Need some advice

I don't believe there has to be just one. But you need to focus on recovering before you will be ready for anybody else

[Ryanamur]

Originally posted by Epona: Animal, that is tragic. I'm so sorry to hear that. If you feel you're cheating by dating other women, then don't. Maybe one day you will feel ready, but right now you aren't. It's not the be-all and end-all to life. I am sure you will always love and miss Michelle. Maybe one day you will meet someone else and when you do you'll know it's right - but don't be railroaded by your friends into dating if it's not what you want. Enjoy watching your daughter grow up - you are lucky to have a child who so obviously cares about your happiness.

This is exactly what I wanted to say.

One a side bar, I don't think that there's only one true-love. Love (true or not) is only what we want it to be. If you want true love, you will find true love. On the other hand, if you don't want it, you'll never find it.

Good luck to you and cherish your daughter.

One last thing, talk to her. She obviously expects something here. Maybe it's a momy, maybe not. You have to figure this out and address it with her. The last thing you want is for her to grow and hate you when she enters teenage years because she feels that you've taken something away from her!

[Black Knight]

Everyone has unique situations, so I don't know how much any of us can really help. I have a couple of friends who were in the same situation... one found a lady and they were friends for a while and then later got married...one tried to date a couple of women but confesses that she always felt weird and that she never gave the guys a chance (comparing them to her ex). My Grandmother lost my grandfather when she was 22 years old with an 8 year old child. this was in 1927 - she has been by herself for 75 years this year. She says that she is still married to my Grandpa Joe and will be till the day she dies...

So there are many different thoughts to this.

The question is, what is right for you? Obviously, due to your feelings of guilt, you are still attached to your wife. A part of you will always be married to her. No matter what, you will always love her and no one will ever be able to replace that. Maybe (MAYBE) some day you will find someone you like a lot and will fall for her. But it will be different - like comparing two sunsets - both in a beautiful way, but different. Don't try to replace your wife. But don't give up on Love, either. It is an important part of life. And /)eathkiller is right - would she want you to try to find someone to share your life with?

One last thought - don't try to move on til you are ready. You're doing yourself and the ladyfriend a disservice. It won't be fair for either of you.

Hopefully all this helps.

[img]smile.gif[/img]

BK

[mistral4543]

I haven't found true love yet, so it's difficult for me to comment if there's only one.

From my own experience, some things just cannot be rushed, eg. the harder you try to find true love, the more it eludes you. I've heard many attached friends say that love came to them at a time when they least expected it. Anyway, anything that is rushed just seems unnatural and may die down prematurely... my own opinion, anyway

If a person sometimes wants to find true love, but at other times doubts if he or she wants it, perhaps the best thing is to focus on other aspects of his or her life; get them to run smoothly, gain confidence and over time decide whether or not he or she wants to give true love a chance.

Sorry if my post doesn't help you much, just thought I'd share my views [img]smile.gif[/img]

[Animal]

Thank you so very much everyone. Listening to a complete strangers problems is a very special quality. Don't ever lose it. It has been a difficult few days with some hard decisions to make, but is unfair of me to be with a woman when thinking of another. Megabot, you are an inspiration. To know that just someone else has gone through this makes it much easier. Thank you all once again for your kind words, you will never know how much you have helped.

[johnny]

hi animal, you really went through some hard times and i wish you all the best for the future. I can tell you really loved your wife and that you still do, and that makes you a special kinda guy. Life goes on though, and so should you. You WILL find your true love if you really want to ( i believe there are more"true loves", but you don't always get to meet them) but it's absolutely not cheating if you are with your new lover and still think about your wife. To me it just sounds like what a nice guy you are. Also don't forget that part of your wife is still around you (your daughter), so give her all the love you have inside you. Keep your head up animal, you'll be allright

[Azred]

Others have already stated these things, but reiteration of the truth never hurt anyone.
You will know when you are ready; it would be unwise to try and rush anything. In the meantime, concentrate on the well-being of both your daughter and yourself.

I haven't been through anything like that myself, but I can empathize because belle lost a daughter back in 1994. August is still an upsetting time for her....

[Black Knight]

Originally posted by Animal: Thank you so very much everyone. Listening to a complete strangers problems is a very special quality. Don't ever lose it. It has been a difficult few days with some hard decisions to make, but is unfair of me to be with a woman when thinking of another. Megabot, you are an inspiration. To know that just someone else has gone through this makes it much easier. Thank you all once again for your kind words, you will never know how much you have helped.

When you are here, posting you're problems, notice that there is no one spaming here? Everyone here is family, Animal. No strangers here. [img]smile.gif[/img]

BK

[ 04-27-2002, 09:56 AM: Message edited by: Black Knight ]