Market Surveys

Arvon · 03-16-2003, 10:16 AM

Do you bother to filling those warenty cards that come with products. In my state it is not required, so I usually don't. But some software and some hardware will not respond with help or up grades till you do respond. In those cases where I must, I either ignore the consumer survey or better still I lie in answering. What brought this to mind was a survey I found on the web. What if God wanted to do a marketing survey? Would it be like this?...

God's Total Quality Managment Questionaire

God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions.

Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.

How did you find out about God?
__ Newspaper
__ Television
__ Word of mouth
__ Torah
__ Bible
__ Koran
__ Other Book
__ Divine Inspiration
__ Near Death Experience
__ Friend or Relative
__ Other: ____________

Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply.
__ Tarot
__ Horoscope
__ Fortune cookies
__ Self-help books
__ Biorythms
__ Mantras
__ Insurance policies
__ Lottery
__ Television
__ Ann Landers
__ Sex
__ Alcohol or drugs
__ Other: ____________
__ None

God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer (circle one)?

a. More Divine Intervention
b. Less Divine Intervention
c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right
d. Don't know

God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 his handling of the following (1=unsatisfactory, 5=excellent):
a. Disasters (flood, famine, earthquake, war)
1 2 3 4 5

b. Miracles (rescues, spontaneous remission of disease, sports upsets)
1 2 3 4 5

Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? (Attach an additional sheet if necessary):
__________________________________________________ ____________________
__________________________________________________ ____________________
__________________________________________________ ____________________

Bless you!

slicer15 · 03-16-2003, 01:26 PM

Heeeeeeeey! That takes the mick(sp?).

I have to admit though, it is kinda funny. Where did you find it?

Arvon · 03-16-2003, 01:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by slicer15:
Heeeeeeeey! That takes the mick(sp?).
I have to admit though, it is kinda funny. Where did you find it?

Don't recall where it came from. I'm too lazy to go look. But this type of stuff is everywhere. If I run across the source I'll tell you.

slicer15 · 03-16-2003, 04:43 PM

I guess you just manage to find loads of those things! You just bump in to all your jokes on the net?

Arvon · 03-16-2003, 04:57 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by slicer15:
I guess you just manage to find loads of those things! You just bump in to all your jokes on the net?

Not all comes from the web. I find a lot in books and some from e-mail. Even the paper sometimes offer a bit of humor.

Luvian · 03-17-2003, 11:48 PM

I am considering printing a few sheets and leave them at my local church.

03-16-2003, 10:16 AM	#1
Arvon Unicorn Join Date: October 4, 2001 Location: Kingdom of the West,..P.o. Cynagus Posts: 4,212	Do you bother to filling those warenty cards that come with products. In my state it is not required, so I usually don't. But some software and some hardware will not respond with help or up grades till you do respond. In those cases where I must, I either ignore the consumer survey or better still I lie in answering. What brought this to mind was a survey I found on the web. What if God wanted to do a marketing survey? Would it be like this?... God's Total Quality Managment Questionaire God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions. Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions. How did you find out about God? __ Newspaper __ Television __ Word of mouth __ Torah __ Bible __ Koran __ Other Book __ Divine Inspiration __ Near Death Experience __ Friend or Relative __ Other: ____________ Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply. __ Tarot __ Horoscope __ Fortune cookies __ Self-help books __ Biorythms __ Mantras __ Insurance policies __ Lottery __ Television __ Ann Landers __ Sex __ Alcohol or drugs __ Other: ____________ __ None God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer (circle one)? a. More Divine Intervention b. Less Divine Intervention c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right d. Don't know God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 his handling of the following (1=unsatisfactory, 5=excellent): a. Disasters (flood, famine, earthquake, war) 1 2 3 4 5 b. Miracles (rescues, spontaneous remission of disease, sports upsets) 1 2 3 4 5 Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? (Attach an additional sheet if necessary): __________________________________________________ ____________________ __________________________________________________ ____________________ __________________________________________________ ____________________ Bless you! __________________ 53.7% of all statistics are made up

03-17-2003, 11:48 PM	#6
Luvian Ironworks Moderator Join Date: June 27, 2001 Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada Age: 43 Posts: 6,763	I am considering printing a few sheets and leave them at my local church. __________________ Once upon a time in Canada...

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03-16-2003, 01:26 PM	#2
slicer15 Symbol of Cyric Join Date: November 12, 2002 Location: Banstead, Southeast England Age: 37 Posts: 1,162	Heeeeeeeey! That takes the mick(sp?). I have to admit though, it is kinda funny. Where did you find it?

03-16-2003, 04:43 PM	#4
slicer15 Symbol of Cyric Join Date: November 12, 2002 Location: Banstead, Southeast England Age: 37 Posts: 1,162	I guess you just manage to find loads of those things! You just bump in to all your jokes on the net?

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