Men strike back! Viva la testosterone!

[caleb]

I have a dream. One day men and women will treat each other as equals. They will agree the woman is always wrong and make the man a sandwich. They will say "Yes I AM on my period. Im sorry I was being such a witch" ......I have a dream. Until that time we will post jokes about the other sex my brothers.

HOW TO BE POLITICALLY CORRECT WITH A WOMAN

She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.

She is not a BAD COOK - She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.

She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY - She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED.

She is not CONCEITED - She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES.

She does not want to be MARRIED - She wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION.

She does not GAIN WEIGHT - She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER.

She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.

She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

She is not TOO SKINNY - She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT.

She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE - She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE.

She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS - She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT.

She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.

She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME - She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE.

She does not GO SHOPPING - She is MALL FLUENT.

She is not an AIR HEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.

She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

She does not get FAT or CHUBBY - She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY.

She is not COLD or FRIGID - She is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE.

She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP - She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION.

She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE

How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...."

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!

What are two reasons why women don't mind their own business?

1) No mind.
2) No business.

What Men Want - a Dennis Miller Rant
"I know the myth is that men want:

Traci Lords in the bedroom, Julia Child in the kitchen, Hazel around the house, Lesley Visser during a game, Mary Poppins for the children, Cha Cha Muldowney in traffic, Dr. Quinn, Medicine Chick when we're sick, Mary Richards at work, Mother Theresa when we come home with leprosy, Gertrude Stein in conversation, the body of Sophia Loren in 'Boy on a Dolphin' combined with the voice of Sade, and to top it all off, the IQ of Anna Nicole Smith, because we don't want to feel too threatened.

So if that's the myth of what we want, what's the reality? Well, first put that Cosmo article down right now and back slowly away from the magazine.

Now go to the window and take a deep breath. You must clear your head of bullcrap articles like "How to Trick Your Man into Cooking Tex-Mex". Trick me? How about asking me? And then I'll be able to tell you I don't have a freaking clue what Tex-Mex is, okay?!

All right, I'm not supposed to do this. I'm not supposed to reveal the master list to all you non-tripods, but what the hell; here goes: Here's what men want from women. One through Ten:

1. We want you to understand that we don't give a crap about clothes. All right! Yours or ours. All we need is one pair of tennies and a pair of church shoes. That's it!

2. Don't talk to us when the television is on. All right! Very simple.. television is off.. we talk. Television is on.. we don't talk.

3. When you're behind the wheel of a car and want to get aggressive.. that's fine, but don't give somebody the finger and expect me to defend your honor when steroid lad comes over swinging a pair of nunchucks.

4. Would it kill you to watch Godfather with me for the 57th time?

5. Hey, I'm sorry that some of us see a beautiful sunset and think, "Hey I betcha' my accountant is boning me up the ass!"

6. You go see Nell by yourself. I met enough chicks like that at Helena's when I was single.

7. Have a sense of humor. Without a sense of humor a relationship lasts as long as a sumo in the Boston Marathon.

8. Work out your job related anger before we have sex. Just because Helmut, the office boy, brought you a cup of lima bean consume, instead of a bowl of lima bean consume from Soup Plantation... I don't want to end up in the friction burn groin ward at Ceder's Sinai.

9. Don't ask us to cry. As much as you say you want us to cry... you hate it when we cry. I've tried crying in front of my wife... she enjoyed it for about 30 seconds and started thinking, "Why in the hell did I marry this hamster?"

10. Be patient. Hold us. Love us unconditionally. Help us out of this testostorone enduced fog, and lead us into the light... Or if that's asking too much how's 'bout a big sloppy blowjob once in awhile!

"Of course that's just my opinion..."

Rules Men Wish Women Knew

1. If you think you are fat, you probably are.
Do not ask us. We refuse to answer.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, Put it down.

3. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than
short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that
married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.

4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if
we can find the perfect present yet again!

5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect
an answer you do not want to hear.

6. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

7. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun
formation and monster trucks.

8. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or
the changing of the tides. Let it be.

9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never
going to think of it that way.

10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely
anything you wear is fine. Really.

11. You have enough clothes.

12. You have too many shoes.

13. Crying is blackmail.

14. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.

15. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work.
Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!

16. No, we do not know what day it is. We never will.
Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

17. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult.
We are bound to miss sometimes.

18. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you
think we'd be any good at choosing which pair,
out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

19. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable
answers to almost every question.

20. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That
is what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

22. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

23. Check your oil.

24. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.

25. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.

26. No, it does not matter which quiz.

27. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
All comments become null and void after 7 days.

28. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

29. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of
the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

30. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it is genetic.

31. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

32. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us
how you want it done-not both.

33. Whenever possible, please say whatever
you have to say during commercials.

34. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

35. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose
their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

36. More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses.
We like staring at boobs.

37. The relationship is never going to be like it was
the first two months we were going out.

38. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings.
Peach is a fruit, not a color.

39. Pumpkin is also a fruit.

40. If it itches, it will be scratched.

41. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

42. If it is OUR house, I do not understand why
MY stuff gets thrown in the closet/attic/basement.

43. We are not mind readers and we never will be.
Our lack of mind-reading ability is not
proof of how little we care about you.

44. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are
lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

45. If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly
fantasize about having sex with her. But do not worry;
the fantasy includes you AND her, together.

[Avatar]

I say HAIL CALEB the visionary! [img]graemlins/thewave.gif[/img]
Down with the girl calling herself by my name Avy! [img]tongue.gif[/img] [img]tongue.gif[/img] [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Men are better! (OOh dear, I am in so much trouble now. Gonna get spanked by Eternity )

[Dundee Slaytern]

[Ar-Cunin]

[img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img]

And I have to write this sentense - otherwise this post would be SPAM

[Grojlach]

Originally posted by Avatar: Men are better! (OOh dear, I am in so much trouble now. Gonna get spanked by Eternity )

As if you have any problems with that...

[caleb]

Did someone say bondage? [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img]

[Earthdog]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Caleb you truly are a genius. I think that summed it up as well as anything could ever possibly be summed up. Good onya [img]smile.gif[/img]

[caleb]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH I JUST TURNED IN TO HATHOR! OH CRUEL IRONY!

[Donut]

Ho ho! A testosterone thread. Ring any bells Mouse?

[caleb]

The revolution looks good my fellow males. A agent was dispatched to the enemys thread and the attack was a success.

http://www.ironworksforum.com/ubb/cg...10&t=008584&p=