01-02-2004, 06:24 PM | #1 |
Ninja Storm Shadow
Join Date: March 27, 2001
Location: Northport,Alabama, USA
Age: 62
Posts: 3,577
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You would really have to dig to get this kind of ringside seat to history:
1. The first German serviceman killed in WW2 was killed by the Japanese (China, 1937), the first American serviceman killed was killed by the Russians (Finland 1940), the highest ranking American killed was Lt. Gen. Lesley McNair, killed by the US Army Air Corps . . . . So much for allies. 2. The youngest US serviceman was 12 year old Calvin Graham, USN. He was wounded and given a Dishonorable Discharge for lying about his age. (His benefits were later restored by act of Congress). 3. At the time of Pearl Harbor the top US Navy command was Called CINCUS (pronounced "sink us"), the shoulder patch of the US Army's 45th Infantry division was the Swastika, and Hitler's private train was named "Amerika." All three were soon changed for PR purposes. 4. More US servicemen died in the Air Corps than the Marine Corps. While completing the required 30 missions (I believe in Europe the original mission total was 25, later raised to 35) your chance of being killed was 71%. 5. Generally speaking there was no such thing as an average fighter pilot. You were either an ace or a target. For instance Japanese ace Hiroyoshi Nishizawa shot down over 80 planes. He died while a passenger on a cargo plane. 6. It was a common practice on fighter planes to load every 5th round with a tracer round to aid in aiming. This was a mistake. Tracers had different ballistics so (at long range) if your tracers were hitting the target 80% of your rounds were missing. Worse yet tracers instantly told your enemy he was under fire and from which direction. Worst of all was the practice of loading a string of tracers at the end of the belt to tell you that you were out of ammo. This was definitely not something you wanted to tell the enemy. Units that stopped using tracers saw their success rate nearly double and their loss rate go down. YOU'VE GOT TO LOVE THIS ONE.... 7. When allied armies reached the Rhine the first thing men did was pee in it. This was pretty universal from the lowest private to Winston Churchill (who made a big show of it) and Gen. Patton (who had himself photographed in the act). 8. German Me-264 bombers were capable of bombing New York City but it wasn't worth the effort. (?) 9. German submarine U-120 was sunk by a malfunctioning toilet. 10. Among the first "Germans" captured at Normandy were several Koreans. They had been forced to fight for the Japanese Army until they were captured by the Russians and forced to fight for the Russian Army until they were captured by the Germans and forced to fight for the German Army until they were captured by the US Army. AND I SAVED THE BEST FOR LAST.... 11. Following a massive naval bombardment 35,000 US and Canadian troops stormed ashore at Kiska, in the Aleutian Islands. 21 troops were killed in the firefight. It would have been worse if there had been any Japanese on the island.. Now for a few for fliers Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ...I Shall Fear No Evil ... For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing. (sign over the entrance to the SR-71 operating location Kadena, Japan). You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3. (Paul F.Crickmore -test pilot) From an old carrier sailor - Blue water Navy truism; There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky. If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe. Navy carrier pilots to Air Force pilots: Flaring is like squatting to pee. When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash. Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club. What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, the pilot dies. Never trade luck for skill. The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" and "Oh S#!+!" Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. Progress in airline flying; now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant. Airspeed, altitude, and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight. A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication. Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there! Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries. Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten. Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day. Advice given to RAF pilots during W. W. II. When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity >as slowly and gently as possible. The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you. (Attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot) A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum. (Jon McBride, astronaut) If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible. (Bob Hoover - renowned aerobatic and test pilot) If an airplane is still in one piece, don't cheat on it; ride the bastard down. (Ernest K. Gann, author &aviator) Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime. (Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970). The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and, a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life where you get to experience all three at the same time. (Author unknown, but someone who's been there) "Now I know what a dog feels like watching TV." (A DC-9 captain trainee attempting to check out on the 'glass cockpit' of an A-320). If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to. Basic Flying Rules Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there. You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal
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Crustiest of the OLD COOTS "Donating mirrors for years to help the Liberal/Socialist find their collective rear-ends, because both hands doesn't seem to be working. Veitnam 61-65:KIA 1864 66:KIA 5008 67:KIA 9378 68:KIA 14594 69:KIA 9414 70:KIA 4221 71:KIA 1380 72:KIA 300 Afghanistan2001-2008 KIA 585 2009-2012 KIA 1465 and counting Davros 1 Much abliged Massachusetts |
01-03-2004, 07:53 AM | #2 |
Symbol of Cyric
Join Date: September 15, 2002
Location: Peterborough, ON, CANADA
Age: 60
Posts: 1,394
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These are great, where'd you pick these up?
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If I say \"Eject!\" and you say \"Huh?\" - you\'ll be talking to yourself! - Maj. Bannister, <b>Steel Tiger</b> |
01-03-2004, 11:47 AM | #3 |
Drizzt Do'Urden
Join Date: October 6, 2001
Location: central coast of Ca.
Age: 77
Posts: 653
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One I remembered from my old drill sergent while talking about the 82nd airborn.."Only two things fall out of the sky...birdshit and fools
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John |
01-03-2004, 10:01 PM | #4 | |
Dracolisk
Join Date: November 1, 2002
Location: Australia ..... G\'day!
Posts: 6,123
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Quote:
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fossils - natures way of laughing at creationists for over 3 billion years |
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01-04-2004, 08:04 AM | #5 |
40th Level Warrior
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Heard of this one before ?
The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were a short tempered lot, they not only expected you to know your parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 (Speedbird) Speedbird: "Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active." Ground: "Guten morgen, taxi to your gate. The BA 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops. Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?!" Speedbird: "Standby ground, I'm looking up the gate location now. Ground (with typical German patience): "Speedbird, have you never been to Frankfurt before?!" Speedbird (coolly): "Yes, in 1944, but I didn't stop."
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01-05-2004, 04:44 AM | #6 |
Dracolisk
Join Date: November 1, 2002
Location: Australia ..... G\'day!
Posts: 6,123
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[img]graemlins/whackya.gif[/img] a newer version of an old joke The original was Dresden airport, something our German cousins dont like to talk about.
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fossils - natures way of laughing at creationists for over 3 billion years |
01-05-2004, 05:55 AM | #7 | |
Thoth - Egyptian God of Wisdom
Join Date: May 10, 2002
Location: Dunedin, New Zealand.
Age: 42
Posts: 2,860
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Quote:
and meteorites and dead birds
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[img]\"hosted/Hierophant.jpg\" alt=\" - \" /><br />Strewth! |
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01-05-2004, 05:58 PM | #8 | |
Lord Ao
Join Date: June 24, 2002
Location: Nevernever Land
Age: 50
Posts: 2,002
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Quote:
There was blood upon the risers. There were brains upon his chute. His intestines were a hanging from his paratroopers suit. They poured him from his helmet, And they poured him from his boots. And he ain't gonna jump no more!
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[url]\"http://www.duryea.org/pinky/gurkin.wav\" target=\"_blank\">AYPWIP?</a> .... <img border=\"0\" alt=\"[1ponder]\" title=\"\" src=\"graemlins/1ponder.gif\" /> <br />\"I think so Brain, but isn\'t a cucumber that small called a gherkin?\"<br /><br />Shut UP! Pinky! |
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