Simple acts of kindness

[Melusine]

In an attempt at starting up some light hearted topics, here's another one. (although I suppose the Financial situations topic isn't light-hearted for all, at least it constitutes a break from all the war and religion debates )

Sooooo.... Simple acts of kindness. [img]smile.gif[/img]
Write down any of them here: those that were done to you, those that you did for others, those you heard about from a friend or colleague or in the news or read about in the paper. I believe we had a topic similar to this once (IIRC, Cerek was one of the people contributing to it) but it was a long while back and this topic isn't just about listing them, it's also to discuss simple acts of kindness from a more theoretical point of view. Some people consider it their societal duty to help out others whenever they can, others are much more individualistic. Personally, though I'm not some kind of goody-two-shoes, I hold myself up to a pretty high standard in this respect and consequently often fail myself, thinking I could have done more, better, etc.
Think about stuff like reacting to idiot drivers by giving them te finger, or being snappy at shopkeepers who are snappy to you. In hindsight, I usually feel sorry for having spent negative energy on such people at all, and realise I've probably only made things worse. The shopkeeper won't get a better mood from my negative reaction, but if I'd ignored his/her snappiness and gave a big smile, he/she might have.

Anywayyy.... way too long introduction again. Let me hear some of those totally altruistic, sickeningly NICE things you did for others, and that others did for you! Like I said, stories you heard somewhere on the news or from friends also count. [img]smile.gif[/img]

[wellard]

Good idea for a thread [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]

As a young couple doing it tough when our first baby arrived, we were stunned by the generosity of friends and complete strangers alike who just gave us things from cots to clothes to car baby seats ect. It was like a network of humanity enveloping us in warmth.

Now our kids are grown *4/5 years each*, we have given away prams *one 6 months old*, baby gates, cots, car baby seats, clothes ect, away to friends or friends of friends, all on the proviso that they must continue the good vibe! Only last week one of our friends had a new baby so we gave them our old oil heaters *we have ducted A/C now* because they only had a fire in the main room. It is a great feeling to help in keeping this good will going [img]graemlins/heee.gif[/img]

[Melusine]

Awww... Great example Wellard! [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]
I've done my deal of walking around in the clothes of other people's kids too, after my parents got divorced... felt horrible at the time but now I'm glad those people helped my mother out. It was pretty hard for her to make ends meet the first years. Actually, that reminds me of a S.A.K ( ) of my sister and me: about a year after the divorce, I was 13, she was 9, we lifted about 5 dollar (in other words, big money ) from our piggy banks and put the money in my mother's coat pockets. [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img]
Anyway, after my sister an I grew out of our children's clothes, my mother gave most of them away to acquiantances with young children, too. It's a great system. [img]smile.gif[/img]

[Spelca]

I was very active as a teenager when it came to helping others (I'm 21 now). I still am today, as much as I can, but things are a bit more complicated since I've moved to Sweden, since I don't know the language that well yet, and where to go and what to do. But I do try with small things like helping lifting up baby-trolleys on the bus, keeping the doors open and being friendly to shop-keepers, like you said Melusine. [img]smile.gif[/img] I was a cashier in a hipermarket (part-time job), and I know how some people can be really mean to you, and they put you in a bad mood very quickly since the job is sooooo boring. So I know that just smiling at these people and being nice and patient helps a lot. It can make your day much much better.

But, anyway, as I said, before when I was in Slovenia I was much more active. When I was still in primary school I went through a special school programme where we were taught by teachers how to tutor other children - how to help them study, do their homework, etc. So I would often dedicate my time doing homework with others, and explaining things to them that they didn't understand. I did those things when I was in highschool too. I would often tutor people for free (English). It was quite difficult at times, and it took a lot of time, but it was great seeing their improvement. [img]smile.gif[/img]

Otherwise when I was around 12, I was visiting a woman in an old-folks home. Our class teacher organised that for those that wanted to do it. I think it was the year of the family that year, so she thought it would be appropriate to do that. Me and a friend were visiting her for about 2 years until she died. She didn't have any family in Slovenia. Her daughter lived in England, and before that in Switzerland, so she visited her mother only once or twice a year. So naturally this woman was quite bitter, and she was often also very rude to us - telling us to go away, that she doesn't like us, etc. But we stuck to the promise that we would visit her once a week. [img]smile.gif[/img] The visits were very rewarding. She usually was a bit grumpy when we arrived, but after talking to her a bit, and secretly helping her smoke a cigarette (the nurses didn't allow that - but the home psychologist said we could do that [img]tongue.gif[/img] ) she would often open up and talk a lot. It was awful when she died, but we at least knew she felt a bit better getting visits every week – the nurses told us she kept asking what day of the week it was and when we would visit.

Then I also sometimes baby-sat for free, took care of the neighbours' cat and plants while they were on vacation and small things like that. I was also a scout for a very long time, so I often did things with them also. For example, every year we would gather and clean a hill - we would usually gather 2 trucks of garbage!!! Then I also helped cleaning and painting a school while I was on a scout trip in Chile. And I was also a leader of a group of scouts (9-year-olds) for a year and a half, but then I didn't have enough time because of school.

Now, as I said, I don't have that much time either, and things are a bit more complicated because of the language, but I try as hard as I can. I would really like to go back to scouting, or at least help organising things (as I did go through proper training), but that'll have to wait a bit. So for now I just lift baby-trolleys and be nice to people. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[Melusine]

Wow, Spelca, you're a regular angel
I've worked in a store as well, so I recognise your story, although I worked in a clothes store and it wasn't just working behind the counter. I mean it was a little less boring than your work sounds, so it was easier not to get grumpy. But yeah, it does help a lot to be friendly and smile a lot, I did the same thing. Also, when someone bought something that looked nice, I'd often make some small comment about it, like "that's a lovely colour, isn't it?" or "I've got that same skirt, it's great huh?". Grumpy customers at least don't get any grumpier, and nice ones leave the store feeling a little better.

