Why has it always gotta be so hard?

Sir ReGiN · 01-16-2002, 01:11 PM

I need guidance [img]smile.gif[/img]
This is the situation..
I recently had a very tough break-up with a girl I was (and still is) very much in love with..
But she had an affair with some guy I didn't know..
Of course I felt very angry about it, how could she do this to me?
But I loved that girl so much, that I was prepared to ignore that that had ever happened..
So we talked and talked, and I talked to many other people, but in the end, we decided it would be better to brake up..
So I accepted it, and moved on, though it was very hard..
This all happened several months ago, and I hadn't thought about it much, until a few days ago..when one of my room-mates tell me he wants to have a talk with me..
He told me he had started dating this same girl (her name is Elsa), apparently they had met at some mutual friends party, and that it was pretty serious..
He asked me if it was all right with me..
I said, Sure!, why wouldn't it? I was over her anyway..
But I'm not..I realized I still love her, and having her in my life once again (which is un-avoidable, since I and the guy, share the same apartement) is going to be very awkward..
But I can't forbid him from seeing her, of course..
But he is a my friend, and I feel like I wanna tell him how I feel..but I'm not sure how..
Now we're not best friends..I don't feel that I can talk to him about *anything*, and If he gets mad, it will probarbly get very tense..
So you see, I don't know wether I should talk to him or not, and if I do, what the hell am I gonna say..
Thanks for any of your thoughts [img]smile.gif[/img]

fable · 01-16-2002, 01:25 PM

The main problem isn't your friend: it's your unwilingness to let go of a person who obviously regards any relationship with you as finished. My advice, for what little it's worth, is to drop the matter. Get out, get involved in other activities, find someone new. It isn't love; you haven't known her long enough to really know her thoroughly. It's a heavy infatuation, and that's easy to break, provided you give it a good, hardy try. [img]smile.gif[/img]

Morgeruat · 01-16-2002, 01:43 PM

hey, I know exactly how you feel, I went through the same type of thing, twice, not quite as serious though, but it ended up destroying the friendship between me and one of my best friends, I can't stand the guy anymore, my advice is to tell him how you feel, and that it is very uncomfortable for you, it probably won't change anything if he's determined to see her, but you should come to some sort of agreement, like letting you know when/if she'll be around so you can avoid the situation, and if it is still too fresh a wound you could ask him not to discuss the relationship with you at all.

And feelings that run deep are hard to destroy, some are impossible, what worked for me the first time my roommate did this was I quit talking to the girl, and have him not discuss the relationship.

Sir ReGiN · 01-16-2002, 03:32 PM

Fable: That was a good point, but it feels like I'm sorta trapped..
See, I have to study alot these days, so I'm often at home, and so is he, and just the thought of seeing her, and with another man, makes me feel very strange..
But maybe you are right though, maybe it'll just be better if I shut up, I don't know..

Morguerat: Nice to hear about someone who's gone throught the same thing [img]smile.gif[/img]
But still, I think sneaking out when she's coming over feels a little..I don't know, ridicoulous..
Even though that's what I want, to just run away..
But you think I should talk to him?
Do you have any ideas how to put it? That's also a big question [img]smile.gif[/img]

[ 01-16-2002: Message edited by: Sir ReGiN ]

Morgeruat · 01-16-2002, 03:46 PM

quote:
Originally posted by Sir ReGiN:

Morguerat: Nice to hear about someone who's gone throught the same thing [img]smile.gif[/img]
But still, I think sneaking out when she's coming over feels a little..I don't know, ridicoulous..
Even though that's what I want, to just run away..
But you think I should talk to him?
Do you have any ideas how to put it? That's also a big question [img]smile.gif[/img]

[ 01-16-2002: Message edited by: Sir ReGiN ]

lol, thanx, it's just too bad someone else has to go through it too, yeah it is kinda ridiculous, but sometimes ignorance really is bliss.

