Uncertain future...

[NiceWorg]

.. well, future is always uncertain.. but this time to the point of making me seriously depressed. My gf lives in another country.. and she graduates next summer, whereas I just keep piling up more years to my education career, by either failing exams or setting too high expectations on those I pass.

And what´s worst, I think I´ve made a mistake in choosing my career path.. too late to cry now, I guess.

Anyway, Im really down. Everything´s grey, as grey as grey can be. I´ll be seeing a doc tomorrow, see if it helps.

Just wanted to let this out.. if you are having similar feelings, I´d like to hear about them. Some "not being alone" consolation always helps.

Cheers, NW

[Xen]

Yeah me too. My future is forseen-able. I would like to pass all exams but the school nearly drves me crazy. My cousin,he has really good education, but me...well I have to sweat...

[Epona]

Xen - I'm posting these song lyrics up for you, in the hope that they can bring a smile to your face:

My Perfect Cousin - Undertones

Now I've got a cousin called Kevin
He's sure to go to heaven
Always spotless clean and neat
The smoothest you can get them
He's got a fur lined sheepskin jacket
My ma said they cost a packet
She won't even let me explain
That me and Kevin were just not the same

Oh my perfect cousin
What I like to do he doesn't
He's his family's pride and joy
His mothers little golden boy

He's gotta degree in economics
Maths, physics and bionics
He thinks that I'm a cabbage
Cos I hate university challenge
Even at the age of ten
Smart boy Kevin was a smart boy then
He always beat me at Subbuteo
Cos he flicked the kick
And I didn't know

Oh my perfect cousin ..

His mother bought him a synthesizer
Got the Human League in to advise her
Now he's making lots of noise
Playing along with the art school boys
Girls try to attract his attention
But what a shame it's in vain total rejection
He will never be left on the shelf
Cos Kevin he's in love with himself

Oh my perfect cousin ...

[ 05-25-2003, 04:34 PM: Message edited by: Epona ]

[Charlie]

I feel for you Nice Worg.

I don't often suffer depression but the last 7 or 8 months, maybe longer have been psychologically draining. When I do fall into depression I'm not suicidal per se, just don't look after myself in any way shape or form. It's always hard to see forward. I think sometimes it's very hard for some people to understand. I personally think it's an illness, not being able to see straight or think positive is not "normal". Or better put, when you see this change in yourself you realise there's something abnormal about your mind, depresses you more. For me, depression can make me shitty and bitchy, right spiteful. Can turn me into a morose whiner, whingeing about anything. Can turn my self esteem so low that I really feel completely worthless, even so pathetic as to delete posts because now in my eyes my words seem unfit for anothers eyes, as if I'll taint them. These things of course depress me more. Seeing blatant changes in your own personality is also mentally crushing, knowing others can see it also hurts.... so the depressive cycle continues.

I think knowing why you are depressed is one thing, but overcoming it is completely different. Because we quite often can't overcome it by ourselves this too can be depressing. I pretty much know all my reasons, just can't always compartmentalise them, keep them in their place. Trying to help yourself can be depressive too. I've always been a very social person, big drinker, lots of mates that I meet or met regularly down the pub. Realising my drinking was compounding my depression I stayed out of the pub. Well let me tell you, if you've been going in pubs since you were 15, it's a big heave. Now my main social interraction is gone....very depressing in itself but it has to be done.

I so understand you when you say everything looks grey, grey, grey. The smallest things can take on enormous consequence, at least this happens in my case. Sometimes I look back at the triviality of the matter, see that my depressive head has made me see things wrong.....and so slip further into depression. Sometimes I (subconciously?) think people should know I'm down, should treat me with kid gloves, I get down when they don't. How can people know? I honestly amaze myself when I see my own stupidity sometimes. A further source of depression.

It's actually quite amazing the extremes depression can take you to, suicide obviously the ultimate. In my case I've had severe back pain for ages. Constant pain is obviously depressing in itself. I took a positive outlook a while back, try to get my mental and physical self back in shape. Because I pissed off some dear friends last week I slipped into a bad mental state. I despise myself when I hurt people. What do I do? Abandon all my medical care. Missed my X Ray appointment that I've waited an absolute age for and missed my doctors appointment for pain relief on friday. I'd been without any form of pain relief since monday, thought I'd hold out til friday, then don't bother. Madness!!

As it happens I felt a lot better after I thought things through Saturday evening. No point in staying down, down. I need to write a couple of apologies and get back on track with the doctors. It's important not to let the bad thoughts and memories take control.

Well, that's some of my little story, I don't know if you can take anything from that.

What I would say is you're taking the right steps. Try to keep your chin up son. You WILL get through this period of your life. You're a young man and believe me when I tell you thousands of young people go through the same things every day. Think positive friend, see your doctor and don't be afraid or ashamed to tell your friends you need a lift. Lots of people are here for you.

Best Wishes.

Charlie.