Since I want this topic to be a little bit more than just a place to give examples of SAK, could you maybe say why you've had such a strong conviction to help people since you were so young? I mean, children are not always very concerned with such things, most people only learn at a later age that they might be required to help others.
I was hoping maybe in this thread we could also debate whether helping others in all the little ways that were mentioned is actually a social "duty" of some sort. Because Spelca seems to feel it is, and so do I. Mostly I consider it my own duty, that is, I don't really expect everyone to do it, but in some ways, I do believe we all have an obligation to help in what ways we can.

[Chewbacca]

Acts of kindess, what does inspire thee?

I wanted to break through stereotypes that people cast upon the homeless. I felt if I took notice of them, talked to them, and gave them food that I could understand better not only humanity, but myself. I discovered not only many indivual stories and circumstances that led to sleeping on the street, but that many of them are caught in a catch 22.

Who's going to hire someone with no phone or address, no way to bath or clean cloths. Telling those people toget a job is about as a moronic statement as one could conjuor up. Especially with budgets slashed and shelters over-filled.

Some of them are cons, they have homes but dont want to get a job for what ever reason. But you dont know until you take the time to get to know them, to observe them, and most important listen to them.

Ack...I'm drifting off-topic here. Ultimately, the idea I could destroy pre-concieved stereotypes and practice self-less giving for its own sake is why I practice simple kindness. The reward is the act itself. It's an indivual journey in my opinion. I also feel I have something to give back to the human spirit. Once upon a time I was with-out a home and addicted, certain people reached out and gave me a chance to heal the apathy in my heart merely by being an example. I want to return that uplifting feeling to those that are in need and willing.

[Chewbacca]

I posted this on another thread-I thought it fit the topic here better.

Here is a scene I witnessed in the finacial district in Boston. There is a crippled alcoholic, he has a bum leg, who always sits on this one corner panhandling. I saw a man in a business suit sporting a rolex walk up to him and ask him "Would you like a hot meal, a shower, and a bed to sleep in tonight?"

As the guy walked away with the "bum", I asked him what his motive was. I was doing some "social work" at the time, finding out the history of the homeless who squatted on the area, and I was concerned that this maybe an attempt to exploit the guy.

The business man replied he has seen this guy, like I had, on this corner for weeks, wallowing away on booze and barely able to walk on his second hand, broken crutch. He said that since he had the means, he was going to give the guy a room for the night and pay for a medical check up.

The next day the bum was back on the corner, showered, shaved, in new cloths and with a new crutch.

[The Hierophant]

So many good semaritans online these days eh? Good to hear that you guys hold doing kind works in such high regard.

An interesting thing to consider though is how much of this kind intent is really intended more for our own satisfaction, for our own alleviation of guilt and sense of moral superiority, than for a genuinely altruistic purpose? Are we kind to shopkeepers and workers because their happiness is of paramount importance to us? Or is it because we want to feel that we have made a difference in their lives, because we want to feel the sense of satisfaction that comes from doing supposedly selfless deeds?

What is more important in this instance then, what drives us harder? The happiness of others, or our own moral gratification? If no one were to know of our 'kind' deeds, if we ourselves were to never feel the euphoria of knowing that we and we alone put that smile on that person's face, would we still possess any inclination to kindness? How much of our compassion is tainted by a subtle selfishness? How much of our 'love' for one another is conditioned by little more than self-righteous pragmatism?

These are questions that burn my mind day by day. All I've ever wanted is to be a good man, but in my lust for moral purity I have given myself to the very sin of self-service that I sought to reject. True peace, true love, shall arise from an extinction of the self. There shall no longer be people doing good acts, there will merely be good acts, flowing through the bodies of people.

Need is dire want, want is the forge of sin.

[Rokenn]

One of my favorites is to pay the bridge toll for the person behind me. [img]smile.gif[/img]
I just gave away my old sofa to a co-workers daughter that needed one.

[Moiraine]

Interesting question, Hierophant. Probably, we all expect some kind of "payback" when we do something nice, even if what we expect is just the world to become a slightly better place. [img]smile.gif[/img] Another question, in that case, would be to wonder if we expect to SEE that payback, or only have faith in it.

All the posts here so far mention only kindnesses done to humans. I have heard recently an interesting interview of a famous French scientist (M. Albert Jacquard, who is, IMO, also one of our greatest humanitarians) - in this interview, he said that one thing he was most concerned about was the much spread viewpoint that humans are 'worth' better than animals. In which name we excuse the casual cruelty we collectively inflict to all the animals we raise for food, as well as the viewpoint that if humans want to settle in an area where wild animals live, the animals must give away the place.

On the side, MagiK, if you happen to read my post, I would like to belatedly reply to your argument that the E.U. is ridiculous to be concerned about the welfare of food animals. I believe, along with M. Jacquard, that, far from ridiculous, since we are using these animals for our own agendas, being concerned about giving their welfare some care is the least we can do ...

Now, being kind to animals, be they pets, food animals or wild animals, these are kindnesses one doesn't get much personal gratification for. [img]smile.gif[/img] Also, it is all relative really - I have rescued two cats, and when I look at them playing in my garden, I often think that it has not been very nice to the mice and birds around ...