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10-12-2001, 02:11 PM
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#11 |
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Banned User
Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: VT, USA
Age: 63
Posts: 3,097
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Scene 22: The Bridgekeeper
GALAHAD: There it is! ARTHUR: The Bridge of Death! ROBIN: Oh, great. ARTHUR: Look! There's the old man from scene twenty-four! BEDEVERE: What is he doing here? ARTHUR: He is the keeper of the Bridge of Death. He asks each traveller five questions-- GALAHAD: Three questions. ARTHUR: Three questions. He who answers the five questions-- GALAHAD: Three questions. ARTHUR: Three questions may cross in safety. ROBIN: What if you get a question wrong? ARTHUR: Then you are cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril. ROBIN: Oh, I won't go. GALAHAD: Who's going to answer the questions? ARTHUR: Sir Robin! ROBIN: Yes? ARTHUR: Brave Sir Robin, you go. ROBIN: Hey! I've got a great idea. Why doesn't Launcelot go? LAUNCELOT: Yes. Let me go, my liege. I will take him single-handed. I shall make a feint to the north-east that s-- ARTHUR: No, no. No. Hang on! Hang on! Hang on! Just answer the five questions-- GALAHAD: Three questions. ARTHUR: Three questions as best you can, and we shall watch... and pray. LAUNCELOT: I understand, my liege. ARTHUR: Good luck, brave Sir Launcelot. God be with you. BRIDGEKEEPER: Stop! Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see. LAUNCELOT: Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I am not afraid. BRIDGEKEEPER: What... is your name? LAUNCELOT: My name is 'Sir Launcelot of Camelot'. BRIDGEKEEPER: What... is your quest? LAUNCELOT: To seek the Holy Grail. BRIDGEKEEPER: What... is your favourite colour? LAUNCELOT: Blue. BRIDGEKEEPER: Right. Off you go. LAUNCELOT: Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. ROBIN: That's easy! BRIDGEKEEPER: Stop! Who approacheth the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see. ROBIN: Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I'm not afraid. BRIDGEKEEPER: What... is your name? ROBIN: 'Sir Robin of Camelot'. BRIDGEKEEPER: What... is your quest? ROBIN: To seek the Holy Grail. BRIDGEKEEPER: What... is the capital of Assyria? [pause] ROBIN: I don't know that! Auuuuuuuugh! BRIDGEKEEPER: Stop! What... is your name? GALAHAD: 'Sir Galahad of Camelot'. BRIDGEKEEPER: What... is your quest? GALAHAD: I seek the Grail. BRIDGEKEEPER: What... is your favourite colour? GALAHAD: Blue. No, yel-- auuuuuuuugh! BRIDGEKEEPER: Hee hee heh. Stop! What... is your name? ARTHUR: It is 'Arthur', King of the Britons. BRIDGEKEEPER: What... is your quest? ARTHUR: To seek the Holy Grail. BRIDGEKEEPER: What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow? ARTHUR: What do you mean? An African or European swallow? BRIDGEKEEPER: Huh? I-- I don't know that. Auuuuuuuugh! BEDEVERE: How do know so much about swallows? ARTHUR: Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know. Mark |
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10-12-2001, 02:23 PM
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#12 |
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Banned User
Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: VT, USA
Age: 63
Posts: 3,097
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The Tale Of Sir Robin
