Things We've Learned From Movies

[Daniel_M]

I know movies are not realy real thats why they are called movies In some the main character defys all laws of the universe, heres some of the things we've learned from them.

1) The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.

2) A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

3) Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German you need not speak the language. A German accent will do.

4) If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath - even if it's the middle of the afternoon.

5) One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.

6) You can always find a chainsaw whenever you're likely to need one.

7) Guns are like disposable razors - if you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. You can always buy a new one.

8) Any computer, anywhere, even in the jungle, can hack into the most secure goverment system.

9) Always look behind you when you hear menacing violin music begin to play.

10) Take heed of all warnings from animals and children. They usually know more than you do.

[Mouse]

Also.....

The teenagers having sex will die.

Whenever you enter a suspicious location, the most logical thing to do is to split up (especially if you suspect there might be a homicidal maniac nearby).

Steven Segal can't act.

"The Crying Game" - it's a bloke!!!

Sean Connery is the best Bond.

"Spiderman" - Kirsten Dunst looks better when wet [img]smile.gif[/img]

Robin Williams is not really all that funny.

"Titanic" - it sinks.

And so much more

[Melusine]

Cool topic.

When you're all alone at home and there's a homicidal maniac out to get you, you should dress in your skimpiest negligée and walk through the hallway, which will immediately go drafty and grow twice as long.

When a man and a woman wake up together, there are a few things I always notice: Sheets in movies are always L-shaped, reaching waisthigh for guys but up to the neck for women. The women always wear perfect make-up and their hairspray must be something amazing because there's never a hair out of place. Also, there's no such thing as bad morning breath: people waking up with invariably start kissing, even if they had chilli or a boozefest the previous night. Oh, and they never need a morning piss either, in fact no one in a movie ever needs the bathroom at all.

People in movies never need to pay for their drinks and food in bars and restaurants, and usually they've barely sipped their drinks before leaving again.

People know all the telephone numbers of any person they might need to call by heart and they never need to specify a date, location or time when they make appointments.

When people do their groceries (it's rare in movies though) they always get a free leek or a baguette so it will stick out of their shopping bag.


Never buy oranges - the paper bag you carry them in will invariably tear (but the person who helps you pick them up is probably the love of your life)

Never shower during the day - you will die. Especially if you've closed the shower curtain or if you're pretty.

Locks can be opened in about 10 seconds with a credit card or a bit of wire, unless it's the lock to a burning building with a helpless child or woman in it.

"Ugly" girls always wear huge glasses with thick rims. When the hero convinces them to take them off, all of a sudden they're the prettiest girls in town.

When a man so much as kisses a woman's neck, she's in pure exstacy and immediately "ready for it"

It's easier for one guy with six bullets to kill an entire regiment of bad guys than it is for three bad guys with automatic guns to kill a single guy.

[Gnarf]

5) One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.

It's easier for one guy with six bullets to kill an entire regiment of bad guys than it is for three bad guys with automatic guns to kill a single guy.

This also be the 16th law of anime, the Law of Inverse Accuracy ( http://www.bright.net/~nyla/animelaw.html ).

[Bozos of Bones]

If I may add:
When shot upon from a distance, hide behind a very thin and weak railing. All the bullets will infallably crash into it like it's a magnet.
The good guy is usually highly resistant to the bad guy's strongest weapon.
Lovely damsels in distress can always hit a fly a mile away with a single shot from a chaingun with no sights.
Specially trained evil snipers will always miss their good targets, or hit them in a badge that will deflect the bullet.
If a terrorist organisation decides to take the White House, there are no soldiers to offer any resistance them.
The best friend that dies early is always the main bad guy.
A hand grenade will destroy a city block if thrown by a good guy at the bad guy, and a hand grenade thrown by a bad guy will explode like a firecracker. The inverse is it may explode like a pocket nuke.
When homicidal killers are in the area, mobile phones lose signal or have an empty battery due to the killers electromagnetic nature.
Killers with melee weapons can not be hurt by any form of ranged attack.

That's all I can come up with. I'll post some more when I think of them.

[Daniel_M]

Hehe...all of these are cool, ive thought of some more...

Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

No-one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock. (its true! )

Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them

Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cutting - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.

Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.

During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

[VulcanRider]

A restaurant/nightclub with a line of people out the door, will always have an empty table up front by the stage.

Nightclubs packed shoulder-to-shoulder have both music loud enough to dance to, and spots quiet enough to have a conversation.

There's always a parking place right in front of the building you want to visit.

Strangers who have never visited the area before immediately know all the local landmarks ("Meet me at the abandoned barn behind the church that burned down last year." "Okie-dokey.")

Good guys can be shot/stabbed/etc and still perform like an Olympic athlete.

Bad guys who take a "karate chop" to the back of the head (from someone who doesn't know karate!) are knocked unconscious for the rest of the movie.

The Invincible Foe, is vincible.

The Weak Hero, after losing the first battle, is unstoppable.

When the bad guy has the good guy on his knees, and victory is almost assured, he will say something, or do something (like punch the hero's girlfriend), that will totally P*** OFF the hero and give him the burst of adrenalin needed to come back.

People can remember events that happened years ago in incredible detail.

The longshot, one-in-a-million, last chance for success always works.

[Dreamer128]

-The police always arrests the wrong person.
-When you step into your car in the middle of the night, check your back seat first.
-If you see men in black suits wearing sunglasses, run like hell.
-The geek always gets the girl.
-The bad guy won't kill the hero without explaining their plan first.

[ 11-06-2003, 05:18 PM: Message edited by: Dreamer128 ]

[Tancred]

When exiting a taxi, take a random note from your wallet WITHOUT LOOKING and give it to the driver. It will always be exact change.

[Nanobyte]

That life is nothing like the movies. [img]smile.gif[/img]