The Secrets of the Language of Women: Keywords

[250]

The Secrets of the Language of Women: Keywords and
their meaning.

1. Fine:
This is the word we use at the end of any argument
that we feel we are right about but need to shut you
up. NEVER use fine to describe how woman looks. This
will cause you to have one of those arguments.

2. Five minutes:
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five
minutes that your football game is going to last
before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an
even trade.

3. Nothing:
This means something and you should be on your toes.
"Nothing" is usually used to describe the
feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside
out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually
signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes"
and end with the word "Fine."

4. Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows):
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman
getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the
word "Fine."

5. Go Ahead (normal eyebrows):
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because
I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go
Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by
"Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in
about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

6. Loud Sigh:
This is not actually a word, but is still often a
verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud
Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that
moment
and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here
and arguing with you over "Nothing."

7. Soft Sigh:
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft
Sighs" are one of the few things that some men
actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is
to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

8. Oh:
This word followed by any statement is trouble.
Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to
him about what you were doing last night." If she
says
"Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the
nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine"
when she is done tossing your clothes out the window,
but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2
days. "Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually
signifies
that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more
to
get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows "Go
ahead" followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't
bring myself to write about them.

9. That's Okay:
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a
woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she
wants to think long and hard before paying you
retributions for what ever it is that you have done.
"That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and
used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead."
At some point in the near future when she has plotted
and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big
trouble.

10. Please Do:
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is
giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse
or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you
have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth,
so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

11. Thanks:
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say
you're welcome.

12. Thanks A Lot:
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will
say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at
you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some
callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh."
Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud
Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."

[DragonMage]

OMG!!!! *guilty blush*

*Breanna sulks off to a corner and says 'Oh, that's okay' while giving 250 "the Look"*




------------------

Alureth...Dragon friend of Breanna, Mage and Advisor in the Court of Lady Lioness

Co-Owner/Operator of the Evil Petting Zoo and devout member of the HADB clan.
Commander of the Dragon Fleet, IW Peacekeeping Force
Sublime Sister of the Illuminati - may the Light shine forever!
Second Historian and Scribe of IW. Mother Hen of IW.
Mage extraordinair, Pin-Up Girl for the OLD-COOTS
Magey-Wagey: performer in the Nekked Dancing Trio of the ORT.

Hopeless Romantic *sigh*

[250]

Originally posted by DragonMage: OMG!!!! *guilty blush* *Breanna sulks off to a corner and says 'Oh, that's okay' while giving 250 "the Look"*

YAY!!! caught ya!!!!

**Stops laughing** ok, ackkk, not funny, nope, not at all

[Hiram Sedai]

I have some more from my own experience:

1. "Oh, no. Not again."
That is when she discovers that you have been dancing with the kitties again, are wearing next to nothing, and have cheetos stuffed in your mouth while singing "I'm just a dwarf who can't say no" from the play called Oklahoma.

2. "You ate what?"
That is when she discovers that it's 11:00 PM and all you've had to eat today was a Pop tart and washed it down with some beer.

3. "Are you an idiot?"
That is when she catches me trying to dance with her 83 year old grandmother. Teaching her the "rump shaker" has been unsuccessful thus far.

4. "Hi, Honey"
That means I did something wrong and nothing short of peeling grapes and rubbing her feet will absolve me from my sin.

5. "Are you really going to wear that?"
That means that perhaps navy blue doesn't really go with lavender. I'm not gentically predisposed towards fashion.


------------------
"I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant."
-Robert McCloskey

• Token lackwit of HADB
  
• Sycophant to the Wolf of Azure Hue
  
• Long lost brother of DragonMage
  
• Bearer of a work of art created by Sazerac
  
• Jeg burde blive gennembanket for min flatulens.[/list]

Dearest Hiram

Would that be rubbing her feet with or without the peeled grapes hmmmm?

------------------
~Garnet FalconDance~

• Guardian of the Forests
  
• Ranger-Protectoress of Ironworks
  
• Scourge of Hobgoblins and Assorted Bad Nasties Everywhere![/list]

[250]

LOL, you guys...

Two fittee, you seem completely obsessed with women and their troubles lately

[DragonMage]

Originally posted by Sorcerer Alex: Two fittee, you seem completely obsessed with women and their troubles lately

And you, my dear, are just obsessed with women.

------------------

Alureth...Dragon friend of Breanna, Mage and Advisor in the Court of Lady Lioness

Co-Owner/Operator of the Evil Petting Zoo and devout member of the HADB clan.
Commander of the Dragon Fleet, IW Peacekeeping Force
Sublime Sister of the Illuminati - may the Light shine forever!
Second Historian and Scribe of IW. Mother Hen of IW.
Mage extraordinair, Pin-Up Girl for the OLD-COOTS
Magey-Wagey: performer in the Nekked Dancing Trio of the ORT.

HopeFUL Romantic *sigh*

[This message has been edited by DragonMage (edited 11-02-2001).]

[Neb]

Originally posted by DragonMage: And you, my dear, are just obsessed with women.

Aren't most of us?

Originally posted by DragonMage: And you, my dear, are just obsessed with women.

Au contraire sweetheart, by no means do I let them govern my life