[trumpets] NARRATOR: The Tale of Sir Robin. So, each of the knights went their separate ways. Sir Robin rode north, through the dark forest of Ewing, accompanied by his favourite minstrels. MINSTREL: [singing] Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot. He was not afraid to die, O brave Sir Robin. He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways, Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin! He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp, Or to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows broken, To have his kneecaps split and his body burned away And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin! His head smashed in and his heart cut out And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off And his pen-- SIR ROBIN: That's-- that's, uh-- that's enough music for now, lads. Heh. Looks like there's dirty work afoot. DENNIS: Anarcho-syndicalism is a way of preserving freedom. WOMAN: Oh, Dennis, forget about freedom. We haven't got enough mud. ALL HEADS (THREE-HEADED KNIGHT): Halt! [dramatic chord] Who art thou? MINSTREL: [singing] He is brave Sir Robin, brave Sir Robin, who-- ROBIN: Shut up! Um, n-- n-- n-- nobody, really. I'm j-- j-- j-- ju-- just, um-- just passing through. ALL HEADS: What do you want? MINSTREL: [singing] To fight and-- ROBIN: Shut up! Um, oo, a-- nothing. Nothing, really. I, uh-- j-- j-- just-- just to, um-- just to p-- pass through, good Sir Knight. ALL HEADS: I'm afraid not! ROBIN: Ah. W-- well, actually I-- I am a Knight of the Round Table. ALL HEADS: You're a Knight of the Round Table? ROBIN: I am. LEFT HEAD: In that case, I shall have to kill you. MIDDLE HEAD: Shall I? RIGHT HEAD: Oh, I don't think so. MIDDLE HEAD: Well, what do I think? LEFT HEAD: I think kill him. RIGHT HEAD: Oh, let's be nice to him. LEFT HEAD: Oh, shut up. ROBIN: Perhaps I could-- LEFT HEAD: And you. Oh, quick! Get the sword out. I want to cut his head off! RIGHT HEAD: Oh, cut your own head off! MIDDLE HEAD: Yes, do us all a favour! LEFT HEAD: What? RIGHT HEAD: Yapping on all the time. MIDDLE HEAD: You're lucky. You're not next to him. LEFT HEAD: What do you mean? MIDDLE HEAD: You snore! LEFT HEAD: Oh, I don't. Anyway, you've got bad breath. MIDDLE HEAD: Well, it's only because you don't brush my teeth. RIGHT HEAD: Oh, stop bitching and let's go have tea. LEFT HEAD: Oh, all right. All right. All right. We'll kill him first and then have tea and biscuits. MIDDLE HEAD: Yes. RIGHT HEAD: Oh, not biscuits. LEFT HEAD: All right. All right, not biscuits, but let's kill him anyway. ALL HEADS: Right! MIDDLE HEAD: He buggered off. RIGHT HEAD: So he has. He's scarpered. MINSTREL: [singing] Brave Sir Robin ran away, ROBIN: No! MINSTREL: [singing] Bravely ran away, away. ROBIN: I didn't! MINSTREL: [singing] When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled. ROBIN: No! MINSTREL: [singing] Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about ROBIN: I didn't! MINSTREL: [singing] And gallantly, he chickened out. Bravely taking to his feet, ROBIN: I never did! MINSTREL: [singing] He beat a very brave retreat, ROBIN: All lies! MINSTREL: [singing] Bravest of the brave, Sir Robin. ROBIN: I never! |
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10-12-2001, 02:35 PM
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#13 |
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Banned User
Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: VT, USA
Age: 63
Posts: 3,097
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Knights Who Say Ni
HEAD KNIGHT OF NI: Ni! KNIGHTS OF NI: Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! ARTHUR: Who are you? HEAD KNIGHT: We are the Knights Who Say... 'Ni'! RANDOM: Ni! ARTHUR: No! Not the Knights Who Say 'Ni'! HEAD KNIGHT: The same! BEDEVERE: Who are they? HEAD KNIGHT: We are the keepers of the sacred words: 'Ni', 'Peng', and 'Neee-wom'! RANDOM: Neee-wom! ARTHUR: Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale. HEAD KNIGHT: The Knights Who Say 'Ni' demand a sacrifice. ARTHUR: Knights of Ni, we are but simple travellers who seek the enchanter who lives beyond these woods. HEAD KNIGHT: Ni! KNIGHTS OF NI: Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!... ARTHUR: Ow! Ow! Ow! Agh! HEAD KNIGHT: We shall say 'ni' again to you if you do not appease us. ARTHUR: Well, what is it you want? HEAD KNIGHT: We want... a shrubbery! [dramatic chord] ARTHUR: A what? KNIGHTS OF NI: Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! ARTHUR and PARTY: Ow! Oh! ARTHUR: Please! Please! No more! We will find you a shrubbery. HEAD KNIGHT: You must return here with a shrubbery, or else, you will never pass through this wood... alive. ARTHUR: O Knights of Ni, you are just and fair, and we will return with a shrubbery. HEAD KNIGHT: One that looks nice. ARTHUR: Of course. HEAD KNIGHT: And not too expensive. ARTHUR: Yes. HEAD KNIGHT: Now... go! Mark |
