Great Jokes! (Post more if you want!)

Sir Goulum · 05-13-2002, 06:37 PM

Success

At age 5, success is not peeing your pants.
At age 16, success is being able to drive a car.
At age 20, success is having sex.
At age 30, success is having money.
At age 50, success is having money.
At age 60, success is having sex.
At age 70, success is being able to drive a car.
At age 80, success is not peeing your pants.
(note how it reverses!)

The 4 Stages of Life

1. You believe in Santa Clause.
2. You don't believe in Santa Clause.
3. You think like Santa Clause.
4. You look like Santa Clause.

Knitting

A police officer was driving around on his patrols, when he saw a blonde woman knitting while she was driving (no offence to blondes!!!!). He started going after her and he turned his sirens on. Then he yelled through his blow-horn "PULLOVER!". The blonde replied "NO IT'S A SCARF!".

Space Adventures!

An American, a Russian and a Blonde woman were having a discussion about space achievments. The Russian said "We were the first to make it into space!". The American said "Well, we were the first to land on the moon!". The blonde then said "Oh ya? WE will be the first to land on the sun!". The Russian said "You can't land on the sun! You'll burn up!". The blonde replied "We aren't stupid you know! We are going to do it at night!!!!" (no offence to blondes intended again)

[ 05-13-2002, 06:46 PM: Message edited by: Sir Goulum ]

the new JR Jansen · 05-13-2002, 06:41 PM

I'm 27 and can't drive a car. Doesn't mean i'm not succesfull.

Sir Goulum · 05-13-2002, 06:45 PM

Ah true JR, but success is also, at age 4, not peeing your pants! I assume you don't do THAT anymore!

the new JR Jansen · 05-13-2002, 06:48 PM

Uhm :embarrassed:, whem i'm really, really, really, really drunk

.

[ 05-13-2002, 06:49 PM: Message edited by: the new JR Jansen ]

Sir Goulum · 05-13-2002, 06:50 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by the new JR Jansen:
Uhm :embarrassment:, whem i'm really, really, really, really drunk .

*Tries to stifle a laugh* LOL! I'm sorry but that is hilarious! It really is.

the new JR Jansen · 05-13-2002, 06:51 PM

Thought you might like it.

Glorfindel · 05-14-2002, 03:21 AM

I do like the success one..... The kniting one was ok as well [img]smile.gif[/img] but I have heard the space on before [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img]

Paladin2000 · 05-14-2002, 03:29 AM

Took this one from one of the joke boards (Ezboard):

how to clean a cat
------------------

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water and have both lids lifted.

3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape).

CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any surface they can find.

The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three to four times. This provides "powerwash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can and quickly lift both lids.

8. The now clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and run outside where he will dry himself.

Downunda · 05-14-2002, 07:06 AM

Why do farts smell? For the benefit of deaf people.

05-14-2002, 07:27 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Sir Goulum:
Success

Knitting

A police officer was driving around on his patrols, when he saw a blonde woman knitting while she was driving no offence to blondes!!!!). He started going after her and he turned his sirens on. Then he yelled through his blow-horn "PULLOVER!". The blonde replied "NO IT'S A SCARF!".

Space Adventures!

An American, a Russian and a Blonde woman were having a discussion about space achievments. The Russian said "We were the first to make it into space!". The American said "Well, we were the first to land on the moon!". The blonde then said "Oh ya? WE will be the first to land on the sun!". The Russian said "You can't land on the sun! You'll burn up!". The blonde replied "We aren't stupid you know! We are going to do it at night!!!!" (no offence to blondes intended again)

Sir Goulum really is a complete ass! (no offense to Sir Goulum of course!)

