteen pages, so would you like to read more? Number two, exactly how do I get this thing copywrited? And number three, why do you think you should stop posting Rude Dawg? That's it. Thanks again!!!

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Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I just don't have to listen.

[Fljotsdale]

Hi, Red!
You have some nice ideas here! I enjoyed reading the story and would like to see the rest of it.
But you know I offer suggestions, don't you?
You need to grab the reader's attention FAST, or they stop reading. Therefore,
I suggest you condense your first 6 paragraphs. They go into too much detail and at the same time are too woolly. When portraying memory loss you need to be very careful not to 'know' too much!
Your story REALLY begins in paragraph 7, where it starts to get interesting.
You do need the introduction - just shorten and polish it!
When are we getting the next installment?

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