If you value him as a friend I do think you should talk to him, it's frighteningly easy to build resentment in a situation like this, and it is extremely stressfull.

I spent some 96 hours awake when it happened the first time, I don't know your friend so I don't know how to go about bringing it up. I'm not that great at speaking to people in the first place, especially about how I feel, but just be honest, you really can't ask him not to, after telling him it was ok, it would be making him choose between friends, something that very few friendships can take, the only way it really got resolved with me was that I got promoted and moved into a different barracks room, so I have no useful advice for you here either.

Be honest and hope for the best.
good luck [img]smile.gif[/img]

Lifetime · 01-17-2002, 04:57 AM

Hmm.. so your girl broke up with you because she was having an affair with your roommate? Yikes thats got to be uncomfortable..

But hey tell him how you feel. Thats why he wants to talk to you anyway, so just go for it. I'm just glad I dont face your situation. Either way, you'll lose out, so maybe its better to try and cut your losses..

Sir ReGiN · 01-17-2002, 09:15 AM

quote:
Originally posted by Lifetime:
Hmm.. so your girl broke up with you because she was having an affair with your roommate? Yikes thats got to be uncomfortable..

But hey tell him how you feel. Thats why he wants to talk to you anyway, so just go for it. I'm just glad I dont face your situation. Either way, you'll lose out, so maybe its better to try and cut your losses..

No no, she didn't know my room-mate when I and her were together, she had an affair with some other guy..

Ares · 01-17-2002, 09:28 AM

I too, have had an experience like this, not once, not twice, but 3 freakin times!!

The 2 best things to do are to either tell the guy it makes you uncomfortable , or to just not say a thing and leave when she comes over...I know it sounds ridiculous, but you will probably have a nervous breakdown just thinking about how you still "love" her..

-Ares

250 · 01-17-2002, 09:28 AM

sorry, my toughskinned but softhearted dwarven comarade. it is defnitely akward. Boy, is it hard to let go someone you love sodeeply. perhaps it even hurts to think about the whole thing. sorry man, as a friend, I dont wish to see this happening to you.

I would say the advice given you are great. you sound trapped to me. and perhaps (I guess) a little resentful? be honest to your feelings is all I say. best wishs, my friend.

we can always have a few rounds of ale, and let go all the f***ed ups. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Sir ReGiN · 01-17-2002, 09:33 AM

quote:
Originally posted by 250:
sorry, my toughskinned but softhearted dwarven comarade. it is defnitely akward. Boy, is it hard to let go someone you love sodeeply. perhaps it even hurts to think about the whole thing. sorry man, as a friend, I dont wish to see this happening to you.

I would say the advice given you are great. you sound trapped to me. and perhaps (I guess) a little resentful? be honest to your feelings is all I say. best wishs, my friend.

we can always have a few rounds of ale, and let go all the f***ed ups. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Thank you two-fifty...women are very mysterious aren't they..
And I wouldn't mind those beers either

Well, thank you all, and from your advice, I have decided to talk to the guy, I mean, what's the worst thing that could happen?
Well, apart from us having a huge fight, but it's better to risk that then being unhappy, right?
We'll see what happens [img]smile.gif[/img]

01-16-2002, 01:11 PM	#1
Sir ReGiN Gold Dragon Join Date: August 11, 2001 Location: The land of blonde virgins Age: 42 Posts: 2,563	I need guidance [img]smile.gif[/img] This is the situation.. I recently had a very tough break-up with a girl I was (and still is) very much in love with.. But she had an affair with some guy I didn't know.. Of course I felt very angry about it, how could she do this to me? But I loved that girl so much, that I was prepared to ignore that that had ever happened.. So we talked and talked, and I talked to many other people, but in the end, we decided it would be better to brake up.. So I accepted it, and moved on, though it was very hard.. This all happened several months ago, and I hadn't thought about it much, until a few days ago..when one of my room-mates tell me he wants to have a talk with me.. He told me he had started dating this same girl (her name is Elsa), apparently they had met at some mutual friends party, and that it was pretty serious.. He asked me if it was all right with me.. I said, Sure!, why wouldn't it? I was over her anyway.. But I'm not..I realized I still love her, and having her in my life once again (which is un-avoidable, since I and the guy, share the same apartement) is going to be very awkward.. But I can't forbid him from seeing her, of course.. But he is a my friend, and I feel like I wanna tell him how I feel..but I'm not sure how.. Now we're not best friends..I don't feel that I can talk to him about anything, and If he gets mad, it will probarbly get very tense.. So you see, I don't know wether I should talk to him or not, and if I do, what the hell am I gonna say.. Thanks for any of your thoughts [img]smile.gif[/img] __________________ Take a look at your Promised Land<br />Your deed is that gun in your hand