05-13-2002, 06:37 PM	#1
Sir Goulum John Locke Join Date: February 7, 2002 Location: Edmonton, Canada Age: 35 Posts: 8,985	Success At age 5, success is not peeing your pants. At age 16, success is being able to drive a car. At age 20, success is having sex. At age 30, success is having money. At age 50, success is having money. At age 60, success is having sex. At age 70, success is being able to drive a car. At age 80, success is not peeing your pants. (note how it reverses!) The 4 Stages of Life 1. You believe in Santa Clause. 2. You don't believe in Santa Clause. 3. You think like Santa Clause. 4. You look like Santa Clause. Knitting A police officer was driving around on his patrols, when he saw a blonde woman knitting while she was driving (no offence to blondes!!!!). He started going after her and he turned his sirens on. Then he yelled through his blow-horn "PULLOVER!". The blonde replied "NO IT'S A SCARF!". Space Adventures! An American, a Russian and a Blonde woman were having a discussion about space achievments. The Russian said "We were the first to make it into space!". The American said "Well, we were the first to land on the moon!". The blonde then said "Oh ya? WE will be the first to land on the sun!". The Russian said "You can't land on the sun! You'll burn up!". The blonde replied "We aren't stupid you know! We are going to do it at night!!!!" (no offence to blondes intended again) [ 05-13-2002, 06:46 PM: Message edited by: Sir Goulum ]

05-13-2002, 06:41 PM	#2
the new JR Jansen Drizzt Do'Urden Join Date: May 8, 2002 Location: chocolate land Age: 49 Posts: 696	I'm 27 and can't drive a car. Doesn't mean i'm not succesfull. __________________ JR<br /><br /><br /><br />It\'s me. The guy with the cloak big enough for a fire giant and the long nose.<br />Owner of the most visited woodshed in Ironworks\' history.

05-13-2002, 06:48 PM	#4
the new JR Jansen Drizzt Do'Urden Join Date: May 8, 2002 Location: chocolate land Age: 49 Posts: 696	Uhm :embarrassed:, whem i'm really, really, really, really drunk . [ 05-13-2002, 06:49 PM: Message edited by: the new JR Jansen ] __________________ JR<br /><br /><br /><br />It\'s me. The guy with the cloak big enough for a fire giant and the long nose.<br />Owner of the most visited woodshed in Ironworks\' history.

05-13-2002, 06:51 PM	#6
the new JR Jansen Drizzt Do'Urden Join Date: May 8, 2002 Location: chocolate land Age: 49 Posts: 696	Thought you might like it. __________________ JR<br /><br /><br /><br />It\'s me. The guy with the cloak big enough for a fire giant and the long nose.<br />Owner of the most visited woodshed in Ironworks\' history.

05-14-2002, 03:29 AM	#8
Paladin2000 Fzoul Chembryl Join Date: February 19, 2002 Location: Your guess is as good as mine. Age: 52 Posts: 1,728	Took this one from one of the joke boards (Ezboard): how to clean a cat ------------------ 1. Thoroughly clean the toilet. 2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water and have both lids lifted. 3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any surface they can find. The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this. 5. Flush the toilet three to four times. This provides "powerwash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective. 6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door. 7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can and quickly lift both lids. 8. The now clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and run outside where he will dry himself. __________________ (This is an invisible sig.)

05-13-2002, 06:45 PM	#3
Sir Goulum John Locke Join Date: February 7, 2002 Location: Edmonton, Canada Age: 35 Posts: 8,985	Ah true JR, but success is also, at age 4, not peeing your pants! I assume you don't do THAT anymore!

05-14-2002, 03:21 AM	#7
Glorfindel Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice Join Date: January 9, 2002 Location: Mt. Gambier, Australia Age: 36 Posts: 3,337	I do like the success one..... The kniting one was ok as well [img]smile.gif[/img] but I have heard the space on before [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img]

05-14-2002, 07:06 AM	#9
Downunda Set - Egyptian God of Chaos Join Date: January 7, 2002 Location: Christchurch, New Zealand Age: 45 Posts: 2,975	Why do farts smell? For the benefit of deaf people. __________________ \"Doing stuff is overrated, like Hitler, he did lots of stuff, but doesn\'t everybody wish he\'d just stayed at home and smoked pot?!?\"

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Post your Jokes here	Sythe	General Discussion	37	08-09-2005 09:51 PM
Jokes Collum, Send in your best jokes here!!	Dude 77	Wizards & Warriors Forum	2	02-24-2003 11:53 AM
A few more jokes I forgot to post here before :D	Vaskez	General Conversation Archives (11/2000 - 01/2005)	4	02-05-2002 02:25 PM
Post Jokes Here	Pain-Wrath	General Conversation Archives (11/2000 - 01/2005)	12	07-08-2001 12:38 PM
Post your Redneck Jokes Here	BladeMaster	General Conversation Archives (11/2000 - 01/2005)	14	06-15-2001 05:00 PM