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10-12-2001, 03:05 PM
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#14 |
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20th Level Warrior
 Join Date: September 6, 2001
Location: The lighter side of life, a.k.a. Newnan, Georgia
Age: 55
Posts: 2,767
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What about part two of Knights Who Say Ni? Do you have that? *looks hopefully at the screen*
------------------   Alureth...Dragon friend of Breanna, Mage and Advisor in the Court of Lady Lioness Co-Owner/Operator of the Evil Petting Zoo and devout member of the HADB clan. Commander of the Dragon Fleet, IW Peacekeeping Force Sublime Sister of the Illuminati - may the Light shine forever! Second Historian and Scribe of IW. Mother Hen of IW. Mage extraordinair, Pin-Up Girl for the OLD-COOTS Magey-Wagey: performer in the Nekked Dancing Trio of the ORT. Hopeless Romantic *sigh* |
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10-12-2001, 03:09 PM
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#15 |
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Iron Throne Cult
 Join Date: June 3, 2001
Location: There is no IRL, Only AFK.
Age: 35
Posts: 4,896
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i Love Monty Python!! Top Notch Entertainment!
Where Is The Bit About Brian The Shrubber? Get His Script Too! Well Done Skywalker!  ------------------ The Clan HADB Cleric Of Sephiroth + Nutella   BINKY The Founding Member, Cheif Architect AND Official Chanter Of O.R.TThe Order Of Royal Toads |
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10-12-2001, 03:42 PM
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#16 |
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Banned User
Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: VT, USA
Age: 63
Posts: 3,097
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How to Find that Perfect Shrubbery ARTHUR: Old crone! Is there anywhere in this town where we could buy a shrubbery? [dramatic chord] OLD CRONE: Who sent you? ARTHUR: The Knights Who Say 'Ni'. CRONE: Aggh! No! Never! We have no shrubberies here. ARTHUR: If you do not tell us where we can buy a shrubbery, my friend and I will say... we will say... 'ni'. CRONE: Agh! Do your worst! ARTHUR: Very well! If you will not assist us voluntarily,... ni! CRONE: No! Never! No shrubberies! ARTHUR: Ni! CRONE: [cough] BEDEVERE: Nu! ARTHUR: No, no, no, no, i-- BEDEVERE: Nu! ARTHUR: No, it's not that. It's 'ni'. BEDEVERE: Nu! ARTHUR: No, no. 'Ni'. You're not doing it properly. No. BEDEVERE: Ni! ARTHUR and BEDEVERE: Ni! ARTHUR: That's it. That's it. You've got it. ARTHUR and BEDEVERE: Ni! CRONE: Ohh! BEDEVERE: Ni! ARTHUR: Ni! CRONE: Agh! BEDEVERE: Ni! ARTHUR: Ni! BEDEVERE: Ni! ARTHUR: Ni! BEDEVERE: Ni! ROGER THE SHRUBBER: Are you saying 'ni' to that old woman? ARTHUR: Erm,... yes. ROGER: Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say 'ni' at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence upon this land. Nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress at this period in history. ARTHUR: Did you say 'shrubberies'? ROGER: Yes. Shrubberies are my trade. I am a shrubber. My name is 'Roger the Shrubber'. I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies. BEDEVERE: Ni! ARTHUR: No! No, no, no! No! Anddddd: Shrubbery or Herring? That is the Question ARTHUR: O Knights of Ni, we have brought you your shrubbery. May we go now? HEAD KNIGHT: It is a good shrubbery. I like the laurels