score one for women - Page 5

Masklinn · 02-19-2003, 11:02 AM

Jokes contest eh ?

Then eat this :

One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem."
"What's the problem, Adam?" God replies.
"Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Adam?" comes the reply from the heavens.
"Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food and all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely."
"Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a 'woman' for you."
"What's a 'woman,' Lord?"
"This 'woman' will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for you" replies the heavenly voice.
"Sounds great."
"She will be, but this is going to cost you, Adam."
"How much will this 'woman' cost me Lord?" Adam replies.
"She'll cost you a leg, an arm, an eye, an ear, and a testicle."
Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep thought and concern on his face. Finally Adam asks God, "Uh, what can I get for a rib?"

Morgeruat · 02-19-2003, 11:07 AM

ROFL, keep em coming.

Morgeruat · 02-19-2003, 11:10 AM

MEN'S RULES

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules
from the male side. Please note: these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

# 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about
you leaving it down.

# 1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

# 1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

# 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that
way.

# 1. Crying is blackmail.

# 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not
work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
We'll get it for you, but just LET US KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!!!

# 1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on the
calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

# 1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any
good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

# 1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Please pick one.

# 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

# 1. A headache that lasts for seventeen months is a problem. See a doctor.

# 1. Let us know about that funny noise in your car engine as soon as you
hear it.

# 1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after seven days.

# 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us
act like soap opera guys.

# 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to
answer, but still love you.

# 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

# 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

# 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

# 1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months
we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

# 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
idea what Mauve is.

# 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

# 1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading
ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

#1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

# 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
don't want to hear.

# 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really, you look fine!!!

# 1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together.
No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

# 1. NASCAR is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

# 1. I AM in shape. ROUND is a shape.

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

Irongrinder · 02-19-2003, 11:13 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Melusine:
since he has all that arse-scratching, belching and lazing around to do... [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img]

Yup, a lot quicker as we do that all during posting

Masklinn · 02-19-2003, 11:23 AM

LOL@Morgeruat

Those rules are so funny...and so true.

johnny · 02-19-2003, 11:49 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Irongrinder:

Quote:
Originally posted by Melusine:
since he has all that arse-scratching, belching and lazing around to do... [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img]

Yup, a lot quicker as we do that all during posting [/QUOTE]And then some.

LordKathen · 02-19-2003, 01:25 PM

Due do the fact that my wife is on this forum to, I reaframe from any comments regerding the sex's.

johnny · 02-19-2003, 01:42 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by LordKathen:
Due do the fact that my wife is on this forum to, I reaframe from any comments regerding the sex's.

Awww, come on dude, you could always whisper.

WillowIX · 02-19-2003, 03:04 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by LordKathen:
Due do the fact that my wife is on this forum to, I reaframe from any comments regerding the sex's.

Aww come on Lord K. This is all in good humor. I think we all try to sort out the rude ones. I laugh as much at jokes about women as I do the other way around. BTW, basic cooking for men: http://www.news.com.au/common/story_...E13762,00.html

harleyquinn · 02-19-2003, 03:30 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by johnny:
Okay, where were we ? Ah....yes...women. Okay, here you go.

Uh-oh. Johnny's discovered the secret formula us women have known for years, we must kill him [img]tongue.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img]

02-19-2003, 11:02 AM	#41
Masklinn Avatar Join Date: January 12, 2003 Location: Paris, France Age: 44 Posts: 594	Jokes contest eh ? Then eat this : One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem." "What's the problem, Adam?" God replies. "Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I'm just not happy." "Why is that, Adam?" comes the reply from the heavens. "Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food and all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely." "Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a 'woman' for you." "What's a 'woman,' Lord?" "This 'woman' will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for you" replies the heavenly voice. "Sounds great." "She will be, but this is going to cost you, Adam." "How much will this 'woman' cost me Lord?" Adam replies. "She'll cost you a leg, an arm, an eye, an ear, and a testicle." Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep thought and concern on his face. Finally Adam asks God, "Uh, what can I get for a rib?" __________________ <br /><br />-=roaar=-

02-19-2003, 11:10 AM	#43
Morgeruat Jack Burton Join Date: October 16, 2001 Location: PA Age: 43 Posts: 5,421	MEN'S RULES We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. Please note: these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE! # 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. # 1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it. # 1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. # 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. # 1. Crying is blackmail. # 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! We'll get it for you, but just LET US KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!!! # 1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on the calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand. # 1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? # 1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. Please pick one. # 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. # 1. A headache that lasts for seventeen months is a problem. See a doctor. # 1. Let us know about that funny noise in your car engine as soon as you hear it. # 1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days. # 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us act like soap opera guys. # 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer, but still love you. # 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. # 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. # 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. # 1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends. # 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what Mauve is. # 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. # 1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you. #1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. # 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. # 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really, you look fine!!! # 1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz. # 1. NASCAR is as exciting for us as handbags are for you. # 1. I AM in shape. ROUND is a shape. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping. __________________ "Any attempt to cheat, especially with my wife, who is a dirty, dirty, tramp, and I am just gonna snap." Knibb High Principal - Billy Madison

02-19-2003, 11:23 AM	#45
Masklinn Avatar Join Date: January 12, 2003 Location: Paris, France Age: 44 Posts: 594	LOL@Morgeruat Those rules are so funny...and so true. __________________ <br /><br />-=roaar=-

02-19-2003, 01:25 PM	#47
LordKathen Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice Join Date: September 15, 2002 Location: Kennewick, WA Age: 52 Posts: 3,166	Due do the fact that my wife is on this forum to, I reaframe from any comments regerding the sex's. __________________

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02-19-2003, 11:07 AM	#42
Morgeruat Jack Burton Join Date: October 16, 2001 Location: PA Age: 43 Posts: 5,421	ROFL, keep em coming.

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