Music Jokes

Melusine · 05-17-2001, 04:07 PM

Yorick, I really felt we should share some of them...
Here are some more music jokes, esp. for you fellow sopranos out there

Q: What do you see when you look up an alto's dress?
A: A tenor.

Q: How many altos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They can't get that high!

Q: How does a singer change a light bulb?
A: She/he holds it and the world revolves around her/him.

Q: What's the difference between a singer and a toilet?
A: A toilet doesn't follow you around after you use it.

Q: How do you know if a singer is at the front door?
A: She can't find her key.

Q: What's the difference between a soprano and a Porsche?
A: Most musicians have never been in a Porsche.

Q: What's the first thing a soprano does in the morning?
A: Puts on her clothes and goes home.

Q: What's the second thing a soprano does in the morning?
A: Looks for her instrument.

Q: What's the difference between a soprano and the PLO?
A: You can negotiate with the PLO.

Q: What's the difference between a soprano and a pirhana?
A: Lipstick.

Q: What's the difference between a soprano and a pit bull?
A: Jewelry.

Q: What's the definition of an alto?
A: A soprano who can sight-read.

Q: What's the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a baby elephant?
A: Eleven pounds.

Q: Why do high school choruses travel so often?
A: Keeps assassins guessing.

Q: What's the definition of an optimist?
A: A choral director with a mortgage.

Q: What is the difference between a high school choral director and a chimpanzee?
A: It's scientifically proven that chimpanzees are able to communicate with humans.

Q: How many country & western singers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change the bulb and two to sing about the old one.

Q: How are musicians like linoleum?
A: Lay them good once and you can walk on them forever.

Q: Generally speaking, how late does a band play?
A: About two beats behind the drummer.

Q: What does it say on a blues singer's tombstone?
A: "Well...I didn't wake up this mornin'..."

Q: What will it take to reunite The Beatles?
A: Three more bullets.

Q: What would Jerry Garcia be doing, if he were alive today?
A: Clawing at the lid of his coffin.

Q: What was the last thing to go through Kurt Cobain's mind?
A: His teeth.

Q: What were Kurt Cobain's last words?
A: "Hole is really going to be big."

Definition of a string quartet: a good violinist, a bad violinist, a would-be violinist and someone who hates the violin getting together to complain about composers.

Q: How many reggae musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Light bulb? We spent da' money on spliffs, mon!

Q: Why did the drummer have a heart attack?
A: He met a guitarist who could count triplets.

What was the last thing the drummer said before he got kicked out of the band? "Hey, I wrote some lyrics last night."

Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A: A drummer

Q: How can you tell a drummer is walking behind you?
A: You can hear his knuckles dragging on the ground.

Q: What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
A: You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once.

Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They have machines to do that now.

Q: Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in the car?
A: He had to break the window to get the drummer out!

Q: How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando?
A: Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm.

Q: Why do bands have bass players?
A: To translate for the drummer.

Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: "Why? Oh, wow! Is it like dark, man?"
A: Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't just be pushed in.
A: Two: one to hold the bulb, and one to turn his throne (but only after they figure out that you have to turn the bulb).
A: Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.
A: None. They have a machine to do that.

Maybe I should have posted these in Vicotnik/JJ's thread.... sorry!

------------------
Melusine, Archbabe of the Order of the Holy Flame and the Laughing Hyenas, &
Official Entertainer Elf of the BG2 Bar

Your voice is ambrosia

[This message has been edited by Melusine (edited 05-17-2001).]

Reeka · 05-17-2001, 04:12 PM

ROFLMAO! Melusine: I really know people like this! Scary!

------------------
O_H_F

Melusine · 05-17-2001, 04:16 PM

So do I, so do I

We sopranos get a good hiding as well don't we? ~grin~
My drumming boyfriend was pissed for a week (j/k) when I told him this one

Q: How can you tell a drummer is walking behind you?
A: You can hear his knuckles dragging on the ground.

Especially since he likes to think of himself as wellread and erudite (he is, actually, that's why I liked to taunt him with that joke

)

------------------
Melusine, Archbabe of the Order of the Holy Flame and the Laughing Hyenas, &
Official Entertainer Elf of the BG2 Bar

Your voice is ambrosia

[This message has been edited by Melusine (edited 05-17-2001).]

[This message has been edited by Melusine (edited 05-17-2001).]

Reeka · 05-17-2001, 04:21 PM

You're right. Sopranos do catch it! Have you ever noticed the shocked expression on a choir director's face when they discover you are a soprano that can read? (Of course when they find that out you usually get moved to alto.)

------------------
O_H_F

Sazerac · 05-17-2001, 04:36 PM

Melusine: Fantastic! ROFLMAO!!

(and still laughing!)

One more for your repertoire:

Q: How many rock guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 100: 1 to do it and 99 to stand around, shaking their heads, and saying "S**t, man, I could'a done that!"

Melusine · 05-17-2001, 04:49 PM

Reeka: LOL!
Sazerac: thanks! That's a good one!

