05-06-2002, 11:34 AM | #1 |
Hathor
Join Date: March 6, 2001
Location: Waxahachie, TX
Age: 60
Posts: 2,201
|
Kids learn the darndest things, dept....
Some grade school teachers must agree with that, because they keep journals of amusing things their students have written in papers. Here are a few examples: 1. The future of "I give" is "I take." 2. The parts of speech are lungs and air. 3. The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes. 4. A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population. 5. Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris. 6. The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 opossums. 7. The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom. 8. We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk. 9. A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities. 10. The climate is hottest next to the Creator. 11. Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners. 12. Iron was discovered because someone smelt it. 13. In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah. I wonder if they all still live in Utah?
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And then there were 6. |
05-06-2002, 11:41 AM | #2 |
Hathor
Join Date: March 6, 2001
Location: Waxahachie, TX
Age: 60
Posts: 2,201
|
More on the Bizarre News Front:
---------- Felony Arrests Up Among Second Graders ---------- ANTHONY, Florida - In an increasing effort to enforce zero- tolerance policies, Florida police are no longer putting up with out-of-control 7 year olds. All hell broke loose this week during art time at The Anthony Elementary School in Florida. A 7-year-old boy didn't feel like sharing his crayons and began yelling in class. He then chased other students around the classroom with a pencil, stabbing four kids. No one was seriously hurt, but Kristin Irvin, the substitute teacher, nonetheless felt the child was threat- ening. Police arrived at the crime scene and threw the book at the boy. He was officially arrested and charged with felony aggravated battery. No news yet on jail time. He wasn't the first tyke to be arrested, though. Earlier in the year, an 8-year-old boy at another Florida school was arrested for stomping on his principal's toe. ----- Ratbots are Coming ------ The age of the robotic rodent is upon us. Using three elec- trodes implanted in a rat's brain, researchers were able to direct it via remote control through a maze, according to a report in the journal Nature. The researchers who created "Robo Rat" hope it'll help them gain a better understanding of how mammals learn to navigate. "It's difficult to predict what other studies this could be useful for right now," lead researcher Sanjiv Talwar of the State University of New York told New Scientist. "There's going to have to be a wide debate to see whether this is acceptable or not." Still, even if the control is relatively benign, "there are some ethical issues here which I can't deny," Talwar said. Robo Rat could be used to find earthquake victims or detect land mines. [Mad scientists to begin experiments on human cadavers next semester.] ------- Teenager Unscathed After Train Runs Over Him ------- OSLO, Norway - This teenager must have nine lives. An 18- year-old male was so drunk that he passed out on a set of railroad tracks. Fortunately he was lengthwise, because in short order an 82-ton train approached at breakneck speed. The train conductor feared the worse when he saw the teen- ager lying there, but was unable to stop the train in time. The train hurled over the boy at 75 mph, within inches of his head only scratching his chin. After the train had been long gone, the teenager woke up and walked away with a mere scrape on his arm and hole in his shirt. Shrugging off the incident, he said, "I don't remember a thing." ------- Teenager Unscathed After Train Runs Over Him ------- OSLO, Norway - This teenager must have nine lives. An 18- year-old male was so drunk that he passed out on a set of railroad tracks. Fortunately he was lengthwise, because in short order an 82-ton train approached at breakneck speed. The train conductor feared the worse when he saw the teen- ager lying there, but was unable to stop the train in time. The train hurled over the boy at 75 mph, within inches of his head only scratching his chin. After the train had been long gone, the teenager woke up and walked away with a mere scrape on his arm and hole in his shirt. Shrugging off the incident, he said, "I don't remember a thing." ---- Rust Bucket Pick Up Truck Object of Desire in Iowa ---- IOWA - This pick-up must be a real beauty to be stolen twice in one day. According to Iowa driver Roy Wilson, his 17-year- old rusting pick-up truck was first found in a car park in Cedar Rapids hours after it was stolen. The "rust bucket" was minus the steel worker's tools and a wad of dough, but the fuel tank had been filled. Wilson believes the thief used his money to purchase the petrol. The truck was parked Wilson's home when it was stolen for the second time. Asked how the police investigation is progressing, Wilson sighed: "I don't even know if they're looking. They probably think I'm crazy, because if you think about it, the whole thing sounds nuts." (At least they were polite enough to fill the tank!) --------------Seniors Can Aspire to Superheros!---------------- VANCOUVER - A 74-year-old man is being hailed as a hero for thwarting a bank robbery. According to police, the elderly man was making a transaction at a bank branch on the city's east side when the alleged robber entered the building wear- ing a mask and brandishing a 12-inch knife. The man threw a metal coin box at the thief's head as he tried to leave with the stolen cash. Police said the dazed thief removed his mask and ran outside to a waiting bicycle, only to have the 74-year-old crime-fighter pursue him down the street. The man attempted to catch the robber on foot, but after realiz- ing he was not fast enough, flagged down a motorist for help. The pair pursued the thief in the car and called police with a cell phone to bring them to the chase.
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And then there were 6. |
05-06-2002, 01:07 PM | #3 |
Dracolich
Join Date: August 28, 2001
Location: Hurricane Valley
Age: 51
Posts: 3,089
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smelt the iron... lol hahahahahaha I love the one about the scout als.
You have helped brighten my Monday and I thank you |
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