[LordKathen]

Well, at least you have us! Keep your chin up bro, things have a way of working out. Patience is the hardest part of waiting. Things will be fine. [img]smile.gif[/img]

[Harkoliar]

posted by niceworg ---------------------- .. well, future is always uncertain.. but this time to the point of making me seriously depressed. My gf lives in another country.. and she graduates next summer, whereas I just keep piling up more years to my education career, by either failing exams or setting too high expectations on those I pass.

charlie made a very nice comment regarding depression and such. and i want to make a few comment of my own since we are having a similar problem wherein my gf has already graduated and im still stuck here in college. based on my personal experience, i often get frustrated at myself at why am i still at school at my gf already graduating and off to work and cant help her out .. and it will be also for a while before i will graduate. sigh. just hang in there ..

[Gangrell]

I can sympathize with you on that Nice Worg, but chances are you are better off than I am. I've missed a lot of school here, and because of that my grades have suffered so it'll be quite hard for me to get into a very good college (had stomach ulsers, sinece infections, dislocated knee, etc.,). Yet some of them can't be helped. I've even had depression, yes at 16, I've had my stages of depression because of looking into past memories of when my life was rough too often. But trust me on this, it really really does help if you've got a friend there to get you through some things, and I'm not talking about a slap on the back friend, I'm talking about a friend that'll hear you out about it.

As for career choices, just go with what feels natural to you. I've got but one gift and that's writing, and some people see the imagination as something just anyone can manipulate. But the imagination opens up your mind to broader horizons and makes you a more creative thinker, and I've been that way as long as I can remember. It does get me down at times that I can't work with numbers as well as I think I should be able to, that I can't measure up to some other person's accomplishments, but I can always reassure myself in the end. Take ahold of your future and fly with it, don't be intimidated by the challenges or put more weight on your back by what you earn and your espectations. Trust me on this, I know this better than many other people.

If you ever need anyone to talk to, always remember you have the people here at IW to hear you out.

Take it Easy Nice Worg

[Melusine]

Originally posted by NiceWorg: .. well, future is always uncertain.. but this time to the point of making me seriously depressed. My gf lives in another country.. and she graduates next summer, whereas I just keep piling up more years to my education career, by either failing exams or setting too high expectations on those I pass.

Well, to this at least I can relate. I met my boyfriend when I started to study English in 1998. It was great being able to study together and we were on the same level for most things (including school, which made some teachers joke about how coincidental it was that we kept receiving the same grades ). Then I fell ill with a chronic disease and after a few months of struggling to keep up, I had to quit studying. Meanwhile my boyfriend went on to the next year and even went to Scotland for half a year (so I know the distance thing suck too!). I was too ill to study for two years and have only recently started to try and get back to it. I will hopefully manage to finish in three or four years. My boyfriend on the other hand has already completed most of his fifth year, is writing his dissertation soon and will probably graduate before the end of the year.
It is pretty frustrating, especially since we used to do things at the same time and now I'm suddenly two years behind. Makes me feel pretty stupid sometimes.
Well then, there was your "not being alone" moment, I hope. Don't fret too much, just make the best of what you DO have [img]smile.gif[/img]

And anyway, looking to the bright side, when your girlfriend graduates and finds a job, she'll be in a better financial situation, which hopefully means more visits to you!

Another thing since you mentioned your mistake in choosing an education...
Being unable to study for so long gave me plenty of time to consider that stuff. I started wondering if I'd really chosen the study I liked most of all, whether I shouldn't do something with my other interests/talents, etc. And I decided that I could always go on to learn in my spare time or even switch studies, at any time.
Grojlach is actually a good example - he's been quite ill a while back and at the time when I talked to him about it, he had been studying for three years even though he didn't really like what he was doing. Right now, he's planning to start studying English in September. [img]smile.gif[/img]

[ 05-26-2003, 06:50 AM: Message edited by: Melusine ]

[Stormymystic]

Depression is an illness, and most times can be treated with meds like prozac, which works for most people, but there is also a chemical imablance that causes depression that can form at a later date, and is best treated by zolft or effexor, but be wise to the meds side effects and drug interactions when discussing them with your doctor, depression I understand very well, I live with it every day pf my life, and will for the rest of my life, sometimes there is an inherited illness which can not be detected until something bad happens in your life, then it is a fight and struggle to get back up, so just remember depression is temporary....and well go away with help, but suicide is permanant, my doctor tells me this allthe time when I get really bad depressed, and here is a tip focus on something great in your life, itreally does help, I have my kids that keeps me going, what in your life has more power to you than your school?

[Bungleau]

And I will toss in my own thoughts on the career thing... don't let it bother you too much. Studies have shown that a huge percentage of people don't actually work in the areas they studied in school. I'm a good example -- I was a French major and Spanish minor in University, and I make my living as a computer consultant in the US. Not a whole lot of synergy there, lemme tell ya

I'm also fond of saying that I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, but until I figure it out, I'll keep doing what I'm doing. And then some... [img]smile.gif[/img]

Keep at it, amigo, and know that this is a good place to let off some steam or get some additional thoughts.

Peace.

*B*
Minister, etc. (ret.)