------------------
Melusine, Archbabe of the Order of the Holy Flame and the Laughing Hyenas, &
Official Entertainer Elf of the BG2 Bar

Your voice is ambrosia

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05-17-2001, 04:07 PM	#1
Melusine Dracolisk Join Date: January 8, 2001 Location: Amsterdam, The Netherlands Age: 43 Posts: 6,541	Yorick, I really felt we should share some of them... Here are some more music jokes, esp. for you fellow sopranos out there Q: What do you see when you look up an alto's dress? A: A tenor. Q: How many altos does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. They can't get that high! Q: How does a singer change a light bulb? A: She/he holds it and the world revolves around her/him. Q: What's the difference between a singer and a toilet? A: A toilet doesn't follow you around after you use it. Q: How do you know if a singer is at the front door? A: She can't find her key. Q: What's the difference between a soprano and a Porsche? A: Most musicians have never been in a Porsche. Q: What's the first thing a soprano does in the morning? A: Puts on her clothes and goes home. Q: What's the second thing a soprano does in the morning? A: Looks for her instrument. Q: What's the difference between a soprano and the PLO? A: You can negotiate with the PLO. Q: What's the difference between a soprano and a pirhana? A: Lipstick. Q: What's the difference between a soprano and a pit bull? A: Jewelry. Q: What's the definition of an alto? A: A soprano who can sight-read. Q: What's the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a baby elephant? A: Eleven pounds. Q: Why do high school choruses travel so often? A: Keeps assassins guessing. Q: What's the definition of an optimist? A: A choral director with a mortgage. Q: What is the difference between a high school choral director and a chimpanzee? A: It's scientifically proven that chimpanzees are able to communicate with humans. Q: How many country & western singers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Three. One to change the bulb and two to sing about the old one. Q: How are musicians like linoleum? A: Lay them good once and you can walk on them forever. Q: Generally speaking, how late does a band play? A: About two beats behind the drummer. Q: What does it say on a blues singer's tombstone? A: "Well...I didn't wake up this mornin'..." Q: What will it take to reunite The Beatles? A: Three more bullets. Q: What would Jerry Garcia be doing, if he were alive today? A: Clawing at the lid of his coffin. Q: What was the last thing to go through Kurt Cobain's mind? A: His teeth. Q: What were Kurt Cobain's last words? A: "Hole is really going to be big." Definition of a string quartet: a good violinist, a bad violinist, a would-be violinist and someone who hates the violin getting together to complain about composers. Q: How many reggae musicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Light bulb? We spent da' money on spliffs, mon! Q: Why did the drummer have a heart attack? A: He met a guitarist who could count triplets. What was the last thing the drummer said before he got kicked out of the band? "Hey, I wrote some lyrics last night." Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? A: A drummer Q: How can you tell a drummer is walking behind you? A: You can hear his knuckles dragging on the ground. Q: What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine? A: You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once. Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. They have machines to do that now. Q: Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in the car? A: He had to break the window to get the drummer out! Q: How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando? A: Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm. Q: Why do bands have bass players? A: To translate for the drummer. Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: "Why? Oh, wow! Is it like dark, man?" A: Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't just be pushed in. A: Two: one to hold the bulb, and one to turn his throne (but only after they figure out that you have to turn the bulb). A: Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins. A: None. They have a machine to do that. Maybe I should have posted these in Vicotnik/JJ's thread.... sorry! ------------------ Melusine, Archbabe of the Order of the Holy Flame and the Laughing Hyenas, & Official Entertainer Elf of the BG2 Bar Your voice is ambrosia [This message has been edited by Melusine (edited 05-17-2001).]

05-17-2001, 04:12 PM	#2
Reeka Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice Join Date: March 2, 2001 Location: Birmingham, Alabama, USA Age: 70 Posts: 3,255	ROFLMAO! Melusine: I really know people like this! Scary! ------------------ O_H_F

05-17-2001, 04:16 PM	#3
Melusine Dracolisk Join Date: January 8, 2001 Location: Amsterdam, The Netherlands Age: 43 Posts: 6,541	So do I, so do I We sopranos get a good hiding as well don't we? ~grin~ My drumming boyfriend was pissed for a week (j/k) when I told him this one Q: How can you tell a drummer is walking behind you? A: You can hear his knuckles dragging on the ground. Especially since he likes to think of himself as wellread and erudite (he is, actually, that's why I liked to taunt him with that joke ) ------------------ Melusine, Archbabe of the Order of the Holy Flame and the Laughing Hyenas, & Official Entertainer Elf of the BG2 Bar Your voice is ambrosia [This message has been edited by Melusine (edited 05-17-2001).] [This message has been edited by Melusine (edited 05-17-2001).]

05-17-2001, 04:21 PM	#4
Reeka Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice Join Date: March 2, 2001 Location: Birmingham, Alabama, USA Age: 70 Posts: 3,255	You're right. Sopranos do catch it! Have you ever noticed the shocked expression on a choir director's face when they discover you are a soprano that can read? (Of course when they find that out you usually get moved to alto.) ------------------ O_H_F

05-17-2001, 04:36 PM	#5
Sazerac Ironworks Moderator Join Date: January 7, 2001 Location: Monroe, LA Age: 60 Posts: 7,387	Melusine: Fantastic! ROFLMAO!! (and still laughing!) One more for your repertoire: Q: How many rock guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: 100: 1 to do it and 99 to stand around, shaking their heads, and saying "S**t, man, I could'a done that!"

05-17-2001, 04:49 PM	#6
Melusine Dracolisk Join Date: January 8, 2001 Location: Amsterdam, The Netherlands Age: 43 Posts: 6,541	Reeka: LOL! Sazerac: thanks! That's a good one! ------------------ Melusine, Archbabe of the Order of the Holy Flame and the Laughing Hyenas, & Official Entertainer Elf of the BG2 Bar Your voice is ambrosia

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