particularly,... but there is one small problem. ARTHUR: What is that? HEAD KNIGHT: We are now... no longer the Knights Who Say 'Ni'. KNIGHTS OF NI: Ni! Shh! HEAD KNIGHT: Shh! We are now the Knights Who Say 'Ecky-ecky-ecky-ecky-pikang-zoop-boing-goodem-zu-owly-zhiv'. RANDOM: Ni! HEAD KNIGHT: Therefore, we must give you a test. ARTHUR: What is this test, O Knights of-- knights who till recently said 'ni'? HEAD KNIGHT: Firstly, you must find... another shrubbery! [dramatic chord] ARTHUR: Not another shrubbery! RANDOM: Ni! HEAD KNIGHT: Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must place it here beside this shrubbery, only slightly higher so you get the two-level effect with a little path running down the middle. KNIGHTS OF NI: A path! A path! A path! Ni! Shh! Knights of Ni! Ni! Ni! Shh! Shh!... HEAD KNIGHT: Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest... with... a herring! [dramatic chord] KNIGHTS OF NI: A herring! ARTHUR: We shall do no such thing! HEAD KNIGHT: Oh, please! ARTHUR: Cut down a tree with a herring? It can't be done. KNIGHTS OF NI: Aaaaugh! Aaaugh! HEAD KNIGHT: Augh! Ohh! Don't say that word. ARTHUR: What word? HEAD KNIGHT: I cannot tell, suffice to say is one of the words the Knights of Ni cannot hear. ARTHUR: How can we not say the word if you don't tell us what it is? KNIGHTS OF NI: Aaaaugh! HEAD KNIGHT: You said it again! ARTHUR: What, 'is'? KNIGHTS OF NI: Agh! No, not 'is'. HEAD KNIGHT: No, not 'is'. You wouldn't get vary far in life not saying 'is'. KNIGHTS OF NI: No, not 'is'. Not 'is'. BEDEVERE: My liege, it's Sir Robin! MINSTREL: [singing] He is packing it in and packing it up And sneaking away and buggering up And chickening out and pissing off home, Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge. ARTHUR: Sir Robin! ROBIN: My liege! It's good to see you. HEAD KNIGHT: Now he's said the word! ARTHUR: Surely you've not given up your quest for the Holy Grail? MINSTREL: [singing] He is sneaking away and buggering up-- ROBIN: Shut up! No, no. No. Far from it. HEAD KNIGHT: He said the word again! KNIGHTS OF NI: Aaaaugh! ROBIN: I was looking for it. KNIGHTS OF NI: Aaaaugh! ROBIN: Uh, here-- here in this forest. ARTHUR: No, it is far from this place. KNIGHTS OF NI: Aaaaugh! HEAD KNIGHT: Aaaaugh! Stop saying the word! The word... ARTHUR: Oh, stop it! HEAD KNIGHT: ...we cannot hear! Ow! He said it again! ARTHUR: Patsy! HEAD KNIGHT: Wait! I said it! I said it! [clop clop clop] Ooh! I said it again! And there again! That's three 'it's! Ohh! KNIGHTS OF NI: Aaaaugh!... Narrative Interlude NARRATOR: And so, Arthur and Bedevere and Sir Robin set out on their search to find the enchanter of whom the old man had spoken in scene twenty-four. Beyond the forest, they met Launcelot and Galahad, and there was much rejoicing. KNIGHTS: Yay! Yay! [woosh] NARRATOR: In the frozen land of Nador, they were forced to eat Robin's minstrels. MINSTREL: [high-pitched] Get back! Eee! NARRATOR: And there was much rejoicing. KNIGHTS: Yay! Mark |
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10-12-2001, 03:44 PM
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#17 |
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20th Level Warrior
Join Date: September 6, 2001
Location: The lighter side of life, a.k.a. Newnan, Georgia
Age: 55
Posts: 2,767
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ecky-ecky-ptang-zoom-*mumble, mumble*
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10-12-2001, 03:49 PM
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#18 |
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Banned User
Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: VT, USA
Age: 63
Posts: 3,097
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A Couple of French Knights
