Ladys! For dumping your guy...

[Arvon]

Form Letter for Dumping a Man

Dear _______________,

I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut.

I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening come available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition:

(Check those that apply)

1. ___Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.

2. ___Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.

3. ___The fact that our first dining experience to date has left MY wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter!

4. ___Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.

5. ___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.

6. ___Your constant emailing, shows me you have way too much time on your hands!

7. ___Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT into my pants, then you can't GET into my pants.

8. ___You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess.

9. ___You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck condition from trying to kiss you.

10. ___You have a hairy back.

11. ___I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.

12. ___The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.

13. ___The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.

14. ___You still live with your parents.

15. ___Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek uniforms a little disconcerting.

16. ___Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.

17. ___Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking in a long term partner.

18. ___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should, however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your application.

19. ___Somehow I doubt those condoms that I found in your overnight bag were really necessary for a successful business trip.

20. ___I am out of your league; set your sights lower next time.

Sincerely, _________________________________

[Sir ReGiN]

[img]graemlins/lol.gif[/img]
[img]graemlins/hidesbehindsofa.gif[/img]

[Melusine]

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Ooooh, very good! *saves a copy in Word*

[Micah Foehammer]

LOL .. truly outstanding .....

But its only fair to offer an alternative for the guys out there:
__________________________________________________ ______________

Form letter for dumping a woman


Dear ________________________,

I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further consideration as the potential Mrs. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the
final cut.

I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening come available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition:

(Check all those that apply)


(1) ___ While I consider all life sacred, I DO draw the line at head lice. Please do something about this for your own sake.

(2) ___ I don't expect you to enjoy my enthusiasm for sports, I DO expect you to at LEAST be able to SPELL NFL or NBA.

(3) ___ The fact that you buy spermicidal jelly in 55 gallon drums makes me think that you might be a health risk.

(4) ___ An appreciation for the arts does not mean getting hot for the bulge in the lead ballet dancers tights.

(5) ___ The GAP usually refers to a yuppy clothes store: in your case, it defines your front teeth (or lack of same).

(6) ___ Asking for a copy of my financial and health records on our first date makes me question the potential for a true long term relationship.

(7) ___ Manners count. Using the claw of a lobster as a toothpick may be de-rigeur in the south pacific, but not when dining out.

(8) ___ Hearing "I was just passing by and thought I would stop in" is a bit hard to swallow since you live 1500 miles away. Do I need a court order?

(9) ___ You are an excellent lover; at least that's what my best friend tells me.

(10) __ The fact that your mustache is nicer looking than mine annoys me to NO end.

(11) __ I worry that our children could have birth defects. You should really ask your father not to slip you the tongue in public when he kisses you. Also, Your brother is getting VERY jealous and this could leave to bloodshed.

(12) __ You are not height and weight proportionate. Either grow another foot taller or shed 100 pounds.

(13) __ Your legs are hairier than mine.

(14) __ You should visit a plastic surgeon. While I enjoy Star Trek, having a girl friend who likes a Klingon is NOT acceptable.

(15) __ Learn to cook. Charcoal is NOT one of the four food groups.

(16) __ Thank you for returning my car after borrowing it six months ago. Can you tell me where you put the radio and the front and rear bumpers, please?

(17) __ I admire people who love animals. I can tell that you love your dog a lot: the Polaroids I found prove that without a doubt.

(18) __ Our last dinner out cost me enough to pay for a round the world cruise. Eating an entire rack of lamb was bad enough, but did you have to suck the marrow out the bones too?

(19) __ Career goals do not include "Screwing your way into Upper management".

(20) __ Please clean your apartment. My doctor says the skin rashes I developed should clear up, but he thinks the black lung may be untreatable.

You should really try to find someone who has more in common with you. Try your own species next time.

Thank you,

__________________________

[Micah Foehammer]

By the way ... my apologies to anyone who was offended by anything in that last post.

[Avatar]

quite dark!

Hmmmm so you are under the assumption that you are the last girl alive with an ego the size of the sun

[Sir Kenyth]

When you find Mr. or Ms. "Right", you often find out that their first name is "Always".