01-16-2002, 01:43 PM	#3
Morgeruat Jack Burton Join Date: October 16, 2001 Location: PA Age: 43 Posts: 5,421	hey, I know exactly how you feel, I went through the same type of thing, twice, not quite as serious though, but it ended up destroying the friendship between me and one of my best friends, I can't stand the guy anymore, my advice is to tell him how you feel, and that it is very uncomfortable for you, it probably won't change anything if he's determined to see her, but you should come to some sort of agreement, like letting you know when/if she'll be around so you can avoid the situation, and if it is still too fresh a wound you could ask him not to discuss the relationship with you at all. And feelings that run deep are hard to destroy, some are impossible, what worked for me the first time my roommate did this was I quit talking to the girl, and have him not discuss the relationship. __________________ "Any attempt to cheat, especially with my wife, who is a dirty, dirty, tramp, and I am just gonna snap." Knibb High Principal - Billy Madison

01-16-2002, 03:46 PM	#5
Morgeruat Jack Burton Join Date: October 16, 2001 Location: PA Age: 43 Posts: 5,421	quote: Originally posted by Sir ReGiN: Morguerat: Nice to hear about someone who's gone throught the same thing [img]smile.gif[/img] But still, I think sneaking out when she's coming over feels a little..I don't know, ridicoulous.. Even though that's what I want, to just run away.. But you think I should talk to him? Do you have any ideas how to put it? That's also a big question [img]smile.gif[/img] [ 01-16-2002: Message edited by: Sir ReGiN ] lol, thanx, it's just too bad someone else has to go through it too, yeah it is kinda ridiculous, but sometimes ignorance really is bliss. If you value him as a friend I do think you should talk to him, it's frighteningly easy to build resentment in a situation like this, and it is extremely stressfull. I spent some 96 hours awake when it happened the first time, I don't know your friend so I don't know how to go about bringing it up. I'm not that great at speaking to people in the first place, especially about how I feel, but just be honest, you really can't ask him not to, after telling him it was ok, it would be making him choose between friends, something that very few friendships can take, the only way it really got resolved with me was that I got promoted and moved into a different barracks room, so I have no useful advice for you here either. Be honest and hope for the best. good luck [img]smile.gif[/img] __________________ "Any attempt to cheat, especially with my wife, who is a dirty, dirty, tramp, and I am just gonna snap." Knibb High Principal - Billy Madison

01-17-2002, 04:57 AM	#6
Lifetime Red Dragon Join Date: March 3, 2001 Location: Scotch College, Melbourne Posts: 1,503	Hmm.. so your girl broke up with you because she was having an affair with your roommate? Yikes thats got to be uncomfortable.. But hey tell him how you feel. Thats why he wants to talk to you anyway, so just go for it. I'm just glad I dont face your situation. Either way, you'll lose out, so maybe its better to try and cut your losses.. __________________ \'Cause its always raining in my head. Forget all the things I should have said..