ARTHUR: Halt! [horn] Hallo! [pause] Hallo! FRENCH GUARD: Allo! Who is eet? ARTHUR: It is King Arthur, and these are my Knights of the Round Table. Whose castle is this? FRENCH GUARD: This is the castle of my master, Guy de Loimbard. ARTHUR: Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night, he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail. FRENCH GUARD: Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen. Uh, he's already got one, you see. ARTHUR: What? GALAHAD: He says they've already got one! ARTHUR: Are you sure he's got one? FRENCH GUARD: Oh, yes. It's very nice-a. (I told him we already got one.) FRENCH GUARDS: [chuckling] ARTHUR: Well, u-- um, can we come up and have a look? FRENCH GUARD: Of course not! You are English types-a! ARTHUR: Well, what are you, then? FRENCH GUARD: I'm French! Why do think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king-a?! GALAHAD: What are you doing in England? FRENCH GUARD: Mind your own business! ARTHUR: If you will not show us the Grail, we shall take your castle by force! FRENCH GUARD: You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottom, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Arthur King, you and all your silly English k-nnnnniggets. Thpppppt! Thppt! Thppt! GALAHAD: What a strange person. ARTHUR: Now look here, my good man-- FRENCH GUARD: I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! GALAHAD: Is there someone else up there we could talk to? FRENCH GUARD: No. Now, go away, or I shall taunt you a second time-a! [sniff] ARTHUR: Now, this is your last chance. I've been more than reasonable. FRENCH GUARD: (Fetchez la vache.) OTHER FRENCH GUARD: Quoi? FRENCH GUARD: (Fetchez la vache!) [mooo] ARTHUR: If you do not agree to my commands, then I shall-- [twong] [mooooooo] Jesus Christ! KNIGHTS: Christ! [thud] Ah! Ohh!... ARTHUR: Right! Charge! KNIGHTS: Charge! [mayhem] FRENCH GUARD: Hey, this one is for your mother! There you go. [mayhem] FRENCH GUARD: And this one's for your dad! ARTHUR: Run away! KNIGHTS: Run away! FRENCH GUARD: Thppppt! FRENCH GUARDS: [taunting] LAUNCELOT: Fiends! I'll tear them apart! ARTHUR: No, no. No, no. BEDEVERE: Sir! I have a plan, sir. Later... [wind] [saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw] [clunk] [bang] [rewr!] [squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak] [rrrr rrrr rrrr] [drilllll] [sawwwww] [clunk] [crash] [clang] [squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak...] [creak] FRENCH GUARDS: [whispering] C'est un lapin, lapin de bois. Quoi? Un cadeau. What? A present. Oh, un cadeau. Oui, oui. Allons-y. What? Let's go. Oh. On y va. Bon magne. Over here... [squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak...] [clllank] ARTHUR: What happens now? BEDEVERE: Well, now, uh, Launcelot, Galahad, and I, uh, wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the French, uh, by surprise. Not only by surprise, but totally unarmed! ARTHUR: Who leaps out? BEDEVERE: U-- u-- uh, Launcelot, Galahad, and I, uh, leap out of the rabbit, uh, and uh... ARTHUR: Ohh. BEDEVERE: Oh. Um, l-- look, i-- i-- if we built this large wooden badger-- [clank] [twong] ARTHUR: Run away! KNIGHTS: Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! [CRASH] FRENCH GUARDS: Oh, haw haw haw haw! Haw! Haw haw heh... Mark |
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10-12-2001, 03:56 PM
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#19 |
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Mephistopheles
 Join Date: July 11, 2001
Location: The Ashes
Age: 36
Posts: 1,427
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Here's one scene that would be very appropriate for the current times:
THE CASTLE ANTHRAX (but we are only blondes and brunettes between the ages of 16 and 19...  )
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10-12-2001, 04:01 PM
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#20 |
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Banned User
Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: VT, USA
Age: 63
Posts: 3,097
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As you wish!
