I give up! Son's bike stolen AGAIN! Parental help?

[Sir Kenyth]

Originally posted by MagiK: I trust my 11 year old home alone...though Im not sure if I would on a regular basis where he could "plan" for it [img]smile.gif[/img]

Heh, heh! Planning is not my son's strong point. Not much to worry about there. He's not dangerous or anything. Just forgetful, dreamy, and procrastinating to the point of hair -pulling!

[Sazerac]

Hi, Sir Kenyth:

IMO, 10 years old is waaay too young to be left "home alone." No sooner than 12, would be my advice on that. It would depend on the individual kid, though.

It sounds like your young one is having a tough time growing up. It sounds as if he has a hard time learning a routine; things like "always lock your bike up when you come inside", "always brush your teeth before bed," etc. Most kids start picking this up around ages 5-7. If they stop doing it, it may be seen as a sign of rebelliousness, but I don't think that's what this is in this case.

Just out of curiosity, have you had him tested for any cognitive problems? If that is what it is, then no amount of lecturing or punishment will matter. A friend of mine has a learning disability called "dysgraphia" which is the inability to retain or follow instructions. She has to have a notebook with her wherever she goes, with the simplest methods of doing things written down in it so she can look them up. She also has an IQ of 125 and is a successful graphic artist, so it's not an intellectual problem. Things we normally take for granted on remembering are a nightmare for her.

Since you asked, I think normal 10-year-old development would indicate capability of handling simple responsibilities: caring for pets, daily hygiene, basic security issues (locking doors, taking care of one's personal belongings). Lapses occur, of course, but when they occur constantly without your having to be "on him" all the time, it's not a lapse...it's a problem.

Do talk with his pediatrician...get a viewpoint on what normal 10 year old development should be, and then make a decision as to what to do from there. I wish you the best.

-Sazerac

[Animal]

My daughter's ten and I wouldn't dream of leaving at home by herself, she's way to irresponsible. By the sounds of it, it's time your son learned the value of money. Don't buy him another bike, plain and simple. If he wants a bike, let him by it himself. I'm quite sure if he has to fork out the cash for it, he'll be a little more careful!
Sounds like our kids our very similiar. I can't give my daughter anything nice as it's usually destroyed or left somewhere within a week. I'm not quite sure what the solution is, but I have to be on top of Ashley 24/7 hounding her to pick up her things, clean her room, drain her tub, flush her toilet, etc...She is getting better, but has a long way to go before I'd consider her responsible.

[The Hunter of Jahanna]

Sir K , your son and my son should hang out so they can loose things together!! My step son is 10 and on his 3rd gameboy in 6 months!! He has a habit of putting things down and forgetting them. kind of like out of my hand , out of my mind. He has a list as long as my arm of things that he has lost. He is also lazy about house work and school work to the point of claiming to be ill if we push him to do his chores. Our solution was to get together with his dad and come up with a standardized written rule and point system for both houses. He can earn a total of 12 points a day.Every time he does something with out haveing to be told it is worth 1 point, everytime we have to tell him he loses 1 point. At the end of the week the points are totaled up and we see where he is at. less than 40 points for the week and he is grounded for the weekend, Between 40 and 60 and he gets a small reward like going swimming or renting a movie, over 60 points and he get a big reward like going to the movies or to an amusement park.

To earn money we let him do yard work at my parents house. My parents have a pretty big house on an acre of land , so there is a lot to do. Each job is worth a couple of bucks. Dusting is $3, vacumeing is $2, cutting grass is $5,hauling tree brances is $7. The more he works the more he earns. I have noticed since my dad has been putting him to work he hasnt lost very many of the things he has bought with the money. Then again , my dad just recently retired after 30 yrs in the Army so the way he deals with my step son might have something to do with it.

[slackerboy]

Originally posted by Sir Kenyth: Heh, heh! Planning is not my son's strong point. Not much to worry about there. He's not dangerous or anything. Just forgetful, dreamy, and procrastinating to the point of hair -pulling!

your son sounds just like me at his age (and now for that matter ) I always stayed home with my little brother since i was 11.
I was, and still am: forgetful, dreamy, and procrastinating. I dont think its something you learn or unlearn its just the way you are.
And as far as learning the value of things, and i dont mean to be discuraging, i never learned that lesson until i moved out on my own and had to fend for myself. once the money started coming out of my own (non-disposable) income, i truly saw how valuable it was. I still suffer from not taking care of things like i know i should, but i'm alot better than i was 13-14 years ago.

[Madman-Rogovich]

Originally posted by Sir Kenyth: [/qb]

Heh, heh! Planning is not my son's strong point. Not much to worry about there. He's not dangerous or anything. Just forgetful, dreamy, and procrastinating to the point of hair -pulling![/QB][/QUOTE]

sounds like me at 10 man seriously i was just as bad as is slacker i think its kinda a normal thing man and like slacker i am better now i know value

[ 07-15-2002, 08:03 PM: Message edited by: Madman-Rogovich ]

On the subject of children being at home by themselves...my own son was a latch-key kid at the age of 8 and was very responsible about security. For any of you that want to shake the finger of shame at me, well I had neighbors that called child protective services, who in turn called my son before I got home from work one day...their ruling was that he was intelligent enough and responsible enough to be fine on his own for an hour every weekday. It did become a rule after that (which he followed) not to answer the phone at all while I was not home.
It really does depend on the kid...I was a latch-key kid along with some siblings and as responsible as I was, that did not stop one of my siblings from literally burning down the house before mom came home one day. If you have worries about the security of your belongings and your son while he is home alone, by all means, make other arrangements that will insure he is looked after by a responsible adult.
Saz makes good points about it being something just beyond a lack of responsibility and you really should seek some professional opinion to determine if there is an underlying cause.
About the bike...if you feel bad enough for him to buy him another, make him work and save up for it...let him see money come in, accumulate slowly, and then go out all at once on one item...it might make him appreciate its value more. Good Luck with the whole ordeal, you sound like you really have your hands full!

[ 07-15-2002, 08:23 PM: Message edited by: Moni ]

[Madman-Rogovich]

a latch key kid? an american term?

yes, a latch-key kid is any child who has to come home to an empty house after school and be responsible until their parents get home. [img]smile.gif[/img]

[Madman-Rogovich]

i see , in that case i was one from about 8 yrs onward but i coped infact i enjoyed it [img]smile.gif[/img]