01-17-2002, 09:15 AM	#7
Sir ReGiN Gold Dragon Join Date: August 11, 2001 Location: The land of blonde virgins Age: 42 Posts: 2,563	quote: Originally posted by Lifetime: Hmm.. so your girl broke up with you because she was having an affair with your roommate? Yikes thats got to be uncomfortable.. But hey tell him how you feel. Thats why he wants to talk to you anyway, so just go for it. I'm just glad I dont face your situation. Either way, you'll lose out, so maybe its better to try and cut your losses.. No no, she didn't know my room-mate when I and her were together, she had an affair with some other guy.. __________________ Take a look at your Promised Land<br />Your deed is that gun in your hand

01-16-2002, 01:25 PM	#2
fable Quintesson Join Date: March 17, 2001 Location: Where I am. Posts: 1,089	The main problem isn't your friend: it's your unwilingness to let go of a person who obviously regards any relationship with you as finished. My advice, for what little it's worth, is to drop the matter. Get out, get involved in other activities, find someone new. It isn't love; you haven't known her long enough to really know her thoroughly. It's a heavy infatuation, and that's easy to break, provided you give it a good, hardy try. [img]smile.gif[/img]

01-16-2002, 03:32 PM	#4
Sir ReGiN Gold Dragon Join Date: August 11, 2001 Location: The land of blonde virgins Age: 42 Posts: 2,563	Fable: That was a good point, but it feels like I'm sorta trapped.. See, I have to study alot these days, so I'm often at home, and so is he, and just the thought of seeing her, and with another man, makes me feel very strange.. But maybe you are right though, maybe it'll just be better if I shut up, I don't know.. Morguerat: Nice to hear about someone who's gone throught the same thing [img]smile.gif[/img] But still, I think sneaking out when she's coming over feels a little..I don't know, ridicoulous.. Even though that's what I want, to just run away.. But you think I should talk to him? Do you have any ideas how to put it? That's also a big question [img]smile.gif[/img] [ 01-16-2002: Message edited by: Sir ReGiN ]

01-17-2002, 09:28 AM	#8
Ares Avatar Join Date: October 24, 2001 Location: Manetheren Age: 37 Posts: 556	I too, have had an experience like this, not once, not twice, but 3 freakin times!! The 2 best things to do are to either tell the guy it makes you uncomfortable , or to just not say a thing and leave when she comes over...I know it sounds ridiculous, but you will probably have a nervous breakdown just thinking about how you still "love" her.. -Ares

01-17-2002, 09:28 AM	#9
250 Horus - Egyptian Sky God Join Date: March 4, 2001 Location: either CA or MO Age: 42 Posts: 2,674	sorry, my toughskinned but softhearted dwarven comarade. it is defnitely akward. Boy, is it hard to let go someone you love sodeeply. perhaps it even hurts to think about the whole thing. sorry man, as a friend, I dont wish to see this happening to you. I would say the advice given you are great. you sound trapped to me. and perhaps (I guess) a little resentful? be honest to your feelings is all I say. best wishs, my friend. we can always have a few rounds of ale, and let go all the f***ed ups. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

01-17-2002, 09:33 AM	#10
Sir ReGiN Gold Dragon Join Date: August 11, 2001 Location: The land of blonde virgins Age: 42 Posts: 2,563	quote: Originally posted by 250: sorry, my toughskinned but softhearted dwarven comarade. it is defnitely akward. Boy, is it hard to let go someone you love sodeeply. perhaps it even hurts to think about the whole thing. sorry man, as a friend, I dont wish to see this happening to you. I would say the advice given you are great. you sound trapped to me. and perhaps (I guess) a little resentful? be honest to your feelings is all I say. best wishs, my friend. we can always have a few rounds of ale, and let go all the f***ed ups. [img]tongue.gif[/img] Thank you two-fifty...women are very mysterious aren't they.. And I wouldn't mind those beers either Well, thank you all, and from your advice, I have decided to talk to the guy, I mean, what's the worst thing that could happen? Well, apart from us having a huge fight, but it's better to risk that then being unhappy, right? We'll see what happens [img]smile.gif[/img] __________________ Take a look at your Promised Land<br />Your deed is that gun in your hand

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