The Tale of Sir Galahad GALAHAD: Open the door! Open the door! [pound pound pound] GALAHAD:In the name of King Arthur, open the door! [creak] [thump] [creak] [boom] GIRLS: Hello! ZOOT: Welcome, gentle Sir Knight. Welcome to the Castle Anthrax. GALAHAD: The Castle Anthrax? ZOOT: Yes. Oh, it's not a very good name, is it? Oh, but we are nice and we will attend to your every, every need! GALAHAD: You are the keepers of the Holy Grail? ZOOT: The what? GALAHAD: The Grail. It is here. ZOOT: Oh, but you are tired and you must rest awhile. Midget! Crapper! MIDGET and CRAPPER: Yes, O Zoot? ZOOT: Prepare a bed for our guest. MIDGET and CRAPPER: Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!... ZOOT: Away! Away, varletesses. The beds here are warm and soft and very, very big. GALAHAD: Well, look, I-- I, uh-- ZOOT: What is your name, handsome knight? GALAHAD: 'Sir Galahad... the Chaste'. ZOOT: Mine is 'Zoot'. Just 'Zoot'. Oh, but come. GALAHAD: Look, please! In God's name, show me the Grail! ZOOT: Oh, you have suffered much. You are delirious. GALAHAD: No, look. I have seen it! It is here in this-- ZOOT: Sir Galahad! You would not be so ungallant as to refuse our hospitality. GALAHAD: Well, I-- I, uh-- ZOOT: Oh, I am afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet compared to yours. We are but eight score young blondes and brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen-and-a-half, cut off in this castle with no one to protect us. Oooh. It is a lonely life: bathing, dressing, undressing, knitting exciting underwear. We are just not used to handsome knights. Nay. Nay. Come. Come. You may lie here. Oh, but you are wounded! GALAHAD: No, no. It's-- it's nothing. ZOOT: Oh, you must see the doctors immediately! No, no, please! Lie down. [clap clap] PIGLET: Well, what seems to be the trouble? GALAHAD: They're doctors?! ZOOT: Uh, they... have a basic medical training, yes. GALAHAD: B-- but-- ZOOT: Oh, come. Come. You must try to rest. Doctor Piglet! Doctor Winston! Practise your art. WINSTON: Try to relax. GALAHAD: Are you sure that's absolutely necessary? PIGLET: We must examine you. GALAHAD: There's nothing wrong with that! PIGLET: Please. We are doctors. GALAHAD: Look! This cannot be. I am sworn to chastity. PIGLET: Back to your bed! At once! GALAHAD: Torment me no longer. I have seen the Grail! PIGLET: There's no grail here. GALAHAD: I have seen it! I have seen it! [clank] I have seen-- GIRLS: Hello. GALAHAD: Oh. GIRLS: Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. GALAHAD: Zoot! DINGO: No, I am Zoot's identical twin sister, Dingo. GALAHAD: Oh, well, excuse me, I-- DINGO: Where are you going? GALAHAD: I seek the Grail! I have seen it, here in this castle! DINGO: Oh, no. Oh, no! Bad, bad Zoot! GALAHAD: Well, what is it? DINGO: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty Zoot! She has been setting alight to our beacon, which, I have just remembered, is grail-shaped. It's not the first time we've had this problem. GALAHAD: It's not the real Grail? DINGO: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil Zoot! She is a bad person and must pay the penalty! Do you think this scene should have been cut? We were so worried when the boys were writing it, but now, we're glad. It's better than some of the previous scenes, I think. LEFT HEAD: At least ours was better visually. DENNIS: Well, at least ours was committed. It wasn't just a string of ■■■■■ jokes. OLD MAN: Get on with it. TIM THE ENCHANTER: Yes, get on with it! ARMY OF KNIGHTS: Yes, get on with it! DINGO: Oh, I am enjoying this scene. GOD: Get on with it! DINGO: [sigh] [clunk] Oh, wicked, wicked Zoot. Oh, she is a naughty person and she must pay the penalty, and here in Castle Anthrax, we have but one punishment for setting alight the grail-shaped beacon: you must tie her down on a bed and spank her. GIRLS: A spanking! A spanking! DINGO: You must spank her well, and after you have spanked her, you may deal with her as you like, and then, spank me. AMAZING: And spank me. STUNNER: And me. LOVELY: And me. DINGO: Yes. Yes, you must give us all a good spanking! GIRLS: A spanking! A spanking! There is going to be a spanking tonight! DINGO: And after the spanking, the oral sex. GIRLS: The oral sex! The oral sex! GALAHAD: Well, I could stay a bit longer. LAUNCELOT: Sir Galahad! GALAHAD: Oh, hello. LAUNCELOT: Quick! GALAHAD: What? LAUNCELOT: Quick! GALAHAD: Why? LAUNCELOT: You are in great peril! DINGO: No, he isn't. LAUNCELOT: Silence, foul temptress! GALAHAD: You know, she's got a point. LAUNCELOT: Come on! We will cover your escape! GALAHAD: Look, I'm fine! LAUNCELOT: Come on! GIRLS: Sir Galahad! GALAHAD: No. Look, I can tackle this lot single-handed! DINGO: Yes! Let him tackle us single-handed! GIRLS: Yes! Let him tackle us single-handed! LAUNCELOT: No, Sir Galahad. Come on! GALAHAD: No! Really! Honestly, I can cope. I can handle this lot easily. DINGO: Oh, yes. Let him handle us easily. GIRLS: Yes. Let him handle us easily. LAUNCELOT: No. Quick! Quick! GALAHAD: Please! I can defeat them! There's only a hundred-and-fifty of them! DINGO: Yes! Yes, he will beat us easily! We haven't a chance. GIRLS: We haven't a chance. He will beat us easily... [boom] DINGO: Oh, shit. LAUNCELOT: We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril. GALAHAD: I don't think I was. LAUNCELOT: Yes, you were. You were in terrible peril. GALAHAD: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril. LAUNCELOT: No, it's too perilous. GALAHAD: Look, it's my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can. LAUNCELOT: No, we've got to find the Holy Grail. Come on! GALAHAD: Oh, let me have just a little bit of peril? LAUNCELOT: No. It's unhealthy. GALAHAD: I bet you're gay. LAUNCELOT: No, I'm not. Narrative Interlude NARRATOR: Sir Launcelot had saved Sir Galahad from almost certain temptation, but they were still no nearer the Grail. Meanwhile, King Arthur and Sir Bedevere, not more than a swallow's flight away, had discovered something. Oh, that's an unladen swallow's flight, obviously. I mean, they were more than two laden swallows' flights away-- four, really, if they had a coconut on a line between them. I mean, if the birds were walking and dragging-- CROWD: Get on with it! Mark |
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| Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
| What Monty Python Character are yo? | Gnarf | General Conversation Archives (11/2000 - 01/2005) | 32 | 04-29-2003 03:56 PM |
| Monty Python | Morgan_Corbesant | Neverwinter Nights 1 & 2 Also SoU & HotU Forum | 6 | 08-05-2002 01:24 PM |
| Monty Python | Legolas | General Conversation Archives (11/2000 - 01/2005) | 23 | 12-02-2001 09:06 AM |
| This Is For Neb (Monty Python Alert)! | skywalker | General Conversation Archives (11/2000 - 01/2005) | 17 | 10-29-2001 03:15 PM |
| Anyone here like Monty Python? | DragonMage | General Conversation Archives (11/2000 - 01/2005) | 45 | 09-10-2001 11:48 AM |
